Conference turris::womannotes-v3

	First, find out if they're registered somewhere.  That'll take the
	guess work out of finding something they'd like.

	If that doesn't work out, gifts of money are very common as 
	wedding gifts.   And after the expense of the wedding, I'm sure
	it would be *very* appreciated!  

	Sue

    What about a bond?  It may not be very personal, but it certainly will
    not get stuffed into a drawer or attic...
    
    Jill
    

If they enjoy cooking, weird kitchen stuff: pizza stones, asparagus 
steamers, electric juicers...

If they don't, or you don't know, how about a nice leather-bound photo
album?  If you get inspired or something, you could even put a poem
in the front cover.  Not a wedding album (they'll probably have that),
but one for pictures from the honeymoon, or of their first kid, or
whatever.  Almost everyone accumulates small pictures over the years -
they'll use it sometime.  (Besides, I like the connection with "treasured
times from the past.")

A bond also sounds like a good idea, but then I think back to the lone
bond I received as a high school graduation gift.  In the sense that I'll
remember who gave it to me, and that I appreciate it, it was a good gift.
But it's small, and it has to be redeemed *someday* (not something I think
about much, since it's a small bond), and it's a bit of a bother  (Is it
due yet?  Should I cash it in?  How much would it be worth now?).  Bonds
seem to me to be a bit of a cynical wedding gift, I guess -- they aren't
worth what they appear to be until a certain number of years have elapsed.
Of course, nobody who's just finished paying for a wedding is likely to see
it this way.

    Sharon

    A gift basket with champagne
    Tickets to ... (does Ticketron have gift certificates ;})
    An all-purpose pitcher (juice, flowers, etc.)
    
    If all else fails, call either the bride or groom's parents and ask
    what their interests are.
    
    Judi
    

    
    I got a similar invitation recently - haven't been good friends
    with this woman in 10 years, haven't seen her in 3 or 4 years,
    but for many years through high school and college, she was my
    "best friend".
    
    I ended up getting her a set of 6 off-white Belgian lace-edged
    table napkins when I was recently in Europe.  Before that I had
    thought of a nice pair of crystal candle stick holders or something
    like that.  Nice crystal something, I think, is always appreciated
    and appropriate.
    
    Even though they've been on their own for a while and have all
    the basics doesn't mean they have the really fine, special things
    that one receives at weddings - crystal, linens, china, etc.
    
    Or a one-of-a-kind beautiful handthrown pottery piece.
    

    The simple  solution  is to ask whether they've registered. If you
    want  to  do  something else, find some intersting somewhat useful
    piece (candlesticks seem to be in this year). We got an absolutely
    beautiful  serving bowl from a friend of my parents. Whe obviously
    looked  for  something  that  she  found  attractive.  I  was very
    pleased.  I  think  gifts  of money are a bit gauche. They're fine
    from elderly relatives who can't go to the store, but I would hope
    to do better for my friends.

--David  (looking at this from the other side :-)

    Since both of us have the basics and storage space is limited, we don't
    need lots of "chatchkas".  Given the expenses involved in planning a
    wedding, moving, etc., we would gladly welcome gift certificates and
    cash gifts.
    
    What is most important to me is those friends who will be at the
    wedding, rather than the size of their gift.  (I'd give anything for a
    drawing and a hug from my 4-year-old goddaughter!)  I've heard of some 
    people who will have large weddings in order to receive lots of gifts.
    As with any gift, I would rather it reflect the sentiment of the person
    who gives it, rather than the dollar value.
    
    We're having a small wedding, but it's *still* expensive!  (Ed McMahon,
    where are you?!)
    
    Judi
    
    

I agree with David, I don't think money (or, for that matter, bonds) are the
right thing. I don't think of money as a good gift between equals (let me tell
you about the time my supposed boyfriend gave me $20 for my birthday...) -
seems more like something someone with more money and power (eg: parent, 
older relative...) gives to someone who needs it more than they do.  The
amount I could afford to give wouldn't be as significant, I would think, as
something I could buy with that amount that says "me".

I like some of the other ideas a lot.  Especially the photo album.  Which made
me think also of a picture frame, a nice one, engraved or something.

The interests part is tough, because these are people I knew in high school
and college, and lord knows how dramatically people change after school.
One guy is my very *first* boyfriend, from my sophomore year in high school,
whom I haven't seen in 4 years.  

