Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    
    First one that comes to mind - men can't have children. Women can.
    
    Now, admittedly, some women are infertile. And some women used to be
    men. And not all women want children. But for most women, all the stuff
    that goes along with the ability to have children, i.e. menstruation
    and menopause and sometimes worrying about pregnancy or else worrying
    about trying to get pregnant... its not an area that men have any
    actual experience in.
    
    Ironically, I'm beginning to get the feeling that men aren't defineable
    by any one thing that they can do, the way women are. Sure, they can
    get us pregnant... but how much time out of their lives does it really
    take? The rest of the time, they can be doing ANYTHING! I wonder that's
    why I feel like when women bond, its because of things we automatically
    have in common while lots of men DON'T have any one set of things in
    common other than maybe growing facial hair, and thus don't need to
    bond in groups...

    
    This one's for you, 'ren.  =8-)
    
    Women dance better.  No question about it.
    
    (And gay men are fabulous dancers too!)
    
    Carla
    

Re: .1

                 ...  lots of men DON'T have any one set of things in
 common other than maybe growing facial hair, and thus don't need to
 bond in groups...

Maybe that's the other side of the coin, 'ren.  Maybe it's precisely the
fact that men *can't* do what women can that causes men to bond - which
they clearly do.  It could be that the sense of being "hamstrung" in the
face of women's generative power makes men need to bond as a way to
reclaim a sense of power - or even a sense of worth vis a vis women.

-d

hmmm...

- Men do not know how to load a dishwasher
- Women are better at handling the household finances
- Men have some sort of wierd attachment to TV remote controls
- Men like The Three Stooges
- Women hate The Three Stooges
- Women are better shots on the firing range 
- Men will argue for hours about who's the best player on the Red Sox
- Women will argue for hours about who has the best buns on the Red Sox 
- Men do not care if they have really gross stuff growing in the fridge

Jenna :-) 

    -If it isn't solid, men don't flush it.
    -Men have to burn dinner in order to prove that they're straight.
    -A man will stand under a tree for 45 minutes trying to dislodge the
    frisbee.
    -Men undertake "home improvement projects" (credit Dave Barry)
    -Men think that everything in the world can be solved with leverage
    -Men hate cats
    -Men invented "Lite" Beer
    -Men *drink* "Lite" Beer
    -Men won't read instruction manuals
    -Men can fall asleep anywhere, anytime when the words "vacuum cleaner"
    are mentioned.
    -Men call those appetizers at Chinese restaurants "dim sung"
    -Men secretly like teddy bears...
    
    -----
    \ D /
     \ /

I saw a comedian recently refer to the tendency of men to switch channels 
with the remote controls while women are more likely to stick with one show,
citing the difference as part of the basic nature of men and women:

	"Men hunt, women nest"

It seemed apropos to this topic...

    .4,
    
    I love the Three Stooges;  always have.
    
    Sorry,
    
    Jane

    
    - Women have great figures... until they nab a husband.
    - Women are easy to talk to... until they nab a husband.
    - Women are great confidants... until they nab a husband.
    - A woman is a man's best friend... until he becomes her husband.
    
    And to keep things even, here's one for men:
    
    - A man will never truly know a woman... until he becomes her husband.
    
    One more for the road:
    
    - Women generalize... Men don't.
    

    You know... I've been checking out these generalizations.
    I like to call them SWEEPING generalizations.
    
    I have determined that by the criteria I must be a man.
    
    My husband is probably a woman.
    
    So it works out then huh?
    ---------
    Realizing that for the confines of this topic, I am a man, I will
    offer the following generalizations.
    
    -Men can not iron.
    -Women always complain about the house, nag nag nag.
    -Women are so emotional.
    
    Living out the fantasy,
    Scratch, scratch, scratch,
    Cindi

    
    
    Comediennes are funny only when they are making fun of PMS.
    
    Comedians are ALWAYS funnier than comediennes.
    

    
    I'll get this topic back to "true" things about men:
    
    men can pee in the woods better than women - they don't
    have to squat uncomfortably
    

RE: .5

>>>    -Men secretly like teddy bears...

