Conference rocks::weight_control

    Working the motivation behind overeating is important, but you'll
    also need to educate yourself on how to cook and eat nutritious,
    low-fat foods.

    Hi Sooz,
    
    	So far, I've been a reader only (I think, I have to check intro's).
    Anyway, I haven't read the same books, but another one called
    The Anti-Diet Diet Book; Getting Thin Naturally by Eating More.
    From what I gather from your original entry, it sounds like it is
    based on the same premise.  
    
    	I have about 10-15 more pounds to lose and have had them for a good
    number of years.  I lost 18 pounds on WW and gained them all back
    (almost right away).  I remember feeling panic when I found out what
    being on maintenance would mean to me.  ("What?  You mean that's all I
    get to eat for the REST OF MY LIFE???)
    
    	I tried the approach in the book and did not lose anything, but did
    not gain.  I didn't give it much time, though, and started "dieting"
    again and gained about 5 more pounds.  I since am back to learning and
    eating like the book says and am slowly losing the 5 pounds.
    
    	I can relate to the increase in energy and positive outlook.  I am
    finding that I am not as tired in the evenings.  That part's great!
    I also like not feeling panic about what I eat and how much.  It feels
    good to be able too nibble on a forbidden food, knowing I could eat it
    anytime I want - if I wanted to, but *I* choose.  I choose to have a
    nibble and enjoy it instead of gobbling down a bunch because I'm
    feeling rebellious! and guilty, and panicy, (you know).
    
    	Does this sound something like the books you are living by?  Oh,
    and thanks for the reading list.
    
    Kathleen

    To:  752.1
    
    Hi Michael,
    
    I know what I should be doing, I have learnt all the nutrition etc from
    WW and everything else.  In my case I need to just learn to not panic,
    feel guilty etc about the foods I "shouldn't" (dirty word) have, to
    get out of the never-ending battle and when I feel really good about
    myself I will automatically WANT to look after myself, treat myself
    with the respect I deserve!  Which includes the "healther" foods etc.
    
    Thanks for your input.
    
    
    Sooz
    
    
    To:  752.2
    
    Hi Kathleen!
    
    Ditto above, the book you have mentioned, I have never heard of.  The
    ones I have mentioned/suggested are to do with the gain/re-gain of
    self-respect/esteem, working on the mind set to help you get out of the
    cycle.  I would suggest that it might have more to do with more obese
    people, or those that feel totally out of control........, could be
    anorexics and bulemics as well of course.  Not only will the books help
    me with losing and/or accepting my weight but will help ALL aspects,
    attitudes towards life.
    
    Ciao!
    
    
    Sooz
    
    

    Sooz,
    
    Good luck with your efforts, you are embarking on an exciting and very
    difficult journey of self-discovery, which, I believe, will leave you
    happier and healthier than ever before in the past, with weight loss as
    a delightful "by-product".
    
    I am a little confused, though, about your comment that you "learned
    all the nutrituion, etcc. from WW...I need to just learn to not panic,
    feel guilty etc. about the foods I shouldn't have...".  WW doesn't HAVE
    any forbidden foods.  Maybe the lecturers you had didn't adequately
    explain the program but with the floaters and optional calories added
    to the "core"  WW program, you can eat like a normal person (which is
    really what we all are, being a little heavier than you want to be at a
    moment in time doesn't make you abnormal) all the while you are
    changing your shape.
    
    And as for maintenance being "scary" in terms of the amount of food to
    be consumed "for the rest of your life", that is a simple fact of
    biology, regardless of your positive attitude and self-discovery.  If
    you take in more calories than you expend, you will gain weight, if
    they balance you will maintain, if you expend more energy than you
    replace, your weight will drop.  I am not trying to be flippant about
    this but that is a reality which you have to come to terms with
    regardless of the plan for eating which you adopt or devise.
    
    Good luck.
    
    Sylvia 

    Thanks for your comments Sylvia.  
    
    When I went to WW's it was some 15 years ago.  I believe they have
    changed alot but also I have forgotten what they said anyway.  I have
    been to Jenny Craig's (eat her food and attend lectures etc) and been
    on countless other diets to only gain it back and some.  You
    have to be receptive to it all at the time.  Maybe I wasn't then.
    
    As you said the weight loss will be a by-product of the self-discovery
    etc.  The panic etc. comes from being obsessed with what I should or
    shouldn't eat, how I hate myself when I am fat so nobody else could
    possibly love me etc.  I want to get out of the never ending battle and
    feel good about the total me.  I realise that nutrition etc is
    important, I know what I SHOULD be doing, but can't do it right now
    because I don't feel I am worth it, when I feel I am worth it it will
    come naturally.    
    
    Anyway, this approach can only do good in whatever area in my life,
    even if I can just learn to accept myself totally and really love those
    80 lbs whether they are there or not.
    
    Ciao!
    
    Sooz
    
    

    Sooz,
    
    Your attitude is remarkable and I truly wish you luck on your quest for
    self-awareness.  What you said about loving those 80 pounds is so true. 
    I made my WW goal last week and couldn't stop smiling all week.  I feel
    happier and healthier than ever before in my life.  However, there have
    been moments of fear and wonder as I approach this next step of
    maintenance.  Finally, in the middle of a discussion with my husband I
    started to cry because I realized one of the things which has been
    bothering me about this essentially "happy" time in my life.  I needed
    to say "goodbye" to my fat, which served me so well, protected me from
    sexuality and intimacy when I just couldn't face them and kept me
    company.  Other people helped me feel bad about myself and I allowed
    myself to give in to insecurity and self-loathing but my fat did a lot
    of good things for me and I wish it a cheerful farewell.  
    
