Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    I did not change my name when I got married - some
    reasons had to do with the identity issue, others with breaking
    the patriachal tradition and most of all I happen to like my name.
    
    A good friend of mine in college hated her last name, did not feel
    close to her father (her parents were divorced) and really wanted
    to change her name.  She choose to use a combination of her mother's
    birth name and her grandmother's birth name, both with whom she felt
    very close and admired.
    
    Suzanne

    When I got married I was very happy to change my name from LaMotte
    to Poe.  For I disliked my father and the chauvanism that he
    represented.  I looked at my husbands name as a beginning I way
    to identify with the ideals I had for family life that were so
    different from the "LaMotte" ways.   
    
    When I was divorced I continued to use Poe for it still identified
    the family that I was intent on preserving.  When my ex remarried
    there seemed to be some feeling between his present wife and myself
    as to who was the 'real' Mrs. Poe.  At that time there was an article
    in the Globe and much discussion in the media about the legality
    of names and the legal opinion was that a person has a right to
    change their name as long as the intent was not to defraud.  I decided
    to go back to my maiden name.
    
    My father was still chauvanistic, but what I had discovered is my
    roots were important and the name went beyond him in saying who
    I was and where I came from.  Of course there are other family names
    that I could have chosen but I took what I considered the easiest
    route.  I did not go to court...I just did it.
         
    If I were to change my name it would have to be a family name....I
    like that continuity.

    I can understand the base noters concept of wanting a more desirable
    name. My concern would be the hastles you will encounter concerning
    ethinic origin, heritage, realatives etc. You and your children
    would forever be explaining where the name came from and "no I'm
    not realted to those 'Smiths'" 
    
    I know it gets old very fast explaining the origins of my last name
    as do many divorced woman who do not choose to go back to their
    maiden name. I can't image explaining a name I have absolutely no
    roots too. 
    
    Gail
    

    I guess what I do depends on whose last name I like better, mine
    or his.  I have a marked affinity for "bobbitt", because I know
    when my sister gets married she will change her name (she's traditional
    that way), and we have no more siblings, and my father was an only
    child, etc, etc.  But, then again, if someone with a really terriffic
    last name comes along - I'll have to think about changing it.
    
    -Jody
    

    Just a couple of ideas:
    
    If you like the idea of your name reflecting your "roots," you may
    want to consider your mother's birth name, or Shellie's mother's
    birth name, or a combination thereof.
    
    Or if that aspect isn't important, you may want to choose the name
    of someone you admire.
    
 

    
    
    I didn't change my last name when I married (either time)-
    the first time, it simply did not occur to me to change my
    name.  When it was forcibly brought to my attention that I
    would soon be "Mrs. Smith" (really!), THEN I had to consciously
    make the decision not to change my name.  The second time I had
    the option of adopting a new name, I already knew I would not.
    I think most of my decision hinges on identity.  I wouldn't
    change my first name (and I detest it when others alter it
    for me-ie, when I introduce myself as Deborah and they call
    me Debbie), so why change my last?
    
    I've never understood women who use their husbands last name
    because they detested their own.  Why didn't they adopt a nw
    last name before marriage?
    
    If you and Shellie want to use a new, common last name, then
    by all means, go for it! (but let me know what it is, so I
    can send you mail, ok?)...
    
                      Deb
    
    

    When I got married, I went from Coutermarsh (a long name, easy to
    pronounce, but difficult to spell) to my husband's name, Fahel (a
    short name, easy to spell, impossible to pronounce!)  My husband
    is the last male of his family, and I have brothers and they have
    sons, so there is no burden to my family, whereas my husband's family
    is down-to-the-wire.  And hyphenating came to mind, but I like a
    fast signature.  Coutermarsh-Fahel would give me writers cramp!
    
    For the record, to avoid the "Fahel (fail) or succeed" jokes, I
    just pronounce it differently (FA-hel, long a, short e, hard h),
    and am trying to get my husband to do likewise.
    
    As for yourselves, if performers can change their names without
    being bothered, why can't average folk?  Although I do like the
    idea of using mother's and grandmother's names.  Another thing you
    can do is variations on mother's and/or grandmother's first names.
    
    Good luck!
    
