Conference turris::cooks

    
    
    For X-mas I got a cookbook called "Pig out with Peg". It's Peg Bundy's
    cook book from Married with Children, it actually has some good 
    recipies, but the rest of the book is  a scream. If anyone would
    like to borrow it, drop me a line.
    
    bonnie

    Who would pay $10.00 to buy a book of certified failures?
    at times, we can fail even without trying!
    If you pay no attention to what you do in the kitchen...
    I bet you get worse things than what the book contains without
    bothering to spend money on it...
    
    When I moved to a foreign country I "tried" to make meat loaf and,
    instead of using bread crumbs to mix in with the ground meat... I
    used... vanilla pudding in powder! I only noticed a few "shiny" specks
    and realized that "those" were sugar specks... I took the box to my
    next door neighber who confirmed that what it looked like bread crumbs
    was, in fact, vanilla pudding!  Sooo, since ground meat was so
    expensive, I scrapped the pudding powder all I could, then used REAL
    bread crumbs and.... when the kids came from school and asked what was
    in for dinner, I said "Surprise dinner, because I don't know what we'll
    get"  it was the funniest dinner we ever had, and yes, WE ATE the meat
    loaf! it was nice, as the hint of sweetness came out well with my spicy
    wine sauce... (sort of like sweet & sour)
    
    Now, after my experience, honest to God... I'd never serve a proven 
    "failure" to anyone, much less, a friend!
    (I see a hint of obligation here... we must entertain even if we don't
    feel like it? when we don't feel like it, we don't ASK guests in,
    period!
    
    Ana
    

Ana:

They don't need to be failures.  There are lots of authentic dishes that are
virtually guaranteed to send "unwanted guests" packing (or at least off to 
MacDonald's long enough to lock the doors, draw the curtains and turn off all
the lights).

Aside from the list of delicacies served at the meal in the last Indiana Jones
flick, most anything with raw meat (steak tar-tar, sushi), or organs (sheep 
testicles, stomach lining, brain stems) will do the trick.  Of course some folks
would eat any of the above with pleasure... It's all a matter of knowing your
audience.

    Steak tartar is a "delicacy" in most of Europe, mainly northern
    countries,
    Sushi is a delicacy originated in Japan that spread all over... you can
    find "raw" fish all over the world, and guaranteed it would NOT turn
    guests away unless those guests came from small towns that were never
    exposed to fresh fish or other international influences...
    
    sheep testicles (and beef, veal, et al) are widely known and consumed 
    in all Arab, Middle East countries, Far East, China, parts of Europe, 
    ... etc, etc, those type of foods have been arround for a loooong time,
    the French make the most deliciious pates from... liver that the rest
    of the world pay big BUCKS for little cans of it.
    
    I would like to see some of those recipes... I bet they're good ones!
    Could you please, post some?
    
    Ana
    

    RE:  .4
    
    on the theme of sheep balls, a delicacy here in the western
    part of US there is something known as Rocky Mountain Oysters,
    which are in fact bull's balls. I believe they're deep fried
    in a batter like for shrimp....never tried 'em.
    
    <ouch!>
    
    pat

Very true!

I guess I should state the opposite side to be totally fair...  If your 
unwanted guest was a vegetarian, serving a nice porterhouse steak would 
do the trick.

I wasn't commenting on those dishes, just on your assumption that the 
cookbook mentioned contained nothing but failures.  Sorry if I misinterpreted 
your note.

    "guests away unless those guests came from small towns that were never
    exposed to fresh fish or other international influences..."
    
    I know someone who's had courses in parasitology and other diseases
    who won't touch raw fish or numerous organs meats.
    
    ed

    to .7
    
    	Oh yes, I do too, those people with courses in parasitology do know
    of trickinosys also, originated in pork meat but mainly its organs, it
    takes couple of hours of boiling down to kill the "beasts"...
    
    contaminated fish has also its problems, especially if it comes from
    contaminated waters, but that happens with everything, bad water itself
    can really give us a few umpleasant sicknesses...
    

 Like ciguatera poisoning...

    I looked and looked in the dictionary and could not find "ciguatera"
    poisoning... what is that? I'm not familiar with that term, (sorry for
    my ignorance) but I'd love to know.
    Ana
    

    I heard about a cookbook on the radio (not sure if they were just
    kidding):
    
    How to cook foods on top of your hot car engine.  !!
    
    The young men who supposedly authored this masterpiece said they were
    trying to help the environment by not wasting energy, and show folks
    how they can save time.
    
    They actually gave cooking times for stuff wrapped in aluminum foil.
    
    Sounds like a nifty thing for us harried commuters -:)
    
    But what if the food slides off and falls onto the road?  Then gets run
    over by a truck? 
    
