Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    
    "...because I said so!"

    This is my house and if you don't like it, don't let the door hit you
    in the ass on the way out.

"you know son, I was married at 22."

    I remember my Dad always used to say, in his quiet way
                                              
    WHERE THE &)#%$#(*&^ HELL ARE MY SOCKS!!???!!!!

	"Let me get my better half."

					clb

	"It's a wimram to keep the water out of the cellar."


{ Dialog usually went like this:

	"What's that?"

	"It's a wimram to keep the water out of the cellar."

	"It is not!"

	"How do you know?  You didn't know what it is."

	"There's no such thing as a wimram"

	"Sure there is -- do you see any water in the cellar?"

	"No"

	"See - it works!"

}

    
     The usual dadisms one hears as a teenager:
    
    "That skirt is too short."
    
    "Don't stay out too late."
    
    "What kind of car does he drive?"    ;^)
    
     
    
    

"The best crop around here every year is field stones." 

"Ask your mother."

"Yup, yup, 'bout the same."

Kathy

    
    daddy, what're you doing?
    'playing tiddly-winks with manhole covers'
    
    also
    
    'people don't cry enough'
    

    Nan!  Where are my socks?
    
    (he'd kill me if he saw this!)
    
    

    my dad used to refer to something as
    'a mere bag of shells'
    
    It wasn't until I got into highschool french that I figured out
    the origins of that one.
    
    another one was "lets don't and say we did"
    
    BJ

    
    "why would I lie?"
    
    uttered indignantly while my mother, brother, and I rolled our
    eyes in disbelief after one of his elaborate stories.  =8-)
    
    Carla
    

    For some strange reason, whenever I had a date Dad always wanted to
    know, "What does his father do?" as if the fact that his father was a
    XXX made it likely that my date had inherited the XXX genes or
    something.
    
    My Dad's thought processes never were terribly grounded in logic.
    
    Sigh!
    
    Nanci 

 re .16. I studied Spanish.  No comprendo.  Care to give us French illiterates 
a clue?

	Whenever anybody would forget to do something:

	"If you would just write yourself a note..."

	(My response:  "I did. I lost the note." :-) )


	And a variation on the milk bottles.  Whoever drink the last Coke had 
to go out to the shed and get another bottle to put in the fridge, so you'd 
often hear Dad bellowing:

	"Who left a sixteenth of an inch of coke in the bottle!!!!"


Tracey  

    After he burped, my Dad would say "To the rear, dear"

    The French expression is 'a mere bagatelle' which essentially
    means that the thing in question isn't worth worrying about.
    
    BJ

    My father had a few mannerisms which annoyed the hell out of
    everyone...
    
    One was, whenever anyone said something like "I'm cold", or "I'm
    hungry" or whatever...
    
    Dad would stick out his hand and say "I'm Michael, glad to meet you."
    
    If you tried to outsmart him by saying "I feel hungry" he'd reach out
    and pinch you and say
    
    "You feel like a person to me!"
    
    Arg.  He still does this.
    
    D!

I don't remember anything particularly that my father said, but my father in law
has some gems, I particularly liked:

	"Non non dixit Winnie Ille Pu" while shaking his finger at you
	admonishingly.

Non non dixit Winnie Ille Pu is latin for  "No, no, I'm Winne *the* Pooh",
but he puts the emphasis on the "non non" insteand of the "ille". If you don't
get it, that's ok, it's not supposed to make sense. (The book "Winnie Ille Pu"
is great though!)

He has a whole bunch of things like that, almost always non-sequiturs, often
horrible puns, sometimes in (mangled) foreign languages. He speaks the languages
quite well usually, but enjoys mangling them.

I'll try to remember some of the others.

	-- Charles

    
    	"i'd rather owe it to you than cheat you out of it".

    One Sunday night I called home and ended up speaking to Dad.  His last
    words before he said good-bye were "I love you."
    
    He died of a heart attack the next day.  It's nice to know those were
    his very last words to me.
    
    Linda
    

"It's my chair and no one sits in it but me when I'm home." liesl

    whenever I said "Ow! My head/arm/knee/whatever hurts" my dad would say:
    
    "does your face hurt?"
    "no"
    "Well it's killing me!!  AHHHHHHHAHAHA!"
    
    
    (I later learned to respond "yes", but that still didn't stop him -
     "well it's killing me too!!!!! ")
    
    Laf
    

  [upon hearing or reading about any award or recognition of my worth
    (and no, I'm not going to list them!):]

		"Well, you sure fooled *them*!"


Bobbi "deadlines don't care about your achievements" Fox

    "I hope to spit in your messkit" (I think he cleaned up an Army
    expression) meaning roughly "you bet your ass".

    To me:
    	"Don't get pressed out of your bra."
    
    To my brothers:
    	"Don't get your pants in a bunch."
    
    To my mother:
    	"Don't you think it's time we put some pants on <name of brother>.
    	Look what he just drug through the gravy."
    
    Mary

    
    "Don't Panic"
    
    "Julia, where did you hide the <whatever he was looking for at the
    time>"
    
    
    Miriam
    
    

    Whenever I got hurt and cried, he'd say
    "I didn't feel a thing!"
    
    or if I fell down,
    
    "Did you see the hole you put in the floor?"
    
