Conference rocks::weight_control

Disclaimer:  My family has always been wonderfully supportive of my weight loss
efforts.  I started to gain weight when I went away from home!

I'll answer the ones I can right now :-)

>    How do you handle sabotage?

In general, you stick up for yourself and what is important to you.  I find
this always makes me feel better in any circumstances.
    
>    "One little piece won't hurt!"

"I already had my one little piece" OR "Too many little pieces make a BIG piece"
   
>    "You have such a nice figure.  You don't need to diet." [Usually
>    said to someone who has fought like the Devil to lose weight.]

"You haven't seen me naked" stops most people in their tracks :-)
"I'm not dieting, I'm trying to keep this nice figure nice"

>    "You don't want any?  After I made it especially for you!" [Usually
>    said by Mother, though others have been known to, also.]

"I appreciate your making it for me (even though I didn't ask for it :-)),
and I'm sure every one else appreciates it and will enjoy it just as much.
Please make it again when..."  (Maybe you can have a small piece, depending
what it is)

And, if people get too rude to you, you can always get rude back, not answer,
excuse yourself and walk away...

Jill

    Most of the saboteurs are well meaning people who don't understand. 
    This is more of a problem when you're on a non-standard diet.  Back
    when I was doing Atkins, I had a lot of trouble convincing people that
    no, orange juice isn't okay, and neither is skim milk!

    There was one twit at a former company (not someone I worked with --
    just an acquaintance), who presented me with a Hershey bar wrapped in
    plain paper.  It was, he explained, a "panic fix" in case I needed it. 
    Now, I have minimal enough will power as it is -- this I didn't need! 
    I considered throwing it in the trash and ignoring his presence, but
    instead (not wanting to waste food!), I handed it back to him and made
    it Very Clear that I was Not Amused.  Acting offended is sometimes the
    only way to get through.  You then accept the sincere apology.

    "One little piece won't hurt!"

    My answer to this is that I can't handle one piece.  Sugar is like an
    addiction for me.  It takes very little to give me a migraine.
    
    "You have such a nice figure.  You don't need to diet." [Usually
    said to someone who has fought like the Devil to lose weight.]

    Well, I've lost nn pounds in the last few years, and I really want to
    keep it off.  

    For both of these, if they persist, they're being rude.  In fact, the
    statements themselves are rude.  If someone offers you food you don't
    want, a polite "No, thank you" is all that's required.  Don't let these
    people put you on the defensive.
    
    "You don't want any?  After I made it especially for you!" [Usually
    said by Mother, though others have been known to, also.]

    Fortunately for me, my mother knows better.  She's been after me to
    lose weight for as long as I can remember.  My mother-in-law, though,
    goes to great trouble to find wheat-free cookie recipes for me.  I
    usually end up eating a bunch, more because I want to than out of any
    desire to avoid hurting her feelings.  Preventive action is probably
    best for this one.  Let the mother know in advance of your visit then
    you're on a strict program, and you'll really appreciate her support. 
    Tell her that if she wants to prepare something special, that's fine;
    just make it lo-cal.  If she ignores it, it's not your fault.  A
    heart-to-heart to figure out why she feels it's necessary to stuff you
    with food might be in order.  There are a distressingly large number
    of mothers who think if they don't feed you, you'll think they don't
    love you.  A big hug might just help!

    Good luck to all of us!!
    Beverly
    

    Well, when people are getting rude about it, I feel no need to spare
    their feelings.  If someone pushes cakes and candies on me, after
    the first "no, thanks" they are being rude.  I tend to tell them
    what I think at that point.  If I'm feeling generous, I tell them
    what over-sweet food does to me (causes terrible headaches) or what
    very fatty foods do to me (it all slides on through....and I get
    pretty sick), and the details might be expanded if they continue
    to be rude.
    
    I've had little problems at home - Jim likes the new me a lot! 
    I have avoided my relatives, which is easy since they mostly live
    in the DC area and I'm up here in New Hampshire.  My friends know
    better, and are supportive anyhow, and my acquaintances soon find
    out how I feel.
    
    --Louise

    re .3:
    
    >    Well, when people are getting rude about it, I feel no need to spare
    >	 their feelings.  If someone pushes cakes and candies on me, after
    >	 the first "no, thanks" they are being rude. 
         
