Conference vaxcat::friends

    A friend of mine sent me this one:
    
                Confusious Say:
    
                  "The trouble with resisting tempation is that
                   it may never come again."
    
    

    
    An eye for an eye only leads to more people being blind
                                		- M.K.Gandhi
    
    One who sits on thorns soon gets the point
    					- Confucious
    
    Everything that goes up must come down
    					- who ??  :)
    
    
    
    				

    All that glitters is not gold.
        ? don't know...
    
    Be Here Now.
        -Baba Ram Dass
    
    Sometimes ya just got to say what the ----
        -line from Risky Business

    Who Knows?
        - a friend of mine
    
    I don't know.
        -me
    
    Confusious say, he who laughs last, is slow.
                        -my father
    
    Confusious say, he who hesitates, is a hesitator.
                        -Also my father

    
    Got this from a friend
    
    	'Learn as if you would live forever
    	 Live  as if you would die  tommorow'
    
    Sush.

    Strive for progress, not perfection.
    
      -Sandy Gallant

    Indecision is the key to Flexibility.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    I go to NO man...they come to me !!

    I'd slap you but sh*t splatters
    
    I wish I knew what made you tick....
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    I hope it's a bomb !
    
    snigger snigger

    I have seen the truth and it makes no sense .
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate .
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    the facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets .
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    
    	Partake of the good fruits,
    	but save the seeds from the best,
    	plant these that others may enjoy the harvest.
    
    From me...
    
    	
    
    
    	Heard this yesterday in the Pastors sermon.
    
        A Man died and goes to Heaven, asks to see what the "other" place
        looks like, so he is escorted there, and it is an endless banquet 
    	room with tables loaded down with all types of good food, and one
    	hand of the people there are tied to the chair behind them, in the
    	other hand is tied a long spoon, it is longer than the arm, and try
    	as they will they can not eat a morsel.
    
    	The return to Heaven, and he looks about and the scene is repeated
    	in all detail but one, in Heaven, the people are helping each other
        eat.
    
    	That is as life should be, help each other.
    
    Dave

    
    PLAQUE ON A FRIENDS DESK:
    
    		"If you enter quietly, state your business,
    		 then leave ... nobody'll get hurt"
    
    
    PLAQUE ON MY DESK:
    
    		"THERE ARE MOMENTS WHEN EVERYTHING TURNS
    		 OUT RIGHT. ....Don't let them alarm you;
    		 they pass."

    Murphy was an optimist.
    
    Skip

    99% of all statistics are useless.

    Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    the trouble with life is, that you're halfway through it  before you
    realize that it's a " do it yourelf" thing .
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    Always go forward, never go straight
    
    ???

    By the time you make  ends meet, they move the ends .
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    I finally got it all together....
    
    and then forgot where I put it..
    
    

      'Stilly should relax with all the friccking quotes' -Sethypooh    

    I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention

    I'm so po' I can't afford the O R !!
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    Just when you think you've fallen as far as you can go...
    
    Someone digs a hole under you.
    
    Skip

    There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...
    
    Usually a freight train headed straight for you...

    If you don't have something nice to say , don't say anything at all !
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    
    
    Sign in my office:
    
    		Where am I?
    		Who am I?
    		How did I come to be here?
    		What is this thing called the world?
    		How did I come into this world?
    		Why was I not consulted?
    		And if I am compelled to take part in it,
    		Where is the Director?
    		I want to see him.

	Those who quote too much have nothing original to say...


							-Seth

    there is always one more imbecile than you counted on !
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    
    
    
    
    	I refuse to match wits with an unarmed person....

    Hi all!
    
    I like this topic. I have a big collection of quotes (funny as well as
    serious). Of course, I cannot share *everything* here because I have
    had this collection going for about 10 yrs now. Anyway, here is one by
    H.W.Longfellow (one of my fave poets).
    
    "The heights by great men reached and kept
    were not attained by sudden flight
    But they while their companions slept
    were toiling upward in the night."
    
    Ah and another that I like..
    
    "What does one do what life becomes unpalatable? Spit it out????"
    
    

    I know I have faults... being wrong isn't one of them.

    I feel good!!
    
    
    
    Just feel me and see!!! :) :)

    Don't bother to agree with me.... I've already changed my mind...

    
    
    	If I told you that you had a great body ....
    
    
    
    	.... would you hold it against me?
    
    
    
    

	hehehehehe!!!  

	Nah, I won't comment!!!   

	I think that we has play bickered long enough.....
	It gets childish after a while....


	Those who hold their tounges, hold on to their respect.


							-Seth

    Fools names, like fools faces, are often seen in public places...
    
    (From my Latin IV teacher, who was about 200 years old...)

    Always remember, Shopping is much better than Sex.
    
    At least after shoppin, if you're not satisfied you can exchange it for
    something you *really* like...
    
    hehehehehe
    annie

    Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world .
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    Joke em ' If they can't take a F*ck !
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    1)better to burp and taste it then to fa*t and waste it !
    
    2) a sigh is simply a gust of wind
    directly from the heart
    but when it takes a downward path it's simply called a fa*t!
    
    3) You know it's gonna be a good day when you sit on your husbands lap
    and realise he's standing up !
    
    4) you know when it's gonna be a bad day, when you put your bra on
    backwards and it fits better !
    
    Tracie.

    
    Definitions:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    
    Exhilaration: That feeling you get just after a great idea hits you,
    ------------  and before you realize what's wrong with it!
    
    Poise: The ability to talk fluently while the other fellow is picking
    -----  up the cheque!
    
    Intuition: How a woman knows for sure without knowing for certain.
    ---------
    
    Modesty: The art of drawing attention to whatever is it is you are
    --------  being humble about!
    

    
    "Sometimes men come by the name of genius in the same way an insect
    comes by the name of Centipede - not because it has 100 feet but
    because most people cannot count above 14". 
    
    
    "We hear from all sides that youth is the most beautiful time of our
    life. Therefore, I find it hard to understand why we so strenuously
    urge the young to think only of their future". - Albert Brie.

    
    Ah! Another of my fave quotes.. (tell me if am I overdoing it!) :^)
    
    Caution: This is not to be taken too seriously folks! It is SUPPOSED to
    be funny!
    
    
    
    "Marriage is like ordering dinner in a restaurant. You always think you
    made the right choice until you see what the other person has".