    Signed,
    Wacky on a Friday afternoon
    Gotta get the buggy out on the highway home

>    "guests away unless those guests came from small towns that were never
>    exposed to fresh fish or other international influences..."
>    
>    I know someone who's had courses in parasitology and other diseases
>    who won't touch raw fish or numerous organs meats.
    
raw meat is the PRIMARY source of toxoplasmosis - an affliction of the lungs
which is pretty serious stuff...it can be transmitted to the fetus from an
afflicted mother and can cause birth defects.  Raw fish can carry some very
unfriendly parasites that settle in the human system from ingesting the fish...
Livers, spleens, kidneys, etc. are the best place to grow bacteria..and the
brain is the source of some problems that don't even seem to go away with
cooking!

I've lived around Boston, San Francisco, Dallas, Denver, Vancouver, and lots of
small towns...and I'm NOT EATING RAW FLESH OF ANY ANIMAL EVER - nor will I
eat organ meats...excepting, of course, mountain oysters...8^}

RE: .12

>.and the
>brain is the source of some problems that don't even seem to go away with
>cooking!

Gee, I find that all my problems go away if I cook my brain sufficiently.

--PSW

Sorry  :-)

    re:  .11 (i think) on cooking ontop of car engine.....
    
    Don't laugh! Some years ago a local DJ would give recipes
    of the day to prepare on your car's dashboard! It's called
    dashboard cooking. You see, here in Phoenix in the summer,
    the temps get up into the mid-to-high 100-teens....in
    a closed car parked in the sun, the internal car temp
    gets up to 150-170 degrees! Happy eating!
    
    pat

    Actually, construction workers purchase frozen burritos and put them on
    the dashboard, by lunch they are hot.  Ever seen a melted rubberband on
    the dashboard?  Perhaps we should start a note on outdoor cooking.
    
    Fried Eggs
    
    Melt butter on sidewalk at 1:00 p.m. in July.  Fry eggs for few seconds
    until done.  HA HA.  
    
    Jennifer
    Who-really-doesn't-miss-Phx-summers-too-much-but-dislikes-Eastern-winters
    :^)
    

    The car engine cookbook gave cooking time and temperature 
    in terms of distance and miles-per-hour, like, wrap burgers in foil, 
    place on top of carburator, and drive 30 miles at 50 mph.
    
    ...wasn't it in this file that I read the instructions for poaching
    fish in the dishwasher?  (Wrap salmon in foil, place on top rack,
    run through cycle, but don't use detergent....)
    
    I *did* once have a college-dorm cookbook that would give these
    horrible-sounding recipies for cooking using only an iron and a
    hot-pot.  Like wrapping minute steaks in foil and ironing them on
    the "cotton" setting.  Bleah!!!!
    
    P.  

When I was in Switzerland (What an incredibly beautiful country), something
which amazed me was the most expensive item on the menu of some VERY good
restaurants.  The item was:

		Fillet de Cheval.

And for those of you whose French is not up to date, "cheval" is French for

		HORSE!

I had a friend who had Ostrich there once, too.  Surprisingly enough, it was
a dark meat, not a light type of fowl meat at all.

I don't know.  I stayed away from the Fillet de Cheval and had some incredibly
good meals.  With some of the superb chefs who are from that lovely little
country, I imagine that horsemeat could be made palatable.  But I don't think
I'm up to trying it at this point in my life.

-Mary Ann

>    I looked and looked in the dictionary and could not find "ciguatera"
>    poisoning... what is that?

 Ciguatera poisoning is a problem in predatory fish in warm climates, 
particularly fish that tend to remain in one area. I can't remember offhand
what the source of the toxin is initially (I have a suspicion it is found in 
algae or something similar) but the basic concept is that as it moves up
the food chain, it is found in higher concentrations. Eventually it is
found in concentrations high enough to cause problems in humans.

 The problems are most pronounced in large territorial predators, like 
barracudas, that eat lots of other fish that may contain ciguatera. When a local
population is found to have ciguatera, nobody keeps fish from that population
anymore because they are not safe to eat. The symptoms that I recall are
consistent with other types of poisonings- nausea, severe cramps, tingling
sensations, swollen tongue, etc. The symptoms typically last weeks and may
last years, with no known antidote at this time. (I believe it may be fatal
in some instances, but it's been awhile since I read about it...)

 They are trying to develop a fast acting and inexpensive method to determine
if a given fillet is contaminated. Supposedly they will have one perfected in 
the next few years. You cannot tell if a fish is contaminated by looking
at it or smelling it. Island folklore dictates if you offer a fish to a cat
and it refuses it, it is contaminated but scientists claim this is wildly
inaccurate.

 The bottom line is that to be safe, don't eat territorial predators that don't
come from places that you know to be safe, especially large ones. 

 Coldwater fish do not have this problem. I'll try to remember to find some of 
the articles on this subject when I get home so I can straighten out any
minor inaccuracies...

 The Doctah

    Right... barracudas are dangerous if they're over (I think) a pound
    in weight, because they'll have injested and concentrated enough
    of the toxin.  At one time I had the exact weight/size in my
    personal name...
    
    --L

 3 lbs...

    Thanks!... the memory is the first thing to go...