    
    Amen...that's why I like the advice my WW leader gives about people
    "pushing food".  If they offer you something that you really don't
    want, give them a polite "No thank you".  Repeat.  If after two
    or three times they don't take the hint...
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
      
    
    
    ....tell them to sit on it! :-)
    
    
    py

    
    I feel alot of times that they are so use to us or me eatting
    or being fat that they think the only way to make us happy is
    eat,, 
    
    I have been to homes where they have a large meal and I am stuffed
    and they want you to finsh things off.. Like Ann can you eat this
    there is only a few left.. or I can't eat this maybe Ann will..
    You know what I do ?  I look them right in the eye and say, NO!
    
    It will not hurt them but it will hurt us.. I have been Fat most
    of my life.. 
    
    I have people feeling sorry for me one minute and trying to feed
    me
    the next minute!!
    
    Watch out for Friends and Relatives!!  They can kill you with kindness!
    
    I have a friend Priscilla and I think because we are together it
    gives her a reason to eat ice cream and things she and I need 
    to avoid.. and alot of times I fall for it because I feel sorry
    for her.. but am I really helping ? No.. Not her or me!!
    
    We can  learn to be strong and stick to our guns and mean what we
    say,,that goes for me as well...
    
    
    Please for your own good hold your head up high and say
    No I will not except that.  I am worth so much more 
    them that FOOD!!
    
    
    Enough from me.. 
    
    It's not easy for sure
    
    Ann
    
    

    Thanks for all your suggestions.  You've helped me put this situation
    in the proper perspective.  Namely:  If I don't look out for me,
    nobody else will!
    
    Happy Holidays, Everybody!
    
    Lynn

    Interesting last several replies.
    
    One other point -- I think a distinction needs to be made between
    those people who are deliberately trying to sabotage one's weightloss
    program and people who offer you something without knowing that
    you are trying to lose weight.
                                        
    How do you tell the difference?  See if the tactful "No Thanks"
    works.
    
    As for deliberate saboteurs, I frankly would no longer consider
    such people my friends...the choice between their "friendship" and
    my good health, though it could potentially be a difficult and painful
    one, is to me nonetheless a clearcut one.
    
    
    py
     
    

>>    I feel alot of times that they are so used to us or me eatting
>>    or being fat that they think the only way to make us happy is
>>    [feeding us]
    
    This reminds me of a date I went on once.  The guy (who wasn't skinny,
    although he wasn't obese either) and I stopped at a Friendly's.  I
    ordered a small dish of ice cream; he tried to get me to order a big
    sundae.  I got po'd, and told the waitress I just wanted coffee.  I
    then lit into him about how I had enough trouble trying to control
    myself, and he shouldn't try to undermine what self-control I had.
    
    He was *very* contrite; he said he'd always associated big ice cream
    dishes with big smiles.  It was the last time he tried to get me to eat
    anything sweet!
    

    
    
    re 6: You got it lynn you learn as you go along that you are 
          the most important one to you,  without you it sure would
          different.. We are all Special in our own way..
        
          I have always been a quiet kid and always excepting what
          people said was right..
    
    	 I have learn you must look out for Number ONE..
    
         I had someone tell me to get up in the morning and 
         Say I am important and I will not let food take 
         over or control my life..
    
         It does help and I found it hard at first..
    
         Your Special Lynn and don't let anyone take that away!
    
             Ann
    
    
    

           To me, one of the biggest sabotages of all is when someone
         comments:
    
           "..But you carry your weight so well...why do you want to
         loose weight?"
    
    
                       Chris
    

    I have finally had it with the well-meaning friends and relatives
    that have hounded me for the past 4 years.  Five years ago I was
    35 pounds thinner, healthy and very happy.  I started college and
    gained the "freshman 15".  And then the "sophomore 15"...  And as
    I gained and gained and felt worse and worse about myself, my
    friends and relatives(some of them) reassured me that I looked
    great.   But I don't.  It is MY self image and how I feel about
    MYSELF that is important.  And that is why I have once again looked
    within myself and found that inner strength one needs to take off
    the pounds.  Just being on this diet and increasing my exercise
    gives me so much pride and so much more self worth.  I know that
    I can do it.  And thanks for the notes on sabotage.  You gave me
    some great ways to handle saboteurs over the holidays that really
    worked.  
    
