Conference vaxcat::friends

    So there was this family.  Mom and Dad were young, sincere people who
    cared about the rights of people as human beings.  Eight year old Billy
    was bright,  energetic and astoundingly cute.  And this young family
    moved to a new neighborhood last fall.  After his first day at his
    new school, young Billy arrived home, marched into the kitchen and said
    to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

    Well, Mom, being the progressive, open-minded woman that she was, knew
    that  someday she would have to have a heart-to-heart with her son
    regarding "the facts of life".  She did think she wouldn't have to deal
    with it for a couple more years (8 years old seemed kind of young),
    but, well, this new  school system probably had a liberal sex education
    program, and she would  rather her son hear it from her than from some
    stranger with a rubber-tipped  pointer.  So, she squared her shoulders,
    sat Billy down at the kitchen table  and proceeded to give a detailed
    (and somewhat lengthy) rendition of the birds and the bees and the
    coconut trees.

    Unfortunately, the more she explained, the more perplexed Billy seemed
    to get.  Finally, after a good 30 minutes of explanation, she stopped
    and said, "Billy, do you understand what I've been saying?"  As Billy
    pulled a paper from his school bag, he said, "Well, yes Mom, I
    understand what you said."  And,  pointing to the application for
    enrollment in his school he added, somewhat perplexedly, 
    
    "But how am I suppose to fit all that into this little box?"


    

I had to chuckle this weekend while reading.  A mother decided to try a new 
recipe, chicken mole.  This is a mexican dish that contains unsweetened cocoa.
Her son and husband nearly gagged when they tried it though, instead of using
that nasty bitter cocoa, she had substitued a cadbury's fruit and nut bar!

Yucch!!
    

    
    
    hahahahahahaha Lola! I can imagine something here hehehehehehehe
    
    Almost as good as the lady who wanted to give us a US rubarb pie when
    in the US in '73 this was!. It looked delicious but she had forgotten 
    the sugar....sugar! ;-)))))))))))
    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
    
    m.
    

Yuuch is right, Mark...unless you like sucking on lemons!!  I have to admit
I do.  No really, we have rhubarb growing in the back yard and they are *sour*!!
They need quite a bit of sugar.  I can imagine the puckering when you tasted 
that pie!

L

    
    
     hahahahaha Hi laura! A new word that I like very much too! 
    
     You "Pucker" hehehehehehe sounds like my buddy in the Us from Junior
     high who loved to pucker in his nose! ;-)))))))))))
    
     hahahahaha! I bet that it's not the right word but I sure think they
     should have chosen it for this purpose! ;-)))))))
    
     m. ;-)
    

    kietel kietel Mark :v)
    
    
    A bunch of us were over at my sister-in-law's house Saturday night and
    kept my niece Blythe (almost 2) up wayyy past her bedtime... when her
    Mom took her, she burst into loud tears, making us all feel moderately
    bad.  She quieted down quickly and Lori came back and said Blythe told
    her between sobs "Blythe ok, Mommy go play now" 
    Isn't that tooo cute?
    
    t.

    
    
    I hear there's a new Jackson band forming....
    
    
    
    
    	The Jackson 5 and under...
    
    

    How do you know when your wife is dead?
    
    
    .. this sounds like it might be a sexist joke.. so you'd better mail me
    if you're interested to know the answer to this question.. hehe
    
    
    
    Don
    *8-)

    
    Well, on the way to work today, I decided to take a detour
    to get another hair cut.  I know I just got one a few weeks
    ago, but I decided this morning that I needed to change 
    something in my life, and my hair was the easiest thing 
    to change.  So, I went to the beauty salon, and I said
    to the girl "CUT IT ALL OFF!"  
    