    
    
    Smile....... it's contagious! 
    
    :^))))))))))
    
    Bliss

    Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
    

    Good one, AnnieSis... I agree wholeheartedly!!!! 
    
    A mind is a terrible thing... (it's supposed to end with to waste, but
    I like leaving it off)
    
    A waist is a terrible thing to mind...
    
    and to no one in this conference:
    
    How can I miss you if you won't go away? :)

    How about:
    
          When God was giving out brains, you thought he said trains and
          you said, "I'll take the next one."
    
          

    Two wrongs don't make a right, and neither do two lefts.

			We the willing
    	         	Led by the unknowing
    	                Are doing the impossible
    			For the ungrateful
    			We have done so much
    			Fo so long with so little
    			We are now qualified
    			To do anything
    			With nothing.
    

			Anon

giri

    
    			I know you believe 
    			you understand what 
    			you think I said.
    			But I am not sure you
    			realize that what you 
    			heard is not what I meant.
			
			Anon

giri

    
    	"Show me the way to go home,"
        Said the girl on Bondi Beach..
    	"I've lost the bottom part of my bathing suit
    	And it's floating out of reach..
    	I have nothing to cover me up,
    	But sand and sea and foam..
    	So lend me a page of yer `Sporting Globe'..	
        And show me the way to go home..."
    
    Don
    *8-)	

    You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a sh*t!
    
    Sweetpea

    that's one of mine !!
    
    oh and 
    
    
    That pi**ed on your cornflakes didn't it !!

    Hello gang!
    
    Not sure it belongs here, but I hope the our mods will relocate it 
    if necessary.
    
    For those of us that love the English language and are amused by the
    concept of what constitutes political correctness I wish to share this 
    very funny column I read recently!
    
    Enjoy,
    gopal.
    
    --------------
    
    Are you a hopeless case of political incorrectness? Do you still refer
    to dimunitive people as "short" rather than "vertically challenged"?
    
    Language can be so confusing. "These days it's possible to offend
    someone with almost everything you say", says Christopher Cerf, the
    author, with Henry Beard, of "The official Politically Correct
    Dictionary and Handbook" (Villard, $10) just out.
    
    Cerf and Beard culled terms from newspapers, magazines and educational
    journals. But, just for fun, they also concocted several of their own.
    See if you can tell which are which.
    
    			T H E		  Q U I Z
    
    1.  cerebrally challenged: stupid
    2.  chronologically gifted: old
    3.  client of the correctional system: prisoner
    4.  discretionary fragrance: a foreign aromatic substance applied to 
    				the body such as a perfume or after-shave
    5.  economically marginalized: poor
    6.  follicularly chanllenged: bald
    7.  hera: female hero
    8.  himmicane: non-sexist substitute for a "hurricane"
    9.  melanin-impoverished: white
    10. member of the mutant albino genetic-recessive global minority: white
    11. motivationally dispossessed: lazy
    12. non-waged: unemployed
    13. person of substance: fat person
    14. rectocentrism: the belief that right-handed people, being in the
    		       majority, have the right to dictate the design of
    		       the human environment
    15. sinistromanualism: the discrimination against, or oppression of,
    			   the left-handed minority by the right-handed
    			   majority
    16. vehicle-appearance specialist: car washer
    17. waitron: a person of either sex who waits on tables

    not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
    
    == Stilly == (At it again today 8^)
    
    

    Then there was the girl who was so undesirable she even turned her
    vibrator off.
    
    
    Don
    *8-)
    

    
    
    GOD IS NOT DEAD...
    
    
    ...He isn't even sick.
    

    TITANIC DOCKS!
    
    
    .."I overslept", says Captain..

    STOP AIR POLLUTION..
    
    
    ..Ban Disc Jockeys!!
    

    sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    
    DON'T SMOKE IN BED!!
    
    
    
    ...The ashes that fall on the carpet may be your own..
    

    I love you.
    
    The Check is in the mail
    
    I promise not to ...............
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    Along the same lines as the entry Gopal made.  If the mod's feel this
    should be moved, please do so.
    
    Sweetpea
    


                        OUR CRAZY LANGUAGE
        Condensed from "Crazy English" by Richard Lederer
                   Reader's Digest, June 1990


 "IF PRO AND CON ARE OPPOSITES, IS CONGRESS THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS?"

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet.  One in
every seven human beings can speak it.  More than half of the world's books
and three-quarters of international mail are in English.  Of all languages,
English has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as TWO MILLION words -
and one of the noblest bodies of literature.
    
Nonetheless, let's face it:  English is a crazy language.  There is no egg in
eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no ham in a hamburger.
English muffins weren't invented in England or french fries in France.  
Sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted.  But when we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, public bathrooms have no
baths and a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from Guinea.

And why is it that a writer writes, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't 
groce, humdingers don't hum and hammers don't ham?  If the plural of tooth
is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?  One goose, two geese -
so one moose, two meese?  One index, two indices - one Kleenex, two Kleenices?
    
Doesn't it seem loopy that you can make amends but not just one amend, that 
you comb through the annals of history but not just one anal?  If you have a 
bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one, what do you call it?

If the teacher taught, why isn't it true that the preacher praught?  If a 
horsehair mat is made from the hair of horses and a camel's-hair coat from
the hair of camels, from what is a mohair coat made?  If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?  If you wrote a letter, perhaps
you also bote your tongue?

Sometimes I wonder if all English speakers should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane.  In what other language do people drive on a parkway
and park in a driveway?  Recite at a play and play at a recital?  Ship by
truck and send cargo by ship?  Have noses that run and feet that smell?
    
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?  How can OVERLOOK and OVERSEE be opposites, while
QUITE A LOT and QUITE A FEW are alike?  How can the weather be hot as hell
one day and cold as hell the next?

Did you ever notice that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent?  Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown, met a
sung hero or experienced requited love?  Have you ever run into someone who
was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?

And where are the people who ARE spring chickens or who actually WOULD hurt
a fly?  I meet individuals who CAN cut the mustard and whom I WOULD touch
with a ten-foot pole, but I cannot talk about them in English.
    
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it
out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race (which, of course, isn't really a race at all).  That is
why, when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they
are invisible.  Any why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I
wind up this essay I end it.
    

    You want it when????
    
    Sweetpea

    Trust me...
    
