Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    "Children and fools should never see things half-done."

    If you want to get anywhere, you gotta get a goin'
    
    I never treated my mother the way you treat me; I loved my mother.

    You'll poke your eye out.
    
    (sorry, i couldn't resist!)
    

    	"I'm gonna pick your brother up and hit you with him."
    
    	This is absolutely the funniest thing to me now. You
    	see:
    
    		Mom	:== 5'6'' at 104 lbs.
    		Brother :== 6'1'' at ~190 lbs.
    		Me	:== 6'6'' at ~230 lbs.
    
    	For sure, she woulda tried.
    
    	Scott

    I think probably the SCARIEST thing mom used to say...the one phrase
    that instilled terror into all of her children:
    
    "I'll drive"...
                
    
    AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

	Seek and ye shall find.

    
    "Life is real, life is earnest"

	"If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."

					clb

    "That's not like you, Nanci!"
    
    (Well if it isn't I'd like to know who the hell took over my life!)
    
    Nanci

    clb
    
    that is a part of a rhyme,
    
    "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.
     If turnips were watches I'd wear one by my side."
    
    There are two books of 'things mother used to say' titled
    "Mommilies" and "More Mommilies" - I have both of them
    and have been amazed how many I've heard my mother say!
    
    Bonnie

"I'm not 'everybody elses' mother!"

Kathy

"If <person> jumped off the Empire State Building, would you jump too?"

						--D

    "It's an ill wind that doesn't blow some good"
    
    "A clean rag is good for something - a dirty rag is good for nothing"
    
    "A child should be seen and not heard"
    
    My mom was rather stifled you see.  Thank goodness I didn't follow
    in her footsteps.
    
    Sue
    

"You'll change *your* tune soon enough!"

...in response to my claim that I would never get married.

    	"I'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap!"
    
    	She did, more than once. I could be a soap taster for
    	Proctor and Gamble and all those other companies selling
    	bar soap.
    
    	Scott (Soap du jour :== Ivory)

    Rise and shine!
    
    
    AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHhh
    
    and me being the morning person I am ;-) responded:
    
    
    I'll rise but I won't shine  grumble grumble grumble

    
    'practice'
    

    Always wear clean underwear - you never know when you'll have an
    accident.
    
    Jane
    

    "You can be anything you want to be"
    
    Nanci

    IF, I didn't want you, I Wouldn't call you, now WOULD I????
    
    HC

    Patience is a virtue
    

    From Grandmother:
    
    "Don't sit with your legs crossed"
    
    From Mom:
    
    "I might as well be talking to the wall!"
    "Just wait 'til you have kids."
    "Why do you want (piano lesson, dance lessons, etc)?  You know you'll
     never practice so why should I waste my money."
    "You're just like your father." (in that I tuned her out)
    "CLEAN YOUR ROOM!!!!"
    
    Linda
    

    
    'my concerns are global'
    	-albert
    

    
    	"i hope you have a daughter just like you."
    	
    
    
    	AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGH!!
    
    	i do!

    "You should only live long enough to have children like yourself"
    
    "I'm only telling you this because I love you"
    
    Lori B.

    
    
    	 "You're not going anywhere with 'THAT' hair, tie it up."
    
    
    Miriam

    "if you pull a face like that and the clock strikes, you'll keep it for
    your entire life"
    
    Ad
    
    
    Yes, must've happened :-} ;-)

    1) You're going WHERE?  With WHO?
    
    
    2) This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you!!!  (Yea
       right!_
    
    And one for the Jewish crowd...
    
    3) If my bubba had bahtzem, she's be my zayde.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
     TRANSLATION:  If my grandmother had balls, she'd be my grandfather! (I
    think it sounds better in Yiddish....the translation loses something!!) 
    
    
    Jill
    

    "TTI", said in her most syrupy sweet voice.
    
    
    Translation:  Tuck Tummy In
    
    
    Grrrrr!!!!
    
    Nanci

    And in the same vain...
    
    SUS
    
    
    
    Stand Up Straight...
    
    
    Annoyed the hell out of me too!
    
    
    Jill
    

    In answer to questions regarding why my brother was allowed to go
    places and do things that I wasn't
    
    "Boys don't get raped."
    
    and recently
    
    "No right thinking woman can believe that.......!"
    

    
    "Don't you raise your hand to me or it will stick up in the grave
    when you die"
    
    OR
    
    "Whisperin is lyin, lyin is sin, once you get to heaven they won't
    let you in"     (i always loved that one !!!)
    

    "You are known by the company you keep."
    
