Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    Wow.
    
    Thank you for writing that, and thereby helping me understand what I've
    been feeling as I've heard about those who've been axed and those who
    haven't.
    
    I think it's perhaps harder for all of us, now, than it was for you
    in 1986, because it's very difficult to figure out who to hate.

    I was speaking to a friend who works in personnel who was amazed how
    LITTLE personnel is doing (or the company, I gues they represent the
    company in this respect) to support the grief of "those left behind". 
    It is a severance, and a shock, to know that people are leaving
    unwillingly, people who were close to you, let out into a world (up in
    New England in Particular) where the unemployment rate is somewhere
    around 10%.  Wrapped up with the grief and the loss is the feeling of
    "there but for the Grace of God go I" and the fear that "maybe I'm
    next" and the feeling that there will be more work distributed among
    fewer people.  And the terror of behing homeless, formless, without an
    anchor, without an income, and without the bonds that connect us all at
    this company that so proudly fosters "that family feeling".
    
    eek
    
    -Jody
    

    "that family feeling" has been there for as long as could be had, as
    long as there were funds enough to support it... When there is not
    enough to feed them all it has to shrink, so it can keep on feeding,
    giving "that family feeling" to a slightly smaller number.
    
    Personnel does the job that is asked to do, no more, no less.
    Rgds, Ana
    

    I waas not blaming personnel, in fact the person who told me that WAS
    from personnel.  They seem to have in place support for those
    transitioning, but not those left behind.
    
    I know it's inevitable, but I TRULY wish they'd coordinate the removals
    (layoffs, whatever you want to call them to make it more palateable)
    and just GET IT OVER WITH.  ALL AT ONCE.  AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  So I'll
    KNOW where things stand, people stand, I stand, you stand.  
    
    This sword-of-damocles stuff is really nervewracking.
    
    -Jody
    

    I've certainly felt this is a big way.
    
    My best friend and mentor left pseudo-voluntarily at the end of
    December. We threw a birthday party for him this weekend; (sorry not to
    have invited you Bobbie. It was silly of me.) The room was FILLED with
    people who had worked for him, who missed him, wished he hadn't been
    forced out, or people he had recruited into the company, or people who
    had felt his guiding hand. I have a good idea why he fell through the
    cracks. I watched for MONTHS as he went on interviews, got verbal
    offers, and then saw the position get eliminated as that group itself
    was downsized. He passed up an opportunity to leave the area because he
    has family here; maybe that would have saved him... oh well.
    
    Since then, in Blacknotes, I started a note to see the axe fall. And I
    keep seeing names of people I know. So you KNOW they aren't shielding
    the Negroes, just in case anyone was worried about reverse
    discrimination. Moreover, I'm seeing people who took COD and went to
    the field (job security my butt!) get "involuntarily severed". A LOT of
    the black people I know are already looking at other jobs, because its
    easier to flee before the axe falls. I hope Digital is happy...
    
    And yet, and yet: we have 78000 people in the field! And only 10% of
    them actually interact with customers. In black folk vernacular:
    
    	"What up with that?"
    
    We have middle and bottom tier management handling the severances, but
    RARELY am I seeing management cuts, especially the people whom I KNOW
    aren't doing jack-diddly for the company except brown-nosing. BTO
    operations  (Burlington VT), considered exemplary in their zeal to turn
    out our beloved VAX 9000 is being moved to cheaper foreign
    manufacturing sites. Hey, why don't they just move the Maynard facility
    to Guatemala.
    
    I guess I'm a bit stressed out.
    

    RE: .0
    
    Mel welcome back.  Yes, goodbye Norma Jean...


    Distant thunder
    
    I have likened the cut to standing in an open field during a
    thunder storm.  
    I feel the charge, then flash.
    I see the smoke and hear the screams.
    The acrid taste lingers after the smoke clears.
    I'm still standing but my hair is singed and somebody is gone.
    I stand and wait.
    There's a rumble in the distance.
    It's getting closer.
    