    She thought I was joking.  I wasn't.  I had it all cut off.
    Right up to my ears! :*)  The reason this belongs in this
    particular note is because I called Alan at work and told him
    what I had done.  He thinks it's an april fools joke!  He refuses
    to believe me!  :*)  Boy, is he ever in for a rude awakining
    when I pick him up from work tonight!  What he thinks is a joke
    is actually reality! hehehehehe
    
    
    Terrie
    

    
    
    <gasp!>
    
    <thud>
    
    

*drool*

    Oh Terrie......
    
    
    
    ........ erm... I mean...
    
    
    
    Oh NUDE_NUT..... hehehe

    An Irishman visited his psychiatrist and said, "Look Doc. I've got two
    questions to ask you."
    
    "Right," said the psychiatrist, "ask me the first question."
    
    "Doc," said the Irishman, "could I possibly be in love with an
    elephant?"
    
    "Of course not," said the psychiatrist, "what's your other question?"
    
    
    .."Do you know of anybody who wants to buy a very large engagement
    ring?"
    
                                   ***

    Not to spoil the joke, Don, but is there some significance (which I'm
    obviously missing) that the man is Irish?
    
    Steve

    
    
    	read the title Steve....Don just found his Irish Joke book is
    all....:*)
    
    
    chico

    I did read the title, Chico; it made no reference to "Irish".  In any
    case, thanx for the explanation; makes sense now.
    
    Steve

    
    There was this man who goes to the psychiatrist and a sks him...
    
              "Can you tell me if it is normal and possible that I am 
               madly in love with an elephant?"
    
    "of course you are not" he answers 
    
              "In that case I do have another question"
    
    "yes, go ahead and ask!" 
    
              "Would you know anyone who is interested in buying this
               humongous engagement ring from me?
    
    hahahahaha! I thought it was so funny! ;-)))))) 
    
    m. ;-)
    
    
    

News Flash from the Billary Whitehouse!!!*****

Rumored that lobbiest from Arkansas have been after Prez Billary to nominate 
that great legal scholar Ben Matlock to the Supremes.

End Rumor

:-))))) Tom

I worked in a health food store once.  A guy came in and asked me,
 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park
anywhere near the place.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.  I got
a full house and four people died.

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a
great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many
people ask me if i'm leaving.

When I was a kid, we had a quick-sand box in the backyard.
I was an only child...eventually.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.  So I
had to buy them again.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.  I
put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything.
Every once in a while I turn it on and off.  One day I got a
call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"

I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights.  Now
it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music.  Every time I hear a
new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on
purpose.  Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it
(moving it nearer & fartehr, trying to see it clearly)....
and says, "Here, you can go."

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy
anything specific.

I turned my air condition the other way around,and it got
cold out.  The weatherman said, "I don't understand it.  It
was supposed to be 80 degrees out today."  I said "Oops..."

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little
pictures of cats on them.  Then I took one out and he ran
around in circles.

I spilled Spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.

My neighbor has a circular driveway.  He can't get out.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in
time.

I have an answering machine in my car.  It says, "I'm home
now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road.  I don't know
how I got there.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time."
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture.  You don't have
to go.  You'll just be walking down the street
and.................oohh, that's much better.

I have a hobby.  I have the world's largest collection of
sea shells.  I keep it scattered on beaches all over the
world.  Maybe you've seen some of it.

I Xeroxed a mirror.  Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

     hahahahahahahahahaha they are great, MOO!!!! I like the ones with the
     drivers license picture and the shell collection best! ;-)))))))))))))
    
     thanks! good material to start the week! People were looking at me and
     asking what was so funny!!! I answered "MOOOOOOOO" hahahahahahahaha
     and wasn't lying either hehehehehehehehe!
    
     m.-man! ;-))))))) *big grinns* (better eat a lemon to wipe that stupid
     grinn off again!) hahahaha!
    
     
     
    

    
    	Hey, it's NICE to be able to give a man that much pleasure in 
    	the morning!!!!  Only thing is, I get a complex if he's LAUGHING
    	when I do!!!! hehehehehe  <thud>
    
    	Here's to you, my friend!!!!  Have a nice day!
    