Oh and none are local, so I'm afraid "registrations" are out...aren't they?
I'm am not "up" on weddings...isn't registration when the couple picks out
crystal, china and silverware at some department store or some such, and
you can look it up and buy a piece in the set?  For a similar reason, gift
certificates are out.

Thanks for the ideas!
D!

    D!
    
    We registered at Crate and Barrel, which has stores across the country. 
    I view the registry as a guide, rather than a mandate.  If the couple
    has registered, friends will be able to find out what they
    like...there's no obligation to purchase from that particular store. 
    (A friend of my sister's had registered at a very expensive store, so
    my sister just got some ideas and shopped elsewhere.  She wasn't keen
    on spending $75.00 for a picture frame...the least expensive item on
    the list!)
    
    When my oldest sister got married, we put together a photo album, which
    has a 5 x 7 photo on the front, and then opens up to display about 52
    photos.  We had a great time selecting candids and putting it together!
    I've seen the frame in Lillian Vernon and also at some gift shops.
    
    Judi
    

    
    I often found a drill makes a good present.  Or some other
    handy tool (cordless screwdriver, good quality hammer or 
    wrench set...).  And normally, it's a gift that useful and 
    doesn't get duplicated.

    As Judi says, the important thing is that our friends celebrate.

    We're putting  the cash gifts into an account to either complete a
    china  set  or  to  buy toys with. Gifts should be things that the
    recipient  wants  but  can't quite justify buying himself. We both
    believe this, so that's how we'll spend the gift money.

    You can  deal  with a registry in another town. If they registered
    at  a  chain,  you  can  go  to  any  store in that chain. If they
    registered  at  a  particular  store,  you can call the store, and
    place  an  order  for  an item on the list. You can also call some
    local  (to  them)  store,  and  buy  a  gift certificate, but that
    strikes me barely different from cash.

    You can  try  to  find  something  that will fit in with different
    styles.  The wooden bowls my sister found are an example. Glass is
    another  example.  I'm  amazed  by how well my parent's friends do
    this.

--David

    Oh boy! Lotsa weddings. This can be fun!
    
    I like .6 ideas of cyrstal and linen and especially nice pottery.
    
    How about a simple Revere-style silver bowl.  Goes with anything and the
    prices can vary depending on if its sterling or plate and the size.
    
    Also, for all those candlesticks that seem to fashionable this year:
    a box of very nice bee's wax dinner candles.  These are described by
    Ms. Manners as white or off-white, 12", either tapered or column shape.
    Nice candles are $$$.  Maybe also some pretty bobeches (sp?) as well.
    Bobeches are the rings that catch drips so the excess wax doesn't get
    on the 100 year old linen tablecloth.  :^)
    
    Also, Museum catalogs such as Boston Museum of Fine Arts, Metropolitan
    Museum (in NYC) and Winterteur have lovely stuff.  They will send
    wedding presents and take returns if necessary.  Plus, it supports the
    museums.
    
       Enjoy!      Margaret

    Four in one summer, wow!
    
    I echo the registry idea.  Most people register in large stores (Lord
    and Taylor's, Crate and Barrel, etc.).  If you can't visit in person,
    they'll read the list to you over the phone.  You can usually also
    arrange to buy the item long distance; they will wrap and send it for
    you, too.
    
    One friend of mine always gets a nice silver picture frame that the
    couple can use for wedding photos ... it goes with most decors, it is a
    reminder of the day, and you don't have to know much about their daily
    lives.
    
    I'd stay away from serving bowls, personally.  I have a friend who got
    married in December and got 7-8 different bowls -- her husband's a chef
    (who doesn't cook or eat at home much) and she's a vegetarian who lives
    on small salads -- so all the bowls are stored away.  (FWIW, I promised
    her a set of ankle/wrist weights, because it's the only thing she could
    think of that she *truly* wanted!!)
    
    Pam

    
    I like the museum catalog idea, too.
    
    I like giving gifts that are loaded with symbolism or sentiment or
    tradition (pick one or more) and since I've heard of lots of friends 
    of friends getting married lately, I've been talking to people who 
    don't know what to get and have been trying to help them come up with 
    ideas.  It's probably expensive, but if I had a friend who was getting 
    married, I'd like to get them a quilt with a "double wedding ring" 
    pattern.  (I'm not sure if that's the name of the pattern, but the 
    ones I've seen are usually white background with interlocking colored 
    rings pieced in.  If I knew about the wedding two years ahead of time, 
    maybe I'd make it myself!)
    
