Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Answer a question with a question...
    
    Didn't you say you have kids? Well, there you go... :-)
    
    Mark

    
    
    Well, have you checked your garbage disposal?  If not there,
    try the garden (but only if you have resident children)....
    The broom is under the bed.  It was left there from the last
    time someone had to reach that missing sock that was juuuust
    ooout of arms reach...
    
    By the way, you didn't ask, but in case you are wondering why
    you can never find a pen-check between the waterbed mattress
    and frame...that is, if you have children that like to read
    and write and draw before the go to sleep at night.  
    
    Now, where did I put my new gloves?
    
    Deborah
    
    

    
    I concur with .1.  I used to ask the same question, until I lived
    alone.  None of my spoons has ever disappeared.  Now, socks and
    towels are another matter ...
    
    							-- Mikey

    
    hope i don't spoil anything with a serious answer.
    
    i'd say spoons are the most commonly used utensil and therefor
    the chance of misplacing them is greater.
    of course, i have heard of the spoon industry conspiracy.  They
    make their spoons so that they miraculously disinigrate after a
    certain time, leaving no trace whatsoever.
    

    When the family gets together missing spoons can generally
    be found hanging from someone's nose.  We have been known
    to spend many a holiday dinner hanging spoons off our
    noses and making the crystal sing.
    
    Nanci

    Maybe the Faries or teddy bears are using them for their Garden.
    As for towels, either Ida No or "those bad monsters you keep in
    the closet" (quote from a three-year-old) seem to wad them up under
    my teenagers bed, still wet.  Monsters must take a lot of showers.

    
    I believe Harry took them.  Harry was my third brother who wasn't.
    But he was responsible for many, many things.  I believe spoons
    was one of them.

<    Maybe the Faries or teddy bears are using them for their Garden.
<    As for towels, either Ida No or "those bad monsters you keep in
<    the closet" (quote from a three-year-old) seem to wad them up under
<    my teenagers bed, still wet.  Monsters must take a lot of showers.



       This is true, I swear (get the bible). The county clerk (Douglas
       county, Colorado) that signed my marriage license had the name

	IDA MAY NOE. Could you hear her if she had been in basic
       training...

       TI - OK troop, what's your name

       IMN - Ida Noe, sir

    Many years ago as a Field Service Engineer, I took a course called
    "Analytical Trouble-shooting" originally developed by Kepner-Tregoe.
    As one of our assignments, we were asked to come up with the reason
    socks disappear in the wash.  Believe it or not (shades of Ripley),
    the only solution to fit the problem was the acceptance of the fact
    there really is a Sock Fairy, who removes socks from the washing
    machine (10 pairs in, 9.5 pairs out) and leaves money (there is
    always change at the bottom of the washer when socks disappear!)
    
    We thought it was a hoot!
    
    Otto.

I've heard on good authority that they're the larval phase of the rusty
bicycles you find in the garage in the spring.

Or, was that the coat-hangers?

M.

Spoons get lost in those tupperware thingys full of leftovers in the 'fridge.
Then they get thrown out when those leftovers turn into blobs of mold. Then of
course some of them disappear into the ice cream. Knives on the other hand,
get thrown out with empty pizza boxes.

Jenna

    But paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers.
    
    Bonnie

    The spoons might have been stolen by those black and white birds
    (don't know the name); they love shiny things, so you better give
    them something else. Socks come in pairs, so there's divorces, too.
    And the towels - you'll probably find them among your dust cloths,
    but maybe you won't recognize them at first sight...
    pony
     +
    

    My hub and I bought 30 pencils, 30 pens and 2 rulers less than a
    year ago.  Now we have 10 pencils, 6 pens and 1 ruler.  And we don't
    have kids.
    
    There was an episode of (New Twilight Zone?  New Alfred Hitchcock?)
    a coupla years ago, about people who set up each minute.  Occasionally
    they would forget to place something just right for one minute,
    but would remember the next time.  Now whenever we can't find something
    (like our missing 20 pencils, 24 pens and ruler), we say that the
    "minute people" screwed up again.
    
    And I am proud to say that I am only missing one tablespoon.
    
    K.C.

    I do believe that The Borrowers have my kitchen screw drivers.
    They are the little people who live under the floorboards in
    every house.  They only come out at night and only borrow what
    they need.
    
    On the other hand the towels must be alive and metamorphize into
    the grey/black greasy thing behind the dirt bike in the cellar.
    
    I am not too happy that Ida Noe taught my dog that so many items
    are to be considered roughage to my dog!  I think last year my
    sister sent me a homemade fruitcake via UPS.  All I saw were bits
    of aluminum foil, Christmas wrapping paper and a torn cardboard
    box!

