Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    My home is small for several reasons.  I enjoy living in the city
    and larger homes are cost prohibitive.  I share my home with my
    oldest daughter in a roommate situation. 
    
    We have similar tastes and are blending our styles and developing
    a home that I am quite comfortable with.  Much of our decoration
    is a reflection of us as individuals.  We have photographs, hand
    crafts, and plants as decoration.  Our furniture is an accumulation
    over the years and a combination of sentiment, practicality and
    good taste.
    
    Our life style is busy so we enjoy this low maintenance home. 
    
    I am also in the process of building a retirement home which we
    will use as a summer home for the time being.  That too will be
    small for maintenance but large enough to accomodate family
    celebrations.  My lot is very wooded and I will landscape a very
    small portion but have lots of gardens.
    
    I feel strong instinctive needs to spend time in my home after several
    busy weekends and/or vacation.  It is a strange compulsion and
    difficult to explain.  I wonder if it is cyclical.

    How about a "denning" instinct? I think I could be reasonably content
    in a tiny little room, with all my books and tapes stacked to the
    ceiling, a heap of pillows and rugs in the middle, and a bare-minimum
    kitchen and bathroom. I enjoy having more space, and yet somehow
    I never seem to be able to manage it - I just turn a bigger house
    into a more sprawled-out den.
    
    Now and then I get the "housekeeping" urge, but what I really enjoy
    is curling up in a cozy nook with cats, book, and tea (or cats,
    TV, and beer; but you get the idea).
    
    My house/nest/den *is* important to me - a place of refuge, of shelter,
    of recuperation. (My car also serves this purpose a little; that's
    where I can turn the music up *really loud* without bothering anybody!) 
    
    -b

    Oh, yes, I understand the "nesting instinct"!  I was single for
    more than five years, and owned a house.  It was merely a place
    to sleep and sometimes eat meals.  It rarely got messy since I was
    rarely there.  It was a lonely place -- maybe sterile would be a
    good word to describe it.
    
    Now I'm married again, and having a home was one of the most important
    things to me when we moved in together.  I have no interest in living
    in a perfect "museum."  Our house gets messy from time to time.
    The closets aren't perfectly arranged, and sometimes there are dirty
    dishes in the sink.  But I *TREASURE* the time we have together
    there!  We're both on the road quite a bit, and a rainy Sunday on
    the couch watching old movies is a treat better than dinner at the
    fanciest restaurant in town!  Maybe the difference is that when
    I was single, I LIVED in my house, but there was no LOVE there.
    
    							Pat

    	I don't fully understand the nesting instinct.  Yes, we have
    a home but only because of the investment value (Libby would probably
    strongly disagree).  I have a problem with all the 'things' which
    surround me since we purchased our first home (14 years ago).  I
    would be just as happy in a comfortable, furnished apartment.  The
    fact that we own our home does not make it more of a home.  Our
    apartment in Cambridge (furnished-basement-efficiency) was our home
    when we lived there.
    
    	I remember quite fondly the days when I could move by packing
    two bags.  A few years ago we moved three miles (from a condo to
    a detached house) and I was amazed at the accumulation of things!
    
    Douglas

RE: .5  I don't think that 4 responses is really enough to indicate any
sort of male/female differences in "nesting" instincts. 

RE: .0

I'm not really sure what is meant by "nesting".  If it means working on
where you live to make it comfortable, than I would say everyone does.  If
you're comfortable in a mess, then you'll have one.  If you mean just enjoying
working on your home and seeing the results, then I guess we must have one.
Tom and I have put an awful lot of effort into our house since we bought it
5 years ago.  The first couple of years we worked on the landscaping to get a
decent lawn and gardens.  Had to dig a ditch for drainage.  We then finished
our basement, and now we're in the middle of building an addition.  Sometimes
we hate the work, and other times we enjoy working together on it.  I enjoy
taking the time to relax and look at what we have.  If nesting has anything
to do with cleanliness, then Tom must be "nestier" than I.

...Karen

p.s.  We've spent every weekend since labor day working on the addition.  Oh
how I'd love to go to a Mall and window shop some weekend.  We look back with
nostalgia on those apartment days where there was little to no upkeep on our
home.

    Having lived in a very small home for about 7 years, and having
    had a crying need for all of that time for more closet space, we
    decided to add a large closet.
    
    The "closet" ended up to be an addition which doubled the size of
    the house! Containing: 1 porch, 1 living room (14X16), 1 foyer,
    and ...oh yes, I almost forgot....1 walk-in cedar closet.
    
    Now, since what *was* the back yard is now the living room, we needed
    to have some landscaping done. SO now there's a 2-level yard, with
    a railroad-tie type wall dividing the 2 parts. Bushes along the
    top of the wall, flowering trees bordering the woods, and real,
    live grass.
    
    Deciding that having a deck out back in the beautiful new yard would
    be great, we put one together (mostly) ourselves. Just finished
    *that* last month. <whew!> Guess we're finished....
    
    But wait! Maybe we could put in a hot tub over there.....near the
    deck...hmmmm....
    
