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Re .0:
I have always found that giving advise to others is easier then
listening to what they are trying to tell me.
It's easy for me to repeat what has been said to me, and in turn
help somebody else. But when it comes to me applying what I know
to myself, it doesn't always work.
Being a compulsive person, my natural nature is to lie to myself.
It isn't until I shut up and listen to the problems of others, instead
of solving them, that I learn something about myself.
Remember, by helping another person through a problem, you may not be
helping them at all. But, by sharing a personal experience similar to
what they are going through, you both shed some light on their problem,
and yours.
Another thought...
--- Neal
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| I find that I am constantly giving advice to others. Good Advice!
I have a very strong background in health and nutrition and find
that people who take my advice on their own weight issues achieve
great results. The problem with me taking my own advice is that
I tend to rationalize everything. I know that I eat the right foods.
I push the fruits and veggies, eat no red meat, never touch a salt
shaker and am very sodium conscious. My diet has virtually no
cholesterol. I study the ingredients of everything I buy. I also
get plenty of exercise. I am not flabby.
This is what I tell myself. This is true. What I have in the past
neglected to tell myself is that I eat these healthy things in huge
quantities. I overdo the starches and am 30 pounds heavier than
I wish to be. I also do not tell myself that I am unhappy with
my weight. Once I started giving myself the WHOLE picture... I
began to take my advice. It is working. I hope that I can do
with my own advice what others have done.
Kris...who talks to herself ALL the time
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| I try not to give and receive advice at all!
That may sound strange, but for me, giving advice implies that I
know something that others do not. I have also received lots of
unsolicited advice in my life, and most of it made me angry.
Most people have a wise, compassionate part of themselves that
absolutely knows what "the right thing to do" is. Unfortunately,
the wise voice is often clouded over with "shoulds", old tapes,
fears, and feelings of inadequacy.
My best friends listen...and ask good questions...and make suggestions
if they think I'm missing something. (And most of the support in
here feels like that as well.)
When my friends are hurting, I try to listen a lot! If I can truly
manage to keep my mouth more shut than open :-), it's amazing how
much wisdom and insight comes from my friends even though they began
the conversation feeling too contracted and in pain to know what
to do next.
To answer your question, Ann, I try to be there for my friends when
they are hurting, and listen a lot. The answers they need are usually
right inside. I have also wondered why I can be such a sympathetic
friend, and yet be so bad for myself sometimes. At those times,
a good friend will often do for me what I do for them and *listen*
until I talk through my feelings of raggedness and contraction and
lack of wisdom and find the part of me (underneath all the other
crap) that is such a good friend to others. Then I can put it to
good use for myself!
Holly
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