[Search for users] [Overall Top Noters] [List of all Conferences] [Download this site]

Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

Title:Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference
Notice:Please read 1.* before writing anything
Moderator:MIASYS::HETRICK
Created:Sun Feb 25 1990
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:420
Total number of notes:4370

370.0. "Ensuring child gets benefit of child support" by MIASYS::HETRICK () Mon Oct 23 1995 11:43

	  The following note is being entered for a member of our community
     who wishes to remain anonymous at this time.

	  			     Brian

     ----------------------------------------------------------------------

	  I wonder if anyone in the audience has any experience with this
     type of situation. 

	  I am in the process of getting a divorce. I have two children. My
     16 year old son lives with me (his mother threw him out after he
     objected to her never being around, always out drinking and dancing at
     singles dances, etc.). My 11 year old daughter is living with her
     mother in the marital home.

	  I am currently paying $500 per WEEK in child support for one
     child, based upon my income as a contractor/consultant. I know that
     this is outrageous, but this is, after all, Massachusetts. I also
     realize that much of this is 'disguised alimony'.

	  I don't begrudge my wonderful daughter anything; indeed, I still
     pay for many extras for her besides the child support. I do want,
     however, for HER to get the full benefit of the child support, and I
     don't want to finance her mother's lifestyle (she gets to keep every
     penny of her salary, by the way).

	  I am thinking of asking the court to make her mother set aside a
     good percentage of the child support (50%-75%) in a fund that can only
     be used for my daughter's education, or whatever my daughter chhoses
     to do with it when she reaches 18.

	  Is this reasonable? Do you think the judge would agree? Have any
     of you ever done this and succeeded at it?

	  Thanks for any ideas/input.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
370.1MKOTS3::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaMon Oct 23 1995 13:5313
    Reasonable. Certainly!!! Take into account any money spent on the son,
    make certain you do a cost analysis of what your spending on him, esp
    councling for his conduct, food, gas, etc, etc. This is certainly a
    dramatical change in your life, and certainly, with custody of your son
    should be a reduction. ALSO!!! BEFORE YOU START THIS!! Make certain
    that you have on paper, with the courts first, legal custody. Cause if
    You do not. The son can and might go back and forth between the ex and
    yourself like some sort of nomadic teen from hell. Your taking
    responsibility of his welfare and you must put down the foot to keep
    him on the streight and narrow!!
    
    Peace
    
370.2CSC32::HADDOCKSaddle RozinanteMon Oct 23 1995 18:1216
    Reasonable, Yes.  Will the judge make her set any of the money aside
    for college/etc?  Nope!   This has been one of the big sore points
    in "child support" for years, and unless you can get a big enough
    political force together to get the laws changed, you're s.o.l.

    As George said also, check to find out how much having custody of
    your son change the balance and amount paid.  Also be careful to
    get custody of him  first, else she'll drag him back so she can
    keep the $$$ flowing.  If the situation is as you say, then you 
    may have a case for gaining custody of the daughter too.  Do you
    have any other evidence besides what your son told you about her
    activities?  Will he testify?  (I know, not nice, but might be
    better than leaving the daughter in an unsavory situation).

    fred();
    fred();
370.3MIASYS::HETRICKTue Oct 24 1995 13:5347
	  The following is an anonymous reply from the base noter.

     ----------------------------------------------------------------------

	  The orders have already been modified from $621/week for two
     children, down to the current $500/week for my daughter.

	  I cannot believe that a judge would object to this. I'll have to
     find out for myself. Though what I've been seeing of our courts so far
     hasn't impressed me.

	  I have joint legal custody of both children, and physical custody
     of my son. There is no way my son will ever go back with his mother;
     she hasn't visited with him once since she threw him out, and he has
     no desire to see her.

	  I've been documenting cases when she has gone 'out' and left the
     kids alone. I'm fighting for custody. A GAL has been appointed. I hate
     to admit it, but I don't feel like a father has much chance at all of
     getting custody of the children when the mother wants to fight it,
     even though she is only keeping the kids because of the meal ticket
     they provide through child support, even though the mother is somewhat
     of a tramp. Can't infringe upon their liberty and right to enjoy the
     pursuit of happiness, don't you know.

	  The original temp. orders had given full custody of the children
     to the mother. I wanted joint legal custody; her lawyer was against
     it, saying it was only a matter of 'semantics'. I goint joint legal
     custody of both kids when my son moved in with me.

	  Several weeks ago, my daughter calls me at work on Tuesday
     morning. Tuesday evening is one normal visitation time, from 5 - 8PM.
     My daughter said she was home from school with the flu, felt like
     barfing, and wanted to know if we could get together some other day
     during the week instead of that evening. Of course I agreed; I would
     never insist on visitation in a case like that.

	  At 7:15 that same evening, my daughter called me at home. Seems
     she was running around outside, in the dark, in the rain, and had
     badly cut her foot. She needed to go to the hospital. Where's mommy?
     Don't know, daddy. Where are you? Over my friends house. I took her to
     the hospital where mommy showed up at 10PM.

	  Notwithstanding my wife's actions, if I hadn't insisted on and
     got joint legal custody, I wouldn't have legally been able to sign for
     my daughter's treatment at the hospital. Not that that would have
     stopped me...but it shows that it is more than a matter of semantics.
370.4CSC32::HADDOCKSaddle RozinanteTue Oct 24 1995 14:1613
    About all Joint Legal custody gives you is the right to get medical
    treatment and access to some school papers,etc.

    Make sure you document all these happenings.  Also make sure you also
    document what a _good_ job you are doing with your son.  Keep a log
    of things you do with him. It will be hard for the judge to ignore hard
    evidence.  For instance, she  cannot handle son.  Son does fine with
    you.  Daughter is left unattended and has to call you for medical
    treatment.  Son and daughter will remain together if they stay with
    you, and will be separated if daughter stays with her.  DOCUMENT,
    DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.  Right now it's a better weapon than a .357 mag.

    fred();