    "Avoid the very appearance of evil."
    
    Funny, I've gotten over tmy original annoyance and find both of these
    so useful that I have - yup, it's true - often mentioned them to my
    offspring.  I think I used to find them annoying because of the
    situations in which Mom said them.  I've tried to use both sayings
    when neither was at issue at the moment.  I have to admit it would be
    interesting to see if 1) my children find them annoying [I bet they do]
    and 2) why [maybe because it's their mom who speaks?].
    
    The current annoying line of my mother's is, "Is the doctor worried
    about your weight?"  Followed within seconds by, "Does he want you to
    lose weight?"  Followed almost immediately by, "Are you trying to lose
    weight?"
    
    Hmmm.  Upon re-reading this I find that it doesn't say much about my
    weight.  Although it's tempting to leave it at that, if only to see who
    might flame and for what, I'll clear up the mystery.  While I once
    mourned the fact that my thighs did not touch, and felt embarassed to
    appear in public for that reason and the fact that my ribs were
    eminently countable, them days is gone for good.  My poor thighs touch
    from a truly appalling distance, and I'm taking the existence of my 
    ribs on faith.  My answers to Mom are, "Yes."  "Yes."  "No."
    
    aq
    

    "The best thing about kids is that they grow up"   I agree with her, as
    "our" kids get older, they get to be more interesting as people.
    
    "We're having an adventure!"   Inevitably - as disaster strikes - this
    would come out.  White-out snowstorm as we're driving from Chicago to
    northern New Hampshire, loss of electric power for three days after a
    hurricane, my dad flying off with the car keys in his pocket while
    we're still at the Montreal Expo..........  And I still use it today.
    
    Alison

    "Just don't tell your father...."
    
    

    "Just remember...whatever a woman does, she must do twice as well
    as a man to be considered half as good...luckily this is not
    difficult." Followed by .38 ("Just don't tell your father that!")
    
    

    Thirty-nine replies and not one "Don't stay out too late"??? :-)
    
    --- jerry

    "Don't do as I do, do as I say!"
    
    "Wipe that smile off your face!"  
    
    "And just who do you think you're talking to"
    reply "That piece of wall behind you!"
    
    
    Sigh,  them were the days.
    
    Tracy

    "Two wrongs don't make a right"
    
    
    "I wants gets nothing"
    
    
    Patience is a virtue
    Virtue is a grace
    Grace is a naughty girl
    Who forgot to wash her face!
    
    
    Helen.

	"Drive carefully!" (to this day...)

					--D

    "Have fun, but be careful!"
    
    (I think she was referring to driving, crossing the street, etc.  She
    certainly didn't expect me to have sex, whether I was careful or not!)
    
    Lorna
    

    	She still says:
    
    		"Why would I want to be equal to someone I'm
    		 already far superior to."
    
    	The "someone" was all men in general.
    
    	Scott

	"Don't go anywhere without a sweater and a book"

    >>Grace is a naughty girl
    >>Who forgot to wash her face!
    
    
    A-HEM!
    
    E Grace
    

    "Your father is a hard cross to bear, and a hard bear to cross."
    
    Made even punnier because my family name is Cross.
    
    Mary

	Watch out for black ice.

    Family first.
    
    Don't ever hold a grudge.
    
    Monkey see. Monkey do.
    
    Don't follow the crowd.
    
    III would NEVER do THAT. (about everything I'd ever done.)
    
    
    Kate

    
    
    	my favorite, almost always said when I was on my way
    	out the door with a date - "Now, behave yourself!!"
    	I thought it was funny, it always caused a sheepish 
    	look on my date's face, and as soon as we got out the
    	door they would ask `what did she mean by that!?' 

	...  and I want to fly to the moon!

						Kb

    If you had brains, you'd be dangerous!
    

    Sue, .50, reminds me of one, "Never eat pork in a restaurant."
    (I never have...I'd expect to fall over dead immediately!) :-)
    
    "It's evil to hate"  (whenever I said I hated *anything*)
    
    "Men always think they know everything"  (ha-ha)
    
    Lorna
    

    Anyone: "What time is it?"
    Mom:    "Half past kissing time, time to kiss again."
    
    Ray

    Be good...if you can't be good, be carefull....
    
    Do as I say, not as I do
    
    (And my personal favorite...I'm the youngest of 5 children. Mom had a
    problem with names...)
    GeorgieShirleyWayneLynnRodneyFluffyGoddamit! You know who I mean, get
    over here!
    
    Dee (aka GeorgieShirley etc)                               

    
    THIS IS A PARKING LOT AND IT IS DANGEROUS!
    