    Bonnie-
    
    Let's see if I've got this right...
    
     Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers, which are the
    pupal stage of bicycles. Right? :-)
    
    Mark

    Well I'm open to other suggestions.... :-)
    
    Bonnie

    Socks - that's easy.  Every load or two of wash, one of the socks
    is sucked out through a black hole into a parallel universe.  It
    returns through a related black hole, having undergone some sort
    of universal transmutation, and appears as dust bunnies under the
    bed.
    
    

    The answer to the socks problem is simple. Safety pin them together.
    This way you either lose the whole pair or none at all. I've used
    it for years. The only socks I lose now are sweat socks. My wife
    steals them to keep her feet warm at night and never pins them together
    before washing. The answer to that is to give her warm socks for
    Christmas. This works until they go the way of all un-pinned socks. :-)
    
    		Alfred

    RE: paper clips and coat hangers
    
    Wait! How can they be stages of each other, when it is a well-known
    fact that I can never find a paper clip whan I need one, but if
    I try to take one hanger out of the closet, there are at least
    a dozen which have appeared in the same place, and won't let go
    of the one I want to use!??!
    
    And what about Christmas ornament hanger-hook-thingies? I buy a
    box every year, use about a dozen, carefully pack them away with
    the ornaments, and when we open the box next Christmas...there aren't
    any ornament hangers! SO I buy a new box, use a dozen............
    
    --DE
    

    Dawn,
    
    But that is exactly the point...we can never find paper clips
    because they have all become coat hangers!
    
    I don't know about Christmas hanger thingies. My guess is that
    we all have "Borrowers" (aka Mary Norton's stories) or "Littles"
    who live in walls of our houses. I think they feel that they
    can use hanger thingies safely because we will never remember from
    one year to the next how many we packed away.
    
    Bonnie

    ...off on another tangent...
    
       Why is it that when I'm using a recipe that calls for the
    whole egg the yolk never breaks but when I specifically
    need just egg whites, the yolk inevitably breaks and I end
    up having to try to fish bits of yolk out of the whites.
    
    Nanci-who-just-baked-Christmas-cookies-and-did-a-lot-of-
    fishing

                                                                
    We always had problems with the ornament-hanger-thingies.  So a few
    years ago we took a brand new box of paperclips and improvised. There
    were still some paperclips in the box (of course, it was brand new),
    and we bent them in a sort-of-ornament-hanger-thingies. 
    
    But I've just realized.  We still have every one of those improvised
    sort-of-ornament-hanger-thingies.  And I've always got a few bent
    paperclips in my office, but never any unbent paperclips.
    
    Bending paperclips must kill them.  I feel horrible.
    
    								-mr. bill

    mr bill,
    
    You are right! When I took the little bag of ornaments out of
    my desk this Christmas, the only hangers left were the bent
    paper clip ones!
    
    what have we done!
    
    Bonnie

    
    
    Bonnie,(base note)
    
    Every time I ask my daughters where did they put the spoon they
    sing me a nursery song which has few lines like -
    
    "Cow jumped over the moon "
    "And the dish ran away with the SPOON".  
    
     I could never remember the song fully but it is really cute when
     they both sing it together and that answers your question too!!
    
    Geetha
     
    

    Hey didddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle
    the cow jumped over the moon.
    The little dog laughed to see such a sport
    and the dish ran away with the spoon!
    
    Thankyou Geetha
    
    :-)
    
    Bonnie

    But the dishes don't disappear.  And *that* means that the dish must
    be running away with the spoon, and hiding it somewhere, and then
    coming back again ... to wait for a chance to grab more spoons? ...
    
    It all seems sort of sinister.  Do I really want to risk going into
    my kitchen after dark?
    
    	-Neil

    .....speaking of kitchens, someone ran away with mine!

    justme....jacqui

    That is the 87485951st burning question.  What is in the thermos
    the my nine year old son took fishing with him.
    
    Ida Noe strikes again!

    
    Spoons - the way they fit together (much closer than forks or knives),
    I always figured that they must undergo "spoosion" or spoon-fusion.
    One day you have 10, the next day there are only 9.  Maybe we should
    put sheets of wax paper in between as anti-spoosion devices...
    
    I wanna know what happens to extension cords.  I used to have 6 that
    took polarized plugs - as of last night, I only found one...
    
