Conference wahoo::fishing

    Re-1
    
     That IS a good one...a couple of years ago a lady friend of mine
    made a needlepoint(?) picture with this saying on it...looks great
    in the den.
    
    
    
    Bagel

    
    
               Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by LIARS
               in old clothes.
    
    
               Right?? Joe T.,WORM,Bassin Bob,Rich,etc.......
    
    
    
                                           The Keg

    
    How about................
    
    
    
    A bad day of fishin is still better than a good day at work!
    
    
    
    
    								Dennis

    "The number of fish caught is in inverse proportion to the number
    of brews consumed."  ...or...is that the other way around?

    Here's one off a plaque seen at a bar I cannot remember where:
    
    "All fishermen/women are liars except You and Me....
    
    			.. And I'm not so sure about you !"
    
    
    
    Gus
    

    
    
    	When the going gets tough,
    	The tough go fishing!!
    
    
    	My friends say I fish too much!  (Fish head on human body)
    
    	My wife says if I go fishing one more time she'll leave me.
    	Darn, I'm gonna miss her.
    
    

    
    
    Missing a days fishing is not a matter of life and death. 
    Its much more important than that.
    
             (From Jacks beer can 'thermos wrap')  
    

    Handy Conversion Formulae for Fish Stories:
    
    In order to convert the numbers cited in fish stories to some semblance
    of reality, reduce stated fish lengths by 1/3, fish weight by 1/2,
    and fish quantity by 2/3's. Then double both the cited number of
    beers consumed and the time spent on the water.

    
    
    The time you spend fishing
    
    is not considered time used up in a day.

HSJ Theorum # 28:

The time spent fishing is time well spent.


HSJ Theorum # 13:

The time spent working is time that should have been spent fishing.

    Corollary to .7:
    
    But not as important as missing TWO days of fishing.

    
    Fishing is the "art of avoiding work"
    
    In Massachusetts old fishermen never die- They just smell that way.
    
    "I never use bait, It disturbs my fishing"
    
    " But if you put fish in the cooler it makes the beer taste funny"
    
                        Th,Th,Th,That's al folks
    

    
    
       My wife used to think fishing was a fun/cheap sport.
    
       Now she has to put into the monthly budget 
    
             FISHING IS DAM EXPENSIVE !!
                            
    
       Actually it's merely the phenomenon of having your own
       tackle shop in your boat.
    
       Which brings me to this for boaters.
    
       A BOAT IS MERLEY A HOLE IN THE WATER INTO WHICH
       ONE POURS MONEY.
    
       Bassmaster (Still married)
    
       Dave Sullivan

     Fishing is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
    
    --The Skoal Bandit (who is waiting to see how THE WORM handles this.

    A recent bumpersticker seen attached to a $150 thousand plus
    sportfishing as in tuna boat.
    
    "The old boy with the most toys when he dies wins."
    
    the "edge"

    YO,           
                  "They say that after you've fished for catfish long
                   enough, and have caught enough of them, you begin
                   to look like them."
                                              NIGHTCRAWLER~~~~~~~~~~~~~      
                                                        

    
    HE FISHES IN THE MORNIN'
    HE FISHES AT NIGHT,
    HE FISHES ALL DAY,
    AND TELLS LIES,
    TO HIS FED UP WIFE.
    
                        THE LIAR
    
    
    
    

	Whereas the world is surrounded by 2/3 water and only 1/3 land, it is
clear the good Lord intended we should spend twice as much time fishing as we do
working.

       

             ....Keep your rubbers wet, and your rod high...............
    
    
    
                                             j

    "For every hour spent fishing, you add a day to your life"

   "Do not give a man a fish,but teach him how to fish"

    Sign in my office...
    
    			WARNING!!
    			FISHING POX
    		VERY CONTAGIOUS TO ADULT MALES
    	SYMTOMS - Continual complaint as to the need for fresh air,
	sunshine and relaxation.  Patient has blank expression, sometimes
    	deaf to wife and kids.  Has no taste for work of any kind. 
    	Frequent checking of tackle catalogs.  Hangs out in Sporting
    	Goods Stores longer than usual.  Secret night phone calls to
    	fishing pals.  Mumbles to self.  Lies to everyone.  NO KNOWN
    	CURE.
    	TREATMENT - Medication is useless.  Disease is not fatal.
    	Victim should go fishing as often as possible.
    
    Mike_L

    Addendum to .21:
    
    "And subtract a day from the duration of your marriage..."