    		JAP
   
    Jody,
    
    I grew up on Long Island, the primary industry was defense related.
    As a kid I watched the sword.  I never worked for any company 
    involved with defense to avoid that sword, yet I see it all too
    well.  I know several close friends that have left to avoid the
    the sound of thunder comming.
    
    Peace,
    Allison
    

Jody, I think you are right.

DEC tries to foster this "family feeling" here, and to a certain extent,
they succeed.  Part of being a family means that we *grieve* when other
members of the family are lost.  I have talked to some people from other
companies and I think a lot of them don't understand the depth of the
hurt I feel when someone that I feel is a pseudo-family members is forced
to leave.

This whole lay-off thing is *really* affecting me.

Last weekend, I dreamed I was layed off. I dreamed that I got up from my
desk, they told me I had to leave, and when I got back to my desk to 
clearn it and print out some pesonal stuff, all my stuff was gone and 
everything in my accounts had been deleted.  I woke up depressed.  I am
getting very stressed out.

Wish they would just DO IT!!

D!

    Well they did it, finally.
    We had known for a while that our group was targetted for "downsizing".
    I kept thinking - why don't they do it soon and get it over with. They
    layed off a few people on monday. I expected to feel relief mixed with
    some grief for the people gone. Instead I just have this numbness. Not
    good, not bad ... nothing. 
    
    manisha

I think this feeling is permeating the entire company. My group was spared this
last pass but we lost a lot of folks the last two. I've felt like I've been
hanging for the last year over this. I've lost people I cared about and it hurts.

There have been times I wished they chose me and forced me into something else.
Maybe getting axed would be the incentive I need to finally chuck it all and
join the peace corps. I keep feeling I want to do it but inertia and comfort are
formidable obstacles. liesl

    
    
    There's gotta be a better way; I too, am beginning to have nightmares,
    etc. because of the stress, the suspense of not knowing.  Our group's
    been cut a *couple* of times already, once voluntary, once not.
    What could they do to help?  Post those groups that are at risk?
    Or something?
    And there's just no way of avoiding it; if you work hard, if you
    don't; if you have a lot of work, if you don't; if *someone somewhere*
    feels you're out, you're out.
    
    Sigh.
    M.
    

    This is a timely subject.  I've been feeling anxious ever since the
    memo came out from Dave Stone on April 1, saying that TNSG would be 
    participating in Phase III Transition.  On Monday they laid off a guy
    in my group.  I didn't think it would affect me as much as it did.
    His supervisor *watched* while he packed his stuff.  The man, who
    had not been particularly close to me, stopped by my office and asked
    for a hug.  It felt good that I could do that for him.  But I think
    you're right Jody.  I need support, too.
    
    Mary

    re: .0
    You've reminded me of my first time, only it wasn't birthday
    balloons for me, but my five-year-work-anniversary bronze
    keychain!

    The company went through a series of layoffs over a period of two
    years or so.  Round about the time things started to go downhill,
    the company began having regular [quarterly] meetings to keep us
    up to date on how [poorly] the company was doing, and continued to
    do so for the duration.  At the beginning, after a meeting or a
    layoff, we survivors would gather round and talk in hushed voices: 
    did you hear that so-and-so got cut, what do you say to someone,
    do you suppose there'll be more layoffs?  Later on we added:  oh,
    damn, now I suppose they're going to expect *me* to do so-and-so's
    work as well as my own (and mix that in with a twinge of guilt
    because you at least have a job--even though you've got the
    workload of two).  And we got more and more numb as time went on.

    I got caught in the last layoff.  The first thing the company did
    was send all of us off site for a 3-day workshop.  What an
    experience!  It was awesome (in the old-fashioned sense of the
    word) to walk into a hotel ballroom, look around, and see several
    hundred mostly frightened people facing an uncertain future.  