    Ron (whose house has a world-record outlet shortage)
    

    Interestingly enough, when my husband went down to pick up our
    son at college he found a spoon lying on the ground outside 
    the dorm! Maybe that is where all of them go! (We found another
    - very old one - in the walls of our house when we were remodeling.)
    
    I was speaking on the phone earlier today with a friend who told
    me they have an excess of spoons. Too  bad there isn't some way
    that we can mutually help each other (unfortunately you can't send
    spoons by e-mail or Dec interdepartmental mail).
    
    Bonnie

    Oh boy, am I in trouble with the Paperclip Deity, then.
    
    When I get frustrated at work I put stuff into my paperclip sculpture,
    by twisting them all together into a tangled metal mass.
    
    oh no....
    
    -Jody
    

    I don't have problems with the spoons, it's the forks.  I'm missing
    a dinner fork and 2 salad forks.
    
    Roberta

    Roberta,
    
    I'll trade you a dinner fork and 2 salad forks for 3 teaspoons!
    
    :-
 
    
    Bonnie

    
    	   You people think YOU have problems with lost silverware?
    
    	   I lost a whole set when I moved to my current apartment.
    	Don't ask me where it went... I suppose it's ganging up with
    	your lost spoons and planning a coup of some sort.
    	
    	- Greg
    

    RE .26: Wasn't it "the fish swam away with the moon"? At least,
    that's how I heard it from the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band :)
    RE .30: Yes, Ron, that sounds exactly like spoony fashion...
    pony
     +
    

    
    I solved my daughters missing sock problem by buying her 24 pairs
    of identical socks, now she only has an odd sock every now and then.
    After two losses they even out. She still has 20 pr. and they all
    match.
    
    I'm missing dinner forks, there must be a flatware heaven out there
    somewhere.  The other thing that keeps diminishing in supply are
    cereal bowls. I will admit that after my daughter moved out the
    supply stabilized. One day I went out to the barn to find some missing
    tools and there were 4 cereal bowls with strange "things" in them.
    Please don't ask what the "things" were, they were unrecognizable.

Could someone please explain how New Yorker magazines breed in the bathroom?
I'm sure there I just saw another one there today.

M.

    
    I'm not sure of the exact mechanism involved, but I believe that
    New Yorkers breed in bathrooms in much the same way that National
    Geographics breed in attics.  Something to do with attaining a critical
    mass...
    
    I always seem to have 'n-1' caps for the 'n' pens in my office...and
    the colors don't match.
    
    					cathy
    

    Don't forget the mystery of disappearing pens that you left out
    the night before, to take to work the next day. By the morning,
    its gone, never to be seen again.
    
    Reports are that its a Communist plot and all these Bics are now
    on their way to Moscow.
    
    Eric
    

	Actually, the BIC company has a giant dyamite electromagnet
	which they power up every night.

					Tom_K

    Re .0
    
    I know where the spoons go - they go into my kitchen.  Now I *am*
    trying to figure out where the forks go...
    
    Once all of the knives disappeared.  They reappeared in the attic.
    Now how the *$##^ did they get up there?!?!
    
    Around work I notice the same phenomenon with magtapes.  The 2400
    ft. ones disappear on a regular basis, but the 600 ft. ones multiply
    like mad.  Maybe they're really an ameba-like lifeform that
    periodically subdivides - 1 - 2400 ft. magtape divides twice, making
    4 - 600 ft. magtapes.
    
    Elizabeth
                                             

    where do spoons go?
    
      I think I may have them. Spoons I got: 16 stainless, 24 sterling,
    18 silverplate.  Stainless forks are at a premium.
    
    where do pens go?
    
      Don't look in Moscow.  My cat, Milo, took them.  Currently they
    are all keeping company with his prized collection of champagne
    corks under the livingroom sofa.
    
    
    today my mystery question is, 'What do you mean there's nothing
    to eat?!'
    
    Last time I looked the refrigerator contained ample nuke-able portions
    of: Roast beef; chicken, beef, & green enchiladas; fettuchini Alfredo;
    pasta salad...and the pantry contained pound cake, apple crisp,
    stollen, & a wide assortment of cheese crisps & cookies.
    
    HOWEVER, each and every _other_ person in the house visited both
    venues and reported nothing available for consumption.
    
    Did the Red Lectroids scarf it all to Planet-12 by way of the 8th
    Dimension?
    
    
      Ann 

re: .43, .44


Oooooohhhhhhhh....

   (the music swells...)

Sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!

In our house, we blame all unexplained phenomemon on either

1) Aliens
2) The cats

Or, if its really bad, we figure the cats are really aliens that are
testing us to see how we react to weird situations.