>>    Addendum to .21:
    
>>    "And subtract a day from the duration of your marriage..."


If this is true, then my divorce must be pending any day now!

-HSJ-

       "Old fishermen don't die, they just SMELL that way!"
                                       
                                                           Denny

    Give a man a fish he will eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish he will eat for the rest of his life.
    
    
    
    Boy I'm starving!!!!
    
    

    I wuztalkin to muh independent driller fran frum de awl patch de
    odder dey an he tole me how de "reverse oil boom" got him.
    
    Oil at $60/barrel:	He had wun ob dem deep see fishin boats(50')
    			an two mistresses.
    
    Oil at $30/barrel:	He had a 14' Rangerboat an a hooker.
    
    Now:		He has a pair ob hip waders an a fantasy!!
    
    Coonass

                          ATLANTIC SALMON FLU
                                 by R. Stevens, Jr.


              There is a sickness that strikes here in Maine,
              It destroys mental thinking and drives men insane.
              It starts up in May and ends in October,
              Good anglers act foolish, although they're stone sober.
              The name of the sickness is called Salmon Flu
              Doctors can't cure it, they haven't a clue.
              As soon as the Atlantics head into the rivers,
              The victim's blood boils and his casting wrist quivers.         
              Out come the Pfleugers, the Fenwicks, the Thomases,
              And out come the excuses, lame lies, and false promises
              To catch up on family duties and chores
              As the victims head out to the sporting goods stores.
              But the house still needs painting, the grass still needs mowing,
             'Cause that's unimportant when salmon are showing.
              No longer do they frequent bowling alleys and pubs,
              They're fishing on rivers or at salmon clubs. 
              They don't stay to home as their women will beg,
              They'll scatter from Bangor to Mattawamkeag.
              No longer are loved ones wrapped up in their arms,
              Their hands are too busy tying up their Blue Charms.
              They arise bright and early from their beds with a shout
              When usually a crowbar couldn't pry them out.
              They drag home that evening when darkness has fell
              Wet, cold, tired, hungry and ugly as hell !
              And catching a salmon just isn't a cure
             'Cause once they catch one, they'll surely want more.
              It's no good to cry, or scream 'til you're hoarse
              They will not listen 'til the flu's run it's course
              don't pity the victims, cause they're having fun.
              Just ask my wife, she's married to one ! 

    
    
    	Do you know why SHARKS don't bite lawyers???
    
    
    	Professional courtesy

    
    
    
    
    
               Welcome to Minnasota, land of 10,000 lakes and one
                                    FISH!!
                                      o
                                      o ??
                                      o_____
                                      /O    \/|
                                      \_____/\|
              MIKE

    
    	Found this one and modified it for a more "notable" flavor
    
    On the opening day of fishing season in Texas an old man in a pickup
    truck bearing Louisiana plates unloaded an old wood pirouque, a one
    piece bamboo rod and a beat up tackle box and headed out to the lake.
    Several hours later, he returned with 50 largemouth bass.  The local
    fishermen, who had had barely a nibble, asked the old man his secret,
    but he ignored them, loaded up his truck and drove away.
    
    The scenario was repeated for the next several days.  Finally, the
    Department of Fish and Game was called in to investigate.  When
    the old man arrived on schedule one day, the Fish and Game officer
    asked to join him.  He shrugged and motioned him into the piroque.
    After an hour of paddling, he reached into his tackle box, pulled
    out a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and threw it into the water.
    The officer watched in shock as the old man netted several stunned
    fish.
    
    "Sir, I don't know what the laws are in Louisiana?"  the officer said,
    "But here in Texas it's illegal to dynamite fish."
    
    The old man pulled out another stick of dynamite, lit the fuse,
    threw it into the officers' lap and growled, "Boy chew gonna sit
    chere an tak or chew gonna fish?"
    
    
   (the attempt at cajun dialect of course is with apologies to Coonass)
    
    Gitzit'
    

    Gud won Gizit!!
    
    Lak de time dey hawled in de fishermun in Mississippi fo "tawkin
    to de fish" wit wun ob dem crank genemurator frum de ole telephuns.
    
    De ole judge look trew de books an don fin nuthin bout electrifying
    fish as bein unlegal. So he fine him $50 an say "I kno its not in
    de book, but it mus be unlegal cause its jus too damn easy!!"
    
    Coonass

    Heard a good one liner recently,
    
    
    "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore
    like an idiot"
    
    
    
    JPL