Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    Pam -
    
    There are lawyers who will represent both parties in an uncontested
    divorce.  My ex found one when we started our divorce process, and it
    worked very well for us.  (Yes, this was in MA.)  With a child in the
    picture, the legal help is important, because the lawyer will help make
    sure that all contingencies are covered.  Also helps to have someone
    who 'knows the ropes' to deal with the court.
    
    Wish I could give you the name of the guy we used, but it was 12 years
    ago and I no longer have his name.
    
    Best of luck to all of you.  When the world seems black and you can't
    figure out what to do, remember that the kid didn't get to pick his
    parents, s/he's half of each of you, and barring egregious neglect or
    physical harm, kids deserve to know both halves of their heritage. 
    That got me past some real rough spots in the intervening years.
    
    Alison

    try also in QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
    
    good luck

    I agree with .1. Where children are involved, get a lawyer. I didn't
    have one and my exwife sent me an agreement to sign. I noticed that
    several things were missing, such as whether or not I got the kids
    if something should happen to her. She said that that was automatic
    but I knew better. Anyway, get a lawyer to look at the agreement just
    to be on the safe side for the kid's sake and your peace of mind.
    
    Phil

    
    see also:
    
    
    Womannotes-v2
    371 - handling a divorce
    380 - demystifying divorce
    596 - divorce lawyer needed
    766 - divorce - need referral and support.
    
    Human_relations
    25 - divorce - the other side of marriage
    245 - quickie divorce?
    474 - mass. divorce laws
    650 - what good is the legal system/divorce?
    977 - divorce lawyer recommendation
    
    Mennotes
    47 - divorce:  rights and attorneys
    282 - divorce lawyer recommendations
    314 - divorce: pointers for the naive
    
    
    -Jody
    

    I have to ask this queuestion.. Jody, how do you ever keep track of all
    this "related" notesfile and conferences?
    
    REK

    
    
    Magic!
    
    
    
    no, seriously folks....
    
    I keep an online directory of many notesfiles.  When I stumble across a
    topic I know I have seen before, I dig up the reference and post it -
    or if I think it may have been discussed somewhere, I look it up in the
    most likely files.  I look up synonyms & related words, or sometimes I
    recall seeing a similar topic but only recall the author.  The process
    is a combination of my memory and online reference directories.  I also
    try to keep up on new notesfiles and put in pertinent pointers where
    they seem useful....
    
    -Jody

    I'm impressed Jody....
    
    REK

    Thanks for your resonses.  I am in the process of reading tha articles
    referenced.   One problem......how do I access Womannotes v-2?
    
    Pam-a-lam

    Press the button, Pam.
    
    						Ann B.

    I am also currently going through an amicable divorce, and have found
    a support group to be extremely helpful.  The one I have found is held
    on Tuesday nights in Waltham (St Johns Methodist Church on Mt Alburn
    street) at 7:00.  Usually about 15-20 folks attend; all are in some
    stage of the divorce or separation process, and they have advice and
    suggestions that have been extremely helpful to me.  I couldn't have
    gotten through all of this stuff without them.
    
    I have been told that Barbara Wright in Picadilly Square in Newton
    Center is a lawyer who works as a mediator and is excellent.  I haven't
    used her, thought, but respect the people who have recommended her.

	My husband and I are seperated and will have a fairly simple, 
	amicable divorce (hopefully).  We have no children.  The 
	possessions are already seperated, he has moved out of state.  
	We do have a house that we will have to work out an agreement about.

	I have some questions:
	
	1. We lived together in Rhode Island (I still do), but we were
	married in Connecticut.  Where do we divorce?

	2. After reading some other notes I'm considering doing it 
	ourselves.  How do I get these papers?

	3. Some people seem to feel strongly about having a lawyer.
	If we can agree do we really need one??

	4. I want to go back to my maiden name.  What's the legal process?
	Does it cost money?

	Thanks for any help....Tracey

           

    1.  You get the divorce where you live.  
    
    2.  Call the Probate Court for your area, they should have the papers 
        and can tell you what is needed.
    
    These at least were true in my case.  I live in a different county than
    the one in which I was married.  The person I spoke with at the
    Probate Court told me it was the place of legal residence that 
    determined where a divorce was filed.  She also told me what forms
    I would need to fill out, etc., etc.  This was in Massachusetts, but if
    Rhode Island has a No-fault Divorce law, I would imagine the rules will
    be the same.
    
    As for 3, I can't help you.  We never had a house.  If you can agree,
    you might want to go to a divorce mediator rather than a lawyer.  They
    don't seem to rile the parties up as much, and don't cost anywhere near
    the same amount.  At least, though, you will be sure the wording is
    correct.
    
    E Grace

    
    re.14
    
    item #4
    
    my understanding is that if you change back to your previous name
    within the divorce documents, it is at no additional cost. if you are
    undecided, and wait till a later date, then it will cost [i dunno how
    much] to have your name changed legally.
    
    ~robin