    K.C. Fahel

    MZB fans who have read Darkover novels will tell you that Free Amazons
    take the first name of their mothers. So, instead of Lauren Foster,
    I would be Lauren n'ha Lucille. That's a bit long for me, but I've
    thought of it. (Although, Lauren Nehcille sounds okay and keeps the
    intent. However, I have the distinction of carrying on my mother's
    initials... she is Lucille Kimble Foster and I am Lauren Kimble
    Foster, so I feel closely enough identified to her that I don't need to
    change it further.)
    
    But in terms of preserving your roots, can you take your mother's
    name and add "child"? Like Rothschild? (Instead of son... and daughter
    gets lengthy) Or add O'  or whatever the female version of "Mac"
    is? (Ask someone Irish) So that it ended up daughter of X? And perhaps
    you two could discuss it with your mothers-in-law, (so that if you
    choose one mother, the other one won't be offended...) Or use another
    language to call yourself daughter, i.e. "-fille". Explaining it
    would always give you a sense of pride.
                            
    Just a few well meant suggestions.

    I fully support the idea of someone picking a name they *want*,
    rather than sticking to one that's given to them. While I
    haven't known anyone who just up and changed their last name,
    I've known a few who've changed their first name. I really
    failt to see any difference between the two. I recall one
    friend saying that if she ever had children, she would like
    to choose a last name for them as well as a first name, and
    I thought this was a ratehr neat idea.
    
    As for "identity crisis", I'm not sure why anyone would feel
    this. You are who are are, regardless of what name you choose
    to bear. Consider the existence nicknames -- or some people's
    rejection of them. They help a person to *find* his or her
    identity, in my opinion.
    
    My given name is "Jerel", a name that I've not liked since I
    can remember. I've considered having it legally changed, but
    have not done so for two reasons: (1) my mother really likes
    it, which is why she picked it, and I think it would upset her
    if I rejected the name, and I don't dislike it enough to out-
    balance that upset; and (2) I'm too lazy to go through all the
    headaches of changing it. Still, other than on official
    documents and such, I consider my true name to be "Jerry".
    That's my identity.
    
    It seems to me that if you change your name from something you
    feel uncomfortable with to something you feel comfortable with,
    you'll *gain* your identity, not lose it.
    
    As for the point of family continuity, while I've never really
    considered changing my last name (though it *would* be nice to
    have something a little more simple for others to spell and
    pronounce), I don't feel particularly clannish and thus don't
    feel motivated to "continue the name". It's not likely to happen
    anyway. One of my sisters changed her name upon marriage (and
    didn't change it back upon divorce) and her two sons are
    Petersons. My other sister didn't change her name upon marriage,
    but she also has not had, nor do I ever expect that she ever
    will have, children. My brother is dead. I am not married (yet),
    but as time goes on, I feel less inclined to want children even
    if I do get married. My only blood-uncle had two daughters who
    both changed their names upon marriage. So, in effect, the
    Boyajian line -- at least, this sector of it -- is dead anyways.
    
    --- jerry

    If you don't like your name, change it to whatever feels comfortable.
    It's probably incredibly boring from the administrative viewpoint,
    but if you feel strongly enough about it, you may not mind the hassle.
    
    Friends of mine (Mom, Dad and youngster) changed their family name
    recently. They are Romanian political refugees, and their name was
    a long and very typical one. As they will never go back to Romania,
    and will ask for the Swiss nationality for their son as soon as
    they have the required number of years in Switzerland (can't remember
    if it's 10 or more), the change of name was a logical one and was
    performed before their son entered kindergarten, so he was not affected
    by it at all.
    
    To choose their new name, they climbed back their family tree, but
    I didn't get the impression it was a question of preserving their
    roots, but rather one of commodity: just taking the phone book and
    sticking a pin in it felt a bit too random! They chose a short German-
    sounding name, and it has helped them feel a sense of belonging
    with the country they have chosen.
    
    The process was fairly quick and not too expensive, the hassle was
    the banks, employers, all the credit cards, all the people who send
    bills (phone company, electricity company, doctors, etc.). What
    they did was prepare a circular letter of the "To whom it may concern"
    type, and just fill in the different addresses.
                                                   
    I was wondering if, to make the change easier to get used to, you
    had thought about a name reminiscent of your present name, like
    changing the Johns to Johnson, or Johnston, or Jonathan, or... (other-
    wise, what are you going to do about the initials engraved in gold
    on your Gucci jewel-case?)
    
