[Search for users] [Overall Top Noters] [List of all Conferences] [Download this site]

Conference turris::womannotes-v2

Title:ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE
Notice:V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:REGENT::BROOMHEAD
Created:Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1105
Total number of notes:36379

653.0. "Need for privacy or just territorial?" by DELNI::P_LEEDBERG (Memory is the second) Fri Jun 16 1989 16:17


	It is late spring and I am almost past the "I need a garden"
	stage of the year but this year I have discussed buying a
	house with a garden more seriously.  My son is only using my
	home for storage between moves and probably won't be "really"
	living with me again.  Greta is working towards going to
	California this fall/winter to go to college, once she goes
	I am sure she won't be back to live with me again.  So sometime
	in the very near future I will have an empty nest again (oh
	yeah Greta is taking her friends with her).

	In the past I have bought a house with my first husband - that
	partnership didn't work for many reasons.  Now I am in the
	postition to wonder if maybe I can't share living space with
	anyone.  (Greta has made the comment that I am VERY territorial
	but then she thinks that the world has already done a SET/SHARE.)

	I identify my behavior as a VERY strong need for privacy and
	that I need at least two rooms to call my own (one for sleeping
	and one for working).  I am now wondering if others have had
	to deal with someone who was extremely territorial/ or if they
	are "this way" how they deal with it.  Do I live alone for the
	rest of my life?  Or is this all just a reaction to having lived
	part of my life with two teenagers and all I need is an adjustment
	period?

	_peggy

		(-)	
		 |
			The older I get the more questions I have.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
653.2general weirdnessDECWET::JWHITEGod>Love>Blind>Ray Charles>GodFri Jun 16 1989 18:208
    
    re:.0
    fwiw, i have found that most of the people i know (including myself),
    when they are basically content with their lives, tend to get more,
    shall we say, 'eccentric'. fortunately, and i have no doubt this is
    true in your case, most of these people have become better people as
    they have become more eccentric: stronger, more open and honest, more
    fun, etc. 
653.3kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, den,....SA1794::CHARBONNDI'm the NRAFri Jun 16 1989 18:275
    re.0 Peggy, you sound perfectly normal to me. But only
    *two* rooms ? You must be an ascetic ! 8-)
    
    Dana (oldest of six kids, *never* enough privacy)
    
653.4A compliment by any name.DELNI::P_LEEDBERGMemory is the secondFri Jun 16 1989 20:4219
   > But only
   > *two* rooms ? You must be an ascetic ! 8-)
    
    Dana,

	I was the middle of 7 so I learned not to ask for
	toooo much room but then I did say at least.  

	As far as being 'eccentric' I would guess that I
	am a bit 'eccentric'.

	_peggy

		(-)
		 |
			The natural state of being is
			Change - it is the only constant.
    

653.5Only mamma bear lives here....HAMSTR::IRLBACHERnot yesterday's woman, todayMon Jun 19 1989 18:3426
    I live alone now in the house where my late husband and I brought
    up 4 children, several cats, and 100 friends per child.  Lots of
    space; I find spiders in corners in rooms I seldom enter now...
    
    I lived with someone for awhile, and he moved out because neither
    of us could deal with so much togetherness.  My son moved in for
    about 5 months last fall, and by Christmas I knew it *was never
    going to work* and he's gone.
    
    Living alone for me is absolutely lovely.  I cannot imagine ever
    living with someone again, *EVER*.  The total freedom to come/go
    do as I please, never having to think about anyone else is like
    a strong drink.  I get giddy just thinking of being so free.
    
    And I feel very possessive and territorial.  Doing the things that
    need to be done, caring for the house and yard, gives me such a
    sense of independence and competence that I actually got into an
    argument once over who was taking *my* garbage can out to the end of
    the driveway for the truck to pick up!  My garbage, my job.
    
    I have re-read this.  It sounds *awful* but it is the truth.  So
    I will let it stand.
    
    M
    
    
653.6CSC32::WOLBACHMon Jun 19 1989 18:5014
    .5
    
    Why do you think your note sounds "awful"?  I sensed peace
    and contentment in reading your note.  It sounds as if you
    have experienced the best of both worlds, and have relished
    each of them in their time,place...
    
    Most of all, I sensed soul-searching and an exploration of
    your own feelings.  I respect and admire you for living the
    life that is best for you!
    
    Deb
    
    
653.7encore!!!CSCOA3::ELLIS_SWed Jun 21 1989 23:5114
    I'm new to this conference, and this is the first topic that caught
    my eye.  Boy, do I feel better!!!  I was beginning to think I was
    the only "loner" left alive!!  After going through a husband and
    a couple of live-in SO's, I've realized that the only beings I can
    live peacefully with are the furry, four-legged kind.  And I'm
    perfectly content with that.  Occasionally my friends and relations
    express their concerns, and only then do I worry - a little.  I
    never worry enough to change, though, so I must not be too concerned!!
    
    Thanks, girls, for the boost!!!  We loners have to stick together
    (huh???!!!)  8-}       
    
    Sharon in Atlanta  (with 4-legged Smokey)
     
653.8HANDY::MALLETTBarking Spider IndustriesThu Jun 22 1989 15:1111
    A couple of random thoughts:
    
    My friend Angela's mom once said "No two people were ever *meant*
    to live together" and I have to admit that I identify pretty 
    strongly with that idea.  
    
    And it may just be an early onset of senility, but I've come to 
    believe that if I ever live with another person again, our "perfect" 
    house will be a duplex. . .
    
    Steve