Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    I would have preferred a co-ed party when I got married. Actually,
    though, I ended up getting three "bachelorette" parties instead
    of a shower (thank goodness) and those were fun. 

RE:  .0   -   as long as the water is warm!  <snicker>



justme....jacqui

    The tradition in my family has always been coed showers.  I didn't
    know there was such a thing as just women at a shower til I got
    to college!  When I got married, I made it very clear that I wanted
    to stick with the tradition and that no one should give me a women
    only shower, so we had the coed type.  Also, the Italian tradition
    is that all wedding and shower gifts are cash (that's so the couple
    can pay for the wedding from the envelopes, which is what we had
    to do), so I don't know how they would have given me the other type
    of shower.
    
    Anyhow, we had it on a Saturday night and had the same band at the 
    shower as we had at the wedding and a sit-down dinner etc. (the shower 
    was basically the same as the wedding except I didn't have on a 
    wedding gown) and we partied til the wee hours of the morning. It
    was the first time my husband had been to a shower like that and
    he had a ball!  Now he even looks forward to my cousins' weddings
    and showers because they are along the same lines.
    
    I've always hated all-women wedding and baby showers, and I have
    never wanted any of those.  I think it's much more fun to have everyone
    involved and have a party that everyone can enjoy.  After all, it
    is a time to celebrate, so why not make the most of it.
    
    Cathy

If you have only women friends, then have an only women shower.

For me, I have too many male friends to leave them out of my wedding or
baby shower.  I would feel bad if I couldn't invite them, but their female
spouses were coming.  And what about my gay male friends?  Should they be
left out alltogether?  No, not in my opinion.

...and I did think of another type of shower first upon reading the title...

              Carol   :-)

    We had a co-ed wedding party. One of my ushers was a woman. Because
    she was my friend. One of my wife's bridesmaids was a man. Because
    he was her friend.
    

    /Les

    I like that!  Back in the less-liberated early 70's my husband and
    I thought we were being radical to have him pick one bridesmaid,
    and me pick one usher.  I was really glad we did it that way, but
    it never occurred to me to do it like you did.
    
    Holly

    A couple of years ago, a number of (co-ed) us held a baby shower
    in the stockroom for one of our Material Planners whose wife
    was pregnant with their first child; gangs of fun!
    
    Steve
    

	Having attended variations of both, single bachelor parties,
	and jack/jills, I found that the J/J was a better idea.
	At weddings, there is so many surrounding things going on,
	and you have to meet people, that you have never met before.
	At the J/J you can meet these people before hand, and takes
	a little pressure off at the wedding...

		micheal

Perhaps the difference between your wedding reception and your bach' party is
that for the bach' party you can invite your friends...  Tons of relatives seem
to be required at weddings.

I seem to recall that there was some kind of protocol for who came to each and
both, but I've forgotten the details. 

Jim.

I'm all for the co-ed showers. It's about time men had to suffer through
those things..;-). I've always dreaded getting invitations to them and
I usually find an excuse not to go.

Jenna

Most women I know do not like to attend showers either.  So,
several years ago when two friends were getting married, we were 
in somewhat of a dilemma.  We wanted to do something in honor of
the event, but the traditional shower seemed inappropriate for a 
bunch of reasons.

We decided to have a shower for the man, complete with the usual 
shower "trappings" (decorations, favors, cake).  The theme --
pleasure enhancers.  The shower was co-ed, since most of the
males would not have known what's usually done at a shower.  Most
people were initally surprised at the idea of a shower for the
man.  From the comments I heard about it, it seemed to have been
the most fun shower the women had attended.  The men didn't seem
to have anything with which to compare it. 

It was such a success that when my brother got married two years
later, we had a shower for him.  The theme this time was Smurfs 
(but that's another story).  It was another fun gathering with a
mixture of friends and relatives. 

I never could understand why showers (in this area anyway) were
just supposed to be for the women.  The ones for and with the men 
seemed to be much more fun.

    There's a misconception among a lot of people that the events
    surrounding a marriage are set in stone and have to be gone through
    exactly or you aren't really married.  Witness the way people try
    to fold, cut, bend, spindle, and mutilate their divorced and remarried
    families to fit the supposed ideal of being escorted down the aisle
    by one beaming father while one mother sniffles in the front aisle.
    
    Historically, the shower was just a party given in honor of one
    or both of the parties being married.  There was a parallel custom
    of the women in the family making sure that the bride had everything
    she needed to start the new household.  Originally this was the
    bride's godmother's responsibility, gradually expanded to include
    all the female members of both the bride's and the groom's family.
    In the U.S., these two customs have been blended into the shower.
    
    Likewise, a reception was just a big party given after the ceremony.
    
    Back when showers and receptions were just big parties, before they
    grew to be considered part of the wedding, they were always tailored to
    the circumstances and tastes of the people giving the parties. People
    who didn't like fussy little afternoon teas gave hearty after-hunting
    dinners in pavillions on the lawn.  People who didn't like the smell of
    horses served delicate sandwiches in the conservatory.  People who
    didn't like dancing gave dinners instead of balls.  

    That's what we did.  Almost nobody in either family likes to dance,
    so why should we waste money on a band that no one would enjoy,
    just because that's what you're supposed to have?  We took the families
    and the wedding party to a nice local restaurant for a nice
    steak-and-wine dinner, and everybody had a wonderful time.
    
    So if you want your men friends present, why not?  The quality of a
    shower, no matter who's invited, depends on the people attending but
    mostly on the host or hostess.  Just like any other party. 
    
    The party my sister-in-law's aunt gave for her before she married
    my brother was one of the wildest parties I've ever been to -- and
    we did some things that we wouldn't have done if men were present.
    (No, I'm not going to repeat them in public....)
    
    --bonnie

    When I was getting married, my "best woman" and I conspired and
    planned my inevitable "surprise" shower: it was to be a co-ed cook-out
    on the beach where she lived.  Perfect.  
    
    But partly because she procrastinates so much, and partly because
    her mother and my mother decided that poor single Charlene obviously
    didn't know what was _supposed_ to be done, I ended up with an
    all-women "bridal brunch."  It was nice, but not what I wanted...
    
    I had similar, typically boring unisex baby shower.  On the other
    hand, my co-workers threw a co-ed baby shower for me at work AND
    my husband's co-workers threw a co-ed baby shower at Stratus where
    he works.
    
    All I know is that Paul certainly gets as much, if not more use
    out of those knives and the popcorn popper and the baby clothes
    as I did!
    

    When I was getting married we had a testimonial. Much on the same
    idea as a Jack and Jill, but no gifts. The idea of a testimonial
    is to have everyone in town come to party and dance. There is always
    a $2.00 admission as to pay for the band and to help the couple
    get started on the right track. There is nothing fancy it is just
    alot of fun. This is in addition also to a full fledged bridal shower.
    

    
    Excuse me, but what exactly is a shower ? (As in Bridal or Baby,
    I know about the sort with water.) I've got some idea, but I would
    appreciate a fuller explanation.

    A bridal or  baby shower is when friends of the bride to be
    or mother to be gather to give gifts. This used to be the
    women friends of the bride or mother to be. The gifts often
    tended to the pracitcal as well. Bridal showers often had
    a theme such as kitchen or bathroom supplies.
    
    Bonnie

    yes, but doesn't the bride usually get a "sexy" negligee at the
    most embarrassing moment possible? 

    A friend of mine claims that when she got married, her friends
    gave her a shower at which the gifts were
    
    
    
    sex toys of every variety.  She got three dildoes, two manual
    and one automatic.
    
    Now that's my kind of party!
    
    --bonnie