    Michaela

    "Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.
    Remember that no one kicks a dead dog!" - Anon.

    Look at those Buns !!!
    
    == Stilly ==
    

    things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    One more Drink and She's Mine .
    
    == Stilly ==
    

    And this inspired from Stilly's reply:
    
    The more I drink, the better you look!
    
    Sweetpea

    Inspired From the "Dice-man"
    
    Treat me like the Pig that I am !
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    A little rude one by an aussi come called Kevin Wilson:
    
    My face is leaving town in 10minutes, and I want you to be on it :)
    
    Mark

    "Kiss Ma Grits!"
    
                 (Or is that EAT ma grits?? hehehehee)
    
             -Some woman from the sitcom Alice
    

    A friend is a present which you give yourself.
    
    Robert Louis Stevenson

    Success is a journey, not a destination.

    All the things I like are immoral, illegal, or fattening.  Which one
    are you?

    A friend wrote this to me and I thought it was so pretty so I wanted to
    post it here.
    
    
    You never really get your heart back from a person that has hurt
    you.....You kind of grow a new one.  When someone else give you love,
    it grows anew....
    
    
    
    
                *sigh*
    

    My all time favorite...
    
    Reality... what a concept!
    
    Skip

    "The man who goes alone can start today; but the one who travels with
    another must wait till the other is ready". - Thoreau
    
    
    "It is with books as with men; a very small number play a great part,
    the rest are lost in the multitude". - Voltaire
    
    "Let talkers talk; Stick thou to what is best,
    To think of pleasing all - is all a jest"   - Lord Byron (Not to be 
    confused with 'Lord' Byron Houston, the college hoops star of the Oklahoma 
    State Cowboys!) Hehehe!! :) :)
    

                    Confucious say ....    

    *   girl who ride bike down bumpy road swears she will never come
        that way again.
    
    *   man who keeps hands in pocket not crazy, but feels nuts.
    
    *   Woman can run faster with dress up than man can with pants down

    *   Dog who chase behind car get EXAUSTED.

    *   Men who go to bed with hard problem wake up with solution in hand.

    ...Woman who sits  on  Brother-in-law's  lap, makes it hard for
        sister.
        
    ... baseball is confusing sport, how can man walk with 4 balls?
    

    
    
    Appologies if it is already here, but I think it is appropriate
    considering current affairs:
    
    "They can take your life, but they can't take your pride"
    
    					In the name of love
    						Bono - U2

    You can pick your freinds , and you can pick your nose,.......
    
               But You Can't Pick your Friends Nose !!!! BBBAAAAWWWHHHAAAA
    haa haa !  OOOOOOh I crack myself up sometimes !! 8^)
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    
    
    I believe that we are all given the same amount of love at our birth.
    
    You can keep it and you will always have love.  However if you give
    your love to others, it will be returned to you with interest, so the
    love in your life grows in proportion to the love you share with
    others.
    
    Dave

    Stilly...
    
    How do you know you 'Can't pick your friends nose'?  You ever try?
    
    "When they give you lined paper...
               Write the other way"
    
                           Ray Bradbury 
    
    Skip

Michael Palin, Eric Idle, Graham Chapman and Terry Jones (in that order) are
sitting around in bamboo chairs at a tropical resort, drinking wine, smoking
cigars, and reminescing about the good old days.

Idle:	    Who would have thought, thirty years ago, we'd all be sitting here
	    drinking Chateau de Chatterly, eh?

Palin:	    Them days, we'd be glad to have the price of a cup of tea.

Chapman:    A cup of cold tea.

Idle:	    Without milk or sugar.

Jones:	    Or tea.

Palin:	    In a cracked cup and all.

Idle:	    Oh, we never used to have a cup.  We'd have to drink out of a
	    rolled up newspaper.

Chapman:    The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

Jones:	    But you know, we were happy in those days, although we were poor.

Palin:	    Because we were poor.  My old dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't
	    bring you happiness, son".

Idle:	    He was right.  I was happier then and I had nothing.  We used to
	    live in this tiny old tumbled down house with great big holes in
	    the roof.

Chapman:    House.  You were lucky to live in a house.  We used to live in one
	    room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, half the floor was
	    missing, we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of
	    falling.

Jones:	    You were lucky to have a room.  We used to have to live in the
	    corridor.

Palin:	    Oh, we used to dream of living in the corridor.  It would have been
	    a palace to us.  We used to live on an old water tank in a rubbish
	    dump.  We used to wake up every morning by having a load of rotting
	    fish dumped all over us.  House, humph.

Idle:	    Well, when I say "house", it was just a hole in the ground covered
	    by a sheet of tarpaulin.  But it was a house to us.

Chapman:    We were evicted from our hole in the ground.  We had to go and live
	    in a lake.

Jones:	    You were lucky to have a lake.  There were a hundred and fifty of
	    us living in a shoe box in the middle of the road.

Palin:	    Cardboard box?

Jones:	    Aye.

Palin:	    You were lucky.  We lived for three months in a rolled up newspaper
	    in a septic tank.  We used to have to get up every morning at six
	    o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down at the mill
	    fourteen hours a day, week in, week out for sixpence a week and
	    when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.

Chapman:    Luxury.  We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in
	    the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work
	    twenty hours a day at the mill for tuppence a month, come home and
	    our dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle
	    if we were lucky.

Jones:	    Well of course, we had it tough.  We used to have to get out of the
	    shoe box in the middle of the night and lick the road clean with
	    our tongues.  We had to eat half a handful of freezing cold gravel
	    whilst working all day in that mill for fourpence every six years
	    and when we got home our dad would slice us in two with a bread
	    knife.

Idle:	    Right.  I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night,
	    half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work
	    twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay the mill owner for
	    permission to come to work and when we got home, our dad would kill
	    us and dance about on our graves singing halleluja.

Palin:	    And you try and tell the young people of today that, and they won't
	    believe you.

Idle, Chapman and Jones:    No, no they won't.

    Isn't it Ironic that we in the U.S. celebrate Lincohn's Birthday with a 
    'White Sale'....
    
    (I forgot who said it)
    Skip

    I don't have a drinking problem...
    
    I drink, I get drunk, I fall down,
    
    No Problem!
    