    CQ

    	CQ,
    
    	Funny you should mention a quilt. My wife, a quilter, is making
    	a quilt for the daughter (who's getting married) of some very
    	close friends of ours.
    
    	Scott

My father's mother made all of her grandchildren [5] double wedding ring quilts
as wedding gifts.  Only my cousin Mike and my sister Wendy ever received theirs,
though.  It would seem that Tom, Charlie, and I sacrificed our right to such 
gifts by our pre-nuptial living arrangements.

However, Gran couldn't let us be married without a quilt or two apiece to start
out.  I got a king-size Flying Geese quilt instead. I'm not sure what the others
got.

The DRQ is a tricky one to make.

  Ann

    I recently found a gorgeous set of lapis lazuli inlaid coasters
    in one of those "New Age" type shops.  They also had some
    geode bookends that I wouldn't have minded getting as a wedding
    gift.
    
    Another nice present is a set of wind chimes.  Mahoney's
    Nursery (in Woburn, MA?) stocks a variety of them, and the 
    Nature Company (chain) has some pricier models.  They can always
    put the wind chimes up indoors if they don't have a porch.
    
    A kind of romantic, sappy gift I gave once was a wooden music
    box that played "The Rainbow Connection", one of the songs
    the couple had played at their wedding. (Remember, you have
    up to a year after the wedding to get your gift delivered...)
    I was surprised to discover that a store specializing in
    music boxes has listings of a couple hundred tunes you can
    choose from (classical as well as pop).
    
    My cousin received a framed cross-stitch sampler made by one
    friend to commemorate her wedding.  (A little less ambitious
    than a quilt ...)
     
    -- Jane
                 

    I don't agree that money isn't proper.  I think it is a great gift!  It
    is much better than getting something that SOMEONE else likes, or
    thinks is a great idea, and then not wanting to go through the
    aggrevation of returning it or hurting someone's feelings.
    
    But...you can be clever about giving it.  4 coffee mugs with $$$$$ to
    buy coffee, etc.  You don't have to just give a check.  Use your
    imagination!
    
    I LIKE MONEY...it saves time running around trying to exchange and I
    can buy what I like, instead of keeping something that someone else
    likes.
    
    Jackie
    :-)
    

I dunno - if I got a wedding invitation from someone I hadn't seen or heard 
from in years, my inclination might be to send 'em a toaster. Preferably, the
kind where you have to turn the toast over manually.(*)

Along the lines of "Oh, so you just think of me as another wedding present?
Well, take *that* ..."



(*) Though, these might be considered valuable collectibles, and spoil the
    whole point, I suppose.

Really good, sharp expensive knives. The more you have, the longer you can wait
to sharpen 'em, and it's shocking how many people never think to fork out for
something so very useful.

A dinner for two somewhere? Someone else mentioned tickets; some friends took
us out to dinner and a show. 

Placemats and napkins _if_ you can match their pattern.

Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex (or any book that you think everyone should
read and absorb).
	Mez

Hmmm, knives are a good idea, never can have enough.

I am slowly aquiring a set of very, very expensive, and very, very good knives
(whose names escapes me right now, it's German I think) that I love!  That
would make a great wedding present - I guess I would hesitate to spend that
much money on one small gift if I wasn't sure it would be appreciated.  Anyone
anyone who *really* cooks would know the difference and know the value of
the knives, but... hmm, but that is a good idea, I'll have to think about it.

D!

I really think anyone who cuts vegetables or meat can tell the difference that
a really good knife makes, but maybe that just speaks to the kind of cheap
knife I was using before I met Joe.
	Mez

    
    
    
    Well, I never liked the idea of giving money for wedding 
    gifts until my own wedding.  I got married last October and 
    my husand and I footed the cost of the wedding.  We got some 
    beautiful presents - crystal, china, frames, towels, etc, 
    but the money that we got was what we really needed.  
    We pooled the money we got and bought a new refrigerator, dining
    room table and chairs and a microwave cart.  All things that would
    be way too expensive for one person to buy, but things that we
    really needed and it would've taken us quite a while to save 
    up enough for this stuff if we hadn't had such generous friends
    and relatives.  So don't think that giving a check won't be
    as appreciated as a gift that you spend time picking out, it could
    be that your friends need some bigger items that the money would
    come in handy for!
    
