Conference turris::womannotes-v1

      Does it count if my wife is pregnant??
    
               REK

    It certainly does... congratulations REK_:-)

    
    I'm looking forward to having children, when the other factors in
    my life fall into place...first I have to find Mr. Right and get
    married though. I always had my doubts about children, but I was
    never around any. In the past year, that has all changed. My friends
    from high school have had children, and I've just generally been
    around them more. There is a commercial on T.V. that I really like.
    It has children discribing their colds. They're all so cute.
    
    Well until that time comes....I'll adore others.
    
    MJF

    Thanks for starting up this note!!  I sometimes wondered myself
    if some of the womannoters have had their babies.
    
    I am fortunate enough to have a healthy pregnancy this time and
    have a due date of June 27.  My husband and I are looking forward
    to parenting with much excitement!
    
                                Getting rounder everyday!
                                            - Sue
    

      Last night the wifey-poo and I watched a VCR tape called
    "Baby Basics". Our Lamar's teacher showed some bits and pieces
    from it during class. A couple of sundays ago there was a advertisment
    in the Boston Globe for this tape, so we bought it, it was 40 dollars
    but worth a penny of it. If you have a chance to see this please
    do. It brings out a lot of little things that are overlooked.
    If any one wants any information about this tape just drop me a
    line and I'll do my best to help you out.
    
                       REK
    
    PS Baby due Feb 7th, but I think it will be sooner...

    Well, you all know that I'm pregnant.  Due Feb 27, but we figure
    it will be later.  I'm ready - too bad the baby's not.  :-}
    
                      Carol

    Yes, due date August 23. I am new to this notes conference. In
    fact, my pregnancy is the reason I began reading this notes
    conference. I am interested in the special considerations that
    a pregnant woman within the Digital workplace should have in
    mind.
    My search has not been very successful so far. I am interested
    in knowing what "hazards" of our workplace may impact the 
    health of my pregnancy. 
    I spoke with the local Health Services nurse regarding exposure
    to radiation from VDT's since I sit in front of one all day.
    The information I was given to read claims there is no proven
    risk, but I still worry.
    Any pointers to information (please no hearsay) will be 
    appreciated.

    WOW! Someone really wants to hear me talk about being pregnant!
    
    I try not to talk too much about it, but everyone who sees me 
    invaribaly asks "How are you feeling?" or something.  I love
    talking about it, but I wonder if, at some point, I'm boring people,
    or if they are genuinely interested.
    
    At any rate, I LOVE BEING PREGNANT!  This will be my first child
    and is due early May (an ultrasound next week should pinpoint the
    date).  I am either due earlier than expected or I am going to have
    a 10lb baby! (ouch!).
    
    My husband has three children from an earlier marriage.  I wondered
    whether he would consider this 'old hat' - I was worried, and
    thought that I wouldn't be able to feel the excitement of having
    a baby as first time parents do.  But he is helping to make this
    a very special time for me!
    
    I didn't have morning sickness, and have never felt better (physically
    and mentally) in my whole life!  I feel very lucky.
    
    Well, I had better stop now - I feel a ramble coming on!  
    
    Thanks for starting this topic!
    
    Dorothy
    
    

    Am I ever glad to have a place where we pregnant people can talke
    about our thoughts, feelings, etc.  This is my first pregnancy,
    I'm due March 22.  Basically, I've felt well...I've had my days,
    but fortunately, they've just been "days," not weeks and weeks
    of feeling under the weather.
    
    I'm looking ahead -- past labor and delivery -- to the actual parenting
    experience.  Diapers, 3 a.m. feedings, colic, etc., etc., and I
    look at myself and wonder if I'll be a good parent.  Those of you
    who are adult children of substance dependent parents (be the substance
    alcohol, food, or as it was in my case, prescription tranquilizers)
    will understand *exactly* what I mean!
    
    Are there any characteristics of a "good" parent?  Is there something
    I should be striving for, or a trait I should try to cultivate?
    
