Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    Do something nice on a day that's NOT Valentine's day.  Show that 
    your womanfriend is important to you on every day, not just the day
    that marketers have told you is the day to do nice things.
    
    If you really want something unusual, do something that shows time and
    thought put into it, rather than just dumping money somewhere.  
    
    
    And if you're not into the "something fancy" mindset....
    
    The most unusual thing I could imagine would be to volunteer to clean
    up her apartment and living space.  Not just put everything in nice
    piles, but do the laundry, clean the bathroom, etc.  Certainly not
    glamorous, and not very much fun for you....but if someone volunteered
    to clean up my place.....boy would I appreciate it....and it would
    certainly prove to me that the person cared.  Anyone with $25 dollars
    in their pockets can go to the florist on Valentine's Day, but to give
    up your time to do something yucky....that's a sign of caring.
    
    Lisa

    Instead of having my mess being cleaned up by by "Sweet heart" I would
    like a nice dinner, and a small little gift, just a touch, it does not
    have to be big, money is not important, just the fact to so something
    especial for your loved one... I am romantic and conservative, so I'd
    love some roses and dinner (I normally get those and I LOVE it year
    after year)
    ( I wouldn't like it at all the offer of someone to clean up after me)
    but that is just me. Now, if married, and with small children... a
    helping hand with the cleaning would be much welcome.

    Something from Fredericks.......
    
    REK
    
    :-}

    I have to admit...I've had my bathroom cleaned by a man, and I've
    received flowers.  I liked the flowers more.
    
    Lorna
    

    Dinner out would be nice.  
    
    -Jody

    I'd like for someone to cook me a nice little dinner for two, with
    candlelight, and a good bottle of wine.  Just to have a guy go through
    the effort would make me feel good.  I've never had a guy cook a 
    romantic dinner for me.
    
    Kim

    Flowers sent to me in the office are nice!
    
    Bonnie

    
    how about:
    
    she gets home from work and you call to her from the bathroom.
    you're in the tub, a couple of candles burning, some strawberries,
    some champagne, perhaps a single rose along the ridge of the tub ...
    
    
    after the bath:
    then you've got a salad already in the frig, ready to go.  
    the table is set.
    whatever you choose to cook, should take about 1-1 1/2 hours
    in the oven so the timing is good.
    
    I think that would be wonderful!
    If you don't want to greet her in the tub, the same stuff
    would be good in the living room.
    
    (hmm, I should forward this note to my husband!)
    Rachael
    
    

    20 bottles of Newcastle brown ale, England vs Germany semi final on
    the video(though modified so that England win),then listen to the
    whole of "Fresh fruit for rotting vegetables" by the Dead Kennedys
    and the live Ramones album. 
    
    Yup,sounds dead romantic to me.
    
    Joe Strummer.
    

    Last year on Valentine's day my boyfriend brought me a dozen long
    stemmed roses and two stuffed elephants, with their trunks intertwined,
    to my office.  He had the secretary who sat next to me get me out of
    my office so when I returned, they were on my desk.  I thought that
    was so much more romantic and thoughtful then just calling a florist
    and having them sent.  He went down, picked them out and took the
    time to drive all the way to my office himself.
    
    This year money's a little tight, so I told him "No roses, well
    not a dozen anyway".  He can be pretty romantic and he does do a
    lot for me so having him cook dinner or clean the house wouldn't
    be anything special as he does it all the time anyway.
    
    I think what I would like this year is to be surprised.  For him
    to do something for me that I could never imagine him doing.  I
    don't want to tell him what I want (I usually do that for most gift
    giving occasions) I would rather he came up with something outrageous
    on his own.
    
    Lori B.

    I've never liked to give or to receive practical gifts.  Give me
    ROMANCE!!!!!

    Generally, I find the gifts that took the most planning and the most
    work to be the most wonderful.  Whether they were romantic or practical
    didn't matter, just the effort.
    
    Once, he told me he wouldn't be able to see me on Valentine's Day
    because he had a test.  But managed to come see me between classes to
    give me roses, and just the fact that he drove all the way down when I
    knew how busy he was meant more than anything else!!
    
    One year I bought about 20 cards for him.  I wrote "I love you" on each
    one, and then scattered them all over the house.  Some were in obvious
    places, like taped to the bathroom mirror, and some were so hidden that
    he didn't find them for *weeks* (like underneath things in the
    refrigerator.)  He said he loved it. I know I would have been in
    *heaven* if he had done that for me.
    
