Conference turris::womannotes-v1

You might look into Concord Family Services, 369-4909.  I've seen some
newspaper advertisements for various workshops and sessions on Communication
for Couples - contact Gisela Trump - at Concord Family Services.

    A couples counselor with a feminist - what?  Perhaps you merely
    meant to ask for a counselor who was unbiased about male-female
    roles?
    
    I was pleased with the counselor I used, Janet Noonan in Nashua.
    Her number is 880-1938.  I have no idea if she is a feminist or
    not, and am puzzled why it should matter.
    
    				Steve

re .-1:

    >I have no idea if she is a feminist or not,
    >and am puzzled why it should matter.
    
(*Please* note: this is *not* intended to flame .-1 author. *Nor*
is it an assessment of .0's situation.)

	It matters, because psychiatry/therapy are far from innocent
 in the institutionalization of sexism. Many, many women with normal
human aspirations for themselves, or very legitimate gripes about male
SO's behavior in relationship, have been told by old-line practitioners
in single/couple therapy that these aspirations are 'inappropriate'
or gripes 'overreactive'...and discussion proceeds about how to fix
'their' problem...imagine how demoralizing that must be!

	"unbiased about male-female role" ==> to be feminist, nowadays.

    A good counselor should be able to counsel without her or his own
    biases intruding.  I was simply curious as to what aspect of being
    a "feminist" mattered.  Does the counselor have to be a NOW member
    to be eligible?  As we have seen earlier in this conference, the
    word "feminist" means different things to different people.
    
    When I was looking for a counselor to see if my marriage could be
    helped, I wasn't looking for a "maleist" (or whatever the term
    might be), but rather a counselor who would take the time to
    objectively asses both of our stories and help us work towards
    a common goal.  I admit I selected a woman counselor mainly
    because I wanted a bias, if any, to be towards my wife, not that
    simply picking a woman was a guarantee of this, of course.
    It didn't help, unfortunately, but that wasn't the counselor's
    fault.
    
    I disagree that "feminist" is the same as "unbiased about male-female
    role".  "Humanist" might be closer to that.  To me, the word
    "feminist" implies a bias towards the female.  If that's what you
    want, then fine.  But let's not argue the meaning of "feminist"
    here - we've already covered that in another note.

    					Steve

    Recently I took a group seminar course at HCHP.  I noticed on their
    list that they offered a "couples counseling" course for those whose
    troubles weren't too bad - and an advanced "couples counseling"
    course for those who perhaps are in more dire straits.  Sometimes
    they open these to those outside the Harvard Community Health Plan,
    but would probably give preference to those who belonged to the
    plan.  I have found their courses/seminars to be very helpful, and
    if you have any questions you can call them (Cambridge Center's
    main number is 661-5500, although they also have centers in Wellesley,
    Kenmore, Southboro, etc...)
    
    -Jody
    
    

    RE: objective therapists
    
    No such thing. Everyone brings their own ideas, beliefs, etc.
    ("themselves") to their work. Therapists included.
    
    That's why one needs to shop around for a therapist. Admittedly,
    a "good" therapist will not attempt to force their *ideas* on a
    client; however, the way they relate to and work with people has
    very much to do with their personalities and belief systems.
    
    My first choice would always be someone who would call herself a
    feminist, if not up-front, at least if I asked.
    
    Dawn
    

	FWIW: A "feminist" counsellor may be sought if some of the perceived 
	problems relate to differences involving traditional (sexist? :-) 
	roles in a relationship.  Especially if one partner is rather firmly 
	rooted in such beliefs.  

	back to .0

	BTW, where are you?  So far we've had recommendations in Mass and NH,
	but not all WOMANNOTES readers come from Greater Boston!

	You can also contact the Employee Assistance Program for a referral
	(check the DEC phonebook for number in your plant).  They have a
	good feel for the people they use as referrals, and may have some
	insight into their styles.  EAP counsellors are not allowed to refer
	people to their own practice, although you may get a referral to them
	from counsellors (from a different practice) at another plant....

	I can't recommend anyone based on personal experience; I didn't
	care for the counselling style of the person I dealt with.  Karen Ela
	also does couples counselling in the Nashua area: 603-889-8648.

		Helen

    I concur with Dawn's observation, Steve:  there is no such thing
    as an objective therapist, and any practitioner who tells you s/he
    is such a one should be avoided like the *plague* because s/he is
    either lying or [worse] self-deluded.
    
    The best anyone can hope for is someone who is upfront enough to
    tell you accurately where they're coming from.
    
    						=maggie
    				(who was doing a PhD in Clinical Psych
                                 until she tripped over a computer and
                                 switched to Cognitive!)

       Often, one  sees  a counsellor as objective if their overall view
       of the problem matches in some respect your own "gut analysis" of
       what the problem is.

       It is a corollary of the statement that "an intelligent person is
       one whose opinions are the same as mine". 

				Nigel

    Thanks for the replies. In response to almost all of them I should
    elaborate. My SO is a feminist, and would be unwilling to go to
    any counsellor who did not have an explicitly feminist perspective.
    Sometimes I think this is a bit one-sided, but feminism benefits
    men, too (Forgive me if I'm going over things previously
    discussed---I'm a new reader to this file.)
    
    Our life has become more traditional (house and associated m/f
    roles) and discontent and confusion are increasing without our having
    much  of an idea of what to do about it, except to involve a disinterested
    third party. Hopefully, that party can be a feminist, be in
    the Cambridge/Arlington/Somerville/Medford area, and be located
    soon. Any other referrals?

    I would urge you at least have an exploratory/get-acquainted interview
    with Ann Fitzgerald.  Her office is at 500 West Cummings Park in
    Woburn, and her phone is 935-8850.   She is a strong and determined
    feminist though not one who is all fangs and claws; she is smart and
    caring; and she would have absolutely no hesitation about referring you
    further if it seemed as though she wouldn't be able to help.  Her
    qualifications are MEd and LCSW (but her training is as a psychologist
    rather than as a social worker, if I remember correctly). 
    
    As it happens, she is a VP of EAP Systems (who have the/a contract with
    DEC to provide EAP services).  Because of that, she would normally have
    to refer you out so as to avoid conflict-of-interest, but since this
    referral to her is coming from me, a person who will gain no financial
    advantage from making it, no conflict could be construed to exist
    except by the most draconian reasoning.
    
    Do talk with her at least the once, both of you.  You cannot lose by it.
    
    						=maggie 

    I heartily recommend Laura Brown, in Cambridge Mass.  She does
    couples counseling and is very insightful and astute.  I don't
    exactly know what you mean by feminist, but I do know Laura is
    a women of the times and respects people's rights to be who they
    are not to act out roles expected of them.
    
    One approach Laura takes that I find effective is to schedule
    counseling sessions in two hour blocks.  45 min for each person
    separately, and 30 minutes for both together.  This really gets
    things moving more than conventional 1 hour per week sessions.
    
    She takes John Hancock insurance and is a little on the expensive
    side.  
    
    Laura is a delightful, loving and wise person, and I found it easy
    to trust and open up to her.  
          
    Her number is 617 661-0803. 
    
    Good luck,
    
    Alicia

    Someone mentioned a center with basic and advanced courses, and
    said that the advanced courses are for people who need *more* help
    (not the exact quote).
    
    In some of the centers I have worked in, we ran advanced courses
    for people who had done a lot of basic therapy work, and wanted
    to work with other people with similar experience.  They really
    were advanced courses in the usual sense of the word advanced--they
    were geared to people with a good deal of experience.
    
    Holly