Conference thebay::joyoflex

    Not quite what you were after, but......
    
    The name of the best selling brand of condoms in Britain is the
    same as that of the best selling sticky tape in Australia. The
    possibilities for confusion are endless. 

    
    Up in Yorkshire we have an expression, "Seen to" (as in "...being
    seen to", "get seen to...") which has unfortunate conotations for
    folks at the bottom of Britain....
    
    In Yorkshire it means; a) being beaten up    
    
                       or, b) having your manhood cut off and put in
                              a plastic bag by a vet....
    
    But,.... down south, people have said that they're going to the
    doctor to get "seen to".  Now this may just be a fetish peculiar
    to southern GPs, or a new form of cure-all alternative medicine,
    but I'm going to steer clear of it, if ya don't mind.....
    
    Richard...
    	

    	When they first introduced unattended railway crossings in England,
    they had flashing lights to indicate that a train was approaching,
    and a sign that said "WAIT WHILE LIGHTS FLASH".
    
    	Unfortunately, in Notinghamshire dialect, "while" means what
    "until" means in most other places. So drivers would approach the
    crossing, notice that the lights were not flashing, and settle down
    to wait. Then, when the lights started to flash ......
    
    	The wording on the signs was changed.
    
    	Ah!  .1 brings back memories of the Ealing office, and Big Anne,
    the Australian secretary, who would shout across the office "Can
    you throw us the Durex". About the same sort of effect as asking
    for a rubber, or offering to knock someone up (give them a morning
    call) in the U.S..

    I just spent a weekend in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, where one of the
    better-known beers is one from McEwan's, called "Scotch". An
    acquaintance there, when he first moved up from the South, asked for 
    "a scotch and soda" and got a pint of bitter topped up with water...
    
    Andy

    
    There was a story last year about a man who was on his way to Oakland
    (Ca.).  His plane stopped in Los Angeles.  He stayed aboard.  The
    plane departed.  After several hours of what should have been an
    hour's flight, the man asked why it was taking so long to get to
    Oakland.  He was informed that Auckland was still many hours ahead.
    

So then what happened ?  How did he react ?  What did he do when he
got there ?

/Eric

    Re .5  Did the airline serve beef Wellington?  Or kiwi fruit?

    Re .3 with its references to rubbers and getting knocked up...
    
    Whilst working for another company here in the UK, a colleague decided
    to relocate to the US, so we undertook a crash course on what not to
    say after crossing the 'pond'.
    
    The most memorable phrases he had to abandon were:
    
    "May I bum a ...?" meaning "Will you give me a ...?"

    Hence:
    
    "May I bum a fag?" meaning "Will you give me a cigarette"

    "Lend me a rubber" meaning "Lend me an eraser"

    It highlighted the 'Two nations separated by a single language'    
    
Nick    
    

    
>    "May I bum a ...?" meaning "Will you give me a ...?"

This is common use in the US as well.  Usually the phrase introduces a 
request for a cigarette or a ride.  Although for proper blending, he 
should ask "Can I...?"  "May" is correct, but hardly used.

>    "May I bum a fag?" 

Even though "bum" as in "borrow" is in use here, it might still be 
trouble to use that particular phrase, unless you were in San Francisco, 
and someone had lent you a rubber. :-)

					>>>==>PStJTT

    PStJTT beat me to it, but I'll elaborate pedantically.
    
    I just checked, and "bum" (as a transitive verb) is in the
    American Heritage Dictionary, defined as "To acquire by begging
    or sponging." It is, not surprisingly, derived from the noun
    "bum" (tramp, hobo).
    
    The etymology: "From earlier *bummer*, a loafer, probably from
    German *bummler*, from *bummeln*, to loaf."
    
    So, the word has a reasonably respectable history.
    
    --- jerry
    
    (I also agree with PStJTT -- how *do* you pronounce that,
    Patrick? :-) -- that it should be "Can I bum..." rather than
    "May I bum..." "May" is just too polite. :-))

    
>    (I also agree with PStJTT -- how *do* you pronounce that,
>    Patrick? :-) 

It's pronounced just the way it's spelt.  ;-)

					>>>==>PStJTT

    Probably just about like the sound I made when I read JP's
    joke about hominy you get when you order grits.
    
    --bonnie

    It's OK for you people making these clever puns; I just had to
    look up hominy in *my* dictionary.
    
    Jeff.  :-) :-) :-) :-)

    Personally, I think these hominy lines are getting pretty corny!  :^ }

    Maybe the hominy would be better if we had more sopranos and fewer
    basses?
    
    --bonnie

    And just what is the basses for that suggestion, Bonnie?
    
    --- jerry

    I'm not sure I like the tenor of that last question!

    How sharp of you to take note of that, Bonnie.  Hopefully her
    toe isn't too flat...

    C here now!  You're all more treble than you're worth....

    My philosophy is "Just B natural"

    That certainly sounds like the key to happiness. It strikes a
    familiar chord, anyways.
    