    Also, Peter and I lived together for several years and had all
    the necessities, but we received a ton of brand new towels for
    our co-ed shower - it was great!  We had towels already, but
    they had seen better days.  It was terrific getting towels that
    matched our bathrooms and were in great shape.  Some of the seemingly
    more mundane things may be just what the doctor ordered!
    
    Or, if you don't like the idea of giving just money, you could
    get something small and stuff a check into the card that you 
    send with it.  This would give them something that you picked 
    out to remind them of you, plus you'd be helping them toward 
    one of their goals (be it saving for a house, a new car, new
    furniture, whatever) with the money.  There are lots of neat 
    little unique frames you could get that wouldn't be very 
    expensive, or something like that.
    
    Regards,
    Cherie
    

Oh yeah; we were going to Paris for our honeymoon, and someone gave us French 
Francs. Saved our butt with the taxi, but you've got to be sure that they open
your present _before_ the vacation.
	Mez

	A friend of mine wrote a play in which the following lines (paraphrased)
appear:

	"Be sure to invite at least 20% of the people from far enough away that
they won't come to the wedding, but will send a gift."

	I'm pretty cynical about weddings.  I hate buying wedding presents.

	I bought my sister the remaining wine glasses she registered for.
Her mother-in-law bought them two.  When I told the woman in the store I 
would fill out the set, she said to me "do you realize they cost $xx each?"
I said "yes" and she said "that's a very nice wedding gift."  Hey, hopefully
it isn't every day my sister gets married.

	I bought my longtime friend a brass piano lamp for his spinet.

	I can't even remember what I bought for my ex-housemate's wedding -
probably wine glasses.

	There are a couple of people in my life for whom I would be able to
pick out something that I know they would like.  They are also the people
for whom I would scrounge my pennies to buy a gift and max my credit cards
to attend their weddings.

	Supposedly knives are bad luck to give as gifts.  Wouldn't really bother
me - a good knife set is a great thing to receive.

	My suggestion would be:  If they're from a different part of the
country, buy something uniquely New England.  Pewter is a good choice.
Cranberry glass.  I'm sure there are lots of other things, but this note
is long enough...

	Good luck D!, and I don't envy you.  I'm old enough now that most
of my friends are either married or seem destined to stay single for a while
longer.

						--D

    
    see also:
    
    
    WEDDINGS notesfile
    14 - wedding gift ideas
    
    
    
    -Jody
    

    
    One more suggestion...
    
    We bought our best friends a cordless telephone.  Appropriate 
    too, if they're long-distance friends - when they see the phone
    they'll think of you and maybe they'll call!
    
    Good luck,
    NLD

    Two nice gifts that I received for my wedding:
    
    	A brass/glass clock (battery) that we've now had on our mantel
    	for years.
    
    	A Polaroid instamatic(sp?) camera that we took on the honeymoon
    (and was promptly stolen at the airport :-)
    
    

    D!, I have two set presents that I usually buy:

    	- A very nice answering machine, complete with day/date time stamp

    			OR

    	- A set of wooden (usually oak if I can find it) TV trays

    Both usually cost a little over $100.00 each, and you may not want to
    spend that much, however, they do make nice gifts...

    Gale

    
    D!
    
    Boy do I have some ideas for you!  I was just married 4 weeks ago.  We
    were thrilled with all the money we got, so money would be great.  (The
    "standard" amount, if attending is $40-100, usually $50. If you're not
    attending then less is fine.  If you're single, then $25 is quite
    appropriate.)
    
    By the way, odds are they'll love your gift.  We had 95 people come and
    out of all of our gifts we only really disliked 2 of them.  (Some
    bizarre, one-of-a-kind Italien candlestick and 2 candle lamps where the
    shades actually sat on the candle.)  I would recommend against several
    things :
    	- buying any glassware or china that doesn't match their pattern.
    	(You can call and get their pattern name.  Kitchen Etc in Nashua
    and Ross Simons Jewelers in RI have the best prices.)
    	- candlesticks, we got 6 pairs!
    	- anything really unique, unless you know they'll like it.
    
