Conference rocks::weight_control

    It's really discouraging to know all the right things to do and why,
    and still not be able to stay on program.  I've "been there" a lot of
    times and I don't think there are any easy answers.
    
    Some of the things I've had to look at in my own life, relative to
    desire to lose weight vs.sticking to the program:
    
    Am I trying to do it all, with no help?  I don't mean that WW is no
    help; it's a great program, well-balanced and interesting, and if you
    go to a group with a good speaker it can be a real upper.  But how
    about at home?  Are you preparing all the meals yourself?  Are you
    doing all the shopping yourself?  There's no way around it...losing
    weight can be hard work, particularly so on a program such as WW, where
    you have so many things to chose from and everything should be
    weighed/measured.  Have you explained to your significant other(s) that
    you need help?  Do you expect them to help?
    
    A closely related subject:  How does your daily schedule affect your
    ability to stay on program?  Do you work unexpected overtime?  Do you
    plan for and bring "legal" snacks to work to take care of those times?
    Do you plan suppers ahead of time?  Have you been going to more family
    and social occasions lately, with "nonlegal" foods offered?  It's a
    pain in the butt to do all that planning, but it's the absolute BEST
    way to really take care of yourself.
    
    Also: are you "hanging out with the wrong people"?  By this I mean,are
    your friends/family used to "you with 60 extra pounds" and finding it
    difficult to accept the fact that you desire to lose weight?  Are you
    getting messages from significant other(s) that make it difficult to
    maintain your resolve (e.g."don't worry about it")?  Have you explained
    that this is something you really want to do and you need help and are
    counting on it?  What will you do if you make your needs known and
    don't get the help you need?
    
    (Please don't take these remarks as judgemental.)
    
    Are you concentrating on "I need to lose 60 pounds"? 
    You CAN'T lose 60 pounds all at once.  You CAN have one good, legal day
    at a time.  Try to concentrate on the immediate behavior that will help
    you reach your goal.  Have a legal breakfast.  Have a legal lunch. Have
    a legal dinner.  Have a legal snack or two.  Plan your days to make
    sure it happens.  Keep your food diary; it's the best way to keep track
    of what you're doing and keep your daily plans straight.  Plan for some
    time to exercise; even if it's not every day, a good 1/2 hour walk will
    boost your metabolism and make you feel better.
    
    I know it's not easy; take it one step at a time and it's manageable. 
    
    Write again; let's talk some more.
    
    Lynn

    Lynn,
    
    Thanks for the previous reply.  I think I'm feeling like a failure
    because I have lost weight before and almost NOTHING could tempt
    me to go off program and it seems like this time EVERYTHING is tempting
    me and I'm giving in.  I'm such a picky eater that I do all the
    grocery shopping and my husband and I take turns cooking.  I've
    gotten to where I absouloutely dread keeping my food diary, even
    though I KNOW it helps me.  I like going to my WW meetings and getting
    the motivation, but it's just like as soon as the meeting's over
    that it's out of my mind.  And, the worst part is, I like the meals
    you can have on Weight Watchers.  It's not like I'm being forced
    to eat something I hate.  That makes me feel worse because I know
    it's not the actual program that I don't like!!  I said something
    to my husband at lunch about I might not go to my meeting tonight
    because I haven't been feeling good.  He said I might as well go
    because I've got to pay for it either tonight or next week and if
    I don't go tonight I'll have to pay and not get the benfit of the
    meeting.  I know that, but I'm afraid to weigh in.  Last week I
    had gained 5.75 lbs.  I hadn't been in 2 weeks, though.  It seems
    like that would have made me think, "Uh oh, I've gained about 3
    lbs a week for the past 2 weeks, I better get back on program,"
    but it didn't.  I just don't understand why I'm getting these "I
    don't really care" feelings, because I really do.  I don't like
    being fat.
    
    Virginia

Virginia, could you be resisting making the second half of the commitment
which is to STAY at goal by not getting to goal?  Maybe you're finally
at the stage where it has hit you that you have to make LIFELONG changes
to stay at a weight you want to be at, but you're not ready to commit to that.
That's not to say you won't at some point be there.

In my case, I started WW (third time) January 1988.  I lost 30 pounds by last
October, and had 6.5 to go to my personal goal.  I had made a commitment that
this would be the LAST time I would do this as I never want to go through this
again.  Well, I kept backsliding and managed to regain 20 of those pounds.
This time, however, instead of dropping out of WW, I kept going to the 
meetings and even sticking to program now and then.  I have lost about 15 of
the 20 I put back on, am still not at goal, but I WILL GET THERE.

There's kind of a grieving process here as I think someone else mentioned
in another note.  We have to let go of our old ways and embrace the new
if we are to succeed.  Old habits die hard.  I resent that some people can
eat all the chocolate in the vending machine and not have it show.  It makes
me angry!  BUT, I've finally realized that the choice is mine.  I can eat 
that chocolate or I can have the more slender body I want to have.  I can
choose health over momentary pleasure.