    	Five down and thirty to go
    Kristen\
    
    

    Hi,
    	This is a good title for what I find is my problem..SELF Sabotage.
    I start going great guns, have lots of enthusiasm, and motivation.
    I have no real problem with others trying to sabotage cause I'm
    so motivated that I'm not really tempted when others offer sweets.
    Its when I'm alone, when I work shift work and those machines are
    downstairs, or when I'm sitting at home watching tv, knitting,
    anything.  Its like as soon as I start to see an improvement, my
    clothes are getting loser, I'm feeling good, I'm getting compliments,
    I'm down about 5-8 pounds, I sabotage it all.  I know how great
    it will feel and how good I'll feel about myself to lose, and it
    doesn't make any difference.  I hear this little voice inside my
    head saying "you want a chocolate bar, so go buy one".  I tell myself
    that I'm not really hungry, and I know it.  But this voice says
    "you want it, so have it."  And I say "ok I will".
    	So I end up off my program.  I know that this would be ok if
    it was just an occasional thing and it stopped at one.  But the
    next day I will go through the same thing, and everyday till the
    progress I had made has vanished.
    	Its quite easy when I'm on program to be virtuous around others
    but what do you do when its yourself doing the sabotaging?
    	Its amazing just how much its really a matter of self-image,
    and whats in your head, rather than hunger or willpower.  I have
    just read "feeding the Hungry Heart" and I'm reading "Fat is a Feminist
    Issue" now.  I can see that I've been repeating the same cycle and
    that alot is probably a fear of thinness causing it.  How have you
    overcome this?  
    	I had made some progress earlier last year and went through
    the same thing.  I want to lose weight, but this time before I start
    I want to make sure I can break this self destructive cycle.  I
    have read such great, inspiring thoughts here.  I would greatly
    appreciate any thoughts on this subject.
    	Thanks 
    	Debra Forrest "I WANT to be a loser"

    I don't know that I can help you much with the little voice that
    says, "Go ahead, have just one."  I just had to learn to ignore
    that voice, and replace it with another one that said, "If you eat
    this, you'll probably put on more weight.  If you don't eat it,
    you'll never miss it in the long run."
    
    I DO understand about those machines.  They're constantly calling
    me, too.  It helped me to visualize a skull and crossbones pasted
    on the front of every machine (especially the candy/chips machine).
    After all, that stuff IS like poison to us.
    
    Hang in there,
    
    Lynn

    Saboteurs were everywhere this week in my group.  For the month
    of February, Weight Watchers is joining forces with the American
    Heart Association with a pledge for pounds lost for the whole month.
    Most everybody in my group (around 50 people) have pledged something
    (between $.50 and $2.00).  Yesterday (Friday), I walked into my
    office and there sat a Reese' Pnut Butter cup, a Milky Way bar and
    a box of Milk Duds.  I brought the munchies out and tossed them
    on three of the engineer's desks.  I later found out that someone
    had brought in a whole bag of candy, just for me - they had left
    it by the coffee pot.  Luckily I don't drink coffee! ;-)  And to
    spite them, I lost three pounds this past week.  heh heh heh

re .13:

>    I don't know that I can help you much with the little voice that
>    says, "Go ahead, have just one."  I just had to learn to ignore
>    that voice, and replace it with another one that said, "If you eat
>    this, you'll probably put on more weight.  If you don't eat it,
>    you'll never miss it in the long run."

    I tell myself exactly the same thing!
    
>    It helped me to visualize a skull and crossbones pasted
>    on the front of every machine (especially the candy/chips machine).

    I'm happy to say I just got a fruit cup out of the "real food" machine.
    It was so much more "satisfying" than a candy bar would have been; they
    make me want to eat another one!  And I felt good about eating it, too.

Jill

    I have a different problem with SELF Sabotage and I wondered if anyone
    else has the same problem.  It happens when I get near big goals.
    
    At just under 50lbs lost, I had real problems.  I don't know why but I
    was afraid to hit my goal.  I don't mean I was consciously afraid, but
    I think deep down maybe I was.  Finally, I just went ahead and got
    over the wall.
    
    Now, here I am - I've lost 95.5 pounds and am having the hardest time
    hitting that 100lb mark.  I'm not plateauing, but rather eating stuff
    that will stop me from losing.  I may be back on the losing path having
    lost 2.5 pounds this week but am not sure.  At any rate, I've been
    pussyfooting around the 95 pound lost mark for several weeks.
    
    My housemate and I have discussed this problem regularly.  I think that
    helps because she asks me "What's going to happen when you hit that
    mark?  What are you afraid of?"
    
    As far as I can tell, goals mean more attention and I am a bit
    intimidated by the extra attention.  I also feel some anger at the
    people doting over the wonderfulness of my loss - I get angry they
    don't realize that I'm the same person I was, just smaller - but that's
    another topic I suppose.
    
    Does anyone else have problems right around their goals?  If so, why? 
    What do you do to get past them?
    
    Denise
    

    Yup.
    
    Patient perseverance is the answer.
    
    Good luck!