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Conference rocks::weight_control

Title: Weight Loss and Maintenance
Notice:**PLEASE** enter notes in mixed case (CAPS ARE SHOUTING)!
Moderator:ASICS::LESLIE
Created:Tue Jul 10 1990
Last Modified:Tue Jun 03 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:933
Total number of notes:9931

183.0. "Giving advise to Yourself?" by NHL::ARNO () Mon Jan 04 1988 11:03

    
    
    Do any of you give advise to others but when it comes to
    yourself it's hard?
    
    I know that I am very good at giving good advise and 
    helping others through hard times.. but I find it 
    hard when it's your turn..
    
    How do you handle this.. Like when it's your turn to 
    listen and change..?
    
    Like if you have a bad time over eating during the Holidays
    or what ever and people try to give you advise are you
    good at that?
    
    Sometimes I find it hard... 
    
    Ann
    
    

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183.1First Listen, then RelateSRFSUP::GOLDSMITHLos Angeles shakes me up...Mon Jan 04 1988 11:5223
    
    Re .0:
    
    I have always found that giving advise to others is easier then
    listening to what they are trying to tell me.
    
    It's easy for me to repeat what has been said to me, and in turn
    help somebody else. But when it comes to me applying what I know
    to myself, it doesn't always work.
    
    Being a compulsive person, my natural nature is to lie to myself.
    It isn't until I shut up and listen to the problems of others, instead
    of solving them, that I learn something about myself.
    
    Remember, by helping another person through a problem, you may not be
    helping them at all. But, by sharing a personal experience similar to
    what they are going through, you both shed some light on their problem,
    and yours. 
    
    Another thought...
    
    							--- Neal

183.2I know the feelingBAXTA::SYLVIA_KRISTMon Jan 04 1988 14:3521
    I find that I am constantly giving advice to others.  Good Advice!
    I have a very strong background in health and nutrition and find
    that people who take my advice on their own weight issues achieve
    great results.  The problem with me taking my own advice is that
    I tend to rationalize everything.  I know that I eat the right foods.
    I push the fruits and veggies, eat no red meat, never touch a salt
    shaker and am very sodium conscious.  My diet has virtually no
    cholesterol.  I study the ingredients of everything I buy.  I also
    get plenty of exercise.   I am not flabby.
    
    This is what I tell myself.  This is true.  What I have in the past
    neglected to tell myself is that I eat these healthy things in huge
    quantities.  I overdo the starches and am 30 pounds heavier than
    I wish to be.  I also do not tell myself that I am unhappy with
    my weight.  Once I started giving myself the WHOLE picture... I
    began to take my advice.   It is working.  I hope that I can do
    with my own advice what others have done.
    
    Kris...who talks to herself ALL the time
    

183.3SUPER::HENDRICKSThe only way out is throughTue Jan 05 1988 11:0933
    I try not to give and receive advice at all!
    
    That may sound strange, but for me, giving advice implies that I
    know something that others do not.  I have also received lots of
    unsolicited advice in my life, and most of it made me angry.
    
    Most people have a wise, compassionate part of themselves that
    absolutely knows what "the right thing to do" is.  Unfortunately,
    the wise voice is often clouded over with "shoulds", old tapes,
    fears, and feelings of inadequacy.
    
    My best friends listen...and ask good questions...and make suggestions
    if they think I'm missing something.  (And most of the support in
    here feels like that as well.)                  
    
    When my friends are hurting, I try to listen a lot!  If I can truly
    manage to keep my mouth more shut than open :-), it's amazing how
    much wisdom and insight comes from my friends even though they began
    the conversation feeling too contracted and in pain to know what
    to do next.
    
    To answer your question, Ann, I try to be there for my friends when
    they are hurting, and listen a lot.  The answers they need are usually
    right inside.  I have also wondered why I can be such a sympathetic
    friend, and yet be so bad for myself sometimes.  At those times,
    a good friend will often do for me what I do for them and *listen*
    until I talk through my feelings of raggedness and contraction and
    lack of wisdom and find the part of me (underneath all the other
    crap) that is such a good friend to others.  Then I can put it to
    good use for myself!
    
    Holly