I think .1 pointed out many good things too, about support.  It's critical
to your success.  You also need to support YOU.  Can you come up with a 
little series of rewards?  Some for just making it thru a meal, some for
making it thru a whole day, others for making it 2-3 days in a row?  Some
for exercising, others for keeping the food diary and others for trying a
new dish?  This is hard, you deserve rewards just as you do in your job!

Hang on and keep coming back for support, it's here!

Liz

	Maybe you're just not ready to start a diet.
    
    -mike z

.3> I resent that some people can eat all the chocolate in the vending
.3> machine and not have it show.  It makes me angry!

	This feeling has had a lot to do with my times of backsliding; I
	can get really hostile about it.  But it isn't really true that
	thin people can eat all the chocolate in the vending machine and
	not gain weight -- they just don't feel that compulsion.

	My SO demonstrated this to me a couple of months ago.  He's a 
	basically thin person, though he has at times benn 30-40 lbs 
	overweight.  Taking it off when he puts his mind to it isn't a
	problem, and he's not compulsive about food.  But... if we're 
	eating ice cream every night, and making fudge, and so on, he does
	put on weight, almost as fast as I do.

	It's very difficult to let go of the desire to eat whatever we want,
	when we want it.  We need to examine the reasons behind those wants
	and separate them from our needs, and deal with the feelings behind
	them.

	Much easier said than done, as well I know!  It is possible though,
	as some of the stories in this conference and in EATING_DISORDERS 
	demonstrate.  Sometimes you just need a rest; try to focus on 
	maintaining for a while, instead of losing.  I've been successfully 
	doing this for several months, and it makes me feel much more 
	relaxed about the whole issue of weightloss.

	Good luck, and don't be too hard on yourself,
	Beverly

    I Can relate to how you are feeling.  Just last week I went to my
    Diet Workshop meeting because I knew I had to do it for myself.  I
    really didn't want to go either because of having such a tough time
    of staying on program.  I confessed to her that I was having a real
    tough time and she simply said "Are you losing weight because you
    should? or because you want to?  If it's cause you should forget it. If
    it's because you want to, then you will."  That woke me right up and
    when I asked myself the question I realized it was cause I mostly
    should and some what want to.  Know I've decided I want to most of all
    and I had a much better week I lost 2 1/2lbs.  
    
    Ask yourself the same question, I hope it helps you.
    
    Good luck and take one day at a time.
    
    

    Today, I feel like "cow chips."  
    
    I'm overweight (10 pounds) and my lover told me that I look matronly
    and comfortable with this extra baggage.  I have vowed to myself and
    God that I am going to lose it and keep it off.  So now, I sit here
    before this CRT in a lousy humor.....then I read your note of
    encouragement.  
    
    I'm still 10lbs. too heavy, but I do feel encouraged.  Thanks.

    Perhaps one of your difficulties is saying "I can't"
    
    You need to say "I can, I do" stay on program, but sometimes I have
    temporary setbacks. (I got this idea from a DME course I just took,
    Investment in Excellence).
    
    The idea this program teaches is to picture yourself as a thin person,
    and BELIEVE it. Remember the time you were at your goal weight, even
    if it was long ago, recall the good feelings associated with it, and
    see yourself in that state NOW. (not 6 mos. from now, but NOW)  Then
    your subconcious will work with you to become that person, otherwise,
    you'll be uncomfortable being the overweight person your scale tells
    you you are.
    
    When you think of yourself as this thin person, imagine the habits that
    person has: more excercise, eating salads, LOVING healthy, low-cal
    snacks, NOT AT ALL tempted by the junk.  Tell yourself that you CHOOSE
    healthy foods because they make you feel better, etc, etc.  Don't focus
    on what you are deprived of...like the candy machine.  That has no
    place in the life of a thin person like yourself.  PLAN to eat well,
    since lack of planning with expose you to those undesirable foods and
    make you feel crummy.
    
    Don't compare yourself to others.  You are you and a valuable person,
    WORTHY of being thin.  Choice and self-esteem (which you create) are
    the keys to this thought process.
    
    Weight Watchers teaches these techniques - of "visioning" and self-
    control and choice.
    
    Remember that athletes and other successful individuals use these
    techniques, some of them quite naturally.  But if you have been in
    the habit of saying "I can't" it will take you some practice to turn
    it around and say "I can", not even that as it indicates future, but
    "I DO, and I am....a thin, healthy person"
    
    Smile and let the world know about it, too.  Accept the compliments
    others give you, and in the meantime, keep complimenting yourself.
    
    I can share this mind-set with you because "I AM a healthy, thin person
    myself, who excercises regularly and has a positive self-image"
    (not to say that I'm perfect or that I don't have temporary setbacks,
    such as this past long weekend)
    
    Well, off to my salad for lunch and my walk.
    Best wishes, and you CAN DO it! You ARE doing it, by writing this note.
    
    Beth

Beth, thanks for bringing the memories of Investment in Excellence back!
Your note was a real upper!

Liz

    Hi Virginia,
    Just reading about your struggle helped me to deal with a similar slump
    I'm presently overcoming.  What a joy to get support from fellow fat
    warriors!  Sure hope you're faring well with the topic these days.  
    Sure appreciate this file. Just stating the problem helps to get it
    back under control.
    Donna