    	>M<  (MOO-babe)

<forwards removed>

                         MEMORANDUM TO ALL EMPLOYEES


RESTROOM USE POLICY

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under
informal guidelines.  Effective in two weeks, a Restroom Trip Policy will be
established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each
employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

Under the policy, a Restroom Trip Bank will be established for each employee.
The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty (20) Restroom Trip
Credits.  Restroom Trip Credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with
personnel identification stations and computer-linked voice print recognition
devices.  Before the end of this month, each employee must provide two (2)
copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Personnel
Department.  The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not
restrictive, for the rest of this month.  Employees should acquaint themselves
with the stations during this period.

Beginning the first of next month, the policy will be fully operational.  If
the employee's Restroom Trip Credit balance reaches zero, the doors to the
restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next
month.  In addition, all restroom stalls will be equipped with timed paper roll
retractors.  If the stall is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm
will sound.  Thirty (30) seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will
retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open.  If
the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board in the lunch room.
Anyone's picture displayed there three (3) times will be terminated.  If you
have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor.

Some films to choose for the weekend that are currently doing the rounds :

    Terms of Employment
    
    A weepy for all the family. A father receives the tragic news that he 
    is about to keep his job at Dogital. In this heart rending story, he 
    recounts his thoughts and unfulfilled dreams whilst continuing his 
    ongoing struggle against the establishment in a fruitless fight for 
    justice.
    
    Gone with the Package
    
    At last, the long awaited sequel to the 50's classic. It's now 130 
    years on and Scarlet's great great grand-daughter, Tracy, has moved 
    from her homeland to the rolling green fields of Reading where she 
    struggles to find love and happiness. Eventually she falls madly in 
    love with Geoff, a simple sheep shearer, and discovers the true 
    meaning of passion. However, there's trouble brewing in the south but 
    does Geoff give a damn?
    
    Jurassic Park 2
    
    Millions of years ago, enthusiasm roamed throughout DogDirect, only
    to become extinct after the metal box age. Now Professor Simon
    Shiny has recreated again a small spark of excitment by copying an
    original thought. In duplicating an exact replica of DogDirect from
    a photo of Peter Hokey, Simon is able to produce a new prototype.
    But the rosy vision starts to go wrong when the Partnerosaurus goes
    on the rampage, and parts start splitting off.
    
    Fantasia
    
    A modern re-make of the legendary Disney film. Typically Disney, 
    thoroughly enjoyable. This film is set in a world where there is no 
    pain, and no distress and where everybody lives happily ever after. 
    Directed by Vincenzo Demeaning with the screen play written by Chris 
    Conman. A must for this summer. 
    
    Children of a Lesser Job
    
    A tragic tale of a young deaf girl who, through no fault of her own, 
    is profiled and transferred to suitable alternative employment. Join 
    her as she faces her toughest challenge yet as she joins Dogitals 
    infamous telesales team.
    
    Superman 54
    
    The Man of steel is back in this new blockbuster. Having been 
    right-sized and forced to return his super powers (as they were 
    company assets) our superhero leaves only to find that Dogital is 
    threatened by a mystery plague which is spreading doom and 
    despondency throughout his former company. Superman must find the 
    person responsible and banish him forever, however, our gallant 
    knight doesn't face this latest peril alone, he teams up with 
    Alphaman who is faster and more powerful.....but can he save the 
    company?
    
    Indiana Jones and the Last Pay Rise
    
    Our hero returns in an all new action packed adventure. Indy goes in 
    search of the mythical lost pay rise. Along the way he encounters 
    many dangers but none more perilous than The Five Goals of God - five 
    ordeals of such lethal cunning that were designed to prevent any 
    chance of achieving success. Does he succeed? Well, you'll just have 
    wait until July to find out! 
    