    I am thankful for your support.  Actually, people have been quite
    nice about my pregnancy.  The only person who doesn't seem interested
    is my father.  This is his 15th grandchild, and, as he told my husband
    last summer, "Grandchildren are pretty old hat to me by now." 
    
    Old hat, new hat...hey!  We're talking the future here!
    
    Kate

Re < Note 649.9 by CELICA::KNELSON >
                         -< Thank God, and a question >-

>    I'm looking ahead -- past labor and delivery -- to the actual parenting
>    experience.  Diapers, 3 a.m. feedings, colic, etc., etc., and I
>    look at myself and wonder if I'll be a good parent.

I think almost all prospective parents have that same doubt.  In our case it
was worse the second time around.  Try to think of calming a crying child or
changing its very full diaper as a spiritual experience :-).

>    Those of you
>    who are adult children of substance dependent parents (be the substance
>    alcohol, food, or as it was in my case, prescription tranquilizers)
>    will understand *exactly* what I mean!

We are both children of substance abusers, but we have both worked our 
respective ways through that, so it doesn't seem to be much of a problem.
If you are with any kind of support group for that problem, I don't think
you will have trouble with it. 

   
>    Are there any characteristics of a "good" parent?  Is there something
>    I should be striving for, or a trait I should try to cultivate?

Yeah, love your kid.  I don't think you will have any trouble with that one.
Just let it come naturally.

Good luck!  You will probably wonder just what the heck you are doing at 3 in
the morning, but the answers usually come after a little sleep.  I'm really
happy for you.

/Mike

    Kate,
    
    I, too, am thinking beyond the birth.  I wonder what my baby
    will be like; personality, etc.  And what I will be like as
    a parent.  I tend to be a pessimistic thinker, so I worry about
    colic, not being able to console my baby, and things like that.
    Then I really start to worry about the health of my baby, will
    she/he have 10 fingers and toes.  But, I understand that these
    worries are normal and that I have been doing the best for my
    child so far, and I also know now (after feeling the little
    thing moving around inside!) that I will love my child, whether
    she/he is perfect or a little less than perfect.  I just can't wait!
    
    I am also the adult child of an abuser (substance and physical)
    and I should say that that was my foremost worry.  They used to
    say that if children were physically abused then they would grow
    up to be abusers.  They are now finding that that is not the case
    at all; that possibly the opposite is true.
    
    I love my child already, I know pretty much what to expect, the
    atmosphere under which my siblings and I were abused isn't present
    in my life, I am more intelligent and patient than my abuser....
    
    What I am trying to say is I am *aware*, I hope I won't be surprised
    to much by anything my child brings.  
    
    Gosh, it sounds like I am trying to convince myself that I am going
    to be a good parent!  But, what I try to separate are those fears
    that are a part of the 'baggage' that I am carrying around or just
    the fears of a parent-to-be.
    
    Well, I hope the remainder of your pregnancy (and everyone else's)
    goes well.  I just had my first ultrasound this morning and have
    been staring at the polaroid all day!  Do I see Molly or Samuel?
    I couldn't tell!
    
    Ciao,
    Dorothy
    
    
    

    There's a man in my group who just became a first-time father. He and I
    took a walk after lunch one day (before the birth) and he was
    worrying/awarenessing/wondering about many of the same things.
    Basically, my thoughts are that child-rearing is a "learn-as-you-go"
    process, and no matter how many books you read and stories you hear,
    the future of your child is unique.  It's not like you could, with one
    little mistake, wipe out your child's memory banks or break them like a
    china teacup.  Humans are much more malleable and aware than that.
    Were I to have a child, I would try to keep in mind that this is a
    *little human being*.  This *little human being* would depend on me
    (and my spouse) for support, nurture, information...but most of
    all...love.  By loving the child, and being consciencious about how
    many of the things you do impact it, and by being flexible in many
    situations, your child will *bloom* in his/her own way. 
    
    Don't worry, you've got at least 9 months of practice before you have 
    the next, right?
    