    Soon your 80 pounds will join my 91 pounds in "fat heaven"...
    
    Take care.
    
    Sylvia

    Sylvia,
    
    Tell me more of your story.  How long your "battle" went on for, how
    many times you tried, how you finally "decided" enough was enough etc.
    
    You have done fantastically!!  CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!
    
    I can relate to you so well, the bit about what your fat did for you,
    protected you when you needed protecting, etc.  That is what I am feeling
    now.  I want to work on my mental health, rid myself of the all
    consuming fears, and enjoy life completely.  I have always been
    "looking for love" and found it in food, it is always there for me. 
    So, yeah, it's gonna be hard to give up.
    
    Anyway, love to "hear" from you.
    
    
    Sooz
                               

    Sooz,
    
    My story is detailed in the progress notesfile (#90), but here's a
    thumbnail sketch:  I was always heavy.  Always.  I was the last one
    chosen for kickball and I was too self-conscious to enjoy my body or
    participate in sports.  This made it easy to find refuge in food, and
    difficult to avoid gaining more and more weight, which led me to seek
    refuge in food, which led me to gain more weight, which led
    me...somebody stop me please.
    
    The first time I dieted with any success was the summer in between
    sixth and seventh grade.  I wanted to wear mini-skirts in junior high
    school so I starved myself all summer and lost 30 pounds.  I was a size
    3 on the first day of 7th grade and I wore a size 3 green paisley dress
    (the things we remember).  Needless to say, the starving experience
    taught me nothing, and it was really detrimental because I had
    "success" i.e. I lost weight and got all kinds of approval and
    compliments.
    
    I gained weight steadily until I decided to try WW at age 16.  I joined
    at 163 pounds and got down to 145 before getting discouraged at a
    plateau and quitting to do it "on my own".  When I graduated from high
    school, I weighed about 200 pounds.  When I was 19, I again joined WW
    and went from 197 to 177 pounds before quitting.  In my mid-20s, I went
    up to my top weight of 220 pounds and I was miserable physically and
    emotionally.  I again joined WW and went down to about 150 before
    quitting, I think I thought it was too expensive and that I could do it
    "on my own", yeah, right, because I had had so much success in the past
    doing it that way!  Finally at the end of my 20s, I decided to accept
    myself and my body.  I consciously chose to become the happy person I
    knew I really was INSIDE and not worry about what anyone else thought
    of me.  I terminated a long-term destructive romantic relationship and
    decided to approach life on my own terms.  I went back to school to
    finish my college degree and started enjoying myself.  My weight went
    up and down but I wasn't bingeing as much.
    
    I met the man who became my husband and the good news is that he
    accepted and approved of me exactly as I was and the relationship
    proved to be spiritually, emotionally and otherwise satisfying and
    uplifting.  The BAD news is that he shares my struggle with excess
    weight and we both gained weight during our courtship and the first
    year of our marriage.  
    
    That "looking for love in all the wrong places" comment you made
    reminded me of a comment my husband, David, made, about comparing
    cheesecake to a woman and noting that "cheesecake NEVER talks back!  He
    also does a bit (he's a professional comedian) about trying to decide
    whether to stay at a bar and talk to a woman in the hopes of picking
    her up or going to the diner with his buddies.  The dilemma, as David
    put it, is that "I KNOW I can get a cheeseburger!  Do I give up a sure
    thing???"
    
    Anyway, right after our first wedding anniversary, David started
    dieting and had some success.  I was inspired, though never nagged or
    even encouraged until I made the first inquiry, to join him.  We did
    the WW program "on our own" for several months and lost weight,
    maintained at various points when we weren't ready to continue and
    occasionally backslided and put back a few pounds.  We started eating
    healthy and keeping only nutritious foods in our home, when we wanted
    "treats" we had them outside the home.  This made it much easier for us
    to keep on track and get back on track after indulging ourselves.
    
    Finally, we both came to the conclusion that we had gone as far as we
    could on our own and we joined WW about five months ago.  Since that
    time, we each lost about 20 pounds and I got down to my goal of 130
    pounds, which, incidentally, is what I weighed when I was 12 and
    haven't weighed since then.
    
    So, how long did it take me?  In November of 1989 I started this
    program at about 187 pounds and last week I weighed 129.  Does that
    mean it took me 2 1/2 years to lose 58 pounds, or 11 years to lose 91,
    since I weighed 220 at about 25 years of age and I am now 36 (although
    I don't look a day over 35 1/2)???  I don't think about how long it
    took, just how long it's going to be until I get fat again...when H___
    freezes over!!!  This is it for life and I feel wonderful.
    
    Good luck from the bottom of my heart, feel free to contact me on or
    off-line if you want to discuss this further.  Keep me posted.  
    
    Sylvia

    Sylvia,
    
    I tried to write "offline" to Sylvia Feinman @LIO and it got sent back. 
    I use all-in-1, what other address can I use?
    
    Thanks!
    
    Sooz
    

    Try sending VAXmail to POCUS::FEINMAN.

    Re:  -1, thanks for directing Sooz to my node, it's great how everyone
    in this file is so helpful and supportive to each other in so many
    ways, even as electronic mail pointers.  I was away for the weekend and
    received a lovely message when I returned.