    The Organ
    
    The producer of the highly acclaimed film "The Piano" returns with 
    this emotionally charged sequel. A sad employee is forced to move 
    offices but finds settling down hard. Without any friends and unsure 
    of her new surroundings, she finds sanctuary from her sadistic 
    manager and seeks comfort in an old workstation. With many artistic 
    scenes filmed on location, one of the most stunning clips is set in 
    the grounds of a misty DOGpark, where sits our heroine playing a 
    lonely VEX Workstation 3100.

    Conway's List
    
    Trapped between crippling salaries and a jack boot management 
    hierarchy,Oskar Conway draws up a list of 800 men who are given 
    the chance to live again. Smuggled through reception with little
    more than a bulging package and a reference, grateful ex-doggies
    find freedom through redundancy
    
    The Fugitive 2
    
    Framed for a sales team he didn't construct, Dr Terry Birtle must
    find the one-armed Yorkshireman. His only clue, the word "Dell".
    After discovering his mistress Diane Direct dead on her feet, he is
    mercilessly pursued by a balding policeman Tommy Lee Shiach to a 
    golden handshaking climax
    
    Indecent Proposal 2
    
    Would you accept a million dollars to screw another company? That's 
    the dilemma facing Chubby Conway and most of his friends from I'll
    Be Moving, when the old boy's network come a-calling. After most of
    Dogital's sales management fall into a Well, Chubby and his mates
    make their move, in this remake of the original French film, "Money
    for old rope"
    
    A Few Good Men 2
    
    After critics blasted this implausible story of a group of management
    offering a good day's wage for a good day's work, the film never
    made cinema release, and went straight to video. It's already
    been dubbed a cult comedy classic, in the best tradition of black
    humour.

    >M<!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was sooooooooooooooooooooo funny! ;-))))
    hahahahahahahahhahahaha! thanks! ;-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    
    made my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    m. ;-)
    

   What do you get when you cross Dr. Kavorkian, Dr Ruth & Tonya Harding?




     Killer s*x that leaves you weak in the knees.

 These are from the New York magazine competition where they asked competitors
 to change ONE letter in a familiar non-English phrase and redefine it.

   HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? - Can you drive a French motorcycle?
   EX POST FUCTO - Lost in the mail
   RIGOR MORRIS - The cat is dead
   IDIOS AMIGOS - We're wild and crazy guys!
   PRO BOZO PUBLICO - Support your local clown
   COGITO EGGO SUM - I think; therefore, I am a waffle
   RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scots
   VENI, VIPI, VICI - I came; I'm a very important person; I conquered
   J'Y SUIS, J'Y PESTES - I can stay for the weekend
   QUE SERA SERF - Life is feudal
   LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE ROI - The King is dead.  No kidding.
   POSH MORTEM - Death styles of the rich and famous
   MONAGE A TROIS - I am three years old
   FELIX NAVIDAD - Our cat has a boat
   HASTE CUISINE - Fast French food
   VENI, VIDI, VICE - I came, I saw, I partied.
   QUIP PRO QUO - A fast retort
   ALOHA OY - Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain you should 
   never know
   MAZEL TON - Lots of luck
   APRES MOE LE DELUGE - Larry and Curly get wet
   PORTE-KOCHERE - Sacramental wine
   ICH LIEBE RICH - I'm really crazy about having dough
   FUI GENERIS - What's mine is mine
   VISA LA FRANCE - Don't leave chateau without it
   CA VA SANS DIRT - And that's not gossip
   MERCI RIEN - Thanks for nothin'.
   AMICUS PURIAE - Platonic friend
   L'ETAT, C'EST MOO - I'm bossy around here
   L'ETAT, C'EST MOE - All the world's a stooge
   BOR APPETIT! - I'm so very tired of goat cheese!
   ESPRIT DE CARPS - Enthusiasm for fishing
   CA VA BEEN - It's history
   LA BALLE EPOQUE - Era in which males still dominate but are not
    			so sure about it anymore
   C'EST TAUT - I just came from the gym

    Saw this on a t-shirt in a catalog ... Chico, you would probably like
    this one ..
    