    The three days were spent mostly on psychology (it's OK to emote),
    resumes, interviewing, and pep talks.  After that we went back to
    our offices and spent the next few weeks looking for employment
    (except me, since I was going "home" for a while and then heading
    cross country).  Use of office, phone, and resources.  No more
    "work".  Time to ease out and say good-bye.

    The second time ... I hired on to a company where I "had a
    future."  (Guess they said that 'cause I'd been laid off.)  Four
    months later:  pack up and be out of here by ten o'clock.  A
    bunch of us went out to a bar, drank, had lunch, and talked a lot.
    (There's a lot of talking needs to be done; it doesn't always mean
    much, but it needs to be done.)

    The third time ... the company had a newly created Marketing
    department into which I was hired.  Eventually one of the
    mainstays of the department left to take another position and the
    owners decided they didn't like having a Marketing department so
    they got rid of everybody but me (because I was working on a
    large project).  So for the few months until I finished my project
    there were a lot of meetings I wasn't invited to, I had no boss,
    and I giggled a lot and bought a bottle of champagne (I didn't
    much like the company anyway 8*)).

    By then, I'd had my fill of layoffs (and was tired of calling my
    friends and saying, "guess what?" and hearing them say, "not
    again?!") and so turned to contracting.

    First time out, after about ten months:  we're not going to use
    contractors anymore; you'll have to hire on or look for another
    job.  Geesh!  Sometimes you just can't win for losing.  

    All in all, though, I was pretty lucky.  Somehow during that
    numbing period the first time around, I had figured out that I
    should differentiate between myself and my job--so I was able to
    avoid a lot of the personal emotional turmoil.  And that first
    company was the most up-front and kindest about the process--so I
    learned relatively easy.

    Still, when it comes to jobs, I'm now terribly realistic (or
    cynical--depends on your perspective) and it's due more to my
    "survivor" experiences than my "statistic" experiences.  I've
    always been fortunate enough to go on to better things and learn
    and grow and have fun (living out of the car, borrowing from one
    credit card to pay another, writing cover letters on an old
    manual typewriter in a campground in the middle of Yosemite,
    learning what's truly important to me).  Being "left behind" with
    the mess and the memories is more stressful to me (alas, I tend to
    suffer from inertia as well).  I wonder too why companies don't
    also address the problems of those left after the sword does its
    work.  It's a difficult, stressful situation wherever you stand.
                                                             
    nla

    Well, I've lost my first real "friend" in the layoffs.
    
    I got a message from his account saying "Monday was the last official
    work day for jim.  He has been involuntarily separated."
    
    I'll be calling him, for his sake as much as mine.
    
    *ish*
    
    -Jody
    

    Thanks Nancy,
    
    you have helped me find a perspective...
    Maia
    

    In my department we are a bit short-handed, so back in June we were
    not allowed to volunteer for transition. In the fall of 90, we 
    were allowed to. Five of my co-workers left. I had worked with them
    for many years. Relationships varied from 'dislike' to 'close friend'. 
    After they left the place seemed (and still seems) _empty_. Those of us 
    left are working harder to fill the gaps, and mostly too darn busy to 
    think about it much, but every now and then I find myself looking 
    around and saying to myself, "Where's Mark? (or Mary, or Vincent, 
    or Jaime, or Jimmy)" It's still spooky.

    I have read alot of comments in many of the notes conferences about
    this downsizing. Its hit everywhere in Digital at least. I agree
    its tormenting not knowing who will be next or when. All we hear
    is excuses why its being done but no solutions. We have have had
    meeting after meeting with the same stuff. I work a 3 day shift
    and everytime I come back to work something has changed. Its
    stressing alot of people and I think its cruel to an extent.
    But what else can we do but wait it out and hope for the best.

    Usually I'm a read only member of this conference, but had to respond.
    
