| This is my first entry into the notes file, I have been reading all of
the notes in all of the files all the way back to 1988. I spend every
spare minute during the day reading all of the entries and the replies.
I wonder about the folks that were active back in 1988, whether or not
they are still successful, or even if they still work for DEC. The
notes have been such an inspiration to me, I can relate so well with
all of you folks since I have been on almost every diet mentioned in
these files.
I have had a weight problem since my early twenties, I never had a
problem growing up or even into my teens, but I married very early, had
my first child at age 18, was away from home in the service with my
husband with no one to tell me to watch my weight during pregnancy and
since I had never had a weight problem I ate everything that didn't eat
me first, gained about 70 pounds, and almost lost my son, but never
lost all of the weight from him. Then, two more pregnancies down the
road, more weight gained, never lost, equals a weight problem. The
older I get the more of a problem it is to loose weight. I have been
on the Optifast program twice, I have now gained 20 pounds from my last
trip with Optifast. The program is great, it works, and I wish I could
stay on it the rest of my life. Not having to make decisions about
what to eat, when to eat and how much was like a wonderful dream to me.
After the first week I did not care about food at all. I just drank my
drinks five times a day, and had absolutely no interest in food at all.
BUT, and that is a big BUT, you have to go back on food. I was so cocky,
you look so good, everyone goes on and on about how great you look. I
started my old pig habits again and have gained 20 pounds back and I
still wanted to loose 30, so now I need to loose at least 50. Oh the
games we play. I thought after the first failure with Optifast I had
learned my lesson, but boy does the weight go on easy. I did get into
a wonderful exercise routine out of the whole thing, I average five
miles of walking five to six days a week. I have been in Weight
Watchers here at the office for the last 20 weeks, I have gained weight
instead of loosing, I can't seem to stick to the diet, but won't quit
because I know that this is truly the only way for me. The program is
great, its a way of life, and one of these days something is going to
click in my foolish head and I'll be able to stick to it. I quit a
very bad cigarette habit (three packs a day), but I didn't quit it with
one try, after about 20 or more tries, I finally succeeded, that was
six years ago this coming January 1st, I did it cold turkey, gained
about 40 pounds, but at least I got rid of one of my bad habits, I just
kept trying until I finally did it, I feel my weight will work the same
way, one of these days something will click in me, I'll figure out what
is wrong with me, or I'll hear or read something in these notes files
that will be my answer. Anyway, I'll keep on keeping on with Weight
Watchers.
I should tell you a little bit about myself. I work full time for DEC,
have been here for almost ten years (November 9th). I have a part-time
job at a local grocery store, averaging 20 hours a week, I sell Avon,
plus I am a wife and a homemaker. It probably makes you tired just to
think about my lifestyle, yes, I am tired most of the time. I also
have elderly parents, pop is 89, mom is 82, mom has Alzteimer's, pop
takes complete care of her, will not even consider putting her in a
home. What I am trying to get across here is all the stress in my
life, I have only shared a small amount, I didn't even get into the
money, marriage, college for my daughter, etc., etc., etc..........I
feel so stressed out most of the time, I don't sleep well, and worrying
about food is just one more stressful thing in my life. I get very
hungrey because of the pace I keep, that I usually grab the first thing
that is easy to put in my mouth, if I had a maid to prepare my meals
and have them ready for me when I come dragging in at 10:30 at night, I
could probably do fine, because I know with my exercise program and all
the hours I keep, I should be the skinniest thing ever, no one can
believe I have a weight problem with the busy schedule I have. Sweets
are a very big problem with me, I crave them, sometimes (quite often
actually) I go crazy and stop at the store on my way home (I live 38
miles from the office way out in the country) and buy hostess cakes,
two or three of them, ice cream bars, and eat them so fast I hardly
taste them, then the guilt sets in, I hate myself, ask myself "why did
I do that", more stress.
I know it's the same old story, this has gotten very long, but somehow
it feels good to write it down and share it with folks that I know
understand, even though I don't know any of you, I feel like I do, and
you know exactly where I'm coming from. Thanks for listening, I enjoy
reading your notes, I will be happy to be a part of this file. I don't
understand how to do this, but there is a nice guy close to me that is
helping me send this. I am located in St. Louis, my DTN is 445-6508.
Anyway, thanks, good luck to you all, and I have enjoyed meeting you
all through this file.
Regards,
Judy Edington
|
|
I heard something really interesting, and for me, earth-shattering -
yet poignant on the radio last week. I was listening to some
health hour (can't remember the station/show/progam name) and a
psychologist was saying that one's extra fat is very important and
precious to them. Wait! I know you are all saying, NO WAY!
Well, for some of us - it may be true. It was for me. The idea is
that your fat serves as a protective shield from the ugly world and all
it's anxieties and problems. Also, the actual eating of the foods
that make us fat, is the beginning of this insulation and protection
from life's anxieties. I certainly rush home after a particularly
bad day, and jump into bed with my favorite foods and a good book.
Studies have found that women, in particular, eat chocolate ice cream
(and chocolate anything) when depressed. Chocolate does contain
tryphtophan with generates serotonin and this relaxes us. There are
other foods that do the same. They are probably the emotional
over-eater's favorite foods....
This doctor went on to say that in making a decision to lose weight,
we are deciding to remove our shield, give up our protection -
without even considering it! It's usually over-looked.
He also said that in order to give up that protection, you must be
mentally ready. You must also realize that it will be like parting
with a treasured and precious friend or lover - it will be difficult
and it will take some time. You would need to constantly re-adjust
as you continued to lose weight.
It is his idea that those who lose weight quickly on such diets as
Optifast, are not emotionally ready to do so. This is why they
tend to regain the weight. Less is required of a fat person.
Less is expected of a fat person. A fat person is not expected to
be anything except jolly and funny; least of all sexy.
His advice was to regard your fat as the treasured friend that it is,
and to gradually do what you need to do in order to grow out of
this friend. Parting slowly, but surely, as you gain the emotional
strength to live without it.
This idea certainly struck a raw nerve with me. I toyed with the
idea for a couple of hours and tried to use it to answer that
perpetual question; "Why do I do this to myself when it makes me
miserable?"
I concluded that being fat was good for me. It kept me faithful when
I didn't want to be. It kept me from having to make career moves
that matched my career goals. It kept me from moving out and ahead
without having to admit to myself that I was afraid to risk failure,
and that I didn't want to be the faithful and dutiful wife.
My fat was the necessary ingredient that assured that I was happy
with the current status quo.
Now, I've reached a point where I want to be faithful and whether I
like it or not, I have to make career moves that will assure that
I obtain my goals. In other words, I don't need the fat any longer.
I am ready to lose weight. And, I am losing. I'm not afraid to
lose, not afraid of re-gaining it, not afraid that I can't do it -
because I've recognized that I still need to give myself the
necessary emotional nourishment and protection, without eating or
being fat.
Succintly put, maybe all it means is that when everything else is
right and as perfect as can be in your life, you'll lose weight.
It could be why star-struck lovers lose weight - their world seems
so beautiful and perfect. Unfortunately, maturity pretty much
does away with that kind of starry-eyed love.
So, regard your fat as your personal treasure and friend that's always
there for you. Don't berate it, or yourself. Instead, decide
what needs to be done so that you can no longer need it, and are
ready to part ways.
I wish I had the doctor's name, the name of the program, or something
that would provide more information regarding this theory. He's
probably written a book, or started some new program. If anybody
else out there has heard this - please provide a clue.
Regards,
|