    

    "You'll be a man before your mother." I don't know why. He just did. I
    know what it means, I just don't know why he liked to use it.
    
    Phil

    Ithink the best is my stepfather, standing in front of the fridge,
    looking for the orange juice...
    
    Sherry, where the hell is the juice?
    
    It's always right behind the milk dear...
    
    Oh, I didn't look BEHIND anything...
    
    
    
    Always good for a laugh!
    
    Jill
    

    "You should take that typing course so you'll have something to fall
    back on."
    
    

    "Keep your eye on the ball and swing through."   I've been saying this
    a lot lately to my sons and husband.
    
    Dondi

"If it was a snake it woulda bit 'cha."

"You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached."


	Now I remember!
	-- Charles

    "He didn't know his butt from first base"  (always past tense)
    
    "He doesn't know up from apple butter"  (always present tense)
    
    "He smelled like Hogan's goat"  (I still haven't figured this one out)
    
    
    
    Nanci

    
    	After checking with Dad numerous times about where the various
    	grocery items should go in the refrigerator (after shopping 
    	with him):
    
    		"Dad, how do I know which things to put in the freezer?"
    
    		"Many are cold, but few are frozen."
    

    "I don't smell a thing."
    
    "It's not that bad."
    
    "Mother, get that dog outta the house."
    
    One of these always followed the passing of gas, while us kids ran
    from the livingroom.
    
    He also had a few other gems...like...
    
    "Where are my keys? Where is my necktie? Where is my briefcase?"
    
    And while most of the time us kids were pretty good about helping
    him locate these lost items...he always replied with "Wasn't my
    turn to babysit it,"  whenever we were looking for something...

    D!, I can't believe that, my dad did that too!
    
    >>One was, whenever anyone said something like "I'm cold", or "I'm
    >>hungry" or whatever...
     
    >>Dad would stick out his hand and say "I'm Michael, glad to meet you."
    
    My dad's was just a little bit different...
    he would answer 
    "I'm Dad, nice to meet you."
    
    eventually my sister and I would answer
    
    "I would rather be cold(what ever) then Dad".. weren't we just 
    soo cute  :-)
    
    Amy

    	Another one of Dad's grocery shopping sillies - (he pronounced the
    	word "GROK-eries" by the way...)

    	When he wrote the shopping list, he wrote the items out phonetically
    	(by using other words.)  For example, "Kleenex" would be written
    	"Clean necks."

    	No one in the family could decipher Dad's list except me - even my
    	Mother couldn't make it through more than one or two items.

    	I guess I just had a feeling for Dad's sense of humor.  ;^)

    RE: D! and Amy

    	Yeah, my dad used those lines as well.  Then again, Dad used
    to constantly come out with some real strange lines, none of which
    are coming to mind at the moment! :^)

    	'Course then there were the pun-fests...we could go for hours
    punning on one topic or another...

    	amy

    amy-
    
    How about after I stepped kicked his foot (in soccer) or something -
    "Don't worry I have another one just like it" Now, I hear myself
    saying that!  If someone accidently stepps on my foot, or I
    jamb my finger...
    
    Ugh, I am sounding like my father and looking like my mother,
    what is a woman to do?
    
    Amy :-)

    How about " you better stop crying before I give you something to cry
    about".
    
    or "Look at me when I'm talking to you".

    My all-time fave,  "My feet don't smell!!!"
    
    Usually the stench is soooo bad, it could peel wallpaper.
    
    Tony S.

     <<< Note 525.4 by NUPE::HAMPTON "Still rubbing me the right way!!" >>>

>  "you know son, I was married at 22."


I like the "Garfield" version of this...


Father:  You know when I was your age I was married with a child

Son:     That was me!

pause

Father:  Good argument!.. but I still think you should get married

    
    "You'd make a lousy window"
    
    Said as we blocked his view of the TV
     

    These aren't exactly quotes, but more daddism that used to drive Mom
    (the family grammatician) crazy.
    
    He *insisted* that pants and scissors were not plural, so he would say
    "Hand me the scissor" or "I'll put on my pant now."
    
    Also, he figured that all negated words must have related unnegated
    word...so he would often use words such as "ept" and "couth".
    
    Probably Dad's most frequently spoken word (to me) was "Practice!"
    (usually in reference to my clarinet, but other things, too.)
    
    D!

    "You don't hold your mouth right." This is referring to the times I was
    trying to do tasks that required concious eye-hand coordination, such
    as threading a needle or planting seeds and trying to get them spaced
    properly. The kind that require major grimacing to accomplish. 
    
    Phil

Usually said when frustrated about someone (personally known or otherwise)-
  "Oh, Fer crying' out loud! What do they think this is? Anyway?"

Usually said to us kids who might be pigging out on before dinner snacks -
  "Why don't you have a little discretion?"
  (To which we'd reply "Thanks - I will", taking another handful. My brother
   refers to chips 'n dip as "discretion" to this day - aged 46.)