    Hope you find a nice name (do you already have one in mind?)
    
    Joana
                              

    Re. 10:
    
    Actually, I think changing to a name very similar to your current
    name might actually cause more confusion than changing it to something
    altogether different.
    
    (...though I'm sure we can _all_ identify with the Gucci monogram
    dilemma! :))
    
    -Tracy
    

    re. 'ask someone Irish'
    
     ni [not capitalised] for a woman descendent of <insert name>
       ie Maire niBrennan [although she spells Brennen the Irish way
    	  	I just cannot recall it]
     
     Mac for 'son of...'
    
     O' meaning 'of the line of...'
    
    
    re.0  

    Carol,
    
    I did change my name when I got married.  When the marriage was
    breaking up I decided that I didn't want a name that had been
    given to me by my husband or my father (who I love but don't
    like).  My mother was the youngest of three girls.  When Mom
    was divorced, she and my sister both took Mom's "maiden"
    name.  I decided that I would join them.  (Mom was the last
    of the Van Fleet line.)  Eight months later my daughter was
    born.  She legally has a hyphenated last name ( for her father's
    comfort) but I only use Van Fleet for her.  When she gets older
    she can choose if she wants to use both names, one or neither.
    
    The legal process of name changing is relatively simple.  If
    you want details, write or call me.
    
    Nanci
    BSS::VANFLEET
    522-5101  

I appreciate all of your answers.  I am aware of HOW to change a name, since
I went through this with Shellie just 2 years ago.  What I am more concerned
with is identity issues, both for myself and for Evan (are you listening,
Laura?).  :-)

I really want to get AWAY from patriarchal names.  I DON'T want a male or
male-sounding name like John, Johns, Williams, MacDonald, or Svenson.  
We have thought about a name similar to one we saw recently: Sarahchild, but
would really like a name that is a known name, not a brand new one.
I really liked the idea someone brought up about putting -fille on the end
of the name, but want to make sure it will be something that our son will be
comfortable with as well, preferably a non-gender name.  

We have looked into both of our roots and have found nice names like Stone
and Barton (families say we are related to Einstein and Clara Barton), but
are not sure what we will choose.  We do not like many of the other family
names.  We also find that we often tend toward animal or nature names, such
as Fox, Blackhawk, Wolfe.  We both have similar national and ethnic heritages,
although she has 2 Native American tribes and I am not sure if I have any.
If we decide to change for sure, then we will find a nice name.  I just hope
that we will be able to choose a name that we really feel is "part" of us.
Since we both have German backgrounds, we may choose a German spelling of
something we like, like "Baer" which means "bear".

I would really like to hear more info on the "loss of identity" issue, but
if you want to give ideas for names, then our common backgrounds are German,
Irish, English, and at least one side has Scottish, French, Welsh, Cherokee,
and Chippewa.  All names will be considered, but our preferences are:

Starting with the letters A-L
Not used as a male name (Forrest, Roberts, etc)
Fairly easy to pronounce
Fairly easy to spell
Goes well with the names: Evan, Nicholas, Carol, Shellie, Michelle.
           
               Carol

    
    
    Nicholas?  Michelle?   Carol, did you come home from the
    hospital with two more babies????!!
    
    Speaking of Evan-don't count on the little guy actually using
    the name you give him.  Jamey has decided that "James" is
    more dignified (I could kill him, I only put James on his
    birth certificate because I thought as an adult he might
    be uncomfortable with Jamey as a formal first name-I didn't expect
    him to change it at age 8!)   Not only that, but he prefers the
    surname Smith to MY last name.  The whole point of including my
    last name on his birth certificate was to carry on the name
    Wolbach!  That's what I get for raising him to be an independent
    child able to think for himself.
    
                     Deb
    
    

    Hi Carol,
    
    Well, here's the big-mouth adoptee checking in.  Yes, I'm listening,
    L-I-S-T-E-N-I-N-G for a change.  But now that i've listened for
    a while I may as well keep up my reputation...so here's my two cents.
    