     (from a tee shirt)

    		THE FOUR STAGES OF TEQUILA
    
    
    		\_/ \_/			- I'M RICH
    
    	    \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/		- I'M GOOD LOOKING
    
    	\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/		- I'M BULLETPROOF
    
    \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/	- I'M INVISIBLE

    
    HAHAHAHA Jo Aylett would LOVE that one Kermie!!! :^)
    
    One I put in a few days ago was a little mixed up..... it should
    be......
    
    'Happiness is contagious...... be a carrier' :^)
    
    Bliss

    "Better to remain silent, and thought a fool...
    
       than to speak out, and remove all doubt!"
    
    -Abraham Lincoln
    

    Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
    
         

    I saw this one on a T-shirt
    
    so I am FAT, BUT your UGLY, 
    I can DIET !!

    If some is good,
    And more is better,
    Then too much is just enough!
    

    Smile at everyone you meet today.....
    
    
    
    
    
    It'll drive them nuts wondering why you're so happy !
    
    

    Platonic love is like being invited to the cellar for a bottle of
    lemonade.
    
    
    Don
    *8-)

    Okay, so, I've been collecting quotes via mail for a long time a friend 
    sends me one or two every day over the net, and I've held on to them 
    for the past couple years... I'll be combining them together and
    putting them in here.  Some are funny some are serious and some are
    rather dumb... but....
    
    Disclamier:  I did not write these, and as I'm simply appending and 
    editing these from mail to my VMS account, I'm not really reading them,
    some of them may be taken the wrong way (Like the one here about a
    husband hiding money in a shirt needing mending)  Please, these are 
    meant only as humour, if they offend you send me mail, I will happy to 
    delete and remove anything that bothers you.
    
    Regards!
    
    Skip
    
    
    
	"A smart husband always hides his money in clothes that need mending."



	"Some men's wives don't know a thing about real estate ..... 
         They think four inches is a lot."



	"People who work in post offices never go to see X-rated movies. 
	 They see enough things unzipped as it is."



	 "If you don't learn to laugh when you're young, you won't have 
	  anything to laugh at when you're old." 




	"The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae 
	 is a spoon."

    Here are two of my favorites...
    
    
    Hope for the best,
    Expect the worst,
    And make do with what you get.
    
    
    Protect the planet as if it were your home.
    

    And the compination of the two...
    
    Hope for the best,
    Expect the worst,
    
    And you won't be disappointed.
    
    Skip

    Be reconciled to God
          Paul 2 Corinthians 5:20
    
    JESUS OF NAZARETH THE KING OF THE JEWS
    		PILATE wrote this when Jesus was crucified. Little did he
    know how right he was.  (John 19:19)

    There's no reason for it... It's just our policy!

    Most people who hang out in bars have alot to say, but the things they
    say generally have little substance.
    
    SLICED A Bodybuilders Guide To Nutritian.
    
    b...

    
    
    "Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious.
    Both are disappointed." - Oscar Wilde
    
    
    "If it weren't for the optimist, the pessimist would never know how
    happy he wasn't!" - Anon.
    
    
    "Opportunities are never lost. The other guy takes those you miss." - Anon.

    Masocist... "Beat me, hurt me, whip me, chain me, burn me, make me
    HURT"
    
    Sadist.... "Nooooooooooo!"
    
    
    *Think about it!
    
    Skip

    
    Here's one of my favorites, I even put it in as my quote in my high
    school yearbook:
    
    Roads go ever on
    Down from the door where they began
    And I must follow if I can
    and whither then I can not say...
    
    				J.R.R. Tolkin
    

A man at the sink, a woman's apron tied around his waist,
is the most miserable sight on earth.



Marlene Dietrich (who died yesterday at the age of 90, 
                  famous for her one liners)

	What is Life?

Life is a challenge	Meet it.
Life is a gift		Accept it.
Life is an adventure	Dare it.
Life is a sorrow	Overcome it.
Life is a tragedy	Face it.
Life is a duty		Perform it.
Life is a game		Play it.
Life is a mystery	Unfold it.
Life is a song		Sing it.
Life is an opportunity	Take it.
Life is a journey	Complete it.
Life is a promise	Fulfil it.
Life is a love		Enjoy it.
Life is a beauty	Praise it.
Life is a spirit	Realise it.
Life is a struggle	Fight it.
Life is a puzzle	Solve it.
Life is a goal		Achieve it.


girish

    One missing Girish:
    
    Life is a pain  Hate it.

    While I was in the Navy, I was a Chief at the time, and My then wife
    sent me a pin or button, it was round and it said... without the 
    censorship.
    
    
    		"Happiness is a warm pu**Y".
    
    Well I wore it around in Copenhagen and had loads of fun, and then
    I was in a Night club in England, and my mates set me up.  There was
    a pickpocket who entertained in the club, he was told of the pin in
    my pocket.. Well, I wound up wearing it all night, and the girls all
    were flocking around, and I had a lap full all night.  
    
    I do not remember if I thanked her for that.  I must call my ex some
    day and thank her for the lovely time.  8-)
    
    Dave

    When in doubt.....mumble.

    A rolling stone gathers no moss.
    
    Sweetpea

    The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree.
    
    Sweetpea

    A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    
    
    "By all means marry; if you get a good wife you will become happy, if
    you get a bad one, you will become a philospher".  - Socrates
    
    "Temper is a quality that a critical moment brings out the best in
    steel and the worst in people". - Anon.
    
    "A yawn is a silent shout". - Chesterton.

    My boss is like a diaper...always on my a**, and usually full of sh**.
    

    
    	"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think
    	 it's only a minute.  But when you sit on a hot stove
    	 for a minute you think it's two hours.

    	 That's relativity."
    
    		-- Albert Einstein
    

    My all time favorite quote....
    
    I know you believe you understand what you think I said but I'm not
    sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
    
    Unknown
    
    Skip

    my favourite quote !!
    
    If at first you don't succeed ???
    
     Cheat
    
    Sid

    And the varitation's on it....
    
    If at first you don't succeed... give up!
    
    If at first you don't succeed.. why try again?
    
    If at first you don't succeed.... drop a bomb on it
                                      kill it, stomp it, etc....
    
    Skip

    
    I use to be apathetic.....now I just dont't give a $#@%!!!!!!!!!!
    
    
    
    
    Rebel....
    