;-)

john

By the way, how come pens only migrate home and you never have any at
work? 

    John,
    
    I never have any pens at home or work.  Do you
    think they all relocated to your house??
    
    Nanci

RE: < Note 352.47 by BSS::VANFLEET "6 Impossible Things Before Breakfast" >
                        -< The pens go marching 2 by 2 >-

    John,
    
    I never have any pens at home or work.  Do you
    think they all relocated to your house??
    
>  Yes, alien cats have kidnapped all your pens and 
>  brought them to my home.  See, there is a logical explanation for
>  everything!

;-)

    Today my oldest son, and my husband cleaned our youngest
    daughter's room...under her *extreme* protest...they got rid
    of the 'mess under the bed" and the "mess in the closet"
    and "the mess in the corner". She now has three load of  clothes
    in or waiting to be washed, two bags of trash newly extracted
    from her room..and *three* spoons, down in the sink to be washed!
    
    Bonnie
    
    p.s.
    
    mars sells spoons three for $1.19 :-)

    my sister went off to school one year and decided to bring home a
    couple friends for a short vacation. between snow storms and flu
    epidemics, the school decided to stay closed a few extra days. and
    somehow, my sister managed to accumulate a few more guests. my sister's
    room was "sacred ground" but very messy. my mother was concerned that
    there'd be no room for all seven guests, so she decided to pick up a
    bit (just the old kleenexes and other trash). when she looked under the
    bed, she found the remnants of a popcorn feast my sister had had -- and
    it was in a bowl my mother had been missing for SIX months!! of course,
    my sister was mad that her space had been invaded, and my mother was
    mad that her bowl had been missing. 
    
    <grin>
    liz

	Biggest problem with expiration dates is that they don't have years....


								Tom_K

    Also, after a certain period of time, the alien life forms in the
    refrigerator begin to mate and create creatures that you've never
    seen before, but take up shelf space. Can you imagine what will
    result from the union of 3 month old milk and ancient meat????Even
    the cheese will move!
    
    Eric

    On Monday I cleaned the "crisper" draw, you know, the one on left
    that is used for storage of things that aren't eaten "often". I
    found a bag of apple dust. This was the remains of once healthy
    Golden Delicious apples I forgot about, also 2 green,yellow and
    pink grapefruit that my dentist gave me in Novemebr from a case
    that someone had given him. I found what appeared to once be a green
    pepper. Couldn't tell if it was that or a Jurrasic Era avacado.
    
    I also found a treat in the left of the bottom shelf, way in back.
    A preserved 1/2 lb margerine container with the remains of a shepard's
    pie. Amazing what good tasting food looks like that was made on
    Halloween and is discovered after Christmas.
    
    RESULT: I've decided to lose enough weight so that I can bend over
    to see the goings on in the refrigerator's bottom half. I figure
    20-25 lbs will do it.......
    
    Ken

    No, No, .38...It's not the Bermuda Sock triangle...
    
    From Rich Hall's "SNIGLETS / Part I":
    
    HOSEZONE (ho-zone) -- The place beginning in the dryer and extending
    			  into infinitum where vacationing socks go...and
    			  choose never to return.
    
    And the pens and spoons...ummm...
    
    I sit outside of a Conference Room, and when I'm away for a few
    days I'm often minus a few pens when I return.  But once, I had
    4 extra plastic spoons left in my foodstuffs drawer.
    
    Perhaps they are some form of exchange...Visiting employees who
    feel guilty about using my phone and terminal leave a complimentary
    spoon!  Wouldn't it be nice if hotels left Complimentary Spoons
    instead of nearly-invisible bars of Cashmere Bouquet?  At least
    THE SPOONS would be of some USE!
    
    Perhaps I'll post a sign above my phone:
    
                    To place an outside call,
    
                    1) Lift receiver,
                    2) Leave spoon,
                    3) At the dial tone, dial "9 + area + number.
    
    Geez!  I should've done this before Xmas vacation!  I could've given
    a Plastic Service-For-16 to someone for an Xmas gift!
                                           

    And yet another mystery.....re: 42 - If BIC has an electromagnet
    that it turns on every night to get their pens back, what happens
    to all my lighters....you know the syndrome....you buy a pack of
    three mini-BICs, and there is NEVER one around when I'm having a
    nicotine fit!
    
    Jill
    

    They report back to Surgeon General Koop.
    
    							Ann B.

    
    
      Bonnie,   One time I found FIVE spoons in my daughter's room while
    helping her clean. She was using them to feed her dolls.  Another
    time my son was using a spoon to toss small rocks in the back yard.
    
    Jack