Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    
    
    I have the same problem I drive the 1 hour to milton mass from
    merrimack nh EVERY Saturday. I have asked her in the past to help
    maybe meet half way buy she just says no. 
    
    At least I get to spend the day with my daugter, and thats the most
    important thing !!!
    
    

    
    My boyfriend also drives an hour each way to get his kids.  That's 
    4 hours of driving every other weekend.  In the winter it's not fun
    either but there's nothing he can do about it if he wants to see his
    kids.
    
    deb
    

    Does anyone have the actual visitation responsibilities spelled out in
    the order? Seems to me that maintaining visitation is both parents
    equal responsibility.
    					Dan D 

    Best is to file a motion to get a visitation modification. Asin,
    getting the ex to drive half way. Not unreasonable to ask. And if
    the courts give you the positive nod, and she refuses,.... you can
    beat her up for contempt.:) She may not like it, but its reasonable,
    prudent, and in the best interest of the child, then the courts might
    go along with it. 
    
    Mine picks up my daughter from daycare, kidnergarden, and returns her
    to the front door in the morning. I save her time and gas on the
    drop offs to the schools in the am.
    
    I use to drive 1 1/2 - 2 hours one way from Nashua to Kenniebunk Port
    Maine. What a haul. Nice woods Maine is. What a terrible ride. Snow
    storms, rain storms... did that for 8 months till the ex broke up
    with that beau to move in with another who lives only 11 miles from
    my door. 
    
    

    
    I don't think anything is in writing as to a 50/50 split.  It
    would be nice though.  I'm sure they look at it as the NCP has
    "visitation" rights.  If the NCP wants to visit, they must come 
    to where the child lives and pick them up.  I agree that more 
    divorce situations should be more of a 50/50 split.    

    
    I'm probably one of the lucky ones in this area.  I get my kids anytime I
    want them. Like clock work every other weekend and one or two day's
    during the week.  They only live 1/4 mile away so the travel is no
    issue.
    
    Steve

    Yep! You and I are some of the far and few between. There is a great
    article in New Week either last week or before about a lawyer who
    went up against the same bias system that he worked in and got the
    bad shaft. Or lets say that divorce is like a gold mine. She gets the
    gold, he gets the shaft.:)
    
    

    My situation is a little different than most. I happen to be an "ex
    parte" father of an "illegitimate" beautiful, bright, loving daughter.
    And I'm proud to say I'm her dad. Yet I was in the relationsip for a
    very short time (a few months) and am still being subjected to the same
    system a divorced parent has to face. The one huge difference is I have
    absolutely no rights to my daughter unless I fight tooth and nail to
    get them. (in actuallity it's my daughters right to have two involved
    parents but for some stupid reason which I haven't figured out yet, the
    system doesn't automatically recognize this). So... I fight tooth and
    nail. I have no other choice. 
    					Dan D

    
    Have you filed a complaint for Paternity?  Although you weren't 
    married you can be ruled by the court as the adjudicated father
    of your daughter. 

	  Dan, my understanding is that generally the non-custodial parent
     has the right to visit, but there is no obligation to do so (although
     failing to do so may create a presumption of et cetera), and there is
     no obligation on anyone to aid the non-custodial parent in doing so.

	  Yes, having two known, active, involved parents is best for the
     children.  Yes, this means that a caring custodial parent would work
     to include a caring non-custodial parent in the child's life.  But,
     no, it does not mean a custodial parent has any legal obligation to
     spend any particular effort to include a non-custodial parent in the
     child's life.

	  In my own divorce agreement, the children's mother and I are each
     responsible for transporting the children from the other to ourselves.
     But before this was spelled out, when I was the parent with lesser
     custody (3/7 as opposed to 4/7), I was responsible for all transporta-
     tion except when the mother visited with the children during my
     custodial periods.

				     Brian

    I was adjudicated the father by voluntarily signing and was given
    absolutely nothing except the financial obligation (through involuntary
    garnishment no less!) until I filed motions for visitation, and because
    she resisted the courts made me go through a ridiculous "supervised"
    situation for 6 months. The only reason why she's complying with a
    normal visitation scheme is it will cost her money to go back into
    court now that the DOR isn't doing the bidding for her and she has to 
    hire her own lawyer. It's amazing to me how in most of these situations
    it's only money that matters when what my daughter really needs is to 
    be allowed to freely and without interference give and take love.
                                                  Dan D

I travel 1 hour each way every second weekend. The ex's position on meeting 
half way or alternating trips was 'you want to see him, you do the 
driving....'.