    I'm not prejudiced... I hate everyone equally! :)

    
    
    eschew obfuscation
    

     I used to be so indecisive !!!!
    
     but now I'm just not so sure   :-)
    
     Sid The SEXist

    I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
    
    Sweetpea

    I used to worry about talking to myself until I realized that it was 
    the only way I could have an intelligent conversation.
    
    Skip

    You're never alone..
    
    
                            with schitzophrenia...
    
    Don
    *8-)

    
    Eschew Sesquipedalianism!
    
    

    TGIF!
    
    Sweetpea

    Outta here!  (No, I'm not leaving, I just like the saying!)
    
    Sweetpea

    Way cool!
    
    Sweetpea

    Sure Happy It's Thursday.... :)
    
    That's a good one too... :)

    Beware the lurkers! :)
    
    *grin*

    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
    
    Sweetpea

    This may already be in here, can't remember...
    
    "here's a quarter, call someone who cares"
    
    "obviously you've mistaken me for somebody who gives a sh*t"
    
    "do you see any concern in these eyes?"

    
    Here's a great favorite of mine!
    
    This snooty guy walked up to one of my **VERY** pretty friends in a bar and
    tried to impress her with the line:
    
    "You know, I think you'd look great on my yacht"
    
    
    Without missing a beat, she replied:
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    "Frankly, I think I'd look great on ANYBODY's yacht."
    
    Oh....it was priceless :)
    
    /jen
    

    When you walk into McAnn's there's a big sign on the pillar:
    
    
    "Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore!"
    
    
    
    Ginny

    Hope for the best,
    Expect the worst.
    Life is a play,
    
    We're unrehearsed!
    	Mel Brooks
    
    A 10 at 2 is a 2 at 10
    	?
    
    Make everything as simple as possible,
    
    But no simpler.
    	Einstein
    
    woman to Winston Churchill:	  "If I were your wife, I'd poison your tea"
    
    WC:	  "If you were my wife, I would drink it!"
    
    Th-th-th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
    	Mel Blanc

    "Beer is for breakfast around here - SO DRINK OR BE GONE!"
    
    This is said at the Cabin a lot but I think we stole it from 
    a movie - not sure which one though.
    
    Heidi

    Breakfast of Champions:  Cold Pizza and Warm Beer
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    BITE ME !
    
    == Stilly ==
    
    

    A German saying...I remember from the days I was in school as a kid and
    didn't like to learn...:-) My father used it a couple of times:
    
    "You can bring a donkey to the well...but you can't make him drink"
    I hope I translated that correctly...
    
    
    Today I know what my father wanted to tell me....:-))
    
    
    sascha

    re: .215
    
    Here in America we have a very similar saying:
    
    "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"
    
    I think you translated yours pretty well!
    
    Sweetpea

    "Take some 'O' That"
    
    
    
    
    
    Steve
    

Men learn to love the person they are attracted to ;
Women become more and more attracted to the person they love.


giri

    "I've fallen, and I can't get up!"
    
    			-Mrs. Fletcher-
    
    Sweetpea

		    DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THE LIGHT
                    AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS
                    BEING TURNED OFF. Effective
                    Immediately.
                                    The Management

    Mi corizon es en sus manos.

    Amor vincent omnia.
    

    I loved this the first time I saw it and 'found' it again when it was
    sent arount the net...can apply to relationships too (number 2 made me
    chuckle)
    
                        TWELVE RULES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE
                                                                              
         1.  Never both be angry at once.
    
         2.  Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
    
         3.  Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise in
             self-discipline if you can't think of a better reason.
    
         4.  If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate
             look good, choose your mate.
    
         5.  If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly.
    
         6.  Never bring up a mistake of the past.  Your silence will be
             greatly appreciated.
    
         7.  Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
    
         8.  Never let the day end without  saying at least one
             complimentary thing to your life's partner.
    
         9.  Never meet without an affectionate greeting.
    
        10.  When you've said or done something hurtful, acknowledge it and
             ask for forgiveness.
    
        11.  Remember, it takes two to get an argument going.  Invariably
             the one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the
             talking.
    
        12.  Never go to bed mad. 

    "Men love with their eyes - Women with their hearts"
    
    "Love without honor isn't love"

    "You're going to make some man a wonderful *cook* someday...."
    
    
    (Years ago, said by a guy I was dating
    that had just stuffed his face on my
    Lasagne...)

    "You pays your money and you takes your chance"
    
    That's not directed at you, Tom.  If someone wants to put me on
    warning for writing it, then so be it.
    
    
    Ginny

    BEWARE:  I'm armed and have PMS.

    on a t-shirt that I own:
    
    My other body is in the shop.

    The person who is smiling has already found someone else to blame.

    If you're rich, I'm single!

    If a train station is where a train stops, what's a workstation?

    It's my mess.... love it or leave it...

    What you see depends upon what you look for.

    Eat dessert first.  Life is too short.

    I saw a great t-shirt this weekend, it said "Beyond B*tch, way beyond!".  
    I almost smacked my mom when she said she wanted to buy it for me! :-)
    
    Sweetpea

    Life is a bed of roses, but watch out for the pricks!

    Just when you think you've got all the answers, someone goes and
    changes the questions!

    I fought to get my job and I got it....
    
    now what do I do?

    Ya f'in' hoooooooooooooo! :)

    things I say a lot....
    
    Oooooh baby, baby!
    
    Could be, could be...
    
    Ya never know!

    Dyslexics have more fnu.
    
    Dyslexics of the world, untie!

    Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing
    to go through hell to get it.

    St. Valentine is the saint with a heart on... (you have to say it out
    loud) :)

    You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

    Don't look back... always look forward.

    Some people are discoverd; others are found out.

    It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless you've got plenty of
    work to do.

    Friendship is one soul in two bodies.

    Your mind understands what you've been taught; your heart, what is
    true.

    Put your brain in gear before engaging your mouth.

    Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac... you can always take something
    for it... :)

    A friend asks only for your time, not your money...

    True happiness can be found in true love.

    I love work... I can sit and watch it for hours... :)

    
    Saw this on the dashboard of a truck i passed this evening.
    
    'When i die, bury me face down, so the world will kiss my butt, after'
    
    
	     i thought it was very funny.....hehehehe
    
    :^)
    Sush.
    

    
    I got this sticker the other day...
    