    We got the word on April 10 - entire organization of 350 gone.  We'd
    been hearing rumors for about two months prior to that date that we
    would be downsized and it was a relief actually to finally have it
    happen.  Most of us are simply relieved to finally get the truth from
    management, to have the ax finally fall, the other shoe drop.  Overall,
    people are handling it QUITE well.  It's a bit different for us, we
    have to work until the end of FY91 before we get The Package.
    
    Personally, I look at it as an opportunity for good changes, and many
    of the people I work with do too.  It's not all that bad to get
    layed-off! 8*}  Of course getting a good severence package softens the
    blow considerably.  Also the fact that I was not singled out, but was
    part of a very large group of people to be let go helps the ego too.  
    
    Digital is going through some very hard times right now.  It's not just
    the recession, though that's certainly a big part of it.  I think the
    computer industry is going through a major transformation, the focus is
    moving away from hardware which is DEC's main strength, toward other
    things.  And Digital has to scope out where it's headed, change, or not
    survive.  Computers are becoming commodity items, bought with that
    perspective, and it's a major mindset change to become competitive in a
    commodity market.  Also, Digital cannot support its own cost structure
    and so, must make drastic changes.  Result -- outsourcing work it
    previously did internally -- letting people go.
    
    

    
    I am another who is usually read only but I too, had to reply to this
    very needed string.  Needed ...because only through sharing our pain
    can the pain lessen somewhat.  Networking serves that purpose well.
    
    I am hurting!  Deeply.  Westfield has been downsizing since last summer
    but most actively since Jan of this year.  We were a plant of 1200 +
    people.....many, many of us friends for years.  Together we experienced the
    pains and joys of our personal lives that some how became interwoven in our 
    professional lives.  Of course there were the cliques, the groups, etc,
    but there was always a since of family even with the huge numbers.
    
    Now with the downsizing the numbers are being reduced to about one
    fourth and the separation is happening continously week after week
    after week.  It's been a constant good by and constant grief for the
    implications of separation.  There are folks you know you will never
    see again.  They are passing out of your life, like DEC, as if their
    purpose has been served and now with the thrust of change you must
    change and move forward, consigning  them to memory.  I hate the
    process!  I see those that are being left behind wondering if their
    fate is no worse for staying than for those leaving.   The morale is at
    all time low.....and why shouldn't it?  Then there is the added pain of 
    friends I've met over the net leaving.... ugh!
    
    I liken it to this analogy.....the time has come to amputate the arm for 
    the sake of the body but wait the arm can't be amputated all at once. First
    the index finger has to go...then the thumb, next week the hand ...until 
    gradually the whole arm has been sacraficed.  For get the fact that the 
    body is suffering extreme pain and is bleeding all over the place...the 
    fact remains that the arm has to go and that is all there is to  it.  No 
    sedatives.  Nothing.
    
    It's a merciless process indeed!
    
    I saw the handwriting on the wall in January when we were told we could
    volunteer or wait to be chosen.  I felt then I couldn't turn my power
    over to them because if I did I knew my self esteem would suffer.  No
    one likes being rejected, turned away, discharged.  I wanted to give my
    self time to find another job within DEC if I chose or leave if I
    chose.  It was intended to be MY choice.  My choice has been to leave
    DEC.  The politics sickened me and I couldn't stand to see it in action
    any longer, besides I felt it was time for a change in my life .....what 
    ever that change may be.  Do I fear homelessness?????  Hell yes.  I was 
    homeless once with a twelve year old, so I have already experienced the 
    dehumanizing experience of not having an anchor called a home, a place
    to hang your hat, a sense of space.  Fortunately back then, eight years 
    ago, it lasted for only a few short months until I bought my home but it 
    was a trauma that has never really left either my son or me.
    So yes I fear what can happen but I also fear what will happen if I stay 
    here with DEC.  I will have compromised my integrity for the sake of 
    security and that for me would be untenable. Also, I know something
    would happen to my spirit, to my sense of self.  
    
