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Conference vaxcat::friends

Title:Welcome to Friends!
Moderator:POWDML::VENTURA
Created:Mon Mar 09 1992
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:437
Total number of notes:35174

314.0. "mother is ill what should i do?" by UBOHUB::HOPE_T () Wed Mar 29 1995 12:25

    HELP!!!
    
    5 years ago my mother was diagnosed as having lung cancer, she had an
    operation to remove half her lung and was told that the cancer was
    gone.  She never went for any follow up appointments.
    
    She now has a bad chest infection, fever and difficulty in breathing,
    she rang her doctor and he perscribed anti-biotics (without seeing her)
    she has been taking these for three days without any obvious
    improvement. She will not go to see the doctor.
    
    My problem is should I interfere and ring the doctor or should I
    respect her wishes. 
    
    What do you think? 
    
    Thanks for your help in advance
    
    Tracey
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name		DateLines
314.1CHEFS::WARRENJNow something completely differentWed Mar 29 1995 12:4313
    Tracey,
    
    Sorry to hear about your Mum! :-(
    
    It sounds as though her hesitance to see the Dr is coming from fear.  
    
    Try talking to her some more and finding out why she is reluctant to
    see him first, share your fears with her too...then see what happens.
    
    
    Hope she's better soon.
    
    Jackie
314.2"Best wishesBIS1::WATTINNEWed Mar 29 1995 13:1317
    Tracey,
    
    Sorry for your Mum...
    
    My father had a cancer discovered in May 91. The doctors told us that
    he will "stay" with us only for 3 months, no more.
    Reality was that he was 60 and he wanted to take care of my Mum and I
    preparing everything for the after. In fact he died not 3 months after
    the terrible news but 13 months.
    
    What I suggest is let your Mum what she wishes; just be besides her,
    speak to her, your love is the most important. 
    
    "Bon courage" as we say in french and keep smiling :-) it brings sun
    to the people who are ill.
    Friendly 
    Patricia
314.3KAOFS::C_PLANTIt had to be you...Wed Mar 29 1995 16:2515
    
    
    
    
    Tracey
    
    Again sorry for your bad news..
    
    I agree that you should talk to your mum and see what the 2 of you
    come up with. She will be frightened and definitely will appreciate
    your support no matter what she wants to do.
    
    Hugs
    Chris
314.4SUBPAC::SADINOne if by LAN, two if by CWed Mar 29 1995 17:0010
    
    
    	Another thought tho' Tracey, if yer mum keeps this infection for
    too long, it could result in permanent problems, even death. Try your
    best to convince her to go to the doctor but if she refuses and keeps
    getting worse, take over and get her to the doctors yourself. Better to
    save her life than to let her pass on over fear...
    
    
    chico
314.5KAOFS::C_PLANTIt had to be you...Wed Mar 29 1995 19:247
    
    
    
    Chico has a point.... living with the fear could aggrivate the
    situation alot! Knowing would be best.
    
    Chris
314.6MEOC02::CASEYDon@MEO-MEO78B::CASEY-DTN7393414Thu Mar 30 1995 00:199
    Re .0
    
    Tracey,
    
    Please ..get your mother to the best doctor you can find in the
    shortest possible time.
    
    Don
    *8-)
314.7Please get your Mom to the doctors!KAMALA::DREYERSoon to be cruising!Thu Mar 30 1995 03:3310
	Hi Tracey,

	So sorry to hear about your mom.  Please try to convince her to
	go to the doctors A.S.A.P.  Is it possible for you to go with her
	so she won't have to drive while nervous and upset?  Hopefully you
	can manage to keep her calm too.  Good luck, I hope she gets better
	soon.

	Hugs,
	Laura
314.8LJSRV1::LAMBRECHTThe Spirit of BavariaThu Mar 30 1995 03:5717
I'm so sorry to hear that, Tracey. A mother is the
only one who picks you up, whenever you are sad and
unhappy. The only one who understands you, when you are
out there feeling so lonely among the silent stars in
the night.

I would at first try to let my mom talk to me. Hug her,
achieve closeness. Share something important with her,
something that makes me feel vulnerable when sharing.
Then my mom would loose a bit and talk about her
worries. Then I would let her talk until her heart feels
a bit lighter. And then talk about ways to go from now.

Find the best doctor around and take her there.

I feel for you Tracey.
Martina
314.9SORRYMAL009::RAGUCCIThu Mar 30 1995 07:448
    
    
    it's hard to become our parents' parents; what nice things this
    group told you; good luck & take the advice: get her to a specialist
    asap! again, good luck to your and her. BR
314.10Very SorryQCAV02::VMSRINIVASThu Mar 30 1995 18:0113
    Hi Tracey,
    
    Sorry to hear the news. I think you can interfere and first ask your
    mother the cause for evading the doc. Better not take antibiotics
    without any further diagnosis. Why dont you take the lead and talk to
    the doctor? May be this is a better idea than leaving the decision to
    her. That's what I strongly feel. I strongly suggest you to take her to
    a specialist and have her checked up once.
    
    All my good wishes for her good health.
    She will get well soon..
    
    VMS