    'Life is a bridge, don't build a thing beside it....just walk it easy'
    
    
    :^)
    Sush.

    I saw another great t-shirt this weekend also:
    
    I suffer from PMS
    (putting up with men's sh*t)
    
    I loved it!
    
    Sweetpea

    little ditty... might be in here already, but WGAS
    
    WOMAN: Sir, you are drunk!
    MAN: I may be drunk Madam but you are ugly, I will be sober in the morning.
    
    

    A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle

    That was bad Sheepie!  If you have a good man, who needs the drink? 
    :^)
    
    
    
    -I don't need fancy things; I just need love.

    Not all men are fools
    
    Some are bachelors
    

    
			Rules of life..


 1.  Indecision is the key to flexibility.

 2.  You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

 3.  There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

 4.  Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

 5.  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 6.  Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

 7.  The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

 8.  The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

 9.  Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

10.  Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

11.  Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

12.  Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

13.  Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

14.  I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

15.  Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

16.  If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

17.  If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

18.  One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

19.  By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

20.  Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

21.  The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

22.  There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

23.  This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

24.  Never wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

25.  The trouble with life is, that you're halfway through it before you
     realize that it's a "do it yourself" thing.

    "Living well is the best revenge"

    
    You can spend your life dreaming of doing the things you want to do or
    you can spend your life doing the things you want to do...
    
    annie

    "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with".
    
    annie

    Life is a merry go round...
    
    Sometimes you even catch the brass ring
    
    But more often, you fall of the horse trying.
    
    
    Skip on Life

    
    'life is like an ashtray......
    
    ....full of little doubts'
    

    
    Some quotes from Tommy Docherty - imfamous football (soccer) manaager
    of numerous clubs including Scotland
    
    'Mr Chairman when I want your opinion I'll give it to you'
    
    'I've had more clubs than Jack Nicklaus' - in reponse to a questions
    regarding the number of teams he had managed
    
    'Hello Mr Chairman. How's the wife'. Supposedly said after joining a
    new club after he'd been sacked from Manchester United for running off
    with the physio's wife.
    

    
    From the Colemanballs Book
    
    "police believe that the killers of a man whose burnt and charred body
    was found in Epping Forest last week may have had a grudge against
    him"
    
    Attributed to some guy called Robin Houston
    

  "yes, I would if I could have" .... 

   Bill Clintons response last night on MTV to the question 
  
   "Mr. Clinton, if you had it all to do over again, .. would you inhale?" 

  ...

  paul

    From the usenet :
    
A friend from Texas reports:

This morning (June 11) I was watching a morning news program wherein a
fluffy blonde (quite possibly Joan London) was tossing beach-ball type
questions to Ross Perot.  They opened up the lines for television
audience questions, and the first caller (a seemingly normal-sounding
taxpayer) posed the following two part question:

    I have two questions, the first is as an outsider not affiliated 
    with either party, how effective do you feel you will be in 
    dealing with a partisan congress?  And the second is, have you 
    ever done a mind-meld with Howard Stern's penis?

Joan London, looking like the she had just bitten into a quince,
turned to Ross Perot and said:

    Well, perhaps you can answer the first part.

    
    Here's a good quote for today:
    
    "At least you have a personality"
    
    /Jen
    

    You are what you are and
    You are where you are because
    Of what has gone into your mind.
    You change what you are and
    You change where you are by
    Changing what goes into your mind.

    "I smile all the time because I have no idea what's going on..."
    
    

    "Women are waitresses at the banquet of life...
    Being a woman is so interesting, dontcha find it?
    Get into that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans, and
    you better look pretty ***da*n good doin' it, too, or
    else you're gonna lose your good thang"
    
    A portion of Bette Midler's "soliloqy" in *The Rose*

re .230  Debbie,

>> 'Why don't you come up sometime and see me.'

I thought the saying was 

'Why don't you come up sometime and see me when you've got nothing on.'

Joyce

    When God made Men.....She was only joking.......
    
    :-)

    The only way out is through.
    
    
    Catherine

>    "Misery loves company"
>    Don't know who said, but whoever it was sure was right.


	It was from Metallica... 'Misery' hehehehe ;)


							-Seth

    
        "There goes the good time that was had by all"
    
    	bette davis talking about some young starlet
    
    
        "I never forget a face - but in your case I'll make an exception"
    
    	Groucho Marx
    

	Bagel? oh that's just a female bagette......

	on telly the other night....

Richard.

    Color Me Gone....  the name of a dodge charger that used to race in the
    late 60s/early 70s...
    
    /gina

    I watched a Science-Fiction movie over the weekend called "Highlander
    II, The Quickening"  A mixture of Science Fiction and Fantasy.  It
    wasn't a big movie or all that awesome.  But Sean Connery was in it
    playing an unsual roll of a man who'd been brought back to life.  
    
    Anyhow, at one point in the movie when the good guys seem to be on the
    verge of losing everything he pipes up with a quote that I really
    enjoyed.
    
    "Everyone is given a full measure of life when they are born on this
    earth, and most people just let it trickle away a little at a time. But
    if you can summon it all up into one place at one time, you can
    accomplish something truly wonderful."  
    
    Skip

    
    
    		One must act as if the next
    		step were the last, which it is.
    		Each step forward is the last, and
    		with it a world dies, oneself included.
    		We are here of the earth never to end,
    		the past never ceasing, the future never
    		beginning, the present never ending.
    
    
    		-- Henry Miller 
    
    		_Black Spring_

    It's been real, it's been fun, (and my own addition) and sometimes it's
    even been real fun.
    
    

    It may have been real, it may have been but the passing dream in the
    mind of your god.
    
    have fun.

    Heard this wee quote and thought it was true:: " A stranger is a friend
    you have'nt met".
    

    I am French and our version is:
    
    There are no strangers, just friends you have not yet met.
    
    Dave

    the login message just reminded me of one
    
    'Statistics are like bikinis - what they reveal is interesting but what
     they conceal is fascinating'
    
    Jbb
    

    
    I saw a great saying the other day, but didn't catch the author's name.
    
    "It is better to burn the candle at both ends then put it away to rot"
    
    
    /jen
    

     	
    		Spoil or you won't enjoy. ;-)
    
    	No I like that but who's holding the candle? Always the same, of
    	course. thank god, I'm too irresponsible to care about my fingers.
    