    	

    
    
    re .57 
    
    		I can relate. I come from a family of eleven! Even
    today as adults 1 on 1 my Mom still has a hard time getting the
    name straight.
    
    bonnie 
    #10

    re .57 & .59, I can relate, too, because of my mother-in-law.  My ex
    must've grown up thinking his name was AlbertRonnyBobby.  Then, she did
    the same to the daughters-in-law!  :-)
    
    Lorna
    

    Another old one  "2 heads are better than 1, even when mine's a
    cabbage-head."
    
    "Great minds, like dishwater, run in the same ruts."
    
    Alison

    Eat your spinach - it'll grow hair on your chest
        (to a family of 4 daughters)
    
    Have you done your homework??
    
    The whole world's queer but thee and me, 
    and thee's a mite peculiar.
       (Before another meaning for queer became known to us)
    
    Pat
    

    Teenage me emerges from my bedroom wearing long underwear, three pairs
    of wool socks, galoshes, flannel slacks, and wool CPO shirt all topped
    by an Eddy Bauer down filled parka guaranteed to afford it's wearer
    complete comfort on a picnic outing on Titan......
    
    Mom: Are you sure you'll be warm enough? (said with a frown, and a
         doubting voice)
    
    me: Mom! it's August for chrissake!
    
    Mom: Ok, do you have your wallet?
    
    Me: Yes
    
    Mom: Do you have your hanky?
    
    me: No Mom, I stopped using hankies, I couldn't come up with any reason
        to save it.
    
    Mom: Be careful crossing the street. (Same street I had successfully
         negotiated for 14 years) 

    Well, it seems the "name game" is common - however, my mother added a 
    slightly different twist - I'm an *only child* and I STILL got it - 
    with her sister's names.  There is no winning...
    
    Actually, I'm prone to the same problem with my kids, so I avoid it by
    using nicknames all the time - of course, they are aware of this, and 
    love to tease me about it!
    
    Linda
    

    Yep, we played the name game also.  My mother was lucky, she honly had two
    daughters names to confuse.  Somehow, she usually managed to gt my brothers 
    name correct.  My grandmother is another story, once called me Joyce, 
    who is my aunt.
    
    Janet
    

	My mom used to call my brother "Alfie".

	
	
	Alfie was our dog.

    My grandmother used to go down the same list every time.  Figured
    whoever you were, she mentioned you somewhere.  The list started with
    my aunts and mother, got down to the grandaughters - in order of age,
    oldest to youngest.  She went throught this list quite rapidly. 
    Amazing.
    

    re: .40
    
    that was said to my sister.
    
    re: the name game.....
    
    both parents did it, and parental names would also be included
    (JudyJeffJenna......YOU!).
    
    common response was to repeat a few names back, including the
    pet names and car names (SabacaJennaScopyJessicaVannessaMomJeff.....
    WHAT DO YOU WANT?)
    

    Answer to "Where is <anything>?": "Down cellar, behind the ax."
    
    After being asked many times "What's for dinner?": "Stuffed armpits."
    
    
    "Seek and ye shall find.
    *Peek* and ye shall get a black eye."
    
    "Whaddya want? Eggs in your beer???!"
    
    

    waht do you want? eggs in your beer? is one of mine..
    
    from a comic strip I loved in my late teens that involve
    hispanic characters and their cat, 
    
    and the name business
    
    there is a series of 'I can read it' children's books
     that has a farmer who does all sorts of things that are
     very strange..
    
    and he as a lot of kids the youngest of which is 'little sue linda'
    so he calls off all the kids names ending with andlittlesuelinda..
    
    so I used to add that on when I was calling my crew of 5 to dinner.
    
    I'm sure the think it is/was dumb
    
    Bonnie Jeanne

    
    'i should have my head examined'
    
    

    I wouldn't mind, but my mother goes through the whole list of dead
    siblings and my father's name before she gets to me!  
    
    Kind of gives one a complex, ya know?
    
    (*8
    
    E Grace

    As a mother, I'll discuss myself.  I may call any given family person by
    any given family person's name, and will sometimes go into listing
    names, hoping to include the correct one.  Family person here defined 
    as human and/or feline.  (It's a bad day when I include a canine name
    in the list, since we haven't had a dog since 1969.)  (But it happens.)
    
    "Do you like being a mother," my daughter asks.
    
    "Yes, I feel it's best to know the worst," I usually respond.
    
    aq
    
    

    	Lately, (because of my brother, I assume) Mom has been saying:
    
    	"He needs a checkup from the neck up!"
    