    :-)
    
    -Jody
    

    Kate,
    I know that YOU will be a terrific mom -- just remember that you're
    not the first to do it and that millions have been successful in
    this parenting business with far less intelligence than you have.
    
    All the talk about colic and 3 a.m. feedings -- it only lasts for
    the first 2-3 months if that in most cases. And there is usually
    a good reason why a baby doesn't sleep through the night by 3 months.
    
    I did find comfort in a couple of books: T. Berry Brazleton's books
    and Penelope Leach's "Your Baby and Child from Birth to Age 5."
    
    So far my girls are surviving my mothering just fine, despite all
    the things I don't do "by the book" and yours will too.
    
    Have you been reading the parenting conference? You might find some
    helpful hints in there too. (WORDS::PARENTING)
    
    Lots of luck and let us know when the baby is born.
    
    Maryan
    

RE: .11 Dixon

"They used to say that if children were physically abused then they would grow
up to be abusers.  They are now finding that that is not the case at all; that
possibly the opposite is true." 

I believe that statement was if the children are unaware of the problem. Several
of my parents behaviors I decided at an early age that I would not be like them.
They came up, but I was able to recognize them, and avoid most of them. 

"What I am trying to say is I am *aware*,... Gosh, it sounds like I am trying to
convince myself that I am going to be a good parent!"

I have no doubt that you will be. :-)

RE: .12 BOBBITT

Yes children are pretty forgiving...  which is good because a crawler often
seems be engaged in destructive testing, eitherof themselves or their
environment. 

RE: womannotes

I don't imagine anybody wants to know what fathers worry about when "they" are
pregnant? :-(

Jim. 

    re: .11
    
    Dorothy,
    
    You indicated that recent findings don't uphold the belief that
    children of abusers grow up to be abusers.  Could you point me
    towards some of those newer findings?
    
    Thanks,
    
    Steve (curious non-parent)
    

    would you please start another note on abuse and leave this
    one on the topic that it was intended for...

    Well, my ultasound showed that I am not farther along than expected,
    just a *big* baby!  How exciting!
    
    I would also like to hear about the fears/thoughts of the father-to-be.
    As I said before, my husband has 3 dhildren from an earlier marriage.
    His concern was that he would be unconsciously left out of things.
    He said that his first wife had little time for him (Please, no comments
    about "Well, how much did he help" etc... he knows where the mistakes
    were made the first time around).
    
    What do fathers worry about?
    
    (Quickie - Steve, I heard it on a talk show from a University study,
    sorry I don't have more details)
    
    Dorothy
    

RE: .18  "What to fathers worry about?"

Well, for my first child I worried very much about financial matters, being as
we were both still in school, both working, and had run out of money for school,
but hadn't finish degrees.  Also we were living in an elderly man's home in
exchange for company and chores.  We could not stay there with my son though.

We ended up getting a university apartment, and I was working three jobs,
classes, and interviewing for a 'real' job when my son was born.  He was born on
welfare medicaid. I had finally received my BSCS a month before the birth, got a
job offer from DEC two weeks after, and moved out here at age two months. 

After we moved out here I resented having to work instead of staying home... :-)

Jim.

    
    
    	hello friends,
    
    	just got the word today, number three is on the way.
    	nervous, scared, jittery? Who me? Not a chance. (yeah sure)
    	Deidre would like a girl and I'll have another guy.
    	Got two boys now, 6 and 5, need a goalie!
    	
    	Have a great day
    	
    	Dave

    A daughter can be a goalie too!
    
    --bonnie

    
    	sorry bonnie, you're absolutely right.
    	man, where's my head at?!!

    
    You bet. When I was still teaching, one of my ex-junior-high
    students (female) played goalie for the JV ice hockey team.
    And this was a town that had darn good hockey teams!
    
    It's less a matter of skill than it is being able to handle the
    crap from the guys. Mom and Dad lay the groundwork for *that*
    particular skill.
    
    --DE
    

    Curiosity will kill the cat if someone doesn't update us about the
    babies that were due.  
    
    b.