My father has 21 of them!  He even made me pose with them on my wedding day
since he wasn't allowed to bring them to the church!

Karen

    Men secretly like cats, but will never admit it ;-)

    Women work harder than men.
    
    This is a generalization I've been brought up on, and need to get over.
    Prove me wrong, guys!!!!

    Men erally do know how to load the dishwasher and feed/change the baby
    but also know how to hide their talents...

Maybe I'm a little short of humor this morning, but I don't see a LITE
in the title of this topic.  I suspect 'ren meant it to be serious.  Is
that possible?  :-/

-d

    
    Many heterosexual women don't see lesbianism as something "gross and
    disgusting" but just something they're not really interested in.
    
    Most heterosexual men do not have similar reactions about being gay.
    
    
    This makes it easier for women to come together in circles of mixed
    orientations... and makes the parallel situation unthinkable for many
    men.
    
    Even some totally homophobic women I know can still embrace their
    lesbian friends. I wonder how many guys in Mennotes line up to hug
    Gerry Fisher...

    Seems to me that this note has turned into a nibble note...
    
    REK

	Back to generalizations:

	Women hate beef jerky and those "Slim Jim" sausage
	things in the 7-11s.

	Men relish them ( and are generally banished to the porch,
	basement, what-have-you, upon consumption ).

	Steve H

    Men are serial processors
    Women are parallel processors
    

    
    Random ones I've heard.
    
    Women want to stop and ask directions. Men keep going 'til they find
    the place.
    
    Women phrase demands as questions. Men are more direct.
    Ex. "Would you like to see a movie?" vs. "Lets go to a movie!"
    (Hint: it generally means the same thing!)
    
    Women worry about getting fat; men worry about getting bald.
    
    Many women need to feel loved during sex in order to enjoy it. Many men
    don't need love to have a great time during sex.
    
    Many women work at their appearance and are willing to spend time on
    something that helps them achieve a certain look; many men want a look
    that's easy/low-maintenance, or don't care at all.
    
    Many single women look forward to marriage. Many single men dread
    marriage like the plague.
    
    That's enough for now...

    Men, though they may be able to navigate uncharted wilderness without
    error [and without asking for directions ;-)], nonetheless become
    incapable of finding something - even their own possessions - if there
    is a woman in the house.
    
    Women can find anything, even if they are in a total stranger's house.
    (This is a psychic thing that does not require an actual search. It is
    usually done vocally, as in "Have you looked on the counter by the
    phone/next to the sink/under the table?" followed by a male voice
    saying "Oh."
    
    [I've even got anecdotal evidence for this one! ;-)]
    
    And, a more general generalization: People who are driving by
    themselves either never get lost or don't mind if they do, whereas
    people who are driving with their parents in the car _always_ get lost
    and _always_ get upset about it, regardless of whether the parents
    comment on it or not.
    
    -b

    Re .19 - I *love* Slim Jims and Beef Jerky....
    
    Lynne (a.k.a. HRH)

    Men are Big Babies when they get sick.
    
    with love,
    cheyenne

    Men suffer from selective hearing (wife asks husband repeatedly to
    take out trash, but he NEVER hears anything).
    
    Men suffer from selective intelligence (always put red items in with
    white knowing that if he screws up enough, wifey will stop asking him
    to do laundry)
    
    Men always blame the closest woman for whatever goes wrong (Dear, the
    car is making a funny sound.  Husband replies "Well, what did you do 
    to it?")
    
    Linda
    

    Men fold the pages of a book to mark their place. Women always 
    use cutesy-poo bookmarks.

    Men make 60-70% more money to do exactly the same work.
    
    Minorites must at least twice has hard to get the same pay.
    
    If digital wants to make a 60-70%* 200% increase in profit
    and get at least if not better quality work, they should
    replace all employees with qualified minority females.
    
    Cindi

    Men think women are incapable of mowing the lawn, fixing
    a car, pumping their own gas, or fixing a plugged up sink.
    
    HRH

    > Men think women are incapable of mowing the lawn, fixing
    > a car, pumping their own gas, or fixing a plugged up sink.
    