    	She wasn't smiling, either.
    
    	Scott

    It's not too late to become a doctor.
    
    
    PJ

    My mother usually gives good straight lines, particularly when she
    tries to do the stuff they teach at "mom" school.

    When I was in high school and about to go out on a date she turned
    to  us  and  said  "Don't do anything I wouldn't do.", and my date
    looked  agast and said "But you have *three* children." It took my
    mother a while to recover during which I got less advice.

--David

    You need (whatever I was asking for at the time) like another hole in
    the head.
    
    Especially when I was asking for pierced ears.
    
    Karen

    not sure if this has been entered yet....
    
    "Because, just because"  or the ever popular variation
    
    "because I'm the mother"

    RE: .78
    
    I saw this in a catalog, and it was so cute it almost made me want to
    go out and get a baby!  (*8
    
    matching T-shirts for a tyke and a mom (no, there wasn't one for a dad,
    but there should be)
    
    tykes:  "But, WHY?"
    
    moms:   "Because I'm the Mommy, that's why!"
    
    E Grace

    "That's lovely/wonderful, dear!  Now look what your sister has done!"
    
  
    Barb

    I love you, Jonathan.

    Along the "because" lines....
    
    
    "Because I said so!"
    
    and my all time favorite..."Time wounds all heels".
    
    :-)
    
    Nanci

Whenever I was reading and came across I word I didn't know I'd ask my mom.

"Look it up yourself or you'll never learn it". 

The really funny thing is that now my Mom lives with me and when I stop reading
to look up a word now she always asks me what the word is. :*) liesl

    RE: .71
    
    > 'i should have my head examined'
    
    	Mine said that too. But being European, her English had some
    	faults, so it always came out...
    
    	"I should have my head EXAMED."
    
    	That always bothered me. But to make matters even worse, once in a
    	while I catch *myself* saying it that way too. Ugh! Must be
    	passed-on heredity... :-)
    
    	-Erik

    "Be sweet, be nice".
    
    "You kids were the bane of my existence; now you're the joy of my old
    age".
    
    "Put a bra on; you could read a newspaper through that shirt".
    

    Because of my life long history of dating non caucasian men, the
    following conversation would usually take place while discussing
    the current man I was seeing.
    
    Mom: Is he white?
    
    Me: Yes
    
    Mom: Well, is he American?

    "ill come and visit you every weekend" just as she left me at the
    orphanage.....  that was 24 years ago.... so? when she coming?
    
    can you tell that today is the anniversary of my being adopted 13 years
    ago?

    
    	My Mom had something she loved to say when Dad (Grandpa) would
    	play on the floor with Ryan (when he was a little baby.)
    
    	Ryan would be doing something totally adorable - my Mother would
    	say, "Awwwww.  He is so precious." or "He is so beautiful." or
    	"He is such a doll."
    
    	Then we'd both pause (waiting for the shoe to drop) - before she'd
    	add, "And RYAN isn't too bad, either."  ;^)
    

    
    	"Keep your head up!"
    
    	-Tuula-
    

    "Blessed is the peace maker."
    
    Wisest words I've ever heard.

    	Actually, my mother got this from her father (who I
    	never knew):
    
    	"If everyone put all their problems into a container and
    	 I scooped out my equal share, I'd have more problems than
    	 I currently have."
    
    	I think Mom/Grandpa is right.
                                           
    	Scott

    When God was passing out Brains, you thought he said Trains
    and you didn't want to go anywhere so you hid.

    

    re: -.1
    
    My father used that one too!

    re:.92
    
    A variant on that that I've heard is:
    
    	When God was passing out the brains, you were too busy
    	getting a second helping of mouth.
    
    --- jerry

    I don't think I've seen this one yet, and I find myself saying this to
    my son;
    
    I'm not talking to hear the sound of my voice!!
    
    others that she said;
    
    Just be quiet. Then she'd ask me about whatever it was that I had done
    and then say ANSWER ME!!!
    
    You make a wonderful window.  (when standing in front of the TV and she
                                      can't see.)
    
    Lately she has been slightly annoyed with me because I will not go home
    to go to church.  I live in North Chelmsford, home is North Reading;
    the trip is about 45 minutes.  It's kind of tough getting everyone up,
    dressed, fed, ect. and making the trip espc. in the winter.  I started
    going to church in Chelmsford and you'd think I went out and killed
    someone.
    
    Oh well...
    
    Roberta

    Your mother is the best friend you'll ever have. (Oh, this is so true,
    for my mom!  She is the definition of devotion, sometimes to a fault...)
    