    Some suggestions :
    
    	Find out how many placesettings of china they're registered for and
    then buy that many matching napkins and a tablecloth.  (or make them)
    	A picture frame, pewter, crystal, brass, silver ...
    	An after-honeymoon kit : body oils, champagne, rubber bath pillows, 
    bubble bath.
    	Lamps.
    	Go up to the Lenox outlet in Kittery, NH and get any vase. 
    (They've got TONS of them.)  You could also call up a flower shop in
    their area and buy a small gift certificate for them from that shop. 
    (So they can put flowers in the vase.)
    
    
    Rachael
    
    PS: and have fun buying!!!
    

    I think the good knives referred to some notes back is Zwillig-Henkels. 
    Good knives, but they do come in more than one quality.  Buying any good
    knife is tricky because even the best knifemakers have different
    lines of varying quality.
    
    The superstition is that a gift knife will cut the receiver so its
    necessary to "pay" the giver a penny per knife.
    
    All the suggestions about presents and debate about money gives me an
    idea.  How about one of those nifty little picture frames with a
    picture of a president in it?  The frame is useful for a favorite
    wedding photo, and the president?  Well, folding presidents is
    a great activity when the honeymoon is over.  :^)  Specially if the
    president is green on one side.
    
    --Margaret
    

    I made distant friends of our a skirt for their Christmas tree and a
    whole collection of ornaments.  (I knew they celebrated Christmas and
    the ornaments were a set that I had designed and sold for a number of
    years, made of felt so they wouldn't break in transit).
    
    They in turn gave us matching duffle bags, towels and cologne because
    we have a commuter marriage.
    
    Dondi

    I guess  I should have known that there was a weddings notes file,
    but can you tell me where it lives?

    Also, you  can  get  slightly better prices for dishes at Dish 'n'
    Dat (in Natick, Swampscott or Burlington) than at Kitchens Etc.

--David

    It's at LAB::WEDDINGS.
    
    -Jody
    

    One gift we have used a few times is giving one of those small portable
    gas grills, and a gift certificate to a local butcher shop for
    something to cook on it.  
    
    cin
    

    One thing to remember is not to inflict your taste on the reciever. 
    You may think 'country' is the greatest decor since time began and the
    reciever me be into 'art deco'.  Always check to see if the couple is
    registered. Some registry systems include the decor and basic colors
    for each room, such as blue and white bath, yellow and white kitchen,
    or whatever. Also if you can't afford to buy the china or crystal, go
    and see what it looks like so that you might compliment it with
    something less expensive.  Be careful buying table cloths, unless you
    know the table size and shape, It's really a shame to have a beautiful
    rectangeled cloth and a round table. 
    
    I have worked with brides and registrys over the years and one of the
    biggest problems has been the purchaser hates the brides taste and they
    refuse to buy things from the list.  I have seen couples come back to
    the store with shopping bags full of nonlisted things for refunds. If
    there isn't a coffee pot on the list it's probably because they
    already have one. You aren't doing them a favor buying another. 
    
    

I'm surprised no one's mentioned it (though perhaps it's implied in finding out
whether they're registered?) but um, well, you could always write or phone them
and *ask* them what they want.  Could also a nice opportunity to catch up a bit 
if it's been a long time.  :-)  Don't worry, you probably won't be the only one
who's wondering - or who's asked!

		Helen

    Helen's right.  It's  wonderful  to  hear  from old friends who we
    won't  have much of a chance to talk to at the wedding. Any excuse
    to talk to them is a pleasure.

--David

    
    Another one I've used: if they own a house, give them a tree
    for their yard to plant.

    Six years ago, our most welcome wedding gifts were:
    
    1.  Cash,
    2.  A coffee maker with a timer (we both drink coffee & we both work),
    3.  A "some assembly required" bentwood rocking chair,
    4.  Quilts.
    
    -Lynn T.

    The best wedding gift that I got when I got married last Oct. was
    a gift certificate for a night's stay at a Bed & Breakfast.  It was 
    good for almost a year so we didn't use it until last month.  It was
    wonderful!!
    
    Most bookstores have books listing bed and breakfast places (or inns)
    around the country.  
    
    My second favorite gift was $$$, because we spent a lot on our wedding
    and it was a real relief to know that we could continue paying our
    bills with peace of mind.
    
    Christine
    

    
    	Since my husband and I lived together for a year and a half
    	before we got married, there really wasn't alot that we needed.
    
    	So money was the best thing that we received.  We purchased
    	a new dining set with it and still had plenty left over.
    
    	The mosy unique item we got was a gift certificate
    	from Ticketron to be used on whatever show we wish.
    
    	JJ