    And women stand around playing the "helpless" role when there's
    a Big Strong Man around to do the dirty work... even if they're
    perfectly capable of doing it themselves 8-) 8-) 8-)
    
    [ya know, as I read down this note I have to keep checking my
    genitals to remind myself of what I am... if I were to go by
    these stereotypes alone I'd be a perfect hermaphrodite 8-) ]
    
    --jim (definitely male, last time I checked....)
    

    Men typically have twice the upper body strength of women. 
    
    Men are sexually assertive and emotionally repressed.
    
    Men consider women an enigma, while most women know that their lives
    often depend on their understanding of men; it is more important for
    the slave to know the master than for the master to know the slave.
    
    Men in Western societies have not learned to value their nurturing
    traits.
                                               
    
    - paraphrased from "Gender: The Enduring Paradox"

    re: .11  Peeing in the woods  - and, unless incredibly foolish, men
    never get poison ivy of the genitals when peeing in the woods, women
    CAN get it purely by accident.
    
    As for myself, gosh, the hardware is male but most of the software
    seems to be female.  Go figure.
    
    jimc

    
    re poison oak
    
    men can too get it on the privates, by careless peeing in the woods
    after touching poison oak...
    
    trust me on this.

    Men live at the extremes of the car-appearance-care spectrum,
    women in the middle. Men either polish their 'baby' to a high
    lustre or take a "let the rain wash it" attitude. Women's cars
    are neither grungy nor glossy.
    
    Me? Hey, it's a pickup truck, not a mirror ;-)

    Dana,
    
    Most of the time, I can't even fit *one* passenger in my car.  
    
    *sigh* 
    
    
    E Grace

    that's what the bed of the pickup is for ;-)

    I can't stand a dirty car, inside or outside!!!!
    
    HRH

    Only men are qualified to kill bugs or mice.
    
    paul f.

    Men are more likely to pee on an electric fence in the dark.

The woman gets all the wooden hangers and the man gets all the wire ones.

    Women are genetically predisposed to shop.
    
    Men aren't, and hate the activity.
    
    -roger
    

    re: .40
    
    What good are the wire hangers?  You're not going to have any closet
    space anyway!
    
    mike

    
    - .1
    
    I hate to think what "good" wire hangers may soon be, given recent
    trends...
    
    Dorian
    

    Don't you all know?

    Paper clips are larvae coathangers, and coathangers metamorphose
    into bicycles...

    one needs of course to take clothes to the laundry mat and have lots
    of folks or avid cyclists in your family to catalyze this process.
    
    
    Ann Broomhead, where are you when I need you on this stuff!
    
    :-)
    
    Bonnie

    A generalization from the movie _Kindergarten Cop_:
    
    "Boys have a penis.  Girls have a vagina."
    
    Richard

    Bonnie,
    
    You didn't need me; you needed Avram Davidson!
    
    						Ann B.

    NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!
    
    ;-)
    N

Women remember every word of a conversation with their friends/lovers Men barely
remember there was a conversation.

Men are excited by what they see, that's why they value a woman's appearance.
Women are excited by what they hear, that's why words of love are so important.
liesl

    Women THINK they remember every word of a conversation, and can
    generally convince a man that they have....took me a long time
    to catch on to selective memories....
    
    -roger
    

    Re .49-
    Shhhhhhhhhhh! Don't tell my SO! He is just beginning to put that
    together ;-|

    I can't remember anything of import unless I'm in an argument with
    my SO...and then everything comes back to me verbatim (SP?) so that
    I can throw the words back!  SERIOUS selective memory! ;^)
    
    And guys are sooooo gullible!  ;^)
    
    
    
    
                                       L.J.

    Men w/ children are Fathers. Women w/ children are Mothers.

for years, my male friends and I have had a running joke about how men don't
see dirt because they don't have the dirt detection gene and women do....well,
I read an article in Discovery Magazine (Mc Science? well, anyway, I like it)
that said there is now evidence that:

	women's eyesight and brain is more attuned to detecting fine
	detail in the environment...FOR INSTANCE, WOMEN SEE MORE DIRT
	MORE SWIFTLY THAN MEN...hence, the continuing argument between
	husbands and wives about the cleanliness of the family domicile.

what a hoot!!!  here we thought we were being sarcastic about the supposed
differences between the sexes....and we were, in essence, right!