    Sometimes a girl has to suffer to look good. (This, when I complained
    about the itchy lace on a slip, in 2nd grade. Never went for this one.)
    
    Go out and play, you rotten kids!  (We were, too, sometimes :-)
    
    You're a good kid. (accompanied by a hug.)

    I wasn't put on this earth to entertain you!
    (when I complained of being bored)
    
    I wasn't put on this earth to be your maid!
    (when she had to pick up after me)
    
    The universe doesn't revolve around you!
    (when she thought I was being self-centered)
    
    I've caught myself saying all of the above to my daughter.
    
    Lorna
    

    I'm your mother, not your slave!
    	(me, to Tracy :-)
    

    A variation on one of the ones in .96...
    
    "We must suffer to be beautiful"
    
    Nanci

    
    "This house is not a hotel, you know...."
    
    "But we only worry because we CARE about you...."
    
    "One day you'll thank us for this"
    
    "We didn't wait up for you - we just couldn't sleep till you were
     home safe..."
    
    "As long as *you* know that you did your best...."
    
    'gail
    

"This hurts me more than it hurts you."

  "So which leg is broken?"
         
   Kathy

    
    Re -101
    
    So *you're* my long-lost sister!!!!
    :-)
    
    Actually, it felt really strange writing that note.
    It took me some time to dig up those phrases from my memory - can't
    work out quite what was disturbing about them.....
    
    'gail

    	He doesn't know $#!t from Shinola.
    
    	After I found out what Shinola was, I understood.
    
    	Mom usually referred to her ex (my father) when
    	she said this.
    
    	Scott

    
    
    "Go Play in Traffic" along with "Take a long walk off a short pier"
    (jokingly, I think!)
    
    "I'm the mother, you're the daughter" (I guess I had an identity crisis
    as a kid)
    
    RE: .69 I laughed for at least five minutes at the "stuffed armpits"
    thing (Still laughing!) I'm definitely using that on my SO.
    
    We were frequently served sh*t on a shingle...(my favorite)
    
    M

    You have champagne taste on a beer pocketbook
    
    and
    
    I don't need a reason, I'm your mother.
    

    When we asked where something was:
    
      How the hell should I know, I wasn't wearing (reading, etc.) it.
    
    And about someone else:
    
      He thinks his S*** tastes like ice cream.
    
    My Mom is kind of salty...and so am I!
    
    judy

    Re .108: That reminds me... [no, not of anything my mother said; she
    tends towards the Jane Wyatt-type mom - though, once in a while when
    she was *really* exasperated, she would scream at the miscreant, "One
    more time and I'll rip your arm off and beat you over the head with the
    bloody stump!!!" But those were aberrations. ;-)]
    
    Where was I? Oh, yes. Re "tastes like ice cream" - a very good friend
    of mine used to use a similar expression, but was advised, for the sake
    of her career advancement possibilities (we worked at a junior college
    computer center then) that she avoid saying such things in public. So,
    when someone was being particularly full of him- or herself, my friend
    would give me a wink and say, "Sprinkles" - which was, of course, short
    for "thinks s/he shits ice cream, with sprinkles".
    
    "And a cherry on top" was reserved for the college president, of whom
    we were particularly unfond.
    
    ;-)
    
    -b

    If my mother ever wants to advance her career as a telephone operator,
    I'll give her your suggestions!
    
    judy

    
    Me:   Mom, what's for supper
    Mom:  Food
    Me:   <sigh> what kind of food?
    Mom:  The kind you eat.
    
    	I'm 23, married, and she *still* does this whenever my husband
    	and I have dinner with my parents!!
    
    	JJ
    

    Haven't read all the previous, sorry if this has been quoted:
    
    My mother used to say (whenever I or my sisters bad-mouthed someone),
    "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?"
    
    I used to counter with "Well, it's true!"  but that didn't
    wash with her.
    
    Richard

    Well, i bet this is unique:
    
    	Whenever i complained of a minor bruise, cut or booboo...
    
    	"You won't feel it on the day you get married!"
    
    		I found out what she meant at 19...   ;^)   mwr
    

    "That's funny, I don't feel anything!"
    
    

    My Mom said-
    
       I deliberately spoiled you (meaning me) so you would have to
       work hard (when I grew up) to live in the manner to which you
       have become accustomed.
    
    Can't Argue, since I left home, I STILL haven't caught up.
    
    With Many years to go,
    Cindi

    
    ...on occasions when the lemons are squirting me in the eye instead of
    going neatly in my lemonade..
    
    	"knockers up!"