Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    We've experienced the same sorts of things.  The school has never
    sent us any information directly.  The distance between the children
    and us is 3,000 miles though.  My husband has on occasion called &
    made appointments to speak with children's teachers via telephone.
    Nothing happens unless he initiates it though, the schools have
    never initiated any contact on their own.  We do get copies of the
    report cards, but that has not been done through the schools, but
    from the children's mother.  Its very hard.

    Leslie

Joint legal custody is pretty much of a joke I think.

Leslie

I am the NCP of a 15 year old son in the 9th grade. For the past three
years he has lived within five miles of my home and attended a local
junior high school. I have made appointments with his school counselor
at least once a quarter.  Each September I deliver a dozen or so
self-addressed, stamped business envelopes with a request to be sent
*everything* my son is given: notices, warnings, report cards, progress
reports. So far it was worked out well.

This summer, my son is moving to Arizona. When I have the name and
address of his high school, I will mail them a letter of introduction
including a picture, and the self-addressed, stamped business envelopes.
If I can afford it, I would like to fly out once in the fall after
school starts to make personal contact. I also plan to write each
teacher and request a progress report halfway through each term.

My only suggestion is to stay in their faces. They may not do anything
automatically, but you can keep after them.

Regards, 
-stephen

P.S. As a point of info, my daughter turned 18 in November of her senior
year, and the school refused to release any information on her to me
without her written permission. It was the same with our HMO. 

    Send the school a pinch of letter envolpes and some stamps with your
    name and address on them. A big thank you letter, and a picture of you
    and the kids. And a small contrabution to their favorite charatible
    cause. Sometimes smoo-ing works vs getting on the phone and hollering
    at them.:)
    
    Also send the kids some T shirts with a picture of you and them on it.
    And someone earlier made up a shirt that said 'I love my Dad'. And that
    can also help the cause. Yes. Being a visitor in a childs life really
    s*cks.
    
    

    
    Re:3
    
    When the school and HMO refused to send you any info on your Daughter
    did you ask why?   I'm just curious!
    I had the same problem with the principal of my childrens' school and
    he told me it was because of possible litigation against the school
    if they released info.  I need to know more about this.
    
      Thanks for all the good responses.  I need more input but 
    my conclusion is that distant parents all have simillar problems. 
    
                                                      Bill

>    When the school and HMO refused to send you any info on your Daughter
>    did you ask why?   I'm just curious!

Both the school guidance office and the HMO administration said that it
was a privacy issue. Because my daughter was 18 and considered an adult
(even though she was not "emancipated"), they could not release her
information without her consent. My attorney said I could have gone to
court to request a copy of my daughter's report card, but I considered
the many other effects of litigation with my daughter and dropped the
matter.

I still do not understand the state's position that until my daughter
was "emancipated" I was responsible for her financially (i.e. I had a
parent's obligation to support, feed, clothe and house her), but that I
had no rights to what I considered critical information on her health
and general well-being.

Oh well,
-stephen

    Welp. Gotta real ripe one for all. Some guy in the Berkshire area asked
    to have visition by the court. Pays child support... Although the child
    was not his, he move in with the girlfriend, helped her with the
    birthing class's, helped name the daughter, helped do it all. They
    broke up some time later, he PAYS child support, and the courts blow
    him off with the request of visitation. But, I am certain the child
    support is still being paid..... Ain't American grand!!
    
    

    I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV, but....

    Unless you have Joint Legal Custody (that is if the CP has Sole
    Custody) you do not have any legal right to those files.  Technically
    you do not even have the right to obtain medical attention for the
    child if they are injured while staying with you.  The school _can_
    be in trouble for releasing that information.  Your only legal
    connection to the child is "child support".  The rest of it, you
    are just like any other Joe Shmoe off the street.