I wonder what other "stereotypes" will be exposed as simply differences
in the male and female human brains?

Remember that physical differences do not *necessarily* imply innate 
differences.

it is my theory (although not mine alone, nor did I develop it) that the
brain is a muscle, and like other muscles, will change with exercise.
A brain that is "more attuned to detecting fine detail" might be inborn, or
it might be the result of societal teaching and that women exercise
that portion of their brains more.  The conclusions of such a study would
differ if the study was done on infants than on grown men and women.

Also remember that popular science magazines tend to simplify things.
Rarely is neuropsychology so simple that they can simply say "Oh, that's
the 'dirt-detection' part of the brain"...

Now to rain on your parade, just thought I would point this out...

D!

    Women have the gene to see dirt but home of them lack the related gene
    to see dirt on top of refrigerators. :-)
    
    ed

    ed
    
    that's because many or most women are 'vertically challenged' in
    relationship to refrigerators!
    
    I recall once knowing I was going to have a guest who was well over
    6' tall (more than a foot taller than me). I got a chair and stood
    on it all over the house looking for the things that were above
    my eye level but would be easily seen by my guest. I was amazed
    at the amount of dust and junk I found!
    
    BJ

    Yes, verticalness was the gene I was refering to. :-)
    
    ed

    Gaaak!

    I'm slightly over 6' tall and still hardly ever clean some spots.
    Mostly because its because I hate cleaning and usually have lots better
    stuff to do, like read.

    BJ, I've always figured that if the top of the fridge gets cleaned once
    a year, that is quite adequate, thank you.
    
    **************************************************************************
    
    Men never notice the mess they create.
    
    Women have no idea how to clean power tools, men don't either but do it
    anyway.
    
    Men over-engineer any and all household/yard chores.
    
    Women simply do it.
    
    Women pretty much know what stores to go to to find and buy almost any
    item.  They also call ahead to find out if the item is in stock and the
    store hours.
    
    Men blow a whole day trying to find a certain kind of a whatziz, driving
    from store to store and then don't buy it when they find it since 
    they are unsure if it's the best.
    
    Men are happy with stuff if they are sure it is the finest, best made,
    and most efficient of its kind.  This is especially true if the item is
    a gas grill, sound system, or power tool. 
    
    Women prefer stuff that performs as necessary when necessary.
    
    Men almost never try on clothes before purchasing.  They also always
    buy the same size no matter what reality their body attempts to
    enforce or how the garment is cut.
    
    Women try clothes on half a dozen times from six-different angles
    before buying something.  Their closets are full of things in just
    about every size.  This is true even if their weight is constant.

    Some women don't have to call to see if an item's in stock--they know
    the odds of being regularly carried, in season, in stock.  Men will go
    into any store looking for anything they might need or want that
    minute.
    
    Women know the locations of all public bathrooms...and whether or not
    they're clean enough.
    
    N

    oh yeah--and women know the right way to ask to use a bathroom that's
    not normally open to the public.
    
    N

    Women never put tools back into a tool box.  If they do, they
    put it in the wrong drawer and leave the drawer open.
    
    ed

    Women clean the telephone. Men figure any germ that bites them
    will die.
    
    (No kidding - I work with two women who do this clean-the-phone
    ritual every morning! I crack up ;-) )

    In the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, an entire planet was
    wiped out because they took all the useless service-oriented
    people like hairdressers and telephone sanitizers and shipped them
    off in a spaceship to crash on another planet. The remaining
    population of the planet was done in by a disease caught from a
    dirty telephone.

    It would be telling too much to say what planet the telephone
    sanitizers eventually crashed on an colonized...

A man can stop a woman from doing something by simply saying "That's just what
my MOTHER would have done (or said)". A woman can drive a man crazy by acting
like his mother. 

Men bond by burping and farting together. Women talk about sex and relationships.
liesl

>Men bond by burping and farting together.

 I was wondering if people really believe this. Is this a serious belief or
a friday afternoon humorous comment, Liesl?

