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Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

Title:Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference
Notice:Please read 1.* before writing anything
Moderator:MIASYS::HETRICK
Created:Sun Feb 25 1990
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:420
Total number of notes:4370

390.0. "What to expect at divorce trial?" by TEXAS1::SOBECKY (It's complicated.) Thu May 09 1996 11:45

	I am approaching the time when my divorce will be final (as if these
	things are *ever* final). My trial dates are June 26 and 27.

	Things have dragged out for over a year because I am fighting for
	custody of my daughter. I already have custody of my son.

	It's been the worst year and a half of my life. I can only hope that
	life will get better after this is all over with.

	I've had a lawyer throughout most of this past year and a half, but
	I don't think she'll be with me at court. I'm in too much debt to her
	now and I can't afford to run up more. So I'll most likely be 
	representing myself next month.

	My questions to those of you who have walked this path...what to
	expect during a divorce 'trial' (funny choice of words for this
	particularly devasting time of life, eh?).

	How do the proceedings go? Does her lawyer first present their
	reasons for asking for divorce? Do I then get a chance to talk?

	Is there a time during the trial that I would get a chance to stand
	up and read a prepared speech?

	What is admissible as 'evidence'?

	In other words, what am I in for?

	Not looking forward to it..

	John

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390.1MKOTS3::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaThu May 09 1996 13:0721
    Johnnybegood,
    
    First get your self a copy of 'Alice in Wonderland', then read it. And
    remember when you in court, your before the Queen of Harts. 'Off with
    his head! Off with his head!' 
    
    File an apearnce first if your getting rid of your attorney. Make sure
    that you have notified all parties, including the court. And then, make
    certain you have all your paperwork together before you walk in. Last
    but not least. And I will capitolize these words case they are very
    very important.
    
    1. NEVER LET ANY ATTORNEY, EVEN YOURS GO INTO THE JUDGES CHAMBER
    WITHOUT YOU. IF THEY DO, FIRE THEM.
    
    2. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A COURT RECORDER GOING WHEN YOU START
    PROCEEDINGS. YOUR CIVIL RIGHTS DEPEND UPON IT.
    
    3. RE-READ 1 AND 2.
    
    
390.2What it's likeCSC32::HADDOCKSaddle RozinanteThu May 09 1996 13:4531
    
    The hearing will go much like any other trial.  Both parties present
    "Opening Arguments".   The "plaintiff" presents their case first, and
    their witnesses.  You have a chance to cross-examine their witnesses.

    Then the "defendant" presents their case and their witnesses and the
    other side has a chance to cross-examine.

    Then both parties present "closing arguments".  

    The biggest problem is to 1) keep your cool, 2) keep careful track of
    what is going on, and 3)plan what you are going to do next----all at
    the same time.  Make lots of notes to yourself both before and during
    the process.  Make sure you don't leave anything out, or, if you lose,
    you'll be haunted by "if only".  This is your one chance.  Make it 
    count.  It's the mental equivalent of combat.  Every nerve, every sense, 
    alive and on edge, your mind going 90 mph trying to keep up and analyze 
    everything that is happening and planning your next move all at the same 
    time.  Remember the deck is stacked against you.  One mis-step can blow 
    the whole case to hell and gone.  You have to pitch a no-hitte, a 
    perfect game, to have any chance to win, and even then you may lose.

    "Evidence" is hard documentation and witnesses, including "expert"
    witnesses, and you can take the stand in your own behalf if you want.
    If the only thing you have is your "she said she did", you'll lose.

    At this point your custody of your son may be your biggest asset.
    Any documentation and witnesses you can present that will attest to
    your care of him will be a big plus. 

    fred();
390.3MKOTS3::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaThu May 09 1996 15:335
    Johnnybegood,
    
    To bad yha didn't go to the local Fathers group before you got to this
    point. 8^<
    
390.4QUOKKA::39702::SPICERFri May 10 1996 15:1429
    Some points that have been missed so far - in a divorce trial what the other
    party said to you is not admissable unless it was:
    
    A.	said in front of a third party (it's better to call them as a
    witness if it's really important to your case)
    
    b.	was a threat (this word gets a LOT of use in a divorce trial)
    
    The female divorce case is based on motherhood and apple pie, why
    change the situation and he's being difficult (trying to get out of
    child suppport or whatever). 
    
    The male divorce case is based on she's not fit, and the man always
    loses because short of killing the child the law supports the view that
    children ought to be with Mom.
    
    My recommendations are:
    
    1.	You need a lawyer at a trial. There's just too much going on and in
    any case you are too involved.
    
    2.	Build the strongest case you can with a very real downside to her,
    make sure that's clear and then negotiate.
    
    Martin
    
    
    
    		
390.5A FIGHTING DADQUOKKA::34136::AVERY_BRbrett AveryThu May 23 1996 19:4228
	If you do not have a lawyer and are looking for a "good"
	lawyer, I would suggest that you take time off work, go
	down to the court house and sit in and watch how some of
	the lawyers are. Are they aggressive enough..?? Are they
	fighting for their client..??? 

	I make this suggestion, because the lawyer I had "knew"
	what to expect from the Judge, so she did not "fight" as
	hard for me it seemed. (she is no longer my lawyer) I am
	now my own lawyer, because my kids are older (17yr girl,
	and 11yr boy/girl twins and WANT to be/live with me. But
	try convincing a Judge that what they say is what they 
	want)

	The first time I did handle my own case, the lawyer before
	me, had gotten his client, a male, an increase in child
	support from his EX, even though his EX had recently lost
	her job, and was only getting unemployment.. This lawyer
	had a PC and did the DISSOMASTER (which they use in Calif.)
	on his PC, and showed the Judge that although she lost
	her job and was receiving unemployment, her child support
	payments were still low for what she was going to be bringing
	home with unemployment. 

	My point is this guy did his homework and really fought for
	his client.

brett
390.6Good Luck!QUOKKA::17576::PERRY_WFri May 24 1996 17:4813
    
    I wish you lots of luck!!!  You have courage.
    
    I represented myself for my last court appearance for my divorce.
    I took many vacation days from work to sit in and observe court 
    protocol.  I was successfull only to get a court order for 
    my former to drive 1/2 way when I had my children on alternate 
    weekends.  
    You should probably get a laywer for custody unless your case is
    very strong, if she married a convicted child molester or something
    like that. 
    More men should fight for custody!                 Bill