    First, Evan has not been separated from his biological mother, so
    that's a big piece of it right off the bat.  As an adoptee, knowing
    my original name was a big deal because it may have held a clue
    to what my national origin was.  Evan will have access to all this
    information, and the reasons why you chose to change the name from
    Johns to xxxx.  Now, there is the other biological side of Evan,
    which is what his father contributed.  Since I don't know how you
    became pregnant (not literally), but if you know the birth father
    or if anonymous donor was the method, etc., I can't really address
    that aspect.  If Evan is allowed to have a full identity, knowing
    all aspects of his national origin and medical history, the 'last
    name' issue may not be such a loaded issue for him.  Or since his
    fmily seems open to name changes, he might feel it's o.k. to do
    that and pick something out that he feels fits him when he gets
    to be an adult.  Who the hell knows.
    
    As for me, I've thought of changing my name, but that creates loyalty
    issues towards my parents.  Other than the fact that they weren't
    really prepared to handle my questions about adoption and that I
    wish they could have been more open, they're really decent folks
    and they've been there for me.  And I mean they've really bailed
    me out of some collossal jackpots (remember I was an active alkie
    for 14 years).  And they didn't disown me because I'm queer, even
    though my older sister thought they should and wanted them to (she's
    such a sweetheart).
    
    I like my birth mother's name, Anita Estelle Trahan, and I've thought
    of changing my last name to Trahan.  But, my birth father is living
    and is real invested in me, his ONLY child, so he probably would
    like to see me use the name Kronenberger, but hell, that's such
    a long name.  You see, my original name was Ane Therese Trahan,
    and then it got changed to Laura Ann Ervin.  When I write to my
    new found relatives I usually sign my letters Laura Anne Therese.
    So I guess I'm experimenting at the moment.  And then, sometimes,
    the idea of changing my name GAIN seems totally perposterous.
    
    So, have I totally muddled the issue yet?  Good luck, Carol.
    
    Regards,
    
    Laura Anne Therese Ervin Trahan Kronenberger  (Oh shit!)
    

>Starting with the letters A-L

Hey, got somethin' against folks with last names that begin with Z? :-)

>Goes well with the names: Evan, Nicholas, Carol, Shellie, Michelle.

Evan Zurko, Nicholas Zurko, Carol Zurko, Shellie Zurko, Michelle Zurko.
'cept I do have a cousin named Michelle Zurko.

	Mez

Carol

I can relate to the loss of identity notion.  I recently married
Hal (sketch::) Shubin and about 90% of the people who gave us
cards and checks made them out to "the Shubins".  I can honestly
say that every time someone says "Mrs. Shubin" I think of Hal's
mother.  I could not consider changing my name to something that
that I have no history with, or that creates no response in me.
This has nothing to do with the people that bear the name Shubin,
it has to do with my own identity and self image.

Even though I did not choose the name Margaret Mary Meehan
(and probably would not have if I had anything to say about it)
it is the symbol/label/identifier with which I have had all
of my life's experiences and made my reputations.  I do not
feel that I am carrying on my father's line by keeping it, but
that I am preserving my own identity, which I have struggled
long and hard to achieve and still struggle understand.

The loss of identity issue really hit me in the face when I had
to endorse all of the checks that had been made out to Margaret
Shubin.  The bank insisted that I sign that way, but it was a
very hard thing to do.  I had to concentrate on every letter
so that my hand/brain did not fall into its regular signature 
pattern.  (By the way, I did write my real signature in parentheses
under the fake one.)

I can empathize with your dilema.  It is very hard to make changes
to something as important and sacred as your own identity -- unless
there is some overriding reason to do so, as in Shellie's case.
If I were faced with this situation, I would look for a name that
touched me at my core, one that I could identify with, that felt
as if it really fit.  

Good luck....Margaret

>If I were faced with this situation, I would look for a name that
>touched me at my core, one that I could identify with, that felt
>as if it really fit.  

Thanks, Margaret.  That is exactly what I am trying to do.  I just don't 
know what name will do that for me.  I want to make a good choice, because
I don't want to regret it later.  All you wonderful folks who have talked
about how changing a name to a CHOSEN name helps to GAIN an identity rather
than lose it have helped tremendously.  I feel more comfortable with the 
idea of change now, and a little stronger and better able to deal with all
of the people who will be questioning me about it.

And no, Deb, I didn't pick up any extra kids.  As we discussed in MAIL recently,
Nicholas is Evan's middle name, and Shellie is considering changing her first
name to Michelle.  