    Similarly one year I wasn't able to spend Valentine's with him because
    I was out of town [BTW, each "him" above is a different person.]  So I
    left a "trail" of cards leading to a box of his favorite candy.  They
    were all well hidden so that he wouldn't find them ahead of time.  One
    was buried in his spare sock drawer, and told him to look behind the
    bookcase.  That one told him to look in the medicine cabinet,
    etc...until eventually he got to the candy underneath the coats in the
    closet.  Then I *mailed* him a card, timed so that it arrive exactly on
    Valentine's day, telling him where the first "clue" was.
    
    It doesn't take much money to totally thrill someone, just a lot of
    work and planning.
    
    D!

    Along the same lines as .13, I made up coupons for my SO one year and
    placed them all over the house, in the fridge, in the cabinet w/ the
    glasses, medicine cabinet, under his pillow ect.  I listed various
    things on them : good for a home cooked meal, full body massage, lovin
    arms when you need a hug the most.  He really got a kick out of that.
    

    
     I like .13's ideas;.. my SO has several names for me, for each of my
    personalities. Last year for his birthday we each gave him a card, kind
    of (as much as Hallmark would allow) based on the assumed personality. 
    It was much enjoyed.
    
    -or-
    Show that you took the time to understand what is important to this
    person.  Get them a book that lets them explore some facet of
    themselves they don't often indulge.  (do they dream of being a gourmet
    cook, but the budget and Daytimer won't allow it?  Get a book of
    beginning French cusine, etc)
    
    
    S/he'll enjoy the time you took to _know_ them!
    
    

    one of my traditions for valentine's day is to deliver (anonymously)
    long-stemmed roses to women i approve of...
    
    ...laura who can be a starry-eyed romantic when she wants to be

        re .16,
        
>>    one of my traditions for valentine's day is to deliver (anonymously)
>>    long-stemmed roses to women i approve of...
        
        Some people have said in this conference (or an earlier
        version of it) that they refuse to accept anonymous
        flowers (probably anonymous gifts in general).
        
        Dan

    ...anything from Fredericks of Hollywood (Lechmere Mall, Framingham) or
    Vernons (Moody Street, Waltham)!!!
    
    Hurry...Fredericks is having a sale!!! ;-)
    

No one gift is going to be perfect for everyone.  What I'd love (tickets
to the Super Bowl, for instance) would cause ninety percent of the women 
in this file to never speak to you again.  So you need to find something 
that reflects your personality, her personality, and the relationship 
between you.  

If you can get over the political incorrectness of consulting it, the
Feb. issue of _Playboy_ has an excellent article about choosing gifts 
for one's sweetheart.  It deals with issues such as really listening to 
her hints to figure out what she really wants, being creative in choosing
and delivering the present, and treading the line of intimate enough (for
instance, not a vacuum cleaner even if she said she wants one) or too
intimate for the state of the relationship.

Not even sexist, unless you want to consider any article aimed at a man
buying presents for a female sweetheart to be sexist . . .

--bonnie

    Nobody loves me. I never get any cards.
    
    sob*.

    My best friend had a fantastic idea...it was inspired by the luxurious
    old-fashioned bathtub that stands in the bathroom of my new
    apartment... close your eyes and picture this!
    
    A quiet, candlelit dinner for two, soft  music playing, a delicious 
    homemade desert.  Then, you lead your dinnerguest to the bathroom,
    where a huge porcelain bathtub awaits filled with luscious, steaming
    fragrant bubbles, small candles lit all around the room. A bucket
    with champagne and strawberries sits next to the tub.  
    	
    Let your imagination take it from there!
    
    Boy all I need now is Feb 14 and a certain someone!!!
    
    Kim

    RE .21
    
    If I close my eyes to picture it, how can I read the rest of the note
    to find out what I'm supposed to be picturing?
    
    (sorry, it's been a long day :-)
    
    dee

Well one year, since dinner out, or by candle light were 'common' place
for us... I wanted to do something unexpected.   I knew my valentine and his
friends well enough to ask one of his co-workers to be sure his calendar 
was clear for the morning of the 14th.  On Valentines day, I arrived at his 
house early, in a 'maids' uniform to serve him breakfast in bed... complete
with a single rose, cloth napkin, china, and crystal, candle light and his
favorite music playing in the background... Since I'm not much of a morning
person, he knew that this was a special effort on my part... and I think 
that's what he appreciated the most... 

For me it would be a candle light dinner, with a roaring fire and soft
background music, interrupted occasionally for a slow dance in front of the
fire....  the dance is what would really make it special for me...