    

    Saw a tee shirt I liked....
    
    A row of four ducks three white ones 'a la normal' looking, the fourth
    one had on a captians cap, sunglasses, and was holding a glass of
    lemonade sipping it through a straw.
    
    The caption said "Go In Style"
    
    Loved it!
    
    Skip

 I'll list some of my favourite quotes as & when I remember them.
    
    Here's one. This is on 'Friendship'.
    
					Each friend
			represents a worldin us,
	a world possibly not born until they arrive,
		& it is only by this meeting
		that a new world is born ...
    
    
    				... Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)
    				  French/American Writer

    My favorite is


    "I told you a thousand times, Do Not Exaggerate"
    
    
    
    
    

    I'd give a million dollars to be rich.
    
    Dave
    

    what's for you wont go past you.............
                                   lil

    Here's another one on friendship ...
    
    
    	If I gave you 
    		A stone a day,
    
    	What would you build between us,
    		A Bridge or a Wall ?
    
    Raj ...

    This is one of my all time favourite quotes ...
    
    
    	"GOD could not be everywhere so he made mothers".
    
    Raj ...

    
    T.I.G.G.E.R.S.  -  Tiggers are wonderful things.  Their tops are made
    out of rubber, their bottoms are made of springs!
    
    /jen
    

         One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song,
    read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible,
    to speak a few reasonable words.
                                     - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
    
         Art may improve, but cannot surpass nature
                                     - Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
    
         To live is like to love, all reason is against it,
    and all healthy instinct for it.
                                     - Samuel Butler

re -1

Chris!! Fancy seeing you in the light of day!!
:) :)

joyce

         Sorry put this in the wrong place. Feel free to move it to the 
    proper note, for I really do not know how.
    
                                                Thank you,
                                                 Thomas

    
    Yesterday I watched the Beverly hills cop 2 and at a moment Eddy is
    with Brigitte Nielsen and he's gazing at her legs and he asks :
    
    "How long does it take to shave all those long legs?"
    
    

    
    
    My Dad--------"Out of everything bad that happens, something good 
                   comes out of it"
    
    
    
    
    
    
    God give me strength to believe this!
    

    
    The following is Dedicated to Gina, and all the other people that work
    in HLO...................  :*)
    
    
    From Newsweek Magazine Nov. 8th issue, page 25, Perspectives......
    
    
    
    
    "We do realize here it is important to be careful because we are 
     only tenants."  Said by White House spokeswoman, Lorraine Voles, 
     on a white house memo last week asking staffers to keep lids on
     coffee cups because numerous stains have been found on the rugs
     there.
    
    Ms. Francheski, (sp? sorry)  I thought of you as soon as I read this!
    hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehe  :*))))   :*))))  :*)))))
    
    
    Terrie
    
    
    

    
    
    	boy does that sound familiar!!!! :)
    
    chico

    what, the coffee?  or the spelling?  ;-)
    
    /gina

    
    
    	A bit of both smart**s.....;*)
    
    
    chico (who's going to give Mrs. Gina Bean a pinch for that comment...I
    know where you work deary...;*))

    
    
    "Ever had the feeling that in life, when you're finally holding
     all the cards, everyone else is playing chess."
    

    
    "Does a Moose s**t in the forest?" Was an american saying I was taught
    last week! hehehehehehe I guess "I was asking for the known street" here!
    hehehehe which is the dutch one! HAHAHAHAHA!  
    
    Mark ;-)
    

    
    
    Out of every bad thing that happens, something good shall come......
    
    

    Eat less fat and walk.
                           Martin Katahn, Ph.D.

    
    
    When ignorance reigns, life is lost.....
    
    

    
    Whereever you go... There you are.... 

    If "ifs and buts" were candy and nuts we'd all have a merry Christmas.
    

    
    My favourite saying at the moment is.....
    
               "In yer face missess......"
    
    Ya can't tell I watch Zig & Zag on the Big Breakfast can ya!!! :-)
    
        Mav.
    

    If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle!

    
    
    If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous! :*)
    

    
    I prefer you saying that instead of someone with all his brains in
    tact! ;-)))
    
    good morning!!!!
    Mark ;-)        

    
    
    "You're about as smart as a <blank> with his brains blown out!"
    
    
    
    chico

	
Subj:	Top Tips for "94"


1/
  Mix liminous paint into your dogs food to help prevent unfortunate 
  pedestrians treading on the dogs turds in the dark winter evenings.
2/
  Re-kindle memories of your summer holidays in sunny Greece by turning
  of your water supply,removing all toilet roll from your bathroom,place
  a dirty bucket next to your toilet nad force plasticine up behind your
  index finger nail.

3/
  Save money by arranging your dirty dishes on your roof rack before
  visiting the car wash.
4/
  Scabs with tufts of fur attached from your cat or dog make good fishing
  flies.

5/
   Pretend to live in a hard water area,by placing finely ground pieces of egg
   shell in the bottom of your kettle.

6/
   To clean the inside of your Cd player,dip a cd in soapy water and play
   immediatly.as it spins the water will be sprayed through out the console
   repeat with cold water to rinse.

7/
   Find out what you look like when you sleep by learning astral projection
   and then glance over your shoulder just as you leave your body.

8/
   Make shopkeepers feel like criminals and con men,by carefully checking
   your change.and holding all notes up to the light before accepting them.

9/
   when there may not be time for a shampoo and conditioner..try Touch and
   Go....the combined shampoo and conditioner,for the terminally ill..


   Chooooooo.....

1/ when sky is cloudy and you require a starry night, place one discarded
   toe nail clipping (doesn't have to be your own) on blue background, for
   instant moon effect.

2/ When your Hamster has run out of bedding, dig deep in that bellybutton!!
   and if your supply has run low, ask your friends round for a navel dip
   party.

 3/ Save used and unwanted magic trees for that SPECIAL Christmas decor.

 4/ Why buy expensive Parmesan cheese when that flaky skin between your toes
    will do just nicely.

                           

    Serenity has a technicolor yawn after reading /4 in both of the
    previous replies.

    
    Well Mark here thought it was extremely funny! ;-))))) always nice to
    read some funny nonsence! We don't laugh enough so all gags and things
    that make me laugh,grinn,crawl are very welcome! ;-)))))))
    b.t.way...I took my rape joke out...the rape subject might be
    offensive.?
    
    m. ;-)
    
     

    
    
    re -1
    
    that joke could be construed as offensive......gotta be careful out
    there.....
    
    
    chico

    
    
    "Life is like a termite who's choking on the splinters...."
    
    
    chico

Nice guys finish last...