    If you do have Joint Legal Custody (and really all that does is give
    you legal access to this kind of information), then the school can
    be in trouble for not releasing that data.  Have your lawyer send
    the school a copy of the custody papers along with a stern letter
    stating their obligations and what is going to happen to them if
    they do not follow through with their obligations.  Most of the 
    time that will be enough to get their attention.

    fred();

>    Unless you have Joint Legal Custody ...

Actually, this was not a custody issue at all, but it is apparently
true for *any* teenager in New Hampshire who turns 18 and is still in
high school. (!!)  The custody arrangements were also of no
interest to or consequence with the HMO.

-stephen

    re .9

    Right,  sorry about the confusion.  I was addressing the initial issue.
    
    However, this still might apply.  A court would probably have to 
    decide that issue in the case where the child is over 18 and yet
    still not emancipated.  That, I think, would not go over well since
    that would apply to _any_ child over 18.  Once the child is over 18
    the parents would not have any rights to the school information.  I
    doubt that that would go over well in the court of public opinion,
    if not a real court.  The issue of Joint Legal Custody still applies
    in any case.  Without it (or Shared Custody) your rights are zilch.

    The school is playing the odds that they are less likely to be sued
    by you for not releasing the information than they are for releasing
    the information.

    fred();

    What I find confusing is, an 18-year old is an adult, yes or no?
    We want our children to be responsible at 18. They obtain certain
    privileges and need to accept responsibility also.
    
    If you want info about your 18-year old's progress, why are you
    bypassing her? And while I applaud helping her out financially,
    why are you still paying child support? And what is an "non emancipated
    adult" anyway! (Sorry, my son is about to turn 18 and this topic is
    a hot button with me)
    

>   If you want info about your 18-year old's progress, why are you  
>   bypassing her?  

In my particular case (and this was two years ago), my 18 year old
high school senior daughter left my home in Feb of her senior year to
live with my ex-wife. The Court determined that since my daughter had
not yet finished school (but was already 18, i.e. she was an adult but
not "emancipated"), my ex-wife was entitled to child support, which I
paid. Due to the strained relationship between my daughter and me, she
would not keep me informed about her school progress, and since I was
concerned whether she would even graduate, I asked the school for the
information. Four weeks before graduation, my daughter left my
ex-wife's home to live "on her own". She did graduate. (Incidentally,
my attorney said that since my daughter was 18, she could do whatever
she wanted, live where she wanted, attend high school or not etc, and that
the Court would not intervene).

>    And while I applaud helping her out financially, 
>    why are you still paying child support?  

The Court ordered me to pay child support until she graduated high
school. And if she had still lived with my ex-wife through the summer
with the intent of attending further schooling in the fall, I would
have been obligated to pay child support to my ex-wife until my daughter
finished schooling.

>    And what is an "non emancipated adult" anyway!  

I don't have a legal definition, but it is apparently a person 18 but
not yet 21 who is still attending school, not living on his/her own,
and dependent on one or both parents. 

-stephen

    re .11
    
    I commend you for hanging in there and trying to overcome such
    obstacles to keep up with your daughter's progress.
    The legal situation you had to go through sounds outrageous. Like
    you say, your 18-year old had all the rights of an adult, but your
    -ex was able to legally extort money from you. 

    I think for a child support system to work, there need to be hard
    limits. I personally have had a hard time with the open-endedness
    of when child support ends. I think it should be 18. An adult needs
    to take care of him/herself. They can get a job down at the mall, a
    10-year old can't, and of course that situation needs to be
    enforced to protect that child. But if that gravy train is still
    running, hell why finish school, just "hang out" for as long
    as possible! I have made all my child support payments for the last
    15 years and it makes me angry when a friend's or sister's -ex
    doesn't pay their obligation, but this over 18 thing really bothers
    me too.
    
    

    ...and to add the insult to the injury. Your branded from the get go as
    the deadbeat, non custodial, non visitational dad, whose primary
    purpose is to make the barefoot children go without as you live in a
    houvle(sp), and have a spending limit with no caps. Yha right....