| Hi Amy, I've been there. I needed to do years of therapy before
I was ready to stop eating compulsively. You may be different,
but I think it's important to honor our process, whatever it is.
You may be able to use therapy to stop compulsive overeating. You
may need to use therapy for a while to learn to nurture yourself
in other ways before being able to give up compulsive overeating.
Books may be helpful right now -- some that come to mind are Fat
is a Family Affair by Judi Hollis, and Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie
Orbach. Also The Obsession by Kim Chernin gave me some support
and some things to think about.
I think you're right on track when you are asking for feedback from
people who are not using food as a drug to stuff their feelings.
There are lots of people at OA with stories like yours -- I don't
know if you've ever checked it out, but what we do there is share
our experience, strength and hope about living one day at a time
without eating compulsively. If you're interested, you might want
to check out a speaker meeting of OA -- people tell how they recovered
from compulsive overeating. It helps me because I need role
models who not only lost their weight, but are living every day
without compulsive eating.
Through OA, I've gone 60 days without eating sugar or flour or other
refined carbohydrates. I've lost about 35 pounds in that time. But
more important than that, I have been building a network of people who
care about me who understand compulsive overeating and who are choosing
not to do it. OA is not a food plan -- it's a way of life where you
discipline yourself not to isolate. (And there are nurturing groups,
and other groups that I wouldn't choose to go to because they feel
pretty rigid to me. )
I am learning how to change my life so that it doesn't revolve around
food. Lots of old feelings are coming up, along with some grief
about the loss of certain foods. I never had a problem expressing
anger, love, or joy since my initial work in therapy, but sadness
has always been inaccessible. Lately sadness just seems to come
up because I'm not pouring tons of food down over it. It comes
up at work, in the car, with friends, and it's not apparently 'about'
anything. It's just raw sadness.
Last night I was with a trusted friend who has worked through her own
addiction to alcohol and drugs and who understands these things well.
She pushed me a little on the sadness that was hovering over me,
and a lot of old pain came up. She encouraged me to let it up,
to cry, and to let her hold me, which I did.
I realized that I was back in a place where I was feeling very small
and vulnerable. Watching my body get smaller is scary sometimes -- it
takes me back to a time in my life where I was powerless to stop some
things like sexual abuse and physical abuse. She was fully there for
me -- she made it clear that the feelings are ok, they are part of
recovery, and the only way to move forward is to not use food as a drug
to stuff the feelings that terrify us. I know she is right. The
affection and support touched me in a much deeper place than the food
ever could. Lack of nurturance is probably what the initial sadness
was about.
I'm glad I use "the only way out is through" as a personal name.
I need to keep reminding myself that it's true!
Take care. We care about you.
Holly
|
| Keep in mind that each of us is different, but many of us have
the same addiction. Things that I have found to help are :
1. Don't buy sweets, crackers, etc. Do buy popcorn and an
air popper.
2. Don't watch TV. I have found that the commercials are a
trigger. (Eat this, or everyone loves, or.....BULL. But the messages
can hit the subconscious (SP) like a brick. Read a good book instead)
3. Talk.
4. Always remember to take life one day at a time. Ok so I
ate everything in the house, that doesn't justify my continueing
to do so tomarrow.
5. Learn to believe in your SELF! Do I want to look like this
the rest of my life? Feel like this? I have to loose weight for no
other reason than I am doing this for ME!
6. Learn to like your SELF! If you don't like who you are,
then you can never succeed.
I have had to modify my eating pattern, which is by no means
easy. I am overweight. I cannot eat as others can. I accept that.
It does not make me any less of a person, but rather in many ways
it has made me a stronger person.
I still have a long ways to go but I know that I can do it.
Believe in your self, and rember to take it one day at a time....
Paul S.
Eat to live, don't live to eat.
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| Hello, all,
Thanks for the support you have offerred here and through mail. Work
has been so crazy that I have not been able to reply to those who sent
mail, but I do want you to know that I appreciate it.
I am doing a little better. I gained back a good deal of the weight
that I had lost. I have also figured out some of what made me start
that horrible cycle of grossly overeating. I had gotten myself into a
very unsuitable relationship and there was a part of me that was very
much afraid of what was going on. I think the subconscious message was
- if I gain a lot of weight and get really unattractive, this person
will go away and I won't have to deal with all of this anymore. Well,
it didn't work. And I did finally figure out why I was so uncomfortable
and I (and this other person) have worked it out. I have stopped
bingeing in the evenings but have not yet been able to start losing
again. There should be a new session of WW@W starting here in the next
couple of weeks. I plan to be there.
Again, thanks for the support. And congrats to those of you who have
been through this and come out on the other side. You are an
inspiration to me.
-Amy.
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