...great guys start over again!

    
    
    	Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor
    do children of humans as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is not
    safer in the long run that outright exposure. Life is either a daring
    adventure or it is nothing....
    
    	
    			Helen Keller via Chuck Lyford
    

"...I believe the Second Amendment will always be important." -- John
F. Kennedy 1960..
 
"To hell with the constitution." -- Mike Roos, Califonia State
Assemblyman, Democrat-Glendale 1989.
 
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin 1759
 
Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself.
Can he, then, be trusted with the government of others?  -- Thomas Jefferson

There are three kinds of lies:  lies, damned lies, and statistics - Disraeli

"...We find in the Bill of Rights Amendment Two...specifically...
guaranteeing [the people] the right to keep and bear arms..."
-- Chief Justice Earl Warren  1962.

"Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.  Our fixed principle is that
the Communist Party shall control the gun, and the gun shall never be allowed
to control the party."   -Chinese chairman Mao Tse Tung

"the power and right comes from the barrel of guns, who will be the winner, 
who lose guns, will lose everything."    -Chinese chairman Mao Tse Tung
(Chineese citizens lost guns in 1949.)

"The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to allow the     
subject races to possess arms.  History shows that all conquerors who have      
allowed their subject races to carry arms have prepared their own downfall   
by doing so." -Adolf Hitler                             

No ciizen is to have a firearm without a permit and these will not be issued   
to persons suspected of acting against the state.  For Jews this permission    
will be not be granted.  Those people who do not require permission to        
purchase or carry weapons include the whole S.S. (Gestapo) and S.A. (Storm    
Troopers), including the Death's Head group and officers of the Jugend.       
(Police & Military)                     
                                        
Hitlers Firearms Act of 1937            

"Society's needs come before the individual's needs."  -Adolf Hitler, 1933

"Among the many misdeeds of the British	rule in India, history will 	
look upon the act depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest."
- Mahatma Gandhi                       

"There aren't enough bullets in the world to make socialism work." 
                                              --- Hieronymous, 1989

John Trenchard and Thomas Gordon, in Cato's Letters (1755), exclaimed: "The
exercise of despotick Power is the unrelenting War of an armed Tyrant upon his
unarmed Subjects: It is a War of one Side, and in it there is neither Peace
nor Truce." 

"Government is not reason or eloquence, it is fire. 
A fearful master and dangerous slave." - George Washington 

A quote from Thomas Jefferson in a letter to William S. Smith in 1787
"And what country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not warned 
from time to time that this people preserve the spirit of resistance?  Let 
them take arms....The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, 
with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
Thomas Jefferson, On Democracy 20, S. Padover ed., 1939

"The tree of liberty must be watered periodically with the blood of tyrants
and patriots alike.  It is its natural manure." -- Thomas Jefferson

"When private citizens attempt to 're-distribute the wealth' of others, we call
it theft. When politicians do exactly the same thing, we call it equity!"
        --- Murray Hopper, 198?

"If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only to
 retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it." --T. Lehrer

"Government is a cancer masquerading as its own cure."   Frederic Bastiat

"The right of the citizens to bear arms is just one more guarentee 	
against arbitrary government, one more safeguard against the tyranny 	
which now appears remote in America, but which historically has proved to	
be always possible." - Senator Hubert Humphrey              
	
"Who will protect us from our protectors?"   Jeff Riggenbach, 1989

"Necessity is the excuse for every infringement of human freedom. It is
the argument of the tyrant and the creed of the slave" - William Pitt, 1763

"If you protect a man from folly, you will find you have a nation of fools"
               -- Wm Penn  1783

A good government is one "which shall restrain men from injuring one another,
shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and
improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it earns."
--- Thomas Jefferson          

"The right to buy weapons is the right to be free."    --- A.E. van Vogt

"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must...undergo the fatigue
of supporting it."   --- Thomas Paine, 1777

"People have the God-given right to screw up their own lives. 
 Prohibition actively destroys the rest of society in the hope          
 of detering a few screwed-up individuals."  -Tom Isenberg
 
"Justice, n. A commodity which in more or less adulterated condition the State
sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes, and personal 
service."   -Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion." 
                                 - Edmund Burke

"Luck is when preparation meets opportunity"

"Greedy capitalists get money by trade. Good liberals steal it."
                  --- David Friedman, 1973

Attention:
  ** Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel will be
extinguished!**

Tom

    
    Through loyalty to the past, our mind refuses to realise that
    tomorrow's joy is possible only if today's makes way for it; that each
    wave owes the beauty of its line only to the withdrawal of the
    preceding one.
    
    
    Andre Gide

    
    Dishonesty is like a boomerang.  About the time you think all is well,
    it hits you in the back of the head.
    
    Original author unkown.
                                                  

	talking to the press is like having dinner with a tiger. The tiger
always gets to eat last.

Here's one I found on the net that I thought were worth repeating:

if i wanted ease of use, i'd be dating you. (one of the better retorts from the
never-ending mac/pc debate.)

Sneaking back in...caught you!!!!  Bad little boy!


    

    
    300..

    that will do Nicely

The only thing constant, is change 8^)

    
    
    
    Spellers of the world untie.......:-)
    
    
    C
    

    Darling.. That's MY old Pname!  haha!  But it's BAD spellers of the
    world, UNTIE...  haha!!
    
    hmmm... and to keep with the topic... hmm...
    
    "why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?"
    
    h

    One I use all the time  ->
    
    Honey, would you do a small favor for me, please?
    
    (Lotsa eyelash batting and wiggling accompanies this question)

Followed by a quick "sure" I'm guessing 8^)

    You betcha ... and usually a wink and a grin too!

    Any favor any time, that is my saying.
    
    Dave

    unprintable!!!

    'If someone is standing on your toes and don't know that they are..you
    must tell them..or they will keep standing and standing and standing on
    them toes til one day you can't take any more and you will explode and
    they won't have any idea what they have done!!!'
    
    On being upfront with people if they are hurting ya!
    
    

    If someone were standing on your toes and nobody was around to see
    them there, would you know it?