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Conference taveng::bagels

Title:BAGELS and other things of Jewish interest
Notice:1.0 policy, 280.0 directory, 32.0 registration
Moderator:SMURF::FENSTER
Created:Mon Feb 03 1986
Last Modified:Thu Jun 05 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1524
Total number of notes:18709

140.0. "Shower BEFORE or AFTER baby is born?" by MTV::NEWFIELD () Tue Jun 10 1986 14:50

    In regard to the same person from 139.  Someone called me and told
    me that they were going to have a baby shower for this mutual friend
    of ours (the woman planning it is also jewish).  I had never even
    considered having a shower for this friend - since it is not suppose
    to be done before the baby comes.  I believe that this tradition/law?
    came about just in case there was a problem with the baby and it
    didn't make it home.  
    
    Well, the friend is still having the shower.  The woman that is
    pregnant now knows about the shower and has extremely mixed emotions
    about it.  Soooo, what do you think?  Should there be a shower before
    a child is born (I'm speaking in Jewish context here)?
    
    Where did this tradition/law come from?  
    
    I look forward to your views.  - Sandy
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
140.1Eyin Hara (The Evil Eye)TAV02::CHAIMLe'ChaimWed Jun 11 1986 13:3313
    The problem is one of custom (minhag)as opposed to law (Halacha).
    
    It is based on Eyin Hara (Evil Eye).
    
    As to your friend, it is really up to how she feels. If she has
    mixed emotions I personally would say wait until after. If she were
    to go ahead, and if G-d forbid something did happen she would always
    feel it was her fault. If on the other hand she isn't concerned
    with Eyin Hara then from a legal standpoint there is nothing wrong.
    
    Good Luck,
    
    Cb.
140.2COOKIE::ZANEWarehouse DesignerFri Jul 31 1987 15:2323
  I will relate here a personal experience.  You can judge whether its
  origins are Jewish, Russian, or just family superstition.
  
  Both times when I was pregnant, my ex-husband forbade any preparation
  for the baby.  This included preparing a room or space in the house,
  buying or receiving furniture as gifts, thinking of names for the baby,
  buying clothes, etc.  We did not discuss names until after the baby
  was born.  His reasoning was that such preparations smacked of arrogance
  and excessive pride, and this would cause harm or death to the unborn
  child.
  
  I was very frustrated with this, as I'd felt blessed with the pregnancy
  and felt only like rejoicing, and imagining him or her, and where I
  might place the crib, and holding the baby -- simply rejoicing.
  
  I don't know whether this has anything to do with the custom, so I thought
  I'd share it.
  
  
  							Terza
  
  
140.3Twilight time in the nursery?SWATT::POLIKOFFHe's not heavy. He's my lawn mower.Fri Jul 31 1987 16:074
    	re .2	This seems like something one might find in very
    superstitious societies like the Voodoo of Haiti. This is the kind
    of ignorant prejudice that many people equate with religion. I can
    see why he is your ex-husband. 
140.4Us TooDARTH::SCHORRMon Aug 03 1987 02:029
    My wife wouldn't have a Baby shower before the baby was born.  She
    is admitedly superstitious.  She wouldn't even have the furniture
    delivered before my son was born.  It come from East European culture.
     My grandparent's would always say Pooh-Pooh over a Baby.  I thought
    it was a form of endearment.  later I learned it was to keep the
    evil-eye away.
    
    WS
    
140.5sounds customary to waitDELNI::GOLDSTEINAll Hail Marx and Lennon (Bros. & Sisters)Mon Aug 03 1987 21:3510
    re:.2,.3
    I'm afraid .2 sounds closer to the mark.  My fiancee has pointed
    out that Jewish baby showers take place _after_ the birth.  (One
    of my co-workers had one here in the plant last week.  Non-Jewish,
    before birth.)  This isn't superstition, just common sense that
    in case something doesn't go right, you're not loaded with painful
    reminders.
    
    But we are willing to talk about names at any time.
         fred
140.6There is common sense in some superstitionREGENT::WOLFMon Oct 05 1987 16:0212
    I am sorry to .1,.2,.3 and .4 by I wholeheartedly agree with
    .5. The way I was raised you do not prepare the room (completely),
    or bring furniture into the house until baby-time. Again to reiterate
    .5, g_d forbid if something goes wrong, it would be much worse
    emptying a room of baby stuff for a baby that wasn't.
        When our daughter was born I had all the furniture
    at my folks house in Brookline. Elissa was born at Emerson in
    Concord adn we live in Marlboro. A lot of driving YES. Worth the
    driving, again YES. Superstition, yes probably, good idea Definitely.
    
    
        jzw