Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    In a  pre-marriage  class  we  took,  the only thing that split on
    gender  lines  was  that  the women all complained about the men's
    joking  style.  Each of the women complained that her fiance would
    make  jokes that made her uncomfortable or that insulted her. None
    of  the  men  complained  about  his  fiance's  jokes, though some
    thought  their  fiance  was  overly  sensitive.  None of the other
    conflicts we talked about split along gender lines. 

--David

    re .2 Maybe we males have thicker skins around our sense of humor?
    
    The term 'ball-busting' as a form of humor is very male, almost
    exclusively so. How many guys would tolerate friendly BB from
    a woman? Yet we do it *to* them easily enough. Is there a 
    double standard for humor ?
    

I would love some massive insight into the male/female humor split.

Justine's note reminded me of last night's WITCH lecture. Eileen Kennedy showed
wood cuts and more recent pictures of witches and women. She showed several
progressions that indicated how women were desensitized to images of other
women being brutally murdered (burned, hung, drowned), or to images of women
and nature as twisted, harmful, and evil, or to images of _old_ women as
objects to be reviled and feared. Accompanying text often indicated how the
viewer was supposed to perceive the picture (not "three women being hanged on
the accusations of their neighbors" but "witches rightfully disposed of" type
stuff).

But of course it wasn't meant to be humor.
	Mez

    I've been away from Co-Counseling for 5 years now, but I often found
    that Co-Counselors thought about things better and differently than
    other people, and from this perspective:
    
    1.  Humor in general would be seen as an attempt to discharge [or rid
    ourselves] of the feelings around memories that are causing us pain, and 
    the more outrageous the humor, the greater would be the pain on the part 
    of the joker.  Racist and sexist comments are seen the same way.  The 
    theory is that when prejudice is first taken in, it is taken in with
    pain, and when you remember that prejudice is first taken in at very
    young ages when it is difficult for us to control or explain away the
    pain we feel, it is easy to understand how deeply hidden the prejudice
    and pain are.  In Co-Counseling, prejudice is "discharged" by
    remembering and by crying.
    
    2.  In the case of really gross jokes, I would guess that in addition
    to pain and hurt, the person is feeling shame and embarrassment, which
    can be discharged through laughter.  I don't really mean to suggest
    here that the comic referred to is successfully discharging his pain
    and shame--if he were successful, where would his occupation go?  But I
    think he/they are tapping and using these feelings.
    
    Briana

    I feel that humor is definitely on my list of things I couldn't live
    without. Growing up as an obese kid who wore glasses, I found out at a
    young age how to use my sense of humor to my advantage. Kids _can_ be
    cruel! If I didn't joke back, I would have cried and gave them more
    reason to tease! I'm a better person for it today!
    
    As for male vs female type of humor... It depends on the situation.
    Majority of my family joke around alot. If the joke is aimed at one
    person or the other, does not depend on whether that person is male or
    female. We kid everyone equally! So be careful if you ever walk into
    one of my family reunions! You really have to be able to dish it out as
    well as take it around my family!
    
    Norma
    

     
    
               "...laughing and crying's the same release..."
    
                                            -Joni Mitchell
    
    
    
                                                               M...

    There is a quote: "I laugh so that I do not cry."
    
    For many people, making light of misfortune is a way to keep that
    misfortune from overwhelming them. Humor is a release valve.
    
    --- jerry

    
    I agree that humor helps us deal with pain.  But I'm suggesting that
    for much the same reason that humor helps us deal with pain it also
    dilutes the painfulness of racial and ethnic hatred and misogyny.
    For that reason, I don't think that everything that's funny is safe.
    
    Justine