    "This is your Brain" (shows a picture of a gopher)
    
    "This is your Brain on Hollow points" (shows a picture of a gopher with
    no head)
    
    Any questions?
    
    
    H

    
    
    	HAHAHAHAHAHA....! :*) I laughed a good long time at that
    one...you'll have to send me that catalog when you're done! :*)
    
    	chico
    
    (internal address = JAMES P. SADIN HLO1-1/F3)
    
    
    

    If I can get it away from my husband, I'll definitely send it to you.
    (-:
    
    Holly
    

    
    
    	tanx Holly!
    
    
    chico
    

    
    Read somewhere....
    
    	What did the germ say to  a bowl of milk...
    
    
    	.... c'mmere baby, I wanna curdle you.
    
    Ravi.
    *8)

  Yes - it's time for the First Annual Digital Employees Company Savvy 
  Quiz.  This will be a multiple choice quiz to test your knowledge of 
  Digital's current Personnel Policies, Salary Plan, Career 
  Opportunities and Re-Organization in Progress (RIP).  Scoring and 
  what your score indicates about your level of company savvy will be 
  located at the botton of the Quiz.  Good Luck.
  
  1.	You have just received notice that your Manager is leaving for 
        "Special Projects".  You have been told that the "viability of 
        hiring a replacement manager is being negotiated".  You 
        should:
  
  	A.  Apply for the job.
  
  	B.  Discuss the situation with your second-line Manager.
  
  	C.  Take the buyout.
  
  2.	You have just had a one on one with your manager.  He/She 
        indicates that your next salary action will be "Within the new 
        corporate policy guidelines".  You should:
  
  	A.  Plan on buying that great new car.
  
  	B.  Wait and see what happens.
  
  	C.  Take the Buyout
  
  3.	Your Manager has been in meetings all week with his/her 
        managers and second line managers.  People have been running 
        from the room screaming and crying - and several have 
        attempted suicide.  You should:
  
  	A.  Hand out the "Employee Assistance Program" brochures.
  	
  	B.  Consider entering the Management Development Program.
  
  	C.  Take the Buyout.
  
  4.	You have just heard a rumor that your Department is about to 
        be "Redeployed".  You should:
  
  	A.  Enthusiastically read up on Digital's Redeployment 
        policies, looking forward to your new job as a toilet brush.
  
  	B.  Think about taking some college courses in Programming.
  
  	C.  Take the Buyout.
  
  5.	Several of the projects you have been working on have suddenly 
        been eliminated as redundant or unecessary.  You have not been 
        given new projects to replace these.  You should:
  
  	A.  Assume that a great new project is about to be coming your 
        way.
  
  	B.  Consider taking some courses in Statistical Typing.
  
  	C.  Take the Buyout.
  
  6.	Your Manager has suddenly asked you for a complete accounting 
        of your time for the past 18 months, including how much time 
        you have spent in the Ladies/Men's room.  You should:
  
  	A.  Assume that you will be receiving some type of efficiency 
        award.
  
  	B.  Try to get the information together - and attempt to cover 
        up those two hour Mall lunches.
  
  	C.  Take the Buyout.
  
  7.	You have noticed that the number of people in your group has 
        dwindled from 15 to 3.  You are now carrying the workload of 5 
        people, and have been putting in a 90 hour work week 
        routinely.  You should:
  
  	A.  Be certain that you will be getting both salary and 
        personal recognition for all your extra efforts.
  
  	B.  Nervously consider the possiblity that you may drop dead 
        of a heart attack if you keep this up.
  
  	C.  Take the Buyout.
  
  8.	In a few short weeks - all of your management team has 
        disappeared.  No parties, no bon voyage - just gone.  You have 
        been told that your new Manager is "Knud Wecntikiekuoop" from 
        the Reykjavik, Iceland office, which is now apparently your 
        new Regional Headquarters.  You should:
  
  	A.  Take lessons in Icelandic and try to pronounce your new 
        Boss's name.
  
  	B.  Consider applying for that job in Ed Services, even though 
        it's a lateral move.
  
  	C.  Take the Buyout.
  
  
  Scoring:
  
  For every "A" answer, give your self no points.
  For every "B" answer, give yourself one point.
  For every "C" answer, give yourself five points.
  