Guess I'm another for ROMANCE not practicality... other things I'd really
enjoy, are having my hair washed, a foot massage, a back rub, and having
someone read to me. But bath's don't appeal to me (hot tubs yes...) SO I 
think if you listen to her carefully the next few weeks you are sure to 
discover what SHE thinks is romantic.... then go for it! 

lsn

    RE: .22
    
    I thought of that too, after I posted it!  Oh well!
    
    :-)  :-)
    
    Kim

    
    One year I made a "golf certificate" for my husband. I cut
    out some pictures of him golfing, glued tees, etc to a
    piece of cardboard, and put words to "when you wish upon
    a star...." but all golfing stuff... I gave him 18 holes, 
    cart rental, etc., and would take him to a favorite course
    (I play golf too so it works out well....). Perhaps for a woman,  
    whatever hobby she likes, a day of shopping, or a trip
    like a day a the beach with dinner included. (Redeemable when
    good weather arrives). This went over so big I have done
    it several times! 
     
    

    .19
    Bonnie, I also suggested superbowl tickets would be nice, as we are
    both football fans (sigh...)
    
    .20
    I'll send a card
    
    But Dan helps with the house, cooks, and buys me flowers all year round.
    So this year we are going to go to the Flower Show at the Centrum and 
    then in the spring plan to visit a favorite spot for a weekend of golf.
    
    Jane
    

    BTW, some places rent hot-tubs.  There is a place in Nashua on Daniel
    Webster that *might* be called the Hot Spot (I don't remember) where
    you can rent a private room with a hot-tub for two people for an hour
    for $30.
    
    If you are so inclined.
    
    D!
    
    [This note reminded me that I hate Valentine's Day, politically
    speaking.  It is yet another example of couple-centrism in our society,
    in which people who don't have a single monogamous partner are made to
    feel like they are somehow less worthy than others; and that one-on-one
    partnership is the be-all and end-all of life.  However, political
    aversions aside, I still like getting Valentine's and yes, I will
    probably be depressed this year, it being my first year sans lover in 8
    years.]

    This one's for you, D!
    
		    --------\     /-------
		   /         \   /         \
		  /            V            \
		  |                          |
		   \                         /
		    \         Be my	    /
		     \  		   /
		      \     valentine?    /
		       \                 /	
			\		/
 		 	 \             /
			  \           /
			   \         /
			    \       /	
			     \     /
  	   		      \	  /				
			       \ /
				V

    re:.27
    
    A couple of years back was the first year that I didn't "have anyone"
    to send flowers to for Valentine's Day, and it depressed me, too.
    
    Last year, I sent flowers to a friend with whom I don't have a
    relationship, just because I felt like sending flowers, and I knew
    that she didn't have an SO who'd be sending any.
    
    This year, I'm sending some to a few friends.
    
    The moral of the story?  Change Valentine's Day to suit *your* needs.
    If you don't like the couple-centrism of the holiday, then use the
    day to show appreciation to folks you care for, even if not in a
    romantic relationship.
    
    --- jerry

    re .30, that's a good idea.  My mother and I used to always give each
    other flowers on Valentine's Day.  Now I always give some to my
    daughter, and hopefully someday, when she has money, she'll give me
    some!
    
    Lorna
    

    Why don't we have start a uncoupled Valentine's note...maybe something
    along the lines of Secret Santa, except Secret Cupid?  :-)
    
    No one should go without a Valentine.
    
    (Thanks, Dana.)
    
    D!

	I read about this somewhere... tried it, and it worked well...
	(she still talks about it)....


	1) rent or borrow the following:

			o small gas powered motor generator (120V AC)
			o extension cord (about 50 foot length)
			o small color television
			o VCR


	2) Drive out in the country (lover's ledge, city overlook, get it?)
	
	3) Ask her/him to 'trust you', blindfold him/her and set up the
	   equipment on the hood of your car.  Prepare the setup beforehand 
	   so that this step takes no longer than 5 minutes max.

	4) Bring a tape of your/their favorite/first movie, have the
	   wine/whatever (popcorn) ready to consume, and enjoy your 
	   own special, personal, 'drive-in movie'.

	5) Works best in a convertible or T-topped car (sound).  Bring 
	   the remote control to pause the movie as needed.

	6) Subliminal suggestive flashes on the tape are optional (smiles)
	   (I put a poem on the end of the movie in place of the credits...
	    with my video camera).  I suggest not altering a *rented* tape
	    tho (same smile).



	BTW.... I got a leather jacket from her.


							Tom Roth

    Instead of the 12 days of Christmas, make it the 14 days of 
    Valentines!  Do a little something special each day with
    a celebration on Day 14!