 The Doctah

    I'm just glad men don't expect to bond with women by burping and
    farting together.
    
    Lorna
    
    

    *belch*  *thpppt*
    
    oops, excuse me...I was just getting in touch with my butch side...
    
    now back to your regularly scheduled all american bisexual....
    
    -----
    \ D /
     \ / who is in extreme need of humor breaks this afternoon...

    Of course, there is also the possibility that men belch because of the
    great rise it gets form their female companions...
    
    ...just another theory.
    
    -d

    
    Well!
    
    My brother taught me the joys and challenges of diaphragm-based 
    belching, as he is a singer, and he can export the most amazing 
    belches I have ever heard.  So, I don't refrain from belching.
    In fact, I delight in creating deep and rumbling (keeping one's
    mouth shut is ideal for the rumbling effect) belches, although
    I do refrain from meek, meaningless burps.
    
    Carla
    

    
    oh, Carla!  I just *love* a woman with style!  ;-)
    
    

    I don't know, I always figured men belched (from either end!) because
    they had gas!
    
    Women, too!
    
    
    E Grace

    Eagles, for some of us burping and farting isn't natural.  
    
    Lorna
    

    
    Well, Rita, I only put forth my very best image!  =8-)
    
    Carla
    

    Re: .76
    
    Gee, eagles, the way I heard it, remember, folks, this was before maybe
    half of you were born, was, "Horses sweat.  Men perspire.  *Ladies*
    merely glow."
    
    :-)
    
    -d

Hey Mark, I was teasing, sort of. I'm with Lorna, I don't "do" bodily functions,
it's not *lady like*. ;*} liesl

    giggle!
    
    

    This reminds me of a time when we got into a "fart convo" once. Then
    one of our friends said, "Gee what did you do on Saturday night?---
    AAAWWW We sat around & talked about farting!!"  Everyone changed the 
    subject. I remember thinking to myself, "This is SO strange. It's a
    normal body function, and never mind DOING it, these people can't
    even TALK about it! Why is our society like that?" I still don't know.
    I don't fart & burp out loud, either.
    
    Shrug,
    Bonnie

    - Men will drive around for hours before asking for directions
    * Woman will stop at the nearest gas station.
    
    - A man will rarely admit if he finds another mans looks appealing.
    * A woman will admit another woman is beautiful.
    
    - A man may get excited at the site of two women "together".
    * The site of two men together does nothing for a woman.
    
    - A man will not get rude when he sees a female stripper.
    * A woman will be obnoxious when whe sees a male stripper.
    
    - When a child is born the father is so excited about the "new baby"
    * The mother's already felt and bonded with that child for months.
    
    - Men like to deal with the "big picture". They're not good with details
    * Women are very good with detail but not with the "big picture."
    
    - Men loath Oprah and Phil
    * Woman love Oprah and Phil
    
    - A man wouldn't be caught dead with a self-help book.
    * A woman will read a self-help book then suggest it to a friend.
     
    Kate 

	Women have more efficient digestive systems than men.



	*A*

    
    wimmyn eek and fuss over mice, we just toss 'em over the side...
    
    they have conniptions over seeing some man friend of theirs talking 
    to another wommun
    
    myn know they had better act responsibly if their wommun friend is
    seen talking to some dude or another..
    

    re. mice - men tell the cat to 'sic 'em' :-)

    From "My Favorite Year"
    
    Stone:  Mr. Swann, I think I'm going to be unwell...
    
    Swann: Stone, ladies are unwell...gentlemen vomit.  Alfredo, we shan't
    be needing the car.  We're going to throw up in the park and then walk
    home...

    myn know they had better act responsibly if their wommun friend is
    seen talking to some dude or another..
 
You're kidding, right?

My observation has been the *exact* opposite.

If I were to make a generalization, it would be that "Women know how to
handle their male SO's relationships with other female humans reasonably;
most men can't handle *any* threat to their status as 'man in her life'."

D!

    How do you *not* fart?
    
    ..........._B O O M_ !!!!  :-)

RE; -1 Well, I'm very light on my feet. Kind of like a helium balloon. :*) liesl