Where you have a reasonable ex...I have seen both parents share in the 
transportation...but this seems a rare thing.

John...

    
    I am in the same position as you.  I pick up/drop off my 2 sons.
    Sometimes enroute the ex will beep me to drop them off at another 
    location.  If you file a complaint for modification to request 
    you're ex to share in the transportation etc, and you build a 
    compelling argument, the courts may give you what you want.
    
    I'm going through a hassle about summer vacation.  My ex seems to 
    believe that my visitation with my sons are entirely based upon 
    her mood for the day....which is unpredictable.  A woman who works
    with probate issues suggested that before I make any modification 
    with respect to visitation etc.... I should file for joint-legal 
    custody.  This apparently offers you more legal rights as a parent
    from which may facillitate subsequent modification complaints.
    
    I'm preparing to do the above as we speak.  Any comments or suggestions
    will be appreciated.....
    
    /Sam

    Sam,
    
    Consult a real attorney. Sometimes you can find them wanna-be types who
    can give you some mis-guided info. And that can make a real mess.
    I think I would vote the visitation mod vs going for the joint custody
    part. Your chances are better in that behalf. Esp if you can document
    the constant crappie that have been thru with the
    moody-mind-less-one.:) But, then again, I am a wanna-be-too.:)
    
    

    Unfortunately you'll be at the mercy of the judges "mood of the day".
    IMO if you have a history of compliance with voluntary visitation
    then you should be able to do everything at the same time. And if
    you're boys mom sees you going the legal route (let her know what you
    plan to do before you actually file the papers) she'll probably loosen
    up a bit. When I went in front of the bench and moved for a normal
    visitation schedule my daughters mom put up a fit! She started ranting
    and raving about how distressed my daughter had become after an
    overnight visit (it happened to be the first time I had to be somewhat
    authoritarian about some of her behaviour and she obviously complained
    to mom. All I did was be firm about tieing her shoes!) The judge did
    absolutely nothing!!! (I had been laid off and was going for a
    reduction in CS) He took the motion for reduction under advisement
    (they do that a lot now so they can do what they want and then if you
    don't like his/her decisin you have to file for another hearing!).
    What a slap in the face!!!! What a joke!!!! If anybody tells you
    fathers are not being discriminated against have them give me a call!!!
    					Dan

    This note was meant to be a reply to the last note about driving 
    halfway to exchange the children when both parents live a distance
    apart.                          Bill

    I have a CP friend who moved with her daughter from Chicago to Mass.
    The court allowed her to take the child such a distance with the
    agreement that she pay for 6 plane tickets per year round trip for the
    daughter to visit her father. It has been several years now and
    everyone appears to be happy with the arrangement.
    

   I've moved the following note as a reply to this string at the request of
   the author.

   						Terza L. Z. Ekholm
   						-moderator-

   <<< SSAG::DISK$ARCH2:[NOTES$LIBRARY.QUOKKA]NON_CUSTODIAL_PARENTS.NOTE;2 >>>
              -< Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference >-
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Note 315.0                     Get a Court order!                      2 replies
QUOKKA::17576::PERRY_W                               16 lines  11-JUL-1994 11:27
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       I had to obtain a court order stating that my former wife had to 
    drive 1/2 the distance to exchange our children.  After she moved
    out of state with our two little boys she initially refused to 
    meet me half way.  I reluctantly filed for legal action so the 
    burdon of transporting the children would not fall completely on 
    me. She was initially very angry but has kept her part of the court
    ordered driving to this day.   She moved 200+ miles away so I 
    was rendered a alternate weekend visitor to the children.
    We had agreed to a joint physical custody arrangement prior to her
    move.
      I would reccommend a written legal (signed by the judge) statement
    for each parent to meet half way with the children so there won't be
    any misconceptions about each parents responsibility on this matter. 
                                         Good luck!
      

    Hi,
    	I just found out about this note, and boy does it have some good
    info.  I too am going through one of those not so fun divorces where I
    live and breath depending on the mood of my ex.  She has played games
    about my visitation from day one which we are now trying to resolve at
    the family court clinic.  I have seen a few notes in here regarding the
    CP meeting the NCP 1/2 way on visitation day etc., I would like to
    think that would be possible, but I don't think so at this point in
    time.  
    
    
    Dave