    --DE
    

    I wasn't going to reply to this one because I, too, wasn't sure
    what was meant by a "nesting instinct" - I guess I am not a bird,
    or something...  I hated living in an apartment; it was like living
    in a hotel - noisy children running around in the apartment overhead
    like a herd of elephants when I was home sick with the flu, no privacy,
    no place to plant my crocuses, no cats allowed, no garage to fix
    my car in out of the weather (that was my OLD car - it was broken
    about as much of the time as it was running).  One time, my
    (ex-)husband was hollering at me (a frequent occurence!) so I went
    into the bathroom, which was in the middle of the apartment, and
    slammed the door.  From across the hall came a voice: "Don't slam
    the door!" -- the middle-aged lady in the opposite apartment, who
    was some kind of executive with the Girl Scouts.  I also wasn't
    crazy about arguing with the landlord to get things fixed - much
    easier to either fix them myself or hire someone to do them if I
    can't (such as gas piping).  I do try to keep my house picked up
    and reasonably clean.  I don't like clutter because it makes it
    impossible to find things or to find a clear spot to work on something,
    and keeping clean is necessary if you have allergies like mine;
    anyhow, accumulated dirt is so depressing!  Paul is not nearly as
    careful as I am about putting away clutter when he is through with
    it, so I have to "police" his hobby areas fairly often, or things
    get buried where no one can find them  (which is why we own three
    paris of vicegrips that are all the same size!).  He is more interested
    than I am in moving to a bigger house someday; we could use more
    storage space, but I would rather spend my limited money on stuyff
    other than a bigger mortgage, bigger heating bills, etc.  I did
    break down and hire a housekeeper a year or so ago (as I've said
    elsewhere in this file) - I still feel sort of funny about that,
    but it has turned out to be a bargain: she is a real pro, and spends
    more time cleaning up the place than either of us ever did, and
    on a regular basis, which keeps the dust down; also, my friends
    who are allergic to cats (poor, poor people!) can visit for longer
    periods of time before they have to get away from the cat hairs,
    since it gets swept up weekly now.
    
    /Charlotte

    I used to move every 6 months. as I get older I don't want to move
    as often.  I live in a duplex now with three floors.  I have been
    on pager recently so the ole homestead isn't quite so spiffy right
    now.  My landlord loves me cause I go on spurts of home improvement.
    Last year, I had the den repaneled.  The a couple of months later
    I painted all nine rooms.  Then I gots antsy and refinished the
    cabinets in the kitchen.  My landlord reimbuses me, so its not a
    complete loss.  He keeps joking about having me move into his other
    properties when they need some updating.  when I need something
    fixed, he lets me help.  He says I should be able to build my own
    home some day :-).  His wife always calls to ask what I've gotten
    into.  They loved it when I turned the weed collection in the front
    yard into massive flowers this year.  I was out for 7 weeks after
    surgery, and there I was, in a highy drugged state(medications)
    planting, pruning, mowing and having a truely wonderful time.
    I go into these "hermit" type stages at regular intervals.  Let's
    see, its the 10 of November,  ummmm, I go off of pager Sunday, but
    maybe I can squeeeeeze some project in...
    
    vivian

    I couldn't resist....like .7 and .9 that is so so so true for me
    too.  I own a ranch and have remodeled every room except the kitchen,
    added a new edition, rewired the entire house, painted the outside,
    landscaped the yard, remodeled the bathroom [plumbing was simpler
    than I thought], installed the washer and dryer hookup, added extra
    telephone lines [AT&T eat your heart out] and much much more. 
    
    I rented the house last April after our seaparation.
    Now, with the new job I'll be moving back into the home..it
    will be lonelier, but I'm looking forward to making cosmetic changes.
                                                        
    I've been living in Cambridge, and like .9, my landlady wants me to live
    there forever.  Especially since Apirl I've changed some of the
    electrical outlets [those 100+ year homes don't make it anymore on the
    old stuff], installed new ones, added an exhaust and intercom system.
    Also, acted as consultant on reconstruction matters and painting    
    jobs.
    
    This winter I'll be remodeling the kitchen and putting in a cedar
    closet. 
    
    Next year I'll be starting construction on my recreational home.
    
    

    
    	My nesting tendencies seem to come out most when I'm in
    	the process of making big changes in my life (in both my
    	personal and professional lives.)
    
    	When I became a Mother, I didn't have enough money to do
    	anything spectacular with our little one room apartments,
    	but I fussed over our small home endlessly.  I decorated
    	the walls with the colorful toys that Ryan had grown tired
    	of (and would later swap them with other toys he had, so
    	that he had the chance to rediscover older toys instead
    	of buying new things to amuse him.)
    
    	People who came over thought our Fisher-Price decor was
    	quite unique and imaginative.
    
    	I can also remember saving up for weeks for a special glass
    	pie plate that I wanted (or a new mixing bowl.)  When Christmas
    	came around, I would hint about some little kitchen thing I
    	had been dreaming of (like a new cookie jar or something.)
    	
    	As I progressed in college (which was something I was doing
    	for the family after all), I spent more and more time doing
    	small things to make our home more comfortable.  
    
    	Whenever my career is going full speed ahead, I spend nearly
    	all my leisure time planning (or doing) things for the home
    	because my career goals have always been tied in so closely
    	with being head of my family and making a better life for
    	my family.
    
    	When I fall in love, the feelings get even more intense.
    	
    	My dream is to design and build a new house (and spend a
    	concentrated year making it the most comfortable home that
    	my family could possibly have found.)  Not especially luxurious.
    	Just incredibly warm and comfortable.
    
    							Suzanne...