Conference vaxcat::friends

151.0. "Advice needed for abusive situation!!!" by MVDS02::BELFORTI (PFYOWS) Mon Sep 13 1993 18:59

    Well, here I am, asking for some advice!  

    Most of you know me from here and other files... but a short synopsis is 
    due... I was sexually/physically/verbally abused by my first step-father, 
    at age 4... my mother to this day swears she didn't know (which makes the 
    request for help, after this brief intro, seem to confirm she's been in 
    denial for 36+ years)... I was then s/p/v abused by my older (by 3 years) 
    brother and most of his friends... yeah, he was only 7 when it started, 
    but it continued until he went in the army when I was 15 1/2... my second
    step-father verbally abused me, and tried to sexually abuse me... I
    wouldn't let him, which made the verbal abuse even worse!  I have major
    gaps in my life... the only good time I remember is spending the
    summers with my grandparents in New York state (I grew up in
    Cleveland).  I have complete years missing from my life, except for the
    summers, I can remember almost every one.  I do not know (can't
    remember) if my brother was sexually abused, but I KNOW he was beaten
    just as I was, with a thick leather strap, that had rivets in it... We
    were both beaten "just in case we did anything wrong", when my
    step-father got home from being on the road for 24 hours.  Anyway...
    that is me in a nutshell.... now for my plea for help!

    


    My mother just got back from visiting Hank (my brother) and Sharon (my
    s-i-l) and their 3 kids... Stacy is almost 17, Samantha is almost 15
    and Henry is 11.  Hank lives in Florida, my mother lives in Colorado
    and I live in New Hampshire.  I have not spoken to H/S for at least 10
    years, I have no desire to speak to them... anyway... back to my
    mother!  She called me Saturday night to tell me how her visit went...
    it was horrible.  

    Sharon does nothing but scream at the kids, and she is constantly
    picking at Stacy.  Hank told Stacy that he was tired of her mouth and
    the next time he heard her smart off to Sharon he would put her in her
    place... well, apparently Sharon immediately started goading Stacy...
    Stacy finally had enough and said something back and Hank flew out of
    the chair and hit her in the side of the head so hard she flew into the
    wall.. with her head first.  Another time Henry was bad mouthing my
    mother and when she told him to stop, he got even worse and started to
    run away from her.  She told him to stop running and come back to her,
    he was shaking and telling her no because she would hurt him... a few
    days later she asked him to do something and he told her no, if he did
    it "they" would belt whip him.

    They were investigated last year... but nothing came of it!  I have a
    feeling that the reason is, my brother is Auxiliary Highway Patrol, and
    knows everyone... and I mean EVERYONE... so they probably won't do
    anything to "one of their own".  It is also a policy in Florida that
    you have a right to confront your accuser.. so they always tell who the
    person was who reported the abuse.  Last year H/S were told it was the
    psychologist they were ordered to see... when he had her committed for
    alcohol and drugs.  Now if a Dr. can't report abuse, without fear of
    being reported on... then who will/can do it?

    I just can't sit by and let this happen... it happened too long with
    me, and nobody was there to help... I don't give a damn if they say it
    came from me.... my mother doesn't want to report it, although she does
    want someone to do it... as always, the enabler!!!  My step-brother and
    his wife live right down there, and they feel they can't report it
    because who knows what Hank is capable of, and with his connections in
    law enforcement... Bill isn't taking any chances.  Both Bill and Diana
    (step-brother and wife) and my mother have said they would answer any
    questions, honestly, if asked.. but they "can't" report it!

    I am not sure who to contact... seeing as, 1) this is all second hand
    information to me...2) I am in a different state... 3) nothing happened
    last year when the Dr. reported the abuse... and on and on and on...

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!  I KNOW I *must* report
    this... but how/who to do it!

    Thanks for the help!
    
    Thoughts and hope,
    
    M-L

    
    
    WOW!  I don't know what to say.  I am stunned by this.  My brother 
    works for Tampa University Hospital in Florida.  I have to go away for
    a few days, but as soon as I get back, I will contact him and get the
    specifics on who/where to contact in this situation.
    
    I will send you mail on wednesday with all the info he gives me.
    
    Good luck, and keep your chin up.
    
    ***HUGS***
    
    Terrie
    

M-L,

I don't know who you can report this to, but I'm glad to hear you're not going
to turn the other cheek, especially considering all the abuse you went through
yourself.  Abuse is a vicious cycle that has to be broken.  Good luck, and I'll
be praying for those kids.

Hugs,
Lola

    Some thoughts:
    
    What about Sharon's family?  are they aware of what is going on? local?
    willing to help?
    
    Can Bill and Diana halp in other ways aparting from reporting this
    (talking to Hank and Sharon, having kids to stay etc.) 
    
    What about the kids teachers  - are they aware of what is happening -
    can they help?
    
    Good luck
    Dave 

    The agency to report this to is Child Protective Services.
    My finance is a child abuse investigator.
    They are required by law to investigate every reported incident,
    no matter how major or minor.
    They are a federally funded agency located in every county and can be
    found in your phone book.
    Please seek their assistence.

    
    This string of notes dedicated to M-L!  We love you!
    
    
    HUGS!
    

    
    
    	de ja vu....
    
    (again)