    Yeah, wow, Louise, it was only a little while ago, too.
    (note 2088.4, f'rinstance).
    
    (One of the next things is that the arms become too short.)
    
    ed

    Re .17 - Horse is much in demand in Europe....We (U.S.)
    send our horsemeat overseas for human consumption.  Horsemeat
    is not a common dog/petfood additive anymore.  It's more valuable 
    for human consumption right now, but the slaughterhouse price
    is dropping.....
    
    Lynne  

    Horse meat is much in demand in Japan... I've been to many yakitoris
    (barbeque places) where they have  bar-b-q horse meat... and according
    to them, it is delicious!
    
    While in Madrid, Spain, I saw two meat shops that had horsemeat
    advertised... so I know that it is a common food in someplaces.  (if we
    think of it, a horse is a very clean aminal, only eats straw and
    seeds...)
    Ana
    

    Re .24 - Clean?....well, I don't know.....have you shoveled
    my horse Abe's stall lately? :-) :-)
    
    (p.s. horses don't eat straw, they eat hay & grain (oats))
    
    Lynne

    I have SEEN horses eating straw, hay, and grains, they might no eat
    straw here in the US but have you seen what they eat in other
    countries? I'm not kidding, I've seen them eating straw... 
    
    re: .25, "Clean?...well, I don't know... have you shoveled my horse
    Abe's stall lately?"
    I meant they are CLEAN in what they EAT, not what they excrete... for
    that matter... we are ALL a bit dirty! on the other hand... if your
    horse is a bit too messy... may be you're giving it the wrong food?
    I know that horses are picky... they get colds easily, and a change in
    fodder or grains shows very readily...
    Ana
    

RE: .25

Horses are no dirtier than people would be if they were penned in stalls with
no means to go elsewhere when nature calls.

--PSW

Yoiks!  It's time to change the title of this note to "Assorted Tangents".

    
    
    
    Still
    
    No humorous recipes yet...
    
    Where are they?
    	

    
    RAYBOK::HUMOR maybe?
    
    

    Re .26 - For your information, the :-) symbol means this
    was a joke.  However, I am sure straw is used for feed
    elswhere.....Some horses have a tendency to walk through
    and kick around their manure (Abe), while others won't
    go near the stuff and use a certain spot in the stall (my
    other horse, Ranger).
    
    Re .27 - I certainly agree with that!  I'll shovel horse
    manure anytime rather than change a diaper! :-)
                         
    Lynne

    As of today, August 1st, horses were being sold at auction for $600
    (many.many,MANY going to slaughterhouses).  These will end up overseas
    in restaurants.  Horse rustling in the South Texas area is becoming
    very popular, especially among the druggies.  (No proof of ownership
    is currently required of anyone selling horses at auction.)
    

>Jean-Paul Sartre's Cooking Diary
>
>October 3
>
>Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook.  Though he has never actually
>eaten, he gave me much encouragement. I rushed home immediately to begin
>work. How excited I am! I have begun my formula for a Denver omelet.
>
>October 4
>Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling blocks.  I keep
>creating omelets one after another, like soldiers marching into the sea,
>but each one seems empty, hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet
>that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and instead they taste
>like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back. Tried
>eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux suggested
>paprika.
>
>October 6
>I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is
>bourgeois. Today I tried making one out of cigarette, some coffee, and four
>tiny stones. I fed it to Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but my
>journey is still long.
>
>October 10
>I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional
>dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I
>tried this recipe:
>
>Tuna Casserole
>Ingredients:
>1 large casserole dish
>Place the casserole dish in a cold oven.
>Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it forever.
>Think about how hungry you are.
>When night falls, do not turn on the light.
>
>While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its
>inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize
>that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish?  I am
>becoming more and more frustrated.
>
>October 25
>I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an entire cookbook.
>Rather, I now seek a single recipe which will, by itself, embody the plight
>of man in a world ruled by an unfeeling God, as well as
>providing the eater with at least one ingredient from each of the four
>basic food groups.  To this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of
>foodstuffs from the corner grocery and locked myself in the kitchen,
>refusing to admit anyone.  After several weeks of work, I produced a recipe
>calling for two eggs,  half a
>cup of flour, four tons of beef, and a leek. While this is a start, I am
>afraid I still have much work ahead.
>
>November 15
>Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of cherries and a live
>beaver, challenging the very definition of the word cake. I was very
>pleased. Malraux said he admired it greatly, but could not stay for
>dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most profound achievement yet,
>and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.
>
>November 30
>Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as I had hoped.
>During the judging, the beaver became agitated and bit Betty Crocker on the
>wrist. The beaver's powerful jaws are capable of felling blue
>spruce in less than ten minutes and proved, needless to say, more than a
>match for the tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I only got
>third place.  Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty lawsuit.
>
>December 1
>I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months, and I am now
>experiencing light tides. It is stupid to be so fat. My pain and ultimate
>solitude are still as authentic as they were when I was thin, but
>seem to impress girls far less. From now on, I will live on cigarettes and
>black coffee.
>