-Jack

	Something has to be VERY dry to be referred to as: (said with a
	heavy Maine accent)

	"Dryer'n a popcorn faht"

	It has to be VERY hot to be referred to as:

	"Hotter'n Tofey"

	By the way, none of us could figure out what "Tofey" was.  Asking
	Dad got us nowhere.


	Sue

    what the hell do you shave with a saw?????????????
    

Re: "window"

	"You'd make a better door than a window..." was my father's variant.


							--D

    I used to get 'you may be a pain but I can't see through you'.
    
    in re 'Tofey' - I think it is derived from 'tophet' and is a Biblical
    term, perhaps a synonym for hell.
    
    Bonnie

    Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
    

	"He who makes the rules, breaks the rules"

	BTW, my Dad used that "I'm hungry", "I'm XXX glad to meet you hungry"
	line too.  They all must have gone to the same Daddy school.

	Mary

    Re: .56
    
    That was the rest of it!  "You're a terrific pane, but you'd make a 
    lousy window."
    
    Janet                      

    
    1:  "There's nothing you could do that your mother and I haven't
    already done"  - boy did I prove him wrong on this one!  ; )
    
    2:  "There's nothing you can do that SOMEONE won't know about"
    - this one still scares me!
    
    Jackie

    	Ray's note about what time is it in the "lines from Mother" 
    topic reminded me of one...

    	When we'd ask my dad what time it was and he wasn't wearing
    his watch, the answer was:

    	"Oh, a hair past a freckle"

    amy

    
    
    Never play poker with a guy named "Doc", never eat in a place called
    "Mom's", and always count your change, Son, always count your change.

When we were having family arguments about what to do (like where to go out to
eat or some such) my dad would say, "Let's take a vote". The options would be
stated and we'd vote. Then my dad would decide what he wanted to do with no
regard to the vote and then he'd tell us,

    "this is just to remind you, our family is not a democracy". liesl

	Ah, our family was a democracy, of sorts...

	-Each of the children (3) had 1 vote each.

	-Mom had 4 votes

	-Dad had 8 votes


				--D

    "There's room for improvement" when we brought home a report
     card with, for example, 4 A's and one A-.
    
    "I guess we'll have to amputate at the neck"  when we complained
    about any injury or illness that was less than life-threatening
    
    "Where's the rest of it?" when I or my sisters dressed up in an
    evening gown - strapless was the style when I was in high school.
    
    "You're too young"
    
    Whenever we started a sentence with "I don't think...", he 
    would interrupt to say "then don't talk" 
    
    Ah, the memories.
    
    Pat

    I've noticed that many people have entered "Where's my ..."
    routine questions from fathers. My father had many of those, too,
    and the most common was "Where's my cap?" (headgear is a necessity
    much of the year in Ireland). For years my mother looked for it or
    asked one of us to help him find it. Long after I left home, I
    heard from my brothers and sisters that one day instead, she
    said "I don't know. Which of us was wearing it last?"
    
    This is one of our family jokes that someone always tells at
    every reunion. As I write it now, it doesn't seem all that funny
    really. We must tell it because it means so much that my mother
    changed. And the kids said that even my father laughed.
    
    Eileen  

    Always certain to get me going when I was younger:
    
    Do you bring your lunch to work,
    
    or take the bus?
    
    (*8
    
    E Grace

    
    
    
    			"Goodbye!"
    
    
    I was seven.
    
    
    
    Barb

    "                               "
    pretty good advice eh?  What a man... wish I could see him..... so I
    could waste him!

    
    not exactly something my father said, but it came to me last night
    as i was conducting a movement from holst's 'the planets' that it
    was my father who introduced that piece to me. he's not a musician,
    he taught high school science: he used to play it for his students 
    and ask them to guess which 'planet' was which. he just retired
    this year and it's one of those melancholy things that i never got
    to see him teach.
    

	My father often compared me to:

	"A bull in a china shop."

    "People are all the same deep inside."
    
    Man, was he full of sh*t.

    Politics makes STRANGE bedfellows
    
                                _______
                                |||||||
    				 -   -
				(o) (o)    
			       O|  ^  |O
				| \-/ |
				 `---'
    

    phone rings.  Dad answers:
    
    Dad: "Duffy's Tavern, where d'Elite Meet to Eat, Archie d'manager
    	  speakin', Duffy ain't here!"
    
    caller: "<sputter> <sputter> huh?"
    
    Dad: "Oh!  It's YOU, Duffy!"
    
    caller hangs up in bewilderment
    

    and...
    
    The road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.
    
    Hit it again, dammit, it's still alive!

    re .75
    
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    
    Our Dads must have been clones!
    
    :-)
    
    Nanci

    
    my father hates talking on the phone.
    
    he used to own a grey chrysler.
    
    his mechanic had red hair.
    
    this led to the only time i've seen my father smile on the phone:
    
    'red? white. grey?' 
    

    that I should protect my sister by making sure that young men she went
    out with were the right kind...
    
    I never took any action, believing that it was and is her life, and
    that her judgement is at least equal to mine...

    	When I would say "I beg your pardon", Dad would reply with
    "Don't beg - you're old enough to steal."

    	amy