As for names ending in Z (or others late in the alphabet), this would be for
our children and grandchildren.  How many times did you kids with Z- last names
have to wait for things, always the end of the line, because teachers usually
went in alphabetical order?  In addition, there are many, many last names 
ending in M and S, and teachers often put kids down as Mary S, Carol J,
Mark M, etc.  Although there are beautiful names beginning with these letters,
we would prefer that our kids names start with a letter that isn't quite so
common.
             Carol

    To add to your categories of names to choose from, here's a bit of
    obscure but interesting information.  A while back I read a short
    article on the origins of English surnames.  Among the names that
    indicate one's trade or that of one's father or other ancestors
    (Cooper, Miller, Smith, and so on), there are at least a few that have
    descended from female ancestors.  Baxter is the feminine form of baker,
    Brewster of brewer, and Webster of weaver. 
    
    These date from a time in the middle ages when there were a lot of
    small, family businesses. I suppose that if Jane Baxter made better
    bread than her husband John Baker, their children might have preferred
    the prestige that she earned and thus used the name that designated
    her and hence the superior product that she produced.
    
    Anyway, if you and Shellie like to bake or weave or brew your own beer,
    you might add these names to the list of possibilities. 
    
    As a comment on the animal names that you're considering, Fox has
    something to recommend it in the behavior of the animal.  Among foxes,
    both parents look after the young.  And how about Wolf?  Wolves are
    fascinating animals.  Or have you ruled it out because of all the
    variant spellings (Wolf, Wolfe, Woolf, Woolfe)?
    
    Let us know what you choose.
    
        
    

>our children and grandchildren.  How many times did you kids with Z- last names
>have to wait for things, always the end of the line, because teachers usually
>went in alphabetical order?  
Always, unless teachers got smart and went in reverse-alphabetical order (about
once per year). Unless they were taking volunteers. Or choosing at random. And
it never bothered me a bit. I could learn from others mistakes.

>Although there are beautiful names beginning with these letters,
>we would prefer that our kids names start with a letter that isn't quite so
>common.
Z is very unique. I knew a guy named Z Smith (that's the whole name!).

I could go on and on about the glories of Z.

The only drawback is, some people mistake it for S.
	Mez-person

    Re .23:  Hmm, Carol Computer...I don't know...:)        
                                                            
    I know it seems silly to some people, but as someone who changed
    her name from Bryant to Warren, I really _miss_ being at the 
    beginning of the alphabet!  Therefore, I say, as long as you're
    making a change, you might as well get everything you want out of
    the name--including being in the first half of the alphabet if
    that's your preference.      
                                 
    This may seem obvious, but one more nit to consider--just like
    when you name a baby--is your initials.  If, for example, you choose
    a name that starts with D, consider whether you want to give your
    son the initials END.           
                                            
    This is so exciting...you have so many possibilities....              
                         
    -Tracy
            
                                 

   Or how about choosing the name of someone you admire, either
  someone "famous" or someone you're personally acquainted with?

  For instance, if I were in a position to choose a new last name for
  myself, I might choose Marie Curie's last name. (Yes, I realize
  this was her husband's name, but her original family name
  was something of Polish origin that I could not pronounce,
  much less spell!)            
                                 
  Along the same line, if I ever have a daughter, I might give her 
  the first name of Rebecca, after my great-grandmother, who I admire 
  and love very much. 

    Before my daughter was born, I was determined to name the child,
    if female, "Rivka."
    
    I love the name. The two women I've known with the name I have loved
    and admired as well.
    
    One of these wonderful women finally made me realise that giving
    an Anglican child of Scots/Irish/Welsh descent would probably make her
    wish me dead...what with ALWAYS having to explain why she had a
    Jewish name...
    
    I conceded the point, but was very cranky about it.
    
      Ann
    

    I thought of a combination of your first names (truly a union),
    but all I could come up with was Cashell (accent on last half).
    Oh, well.
    
    I concider myself lucky, concerning loss of identity with names,
    because, being one of 7 kids, I was commonly called anything but
    my own name.  My saying is "I'll answer to anything, as long as
    it isn't nasty!" ;-)  ;-)
    
    K.C.

    
    	In my husband's high school yearbook, the editor's name was
    Zellner.  
    
    	The yearbook lists all the Z folks first.  Goes from Z-A.
    

    
    When I was younger there was a woman named "Zee" in my neighborhood.
    
    Then there was this software specialist I dated named Zephnur. 
    We all called him "Jeff".

