Conference turris::womannotes-v2

               
    	I have. It cuts through a lot of the "uncertainty" in meeting
    people through your "normal" avenues. If you can trust and believe
    what someone is writing, you get to see in rather concrete terms
    just what someone is, aspires to be and wants in life. This is usually
    indicated in the first exchange letter - the ads are merely indicators
    of interest possibility.
    
    	Apart from that, it's quite like any other way of meeting someone.
    I can write a good reply when I want to, and have been told that
    - for some reason - *my* reply stood out apart and above from all
    the rest; some 50 other letters. I attribute this perception to
    a subjective feel the person perhaps had upon reading my letter,
    which didnt occur (for her) apparently when she read the others.
    (I did not enclose a picture)
    
    	What difference does that make? I claim it's the same as the
    subjective 'feel' one might get upon seeing "Mr Right" or whatever
     - the only difference is the evaluative metric; the usual being
    a visual input, in this case, it's a matter of wording. You can
    tell a lot about a person simply by observing their choice of context.
    You can tell things by looking at their presentation; it is honest?
    Spotless? Sloppy_like_they_dont_really_care_anyway? Does it seem
    "them" or is it all a bunch of what everyone says, in a "canned"
    form_letter manner?
    
    	I think advertizing one's availability is smart and a positive
    step for someone to take in proactively securing for themselves
    a relationship they feel they deserve.
    
    	Joe Jas

    Try HIT::SINGLES

	Some people have a powerful avoidance of rejection mechanism
	that can virtually shut them off from approaching prospective
	friends. Avenues such as described in .0 provide the "permission"
	some people need to placate that rejection avoidance mechanism.
	This may account for some of the people who use these methods.

	Anything that gets people together is, in my opinion, a good 
	thing. The sad thing is that there are people who abuse 
	these methods of meeting people.

						Tom_K

A bunch of years ago, I responded to a couple of Phoenix ads, ended up
with two or three dates, but no relationships.

One of the ads was interesting and a lot of fun: four women offered Sunday
Brunch to four (lucky) men.  I was the only guy without a PhD.  The women
were all pleasant, but no sparks flew.  One of the other guys ended up
doing the cooking.

There are better places to meet singles, such as the Boston Barleyhoppers:
we jog about a mile from the Bull and Finch to another bar, have a beer
(about 1/3 don't drink), and jog back.  Some of us run competitively,
others just jog.  (Monday nights at 7:30 behind the Bull and Finch -- Cheers
-- Pub in Boston.)

Martin.

    I've placed ads for myself in `personals' columns, and answered
    some as well.  I met some nice women, but nothing that I was interested
    in persuing.  These days I run the SINGLES conference, so I use
    that.
    
    The medium provides a method for people who have difficulty approaching
    others to meet people.  It also fills a need for those that are not
    interested in visiting bars/singles joints.  Also, with people trying
    to fit 25 hours worth of activity into a 24 hour day it provides
    a way to meet people without having to be in the same place at the
    same time.
    
    Singles ads are a way of introducing yourself to a large number
    of potential new friends.
    
    Rich

    My husband and I have a very dear friend who is one of the nicest
    guys around... but very shy, until you get to know him.  He answered
    one of those ads, on a whim.  He met the writer on the 3rd of July,
    and got engaged in December.  They will be married this year, I
    think in October.  If he hadn't answered her ad, he would still
    be "single", and wondering why he was.  The only people he ever
    really feels confortable with from the first, are railroad people.
    Kim is not railroad people, but she is learning to be.  They really
    are good for each other!

    I placed a personal ad in the single notesfile 2 years ago. I got
    a few responses, and wound up marrying one of the guys that responded.
    
    We communicatied over the net for about a month before we met. We
    knew that we had alot in common and enjoyed each others company
    before we ever layed eyes on each other. I think that personalls
    are a great way to meet people because you know from the start that
    the other person is not just interested in the superficial things.
    
    
    Dee 

	 I'm not anywhere NEAR being shy, but I do love to meet new
	 people and see what makes them tick!  The SINGLES conference
	 is perhaps the best thing I've found!  I now have friends all
	 over the world and I can learn and try to understand
	 different cultures and different ways of life!

	 It's such a blast "meeting" friends like this!

	 kath
	 

    I think the Dating Pages type publications as well as Video Dating
    are here to stay. I wonder how myself and many of my DEC single
    friends would have found our SO's is it weren't for SINGLES. To
    me it is a DEC singles norm rather than an oddity. So for those
    people that don't work here, why not another matching service.
    
    You are only increasing the variety and volume of people you meet.
    I don't think it has alot to do with being shy anymore, it's a welcome
    opportunity in this fast paced society.
    
    I for one would never have met my SO who lives in another state,
    an hour away from me. Not a chance of us running into each other
    in this company. 
    
    Gail
   
    

    I would like to echo most of the sentiments found here. Dating services
    ("blind" or video), dating magazines, personal ads, etc are just
    alternative ways of meeting people. There is no one right way because
    all of us are unique individuals. Personally, I like having more
    and more options available to me. It is my choice which one to use.
    
    Some people feel cheated or disappointed when a particular method
    doesn't work. But there are no guarantees. The method is only in
    place to facilitate a "meet". You have to do the rest. If the first,
    second, or even tenth new person doesn't pan out, hang in there.
    At least you are putting yourself out there instead of becoming
    a candidate for "nothing ventured, nothing gained". Dating services
    only help to expedite the process and speed things up a bit, which
    for many people is a very valuable service.
    
    When you think about the amount of time and effort you put into
    educating yourself or developing a career, isn't finding your life's
    soulmate worth that kind of attention also? Unfortunately, as we
    get older and have more responsibilities, there seems to be little
    time left for ourselves. What free time there is available is competed
    for very heavily by health clubs, social organizations, new age
    interests, TV, movies, etc. We all have to prioritize what we do
    with such precious free time. If finding someone to share your life
    with is top on your list, it's nice to know there are so many ways
    to go about doing this. 
    
    I once had some experience with a video dating service and was overall
    very pleased with the women I met through that service. I liked
    the video format because you could "see" and "hear" the person in
    their own words. You did not have to trust someone else to match
    you up based on a printed standard questionaire. The video advantage
    relieved a lot of the anxiety coupled with "blind" dating. And it
    saved a lot of time. I could eliminate the "no-chemistry" deadends
    up front. This kind of service also tends to attract a high caliber
    client. It seems they were all professional, confident, and willing
    to invest a relatively small sum of money for such a potentially
    huge payoff. I hear there will soon be such a service in So. NH.
    
    If nothing else, as Kathy says, you meet a lot of interesting people
    and sometimes broaden your horizons a little. 
    
    Listen to your heart. It will always tell you what is right for
    you. The opinions of others are just that - opinions.
    
    Brian