| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 203.1 | | AYRPLN::VENTURA | So much Chocolate, such tight jeans!! | Wed May 04 1994 00:31 | 13 |
| Chico,
Maybe she had a bad experience with a firearm? Maybe someone close to
her was hurt or killed by a gun? I know that when my fiance died 6
years ago, I didn't even want to SEE a motorcycle .. never mind talk to
anyone who owned one. Now I just avoid the subject if I happen to know
someone who rides a bike. Most people understand.
Maybe confront her and ask her what's wrong? Or if you're not
comfortable with that, send her mail?
Holly
|
| 203.2 | Not for everyone. | CSC32::D_ROYER | Der er NOGET GALT i Danmark | Wed May 04 1994 00:43 | 20 |
| 203.3 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | The 2nd ain't about duck hunting! | Wed May 04 1994 00:51 | 29 |
| 203.4 | Talk is the best avenue to take! | TFH::ANDERSONM | I Have A Think'in Problem | Wed May 04 1994 00:57 | 16 |
|
Hi,
I'd confront her. Simply asking if there's something wrong will
open a door. Then if she says nothing, then mention the gun thing.
I like guns myself, but I understand the fear other people have of
them. But as you say, a hobby is a hobby, and you are not the type
of person to go off the deep end and put on your "Post Office Hat".
She's probably just very uncomfortable about it and maybe unable to
discuss it with you. Just by letting her know that you understand
her feelings may break the ice!
Good luck
>M<
|
| 203.5 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | The 2nd ain't about duck hunting! | Wed May 04 1994 01:00 | 12 |
|
re: >M<
yes, I will confront her about it. Unfortunately, I'm a big
"conflict avoider", so this is not an easy thing for me (due to the
fact I'm sure there's a bit of conflict there).
Oh well...dive in head first I think.....
chico
|
| 203.6 | | TFH::ANDERSONM | I Have A Think'in Problem | Wed May 04 1994 01:03 | 10 |
|
WELL, you could go at it with the assumption that the problem does
NOT lie with the GUN issue and by just asking if there's something
wrong will more or less put the ball in HER court. I KNOW you are
a "conflict avoider", and most people are, but if you feel you need
to have your new friend be a friend again, then, YUP, it's DIVE IN
HEAD first time!!!
>M<
|
| 203.7 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | The 2nd ain't about duck hunting! | Wed May 04 1994 01:51 | 7 |
|
what a fun prospect...I just hope I don't hit my head on the
bottom...
chico
|
| 203.8 | free advice is worth everything you paid...! ;-) | DECWET::TPFRAME | jlg@halcyon.com - Into the mystic | Wed May 04 1994 03:17 | 33 |
| Honest reaction here (so people, please don't bite my
head off for it, ok?).
Firstly, I do think WHATEVER the reason she has for abruptly
acting like you don't exist is a big red alert "flag" for you,
possibly giving you insight into who she "really is", in regards
to her personality, and how she handles uncomfortable situations.
If we assume it is the gun, it would be adult of her to be able
to talk to you about her discomfort. If it is something else
you "did" to offend her, again, it would be reasonable for her to
talk to you about it. If it is something ELSE entirely that is
bothering her going on in her life, then to IGNORE *YOU*, seems
to indicate just how self-absorbed she really is, and insensitive
to others to simply not "see" you, or worse, if she is "transferring"
her stuff and projecting it on you, that doesn't bode well for a
great relationship.
I *do* agree that you should show your concern about her seemingly
distant behavior, and see if she is troubled and needs to talk, or
if it is something that YOU caused, and have it out..but I am still
"gun-shy" (no pun intended) about this type of behaviour she is
displaying, and IMHO, I would think about just where she belongs in
your life...I get the feeling that you were feeling something special
for her...well, she may not be *able* to be there for you...so if you
can live with realistic expectations, then that's cool, just be careful
not to set yourself up for a fall by expecting more from her than she
can give.
..Zoe
|
| 203.9 | Another viewpoint! | CHEFS::WARRENJ | | Wed May 04 1994 13:08 | 28 |
| Chico,
From what you say, the lady is in conflict - either with herself, you
OR someone else. We all react differently when in this situation - it
could be that she has withdrawn from you/the world until she has come to an
agreement with her inner self and has made a decision how she can best
cope with the situation.
Are you sure it *is* the gun issue that has caused her to behave this
way toward you?
I may be in a minority in this notesfile, but personally, I have a dislike
for guns. My upbringing and UK laws concerning fire arms have helped to
dictate that - it is not common for people to own them over here.
Some of my feelings stem from fear too. However, I respect that other
people feel differently towards them - that is their right, and there
is no reason, in my opinion, why I should not talk with that person or
indeed be friends with them.
This is obviously causing you some distress. Talking with the person
openly is the best way to understand what the issue is and then solving
it.
Hope it works out!
Jackie
|
| 203.10 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | The 2nd ain't about duck hunting! | Wed May 04 1994 16:21 | 55 |
|
re: Zoe
> Honest reaction here (so people, please don't bite my
> head off for it, ok?).