  Now - here is what your score indicates about your Company Savvy and 
  awareness of the current situation.
  
  0 - 10 Points:
  
  TOTAL OSTRICH
  
  What a Rube.  You probably still believe in Santa Claus and the 
  Tooth Fairy, don't you?  Wake up and read the paper, Pollyanna - and 
  take that class in statistical typing.  You'll need it.
  
  11 - 29 Points:
  
  STILL PRETTY DENSE
  
  Pretty stupid - but not totally.  It's starting to dawn on you that 
  perhaps things are changing around you - and that maybe you just 
  might want to prepare yourself for possible bad news.  
  
  30 - 40 Points:
  
  UPDATING RESUME
  
  You've got the Big Picture.  When and if the unthinkable happens - 
  you will be ready to begin your second career as a Home Shopping 
  Network Co-Host and/or medical experiment Volunteer.

    Neat quiz - I  'C'  where the sensible answers are. Only, is there 
    going to be a buy - out or just a throw - out? 

    hey >M<...can I extract that and send to my HR colleagues? :-)
    
    Jackie

    
    	Sure can.... it was sent to me..... I'm just sharin' 'em
    	with all of you....
    
    	>M<

    My boss liked it!
    
    Thank goodness I have a boss with a sense of humor
    
    Jt

                   Bulwer-Lytton 94
  (from the San Jose Mercury News, 5/18/94, pgs. 1B & 5B)

  Grand Winner, 1994 Bulwer-Lytton (bad) Writing Contest

      "As the fading light of a dying day filtered through the window
    blinds, Roger stood over his victim with a smoking .45, surprised at
    the serenity that filled him after pumping six slugs into the bloodless
    tyrant that had mocked him day after day, and then he shuffled out
    of the office with one last look back at the shattered computer
    terminal lying there like a silicon armadillo left to rot on the
    information highway."
        Larry Brill, Austin, Texas

    
    
    
  Winner, Adventure category

      "Fierce, icy winds mercilessly whipped the naked trees into splinters
    and sent birds wheeling into the horizon as Nick Savage mushed his 
    heavy sled on through the blinding whiteness and thought wearily,
    'Next time I'm hooking up the dogs'."
        Leann Roberts, Iron Station, N.C.
  
    
    
    
  Miscellaneous dishonorable mentions

      "We had been married long enough that Fifi's burning gaze and
    flaring nostrils told me _exactly_ what she wanted, so I hurriedly
    peeled off her tight satin dress, dispatched her lacy French brassiere
    with a flick of the wrist, her garter belt became a 'ringer' on the
    furthest bedpost, and as I sent her imported silk stockings arcing
    gracefully into the laundry hamper, I dropped to my knees and
    promised never, _never_ to go into town wearing her clothes again."
        William "Buddy" Ocheltree, Georgia (last year's grand prize winner)

    It's a lie ... I never filled anybody! HONEST!!!!   ;)
    
    Serenity ~/~

    
    
    	wha'?
    
    

    
    
    RE: .38
    
    	hehehehehehehehehehehe... Serenity you're too much.... *;)))
    I guess the other serenity was being talked about... *;))))
    
    Ravi.
    *8)

    
    
    Seen on a tee-shirt........
    
    
    PMS is a woman's excuse once a month to act like a man acts every day
    of his life.   :*)
    
    
    Terrie
    

Bumper sticker heading home monday:

I have PMS and a handgun... Any Questions?

    re -1
    
    Sombody in here, possibly one of the mods, used that as a P_N awhile
    back. 

