| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 113.1 | cut them out of your will! | MASTER::EPETERSON | | Thu Sep 17 1987 19:20 | 12 |
| My family always seemed to say the *wrong* thing, too. That's why
I decided that I was going to have the same reply for them each
time they commented about my weight - one way or the other. That
reply was "well, you know, it's always something!" After a while
they got the idea that I didn't want to hear about it. Not even
the compliments, because the only thing that stands between me and
fatness is MY WILL, and my will has nothing to do with anybody but
me.
Marion
|
| 113.2 | Couldn't agree with you more. | WINERY::ROCH | Leslie Roch | Thu Sep 17 1987 19:28 | 32 |
| Right now I'd have to say my family is very supportive. Going from
200 lbs. to 140 lbs. is a big difference and they are always telling
me that I look great. My problem is that I don't think I do and
I think this is because of my family "of the past". When I was
very overweight I was emabarrassed and ridiculed by my father and
grandmother and various other relatives. This was at a young age
and growing up thru the Twiggy era didn't help. I've always thought
of how counter productive this was for me and how it has affected
my life now. Just one of those mistakes I will never make with
anyone I know with any sort of problem, especially my own child.
There are so many ways to help people, that are productive, but
I guess if you really can't relate to what they are going thru or
you just DON'T THINK about what you are saying and how much you
are really hurting that person then you will just keep on making
that mistake.
RE 113.0: Maybe you should tell your father that some of his remarks
are bothering you and that you need encouragment and support. No
more negative vibs, man.
Did you ever notice that you tend to remember the negative things
from your past more than the positive. Like when you were reprimanded,
or when you fell and broke something, or when someone died. Well
I remember all those damn remarks my father made and they stick
in my crawl, haunting me......(u get the picture?)
Yep, family and friends influenced my weight and how I feel about
myself alot!
-les
|
| 113.3 | How can I help? | USMRW2::JTRAVERS | Jeanne Travers | Thu Oct 15 1987 16:36 | 33 |
| So, what's the right thing to say?
I have two nieces, age 11 and 10. Each of them weighs in at over 120
lbs. They eat the wrong things constantly. My sister-in-law is a
heavy woman, a product of bad eating habits, too ...has been told by
the family doctor to change the family's eating habits - but nothing
changes.
I think that she definitely overfeeds her children to show how much
she loves them - (a recent divorce can do wonders to the psych.)
But this isn't just a recent problem. These girls have had weight
problems since they were toddlers.
How do I as an outsider provide positive influence to these people to
encourage them to change? I'm not going to harp on them every time I
see them stuffing themselves with 4 rolls before dinner, a good sized
meal and then because they can't decide between the slice of cake and
pie they're being offered for dessert, they have both! - when they
should have neither! AND then they want a bedtime snack so my
she gives them whole containers of yogurt or frozen fruit sticks, etc.
because "they don't have lots of calories".
I don't think it's my place to say anything, but maybe there's some
message I can send that will actually make a difference?
I grew up as a heavy child and had an aunt that ridiculed me at
every opportunity (her five children were stringbeans). I always
hated her for it and will never forget the hurt.. I don't want
to be remembered by these girls in the same way.
|
| 113.4 | Be ... Exemplary! | SHIRE::BIZE | | Fri Oct 16 1987 04:30 | 39 |
| There is one thing that I have found almost invariably impresses
children, and it's ... EXAMPLE ...
Children are pretty observant and, when you visit, they'll be watching
you (even more as you aren't there all the time, not like parents!).
If they see you eat sparingly, not take second courses, refuse dessert,
it will probably slowly register that you are doing something
different.
Also, wear clothes that fit you nicely and talk about the "good
things" you do (sports, walks, even theater or cinema). They'll
feel they want to be like you, and it will influence their behaviour.
Right, all the above is slightly manipulative, however, this way:
- you probably won't antagonize your sister-in-law, who's got enough
problems of her own without feeling guilty about over-feeding
her children.
- you may influence your nieces in the long run, while if you bugged
them all the time about overeating, they'd just start hating you
and eat even more, just to show you were you get off!
EXAMPLE is a technique we have used successfully with my husband's
daughter and our own, not about weight because they don't have that
problem, but, in the case of the youngest for ... compulsive lying.
Good luck with your nieces,
Joana
PS: just thought about something else: do you always eat at you sister-
in-law's place? Could you invite them at your place? Or take the
children out at some salad-bar or vegetarian place? Or take them
to a picnic (season has to be right, of course!) Depending on
the circs this idea may be completely unpractical, however ....
|
| 113.5 | Don't teach your children to eat sweets! | RSTS32::KASPER | Beverly T Kasper | Wed Nov 11 1987 15:55 | 21 |
| My family was always supportive of my diets -- my father was heavy
for a long time, which helps. My sister used to be stick-like (20
lbs under when I was 20 over); her metabolism shifted in high school,
and it took her a long time to get it under control.
My Jewish Mother was always telling me things like "If you could
see yourself from the back, you would want to lose weight." NOT
Eat, bubella! But I resented it and ate sullenly for a long time.
I finally convinced her to be positive or quiet, simply by talking
(more or less) calmly about it. I explained that such comments
didn't help at all.
I think the worst thing, though, was that she baked such *marvelous*
cakes and pastries -- when I was small, she ran a bakery business,
selling them from home. Of course, she had to make one extra for
the family. I remember being about 6, asking "what's for desert?"
and complaining of the suggestion that I have a piece of fruit "but
that's not a desert!" I loved fruit, but sweets were required after
dinner. It took me a long time to get used to the concept of going
to a restaurant for a meal and not getting desert.
|
| 113.6 | press KP7 to select that file | STAR::YANKOWSKAS | Moe Larry the Cheese! | Tue Apr 05 1988 10:51 | 6 |
| Those who read this conference may want to check out note 293 in
the Soapbox conference (BETHE::SOAPBOX_1988).
Paul
|
| 113.7 | Was your Mom like this...? | IAMOK::GAMESTER | | Mon Feb 20 1989 13:58 | 31 |
|
My family was never really supportive to me as a child...Mom
kept filling the plates whether you wanted her to or not and if
I decided to try and lose weight she'd pick THAT opprotunity to
buy candy and cookies that I really liked and tempt me with them...this
is as a child...Then she and Dad would turn around say I'm overweight
and no one would ever love me because I was fat...So, all these
years I've proven them right (I'm 23 now) I never dated until I
was 19-20 but, I still hear Mom's voice saying no one would love
me...So, the relationships never worked out...I had one friend who
used to always say..."I don't know WHY you don't date...you're SO
pretty..."
I guess in a way...this was all for the best...because now I
feel stronger about this now than as a child/teenager...I'm doing
this for ME...I feel like I'm my own person and don't need the approval
of others to get along...I joined WW a couple of weeks ago and I
think I'm doing well...Mom has still been trying to sabatoge me
with candy and cakes(She has never baked before now:-)putting the
candy in front of the MICROWAVE!! and offering me sweets...I told
her(I'm so proud of this...:-) that if she didn't knock it off and
stop deliberately trying to ruin this for me I'd throw out EVERYthing
she's tried to tempt me with...Needless to say...the candy dish
has been moved far from my paths:-) And the rest of my family has
been GREAT!!!!
Sorry to carry on like this...I just had to get this off my chest...
- Donna
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