Hey, I wouldn't do that! I appreciate all responses here....
> Firstly, I do think WHATEVER the reason she has for abruptly
> acting like you don't exist is a big red alert "flag" for you,
> possibly giving you insight into who she "really is", in regards
> to her personality, and how she handles uncomfortable situations.
True, how she has reacted is akin to someone else I know's reaction,
and I really don't like that other person much (and there's VERY few
people I outright don't like). I'm probably better off just letting
things be....if she can't respect me for who I am, then I shouldn't
bother worrying about it....
>I get the feeling that you were feeling something special
> for her...well, she may not be *able* to be there for you...so if you
> can live with realistic expectations,
I don't know if it was really feeling something special (other than
a possible friendship developing). I feel it was more to do with just
being shocked at her total dismissal of me....I really wasn't prepared
for that. I know alot of the folks around here are anti-gun, but I have
great friendships with alot of folks overseas who HATE guns, but like
me and understand that it's MY hobby/lifestyle. I guess it's true that
you can't please all the people all the time...
re: Jackie
I understand about being gun-shy Jackie, especially being brought
up in a country with such Draconian gun laws as England! Just an
interesting note tho'.....England's gun crime has steadily increased
since the introduction of gun-control in the late '30s early '40s.
America has a higher rate of gun-crime, but that's always been the
case....England also has always been much lower in gun crime, even
before Gun Control legislation.
But, enough of my rambling! :*) This is the ::FRIENDS conference
after all, and I don't want to start any religious debates about
gun-control, and I whole heartedly ask the moderators to delete and
notes dedicated solely so such a topic, should they arise. If anyone is
interested in more information about firearms, gun-control, laws,
etc..please send me mail!
cheers and thanks for all your notes!!
chico
|
| 203.11 | | MARCM3::TLOTTUM | Never trust a VAXmale | Wed May 04 1994 18:01 | 16 |
| yup...I would confront the lady aswell....as said before, maybe
it is something else and not the gun issue that caused her to
react the way she did....it is strange to say the least...
I personally dont have anything against guns...learned to shoot
when I was just a kid...which I wouldnt do again though...It is
not the gun itself that is lethal...it is the finger of the
person who holds it...as a hobby it is fine and I guess a great
way to learn to concentrate and control your body...Guns just
got a bad name cos they end up in the wrong hands...
Confrontations are never nice...but they are necessary...sometimes,
if you feel this person is worthwhile...
Good luck
TJ
|
| 203.12 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | The 2nd ain't about duck hunting! | Wed May 04 1994 18:39 | 6 |
|
Thanks for the words TJ.....mucho appreciated....
chico
|
| 203.13 | re .10 (I think that was the entry...) | DECWET::TPFRAME | jlg@halcyon.com - Into the mystic | Wed May 04 1994 21:58 | 49 |
| dear chico,
not meaning to belabor the point, but wanting to be clear about what
I was trying to say...
/*
> Firstly, I do think WHATEVER the reason she has for abruptly
> acting like you don't exist is a big red alert "flag" for you,
> possibly giving you insight into who she "really is", in regards
> to her personality, and how she handles uncomfortable situations.
True, how she has reacted is akin to someone else I know's
reaction,
and I really don't like that other person much (and there's VERY
few
people I outright don't like). I'm probably better off just letting
things be....if she can't respect me for who I am, then I shouldn't
bother worrying about it....
/*
I really never meant that you should avoid asking her about her
behaviour. I think that since you have already mentioned that
you have difficulty with "confronting" (I hate that word, it assumes
the worst...a hostile reaction and stuff...), so how about having
a diffucult questioning someone's "odd" behavior, that if for no
other reason than to learn to do this, maybe treat this as a
"practice session" (words are lame..sorry), and DO ask her if ANY
thing is troubling her, as she seems distant.
That way, you will have given her a chance to explain, rather than you
agonizing over this stuff, or repressing or denying or falsely feeling
hurt or angry, and you will KNOW just what's going on, and take action
accordingly.
So, although she does seem to be showing signs of a "unique
personality", it's best for your both, but mostly for you, my friend,
who I care about, to not just let this slide. It may turn out to
be a pretty "empowering" experience having been able to talk to
her and know that you have done what you could to find out the source
of this behaviour..and then you can make a decision about your
"relationship" based on knowledge not speculation!
Go for it..you have a lot of people here supporting you and caring
about you and will be here for you what ever happens. Do it for you!
with love and light,
..Zoe
|
| 203.14 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | The 2nd ain't about duck hunting! | Wed May 04 1994 22:34 | 7 |
|
Why thank you Zoe! I appreciate you taking the time to really
explain yourself.....I'll let you all know how things turn out...
chico
|
| 203.15 | | JGODCL::NOORDIJK | BM without a visa | Fri May 27 1994 15:49 | 7 |
|
well Chico? what was the outcome of all of this! Maybe she found out
you are not single???? ;-)
m. ;-)
|
| 203.16 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | Ban Bill Clintons Assault Weapon | Wed Jun 01 1994 21:16 | 6 |
|
:*) that could be it Mark! :*)
chico
|