    I succeeded here in DEC, good job, good pay, I will succeed elsewhere.  
    Why?  Because I, like, the rest of us here in this conference, am a winner 
    at this game called life.  I believe in my self.  And whether anyone else 
    does or does not is not so very relevant....I believe in me.  There is a 
    fire that burns bright with in me and it is going to take more than a 
    Digital to snuff it out.
    
    I also believe that fire burns bright in every one who is reading these
    note and that if we dare trust to our vibrant, powerful, inner selves
    there is nothing we can't accomplish  individually or collectively. 
    This conference is proof of that.  It started with Maggie but the
    embodiment of greatness lies with the collective effort of so many of
    you who made it what it is today.
     
    We have the power to affect our worlds, to create joy and happines even
    when tragedy or pain is present.  We have the right to experience it
    all....it's part of life.  I am going out to live life and experience 
    what needs to be experienced, to journey as I must to support my
    growth as an individual.  So when I say goodby to my friends I wish them
    Love, I wish them peace.  I know these are gifts that come only with
    the giving....and giving unconditionally.
    
    So those of you who have to stay and those of you who's time has come
    for more adventures beyond DEC......I wish you Love, I wish you Peace.
    
    And thanks for the opportunity to vent myself.....I feel better already
    and I am not hurting anymore.
    
    
    
    Love,
    Addie (Date to be terminated: 10-May-91)

RE. .-1

Thanks for your note.  I'm sure you will do fine wherever you land
with a heart like that...

peace,
john

    to .18
    
    All it took was a few lines to eliminate the hurt....
    
    That's what I call "instant relief"!
    
    Write more often... it is good for you. Good luck.

    There is little I can add.  I'm just entering this little note so that
    there will be a record someplace that I too had passed this way.
    
                              Art

    I've kept my job while those around me lost theirs in three companies
    previous to Digital.  It hurts.  It hurts to see friends and close
    coworkers leave.  It hurts to be left behind.  It hurts to be expected
    to pick up the slack when fewer workers have to accomplish the same old
    tasks.
    
    And now I've been told that, since I'm a part of MCG, Digital no longer 
    wants me as an employee.  That hurts.  Like everyone else in my group, 
    I've been asked to stay on until the end of June.  And that hurts.  I'm
    needed (thus asked to stay on to finish projects), but I'm not needed
    (thus asked to leave once these projects are done).
    
    I've decided there are no winners in a situation like this.
    
    Karen

> From:	DOHENY::DOHENY::MRGATE::"XXXXXN::XXXXXX.XXX" NN-XXX-1991 10:07:40.07
> To:	@Distribution_List
> CC:	
> Subj:	Wanda Schreckenbach
> 
> From:	NAME: XXXXXXXXXX @XXX               
> 	FUNC: Customer Service                
> 	TEL: (NNN) NNN-NNNN
>     
>          Effective this date, Wanda Schreckenbach is no longer an employee 
>     of Digital.  
>          Please treat her with the courtesy afforded to any other visitor 
>     of a Digital facility.
>
  *
    Wanda is gone.  Another family member "transitioned" out the door.
    I didn't work with her much, that's the nature of being remote 
engineers, she and i.  Still, because we had to support each other, we 
had adaquate opportunity to become good friends.
    I wonder if what i'm feeling is like when the mortar round falls into 
a friend's foxhole.  It could have just as easy have come my way.  I was
no more deserving to survive than she was (although my family certainly 
appreciates that i did.)  Moreover, Wanda was a VERY good CSE: she rarely 
needed my technical help; she sometimes provided it to me; her customer 
skills were second to none.  
    It wasn't supposed to happen in the field - so "they" said - but when 
we lose a remote contract, what do we do with the person who serviced the 
account? 
    In the end, it was pretty much her own choice.  She had solid offers 
from two other UM's, but either would have required a move and selling 
her home in a poor market - and what about her mate and his career?
    Yet, i can't help but feel that they let the better woman go.
	[dale]