Possibly TerriE? She's all tense and still needing that backrub 8^)

    RE: 'cute' sayings; Seen at secretary's doorway:
    
    	"I can go from Zero to Bitch in 4 seconds."

    Jim, Note 123.0  
    
    
    
    
    
    

    Yup, it was me who used that p-name for a while.(-:  
    
    H

Interesting that 123 never got populated 8^)

So Holly, you're setting people on the 3rd for a rematch?

    
    
    	cool bumper sticker I just got:
    
    
    	HITLER STARTED WITH GUN CONTROL TOO!!
    
    :*)
    
    I love it!
    

Forwards removed:

    The May 16, 1994 issue of PC Week has an article titled: DEC to Consult
    with Clinton about National Debt and Downsizing.  Clinton sought out
    DEC's Bob Palmer to learn about cutting costs and improving the 
    nation's "bottom line".
    
    After private talks,  Clinton called in his cabinet and set a new 
    direction for his national agenda.  While there have been no 
    official announcements,  the following proposals have leaked out:   

    
    Federal business units:			   status:

    Armed forces 			Core business but to be reorg'd.
					Self-managed teams to replace
					current chain-of-command.
					 
    Supreme Court			Chief Justice to be retained, 
					remaining positions to be filled
					by contractors

    Senate				Could be sold.  Duties to be 
					handled by a smaller "senior
					leadership team".

    House of Reps.			To be downsized to about 24 members,
					Will still pass laws but actual 
					writing of laws to be outsourced to
					law firm in Arkansas.		

    Post Office				Could be sold or spun off.

    National headcount			Must be cut by  min. 20%. Clinton
					would like to see a smaller, more
					profitable US. TFSO package for
					people to move to Europe and 
					Mexico.     

    National Health Care		Clinton will contract with Canada
					to add all remaining US citizens
					to their system.  Cost savings
					anticipated due to prohibitive 
					travel distance from most of US 
					population.


    Texas				unlikely to be sold

    Massachusetts			Likely to be merged with other
					New England states and then 
					"rightsized".	    

    Florida, California			No new development.  Customers to 
					be migrated to Arkansas.
   
    New York,  New Jersey		To be shut down.  Talks already 
					underway with third party buyer
					interested in creating a geriatric
					center on these sites.

    While unavailable for comment,  rumors are rife that VP Al Gore may 
    soon leave to "pursue other interests."  Speculation is that
    Clinton would like to replace Gore with Hillary Clinton but
    that his advisors see Chelsea as a more politically viable choice.    

    
    Intel is going to be calling it's new chip the RePentium.
    
    :)

    re -1
    
    :-)
    
    Jackie

    
    I came across the following set of 'Rules to live by'... (author
    unknown)
    
    1.	Indecision is the key to flexibility.
    
    2.	You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
    
    3.	There is absolutely no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.
    
    4.	Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
    
    5.	Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
    
    6.	Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
    
    7.	The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
    
    8.	the carefull application of terror is also a form of communication.
    
    9.	Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
    
    10.	Things are more like they are today than they were before.
    
    11.	Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
    
    12.	Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
    
    13.	Friends may come and go, but enimies accumulate.
    
    14.	I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
    
    15.	Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
    
    16.	If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
    
    17.	All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
    
    18.	If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to
    	blame.
    
    19.	One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
    
    20.	By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
    
    21.	Not a shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
    
    22.	The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
    
    23.	There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
    
    24.	This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
    
    25.	Never wrestle with a pig, You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
    
    26.	The trouble with life is, that you're halfway through it before you
    	realize that it's a "do it yourself" thing.
    
    My apologies if these astute observations have already figured
    somewhere else but I haven't seen then thatplace.... *8)
    
    Ravi.

    A good joke for all of you secretaries out there (myself included!)
    
    What's the difference between a secretary and a toilet bowl??
    
    
    
    
    A toilet bowl only has to deal with one *ss at a time!!
    
    H