    --- jerry

    
    Certainly nothing to fret about. 
    jc

    This play on words is causing some heated exchanges. Soon there
    may be violins...
    
    Ian.

    re .25
    
    ...what, a fret of violins ?!
    
    You ought to watch it, otherwise you'll get some beats in the bar !
    
    Cheers,								Steve

    
    I suppose that we should expect this kind of word play in a
    
    notes file. :-)
    jc

    RE: .25
    
    Yes its disgusting, these notes files today, filled with sax and
    violins...

     Each of the last few replies seems to have a pun in it.
     Generous of me to call some of them puns, ne c'est pas?,
     but otherwise you might think that I had missed the really
     dumb ones.  I couldn't allow that to happen.  But now, I
     fear, this string of silly musical references must end.

    re:.29
    
    Now, there's no need to take such an extreme measure. Just
    be patient, since this flow of puns stanza good chance of
    running out of steam on its own.
    
    --- jerry

    re: .29
    
    I regret to inform you that the Buck is a stringed instrument
    popular in late medieval and early Renaissance England.  Some
    of the songs in Shakespeare's plays, particularly Ariel's song
    in _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ are believed to have been composed
    for the buck.
    
    --bonnie 

    re:.29, .30
    
	I quaver (and semi-quaver) at the thought of disobeying this
	double-stop, but I believe we must make a concerted effort to
	continue punning.

    Although this note may be lowering the tone of the conference, I
    feel I must join in the chorus of support. The key is not to be
    too bass, or you may well treble your chances of being excluded.
    
    Ian.

    
    The authors of these appaling puns have my symphony.
    
    Personally, I feel it's all a load of Bolero's !
    
    Cheers,								Steve

    I don't want to b flat about this, but it's all very cornet.
    
    E7

    Re .9 and .10
    
    Sorry to spoil the flow of puns but...
    
    $SET CONTEXT
    In the UK:
    
    "Can I...?" asks of an ability, whereas "May I...?" asks for
    permission or agreement, hence the exchanges between parents and
    children like:
    
    Child - "Dad, can I write on my bedroom wall?"
    Father - "Yes."
    Child starts writing,
    Father - "What the h**l are you doing that for, I didn't say you
    _may_ write on the wall."
    
    So in the UK there is a difference in meaning between "Can I" and
    "May I", rather than a difference in politeness.
    
    Nick - UK pedant
    

    Re: .31: Bonnie, I'm amazed no-one picked you up on this, especially
    in such an erudite notes file as this one.  Ariel, apart from being
    a detergent powder, is a character in "The Tempest", not "A Midsummer
    Night's Dream".  Maybe you were thinking of Puck?  Puck's buck ...
    Hmmm.  :-)
    
    Re: .36 Although I also live in the UK, if my son said "Can I write
    on the bedroom wall?" I think I would say "No."  My son is not
    particularly pedantic.
    
    Jeff.

    Re .36 (Nick), .37 (Jeff):
    
    >... Although I also live in the UK, if my son said "Can I write
    >on the bedroom wall?" I think I would say "No."
     
    Although I don't live in the U.K., if a child of mine asked that
    question, I believbe I'd say, "Don't even think of doing it!"
    That covers both contingencies.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

     We finally seem to be out of musical pun mode.  Good.
     Now I can admit that I did sneak one into .29 myself!
     
     Dan

    Re .39:
    Actually, the musical noters were resting.  They will soon return with
    a chorus of punishment.
    
    >M

OK, you guys, pull out all the stops.  I'm getting the twang of this.

Moffatt
Greenville, SC

re: .36

We have precisely the same distinction between "may I" and "can I" in 
the US, it's just honored more in the breech than in the observance. If 
you ask "Can I" you blend.  If you ask "May I" large people will 
probably beat you up and take your money.  Occasonally, someone WILL 
haul out the old "You can, but you may not." in which case you just beat 
him up and take his wallet.
					>>>==>PStJTT

    Re .37
    
    I didn't aim to have pedantic children - they just came out that
    way!!!
    
    Nick

    Re: .39  Dunno how you can FACE admitting that.
    
    Re: .42
    
    > We have precisely the same distinction between "may I" and "can I" in 
    > the US, it's just honored more in the breech than in the observance.
    
    You mean, like, if he asks "Can I write on the wall?", you point
    a gun at him?
    
    Jeff. :-)

>    You mean, like, if he asks "Can I write on the wall?", you point
>    a gun at him?

It cuts past the grammar and gives an unambiguous answer...

					>>>==>PStJTT

    Re .45 (PStJTT):
    
    And the kid, in a panic, yells, "Grammar!"
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

     Most of the teachers who tried to teach us the difference
     between "Can I ...?" and "May I ...?" answered
     
                       Can I ... ?
     
     with
     
                       I don't know, can you?
     
     Dan

    Ariel changed plays while I wasn't watching?  My God, how
    embarassing. That should teach me not to be pedantic when I'm
    working late preparing a call interface manual for production.
    
    --bonnie, blushing