    And I once knew a Zigmont Szczawinski.  (He was probably 12 before
    we could spell it!)
    
    ...now, back to our regularly scheduled topic...
    
    
    -Tracy
    

    I have two friends who live together whose last names are:
    
    Zissman and Zdonik!
    
    Birds of a feather I guess.
    
    Of course, A isn't always best.  My friend married and changed her
    name from Tuttle to
    
    ANDRZEJCZYK
    
    (If you sing it to the Mickey Mouse song it's easy to learn!  That's
    how I did).

    <--(.33)
    
    What's so hard about "Andrzejczyk"?  On-DRAY-chick, good polish name.
    Ask Jennie Turaj if ya don't believe me. 
                                             
    						=maggie

    So, Carol...any decisions yet?  (If you're ready to share them.)
    
    -Tracy
    

At this time, it looks as if we are going with "duBois".  It may be that
we do "DuBois" or "Dubois", but I think it will be the one first mentioned.

For Shellie, it is a name that feels good because it is associated with her
spirituality: her spirituality is very tied to Nature, and duBois means 
"of the woods". 

For me, it is the birth name of my favorite grandmother's favorite grandmother.

My grandmother's cousin tried to trace the family line back beyond 
Rebecca Dubois, and could not.  This also leaves us with the "romanticism" 
of a possible heritage of an Indian woman with a French trapper spouse. 

At present, Shellie is considering changing her first two names to 
Michele Juliana.  Evan and I will retain the rest of our names as they
are now.

I really appreciate all of your comments.  I am feeling really good about
this now.  I can't wait to go through with the change.  :-)

             Carol

    Congratulations! 
    
    And "Happy Re-Birthday" to Carol, Michelle and Evan duBois!
           
    K.C.

    Another question about changing ones' name...
    
    After my kids are 18, I'd like to revert back to my maiden name
    if I'm not re-married by that point...  
    
    How hard will it be...  Can I just "revert" back, or will I need
    to go through court orders?... I know when I divorced, I had my
    choice, and I choose to keep the same last name as the girls had
    to avoid any confusion...  but what about later?...
    
    Gale

    
    Gale,
    
      My mom changed back to her maiden name after all us kids moved
    out. If you are considering a *legal* name change, then yes, you
    will have to go thru the court system. I chose not to go back to
    my maiden name when I got divorced, (for the simple childish reason
    of going from  "V"arnum to "Aa"gesen [so much for the BOTTOM of
    the alphebetized lists]).  I understand that is one reason why you
    have a choice when you get divorced, it *costs* more going back
    thru the legal system after the fact.
    
    
    robin
    

    
    
    Check your state statutes.  In many states, the 'legal' method
    of changing your name is thru common usage.  This is true in
    California and Colorado.  There are legal procedures-paperwork-
    that one can go thru under certain circumstances, but commonly
    the easiest (and still legal) method is just to adopt the useage
    of your preferred name.
    
    Deb
    

    My sister-in-law got alot of nasty grams from the goverment because
    she was calling herself Sue Ryan without going through a legal
    name change. I just got my new S.S card, and it was no hassle,
    alot easier than getting arrested or whatever they do to 
    people that don't go thru the legal channels.
    
    Dee (now officailly) Ryan
    

    You don't have to use your legal name for anything but legal
    documents -- anything you file with the federal government has to
    have the same name that's on your social security card, and in
    certain other cases you might need to use the legal name, but
    otherwise you can call yourself Attilla the Hun on your business
    cards, in the phone book, on your rental contracts, and on the
    covers of your best-sellers as long as there's no attempt to
    defraud people by convincing them you're the same Attilla who used
    to play polo with severed heads. 
        
    --bonnie

    And in fact, common law says that even on "legal documents" you can use
    your favored name.  You'll have to be both persistent and consistent,
    because of all the totalitarianism (ie, what isn't compulsory is
    forbidden) hardwired into petty bureaucrats but the only other real
    requirement is that, as Bonnie says, your intentions be honorable. 

    						=maggie

    However, if you do go the common law name change (simply start using
    the preferred name), some legal documents will want both names,
    stating they are the same person.
    
