Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    I'm not sure what the question is but you sound great to me Carla. Your
    path isn't one I'd choose but thats why you're on it and I'm on mine.
    
    Do you hear a different drummer? That's great..sounds like you're
    having a great life.
    
    -D-

Carla,

I understand how your feel.  I like constant change...new living spaces, new
friends, new work to do, etc.  (I *loevd* school because it changed 
constantly.)  I also found that recently my dependence on the presence of
others has almost vanished.  The thought of spending the rest of my life
"alone" (ie: unmarried) doesn't scare me like it used to, and, in fact,
sounds more and more appealing.

I could never and would never want to give up on people altogether.  By
lately I haven't been buying into the "long term stability" myth presented
by society.  Stability?  Why?

People tell me, though, that I am feeling this way just because of my young
age.

D!

[I'm considering a new apartment, even though I have only been in mine for 
about 5 months]

    Oh I don't know Carla, I miss you and you've hardly gone. Maybe it's
    just us old folks that like stability. ;*)

    When I was younger I moved around, changed jobs, was alone, was with
    someone, and alternated these patterns numerous times. I rarely stayed
    in one place for a year. I lived that way for several years and crossed
    several states in my restlessness.

    I still feel the desire for periodic change but also find comfort in a
    certain stability. I like my current house and the state I live in.
    Right now I'm not thinking about moving but it's always possible. I've
    been known to make radical changes at a moments notice in the past.

    As for relationships, I'm beginning to believe that lifelong
    attachments are the exception and not the rule. I'd like another
    relationship in my life but I don't think I'd ever get married again.
    It seems too binding and scary anymore. Perhaps it's just that I
    realised that the stabilty of marriage was only an image. liesl

    Carla,
    
    	Quite simply I just think that "you are you".  *I* don't like been
    alone, I prefer people around me.  Not to depend on just to be there. 
    I don't even need to have to talk to them.  A presence is fine.
    I also like stability in my homelife.  Somewhere cosy and welcoming to
    live that I can settle into.  Work is a little different, yes I like
    variety, don't we all.  I also like sticking to things and seeing them
    out and watching things change.  It gives me satisfaction.
    This is just the way I am.  I don't htink Ill change when I get older. 
    I like me now.
    	C'est la vie.
    
    			Holly

    Well, when it comes to change, it makes me nervous, if not downright
    scared sometimes.  Stability seems so much *safer*, because it's a
    *known* commodity.
    
    -Jody
    

>    scared sometimes.  Stability seems so much *safer*, because it's a
>    *known* commodity.
 
Aha!  Maybe that explains something.  Stability is *not* a known commodity for
me.  I have almost never experienced it.  When I was growing up, I moved
from town to town and state to state at least every two years.  The longest
time I ever spent in one place was at RPI for four years.  And that doesn't
really count, below school provides it's *own* changes.  A quarter of the
population changes every year, classes change, I moved every 6 months while
I was there, etc.
   
Maybe I am just *scared* of things staying the same?

I get bored easily.  My life has to be chaos...

D!

    Even if I had the money to move constantly, two conflicts for me
    would always be that I'm a collector and I have pets.  And, if I
    had more money I would collect *more* things.  If a person likes
    to nice things around, and collect things, such as a lot of oil
    paintings, glass things, etc., it can be more difficult to move
    often.  Also, it would be hard to move often or long distances with
    a lot of pets, and would never give up my cats just to move someplace
    else.  Still, a third thing, if someone owns a home and has worked
    hard to plant trees and shrubs and create a nice flower garden,
    it can be sad to leave it all.  I still miss my rose bush from the
    house my ex-husband and I owned.  I planted it.  I drove by the
    other day and it was starting to bloom and I wanted to stop the
    car and dig it up -"Give me my rose bush!"  I can understand the
    appeal of travel and change but my conflict is that when I find
    something I like, I get attached to it.
    
    I also prefer to have people around me most of the time, as long
    as I have some privacy.  
    
    Lorna
    

	Carla raises some interesting issues here. I'm sure that all of
us at one time or another has wished to break free somehow. No more spouses,
children, jobs comittments and things which tie us down to one situation or
another.

	I've asked myself (more and more as I get older) what did I buy into
here? Is this where I want to be in my life? This responsible family man thing
is it real does it offer meaningfulness? 

	Do I remain in the situation because of a sense of reponsibility or
is it that I lack Carla's courage and because of it I avoid a greater growth?

	-D-

    Hmmm.  Being a grownup is awful -- you have to take responsibility for
    your choices.  And then commit to the choice, and accept both the
    rewards and regrets.  Two examples.
    
    My older brother chose (in some sense) the path of "freedom".  He has
    never married.  He has studied lots of stuff in and out of school --
    anthropology, engineering, ecology.  He has lived in various parts of
    the country.  He has pursued various interests, inclucing his latest
    craze, boats, without being restricted by the needs of others.  A good
    characterization would be that he doesn't make compromises, and will
    not give up his freedom.  He likes all that part.  But he has regrets,
    like he would like (probably his fantasy/ideal of) much of what I have:
    home, family, stability, etc.
    
    I have also chosen (in some sense) a path.  I spent time early on
    travelling and working in various minimum-wage jobs.  I went back to
    college and got a degree, luckily in something practical.  Got married
    at 25, and got a job in a corporation -- the start of compromises, or
    tradeoffs, if you will.  After being married for 5 years, I had a
    child, and 2 years later another.  I love my family, and usually have
    fun with them.  I often have fun at work too :').   I enjoy my home and
    garden, they give me a lot of satisfaction.  But my freedom is
    constrained, in that I would like to do things that at least for now I
    cannot do -- things my brother can if he chooses -- like spend more time
    in a canoe for example, or go woods-walking alone, or read till all
    hours.
    
    So, my take on it goes like this.  There are many paths, and many for
    each of us.  I have chosen, and committed to my choice, knowing that it
    will bring me both satisfactions and frustrations, contentment and
    regret, at different times.  If it becomes unbearable or sufficiently
    unrewarding, I will change it.  While I am happy on it, I will stay on
    the path.  But I may look at the scenery...

    
    re. D!
    
    i think i understand what you are saying...
    
    for you, stability would be a change
    
    so you are more comfortable with *change* which you try and keep a
    stable occurance of...
    
    (-:
    
    ~r

    
    stability - thats what comes with old age or something???

	I can not move from place to place so I change the place
	I stay at - Ask my kids - I move the rooms around all
	the time.

	The trouble with change is that it is so constant.

	I perfer to be by myself more often than not but I do
	enjoy watching people interact.

	But then who ever said I as a mature, responsible person.

	_peggy
		(-)
		 |
			She changes everything she touches
			and everything she touches changes.