    My brother successfully changed his name when he was 16 by simply
    using the new name.  The school officials allowed him to do that,
    the millitary accepted it, he has his social security card under
    the chosen name.  It didn't work for me - I kept running into all
    sorts of walls, starting during college.  It was simpler at that
    age to just go the court order legal route.  It wasn't very complicated
    or expensive in any case.
    
    You won't get locked up for a common law name change.  You may get
    a letter from the IRS explaining that you are not being
    reported/witheld correctly, but as long as you are not attempting
    to defraud anyone or get out of any debts that way, there is nothing
    they can do to you.
    
    Elizabeth
    

Hi,

I went hought a lot about changing my name before getting married. The
identity issue is what made me think about keeping my name, the same
name in the family is what made me want to change. My maident name
was Nixon (not a great one to keep - and not one my husband wanted to 
take) and my nickname is Muggsie. I had gotten used to the name
Muggsie Nixon (and the associated jokes), but I had trouble with the
idea of Muggsie Rocco (which sounds like the Mafia).

I thought a lot about going back to Margaret, and decided that Muggsie
was much more important to my identity than Nixon, and that Muggsie was
going to stay. So I became Muggsie Rocco and got used to those jokes.

Once I decided, I kind of liked it. I now feel very comfortable with my
name and feel that it is part of my identity. When I started at DEC
(in marketing) people at work call me Margaret, whicih I am not all that
crazy about.

When I meet Italians (or of Italian descent) they always look at me and say
"Your not Italian it must be your married name".  So with a name that is
associated with an ethnic group - you will likely get comments.

One aside - I like being Muggsie Rocco, I don't like being Mrs Rocco, and
I DETEST being MRs Greg Rocco. I don't feel I gave up my first name to
Greg! Maybe as time passes the tradition of Mrs "mans first name" last,
will change to just Ms. womans first name , last name.

Muggsie

    When I went back to my name, I only had problems with the drivers
    license people (I told them that if they refused to change it,
    fine I would come back with my birth certificate, apply for a new
    license with my name, and take the tests again--I can pass the tests
    again, no problem.  That convinced them that I was going to be a big
    enough pain the the butt and they gave up and changed it.)
    Social Security changed it without even asking forany id, and once SS
    had changed it, I never had  any problems to change with everyone
    else. I have only had one party question it, and that was the title
    insurance company when my 15 year old mortgage was sold to another
    mortgage company, apparenly they had changed it when I asked them
    to, but the name was still there when the new mortgage co got the
    mortgage--I just wrote a note to the new company and said that was
    not my name, I would not answer to that name, and to please change
    it, which they did with no further problem.
                                     

    I keep reading the word "legal" and I feel compelled to say that
    one does not have to go through the hassle.  My father switched
    his first and middle names.  He signs his name that way, he calls
    himself by his middle name -- whenever the issue arises he simply
    puts down his chosen name.  Gradually, everything was under his
    new name except his Social Security Card (no problem since he kept
    both of his names and just switched them).  If you keep some
    combination of your names, just start using them one day and eventually
    nobody will remember the old name.  Another example of an actress
    I know -- she uses her maiden name as a first name, and the last
    name of her first husband as a last name.  I'm quite sure most
    celebrities don't bother changing their names legally -- why should
    the rest of us?

When I  got  married,  I decided to change my middle name to match my wife's
last name. Not doing anything seemed to be placing too much of the burden of
commitment  on  Greta,  and  neither of us have ever been fans of hyphenated
names...

It is   a  real  pain  to  persuade  people  to  change  your  middle  name,
particularly  since there was no document produced when we got married which
reflected  our married names. I have told credit card people many times that
my  middle  initial is now "R" and not "K", but only American Express has it
right...  Actually,  I  didn't  have to change it on American Express, since
Greta is the primary cardmember, and we added me after we got married.

I got  my  social  security  card changed usingour marriage certificate, but
getting  a new passport has been a real pain. Greta had no trouble using the
marriage  license  (which  again  lists  no  married names) as proof she had
changed  her  name  from  Greta Marie Ruffin to Greta Ruffin Daniels, but it
took  a  substantial  amount  of  long-distance  haggling  to  persuade  the
department  of state that I had changed my name, and I'm still not sure it's
worked.

It is  important  to me to make the "legal" change across the board, because
my name change, albeit less substantial than my wife's, is as symbolic of my
commitment  to  our relationship as is my wife's name change, and should not
be trivialized by me in any way.

- Brad