Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    FILE A MOTION FOR PARENTAL INTERFERIENCE!!! Or before that. Make clear
    to all parties of a convient time that does not interupt the daily
    workings of the family. Like calling during dinner, getting ready to
    go to work, or going to bed time.
    
    Then if you meet this req, and they are not allowing you to speak,
    write, or visit with your children. File the motion for parential
    interference. Most states carry this on the books, check your local
    attorney before you file a "Frivilous" motion. And REMEMBER TO
    Document, document, and document. And when your done, document some
    more. And have lots of fun doing it.:)
    

    

    1) Keep trying.  Don't let them discourage you into stopping to try
       to see or talk to them.  The court will not likely do anything 
       about one incident, but if there are several incidence that
       establish a pattern over time, then there is more chance of 
       getting something done.
    2) AS George said, "document, document, document".  Keep a log/journal
       of what happens, when, where, why, and anything else you can think
       of.  The log/journal can be used as admissible evidence in court
       in most states.  If/when you go into court, the judge doesn't want
       to hear "he said, she said".  He's going to want _evidence_. 
    3) Tap your own phone.  This is legal under Federal Statutes.  Might
       want to check State Law first, thought.  Go to the library and look
       it up in the State law books under Eavesdropping, phone tapping,
       surveillance, etc.  Ask the librarian for help if need be.  Radio 
       Shack sells the hookups to connect a tape recorder to your phone.
    4) As George said also, try to work with them a little bit if you can.
       It won't do you any good to go into court had have to face them 
       claiming that you seem  to only call just as  the kids are supposed
       to be getting on the bus.
    5) If you have to, _and_ you have a case and evidence, haul them into 
       court.  Even if the judge won't do anything to them, you've served
       notice that you won't put up with this.  Make sure you're case isn't
       frivolous ( without basis ), or you could end up paying their legal
       expenses.  If you have a case, they could end up paying yours, which
       even if you don't win, they won't want to do too many times.

    fred();

    As Fred also points out, and I will 're' on this. And that is some
    people think that because they are a certain gendered parent that one
    must come to a stop with their daily going's on and praise that parent
    with their imident attention. And IF this is the case the judge doesnt
    really like this sort of crappie and You will pay for a friv motion.
    And you might say, "Gee I have nothing to loose cause I have no
    money!":) Welp.... There is attachment of wadges, leins of personal
    property and the next time you go round and have a REAL issue to work
    out with the opposing camp.... your going to be going in with the
    Friv motion hanging over your head from the Get Go and the opposing
    camp will constantly badger you to death over it. 
    
    I have going to the gallows with some guy, who had not seen his
    daughter in three years. And because he fould up that last once, he had
    this as a constant throw_back_in_your_face. And to this very moment
    He has not seen his daughter. 
    
    Good Luck Again
    

     Thank you. How I said it was not the first time. She make the rules.
    My ex and my kids have to live with that. I called last night at 7:00
    o'clock. I try not call at all because she give a hard time.

    AAAAh! A seperation of church and state! Document it. Negoitate, and
    stick to the rules for a while till she changes them. And IF she
    changes them its now a custodial interference. And you can, if you
    can show blaitent-ness get a turn around of custody. BUT!! YOU gotta
    prove this over the course of years for a reversal. Mean time, the
    first cause of interference, and then there is Intentional Effliction
    of Emotional Der-ess.(sp).  And that makes for some real uneasy
    feelings in the other camp. :)
    
    Peace, Love, and Surandwrap
    
    

    
    re .4

>     Thank you. How I said it was not the first time. She make the rules.
>    My ex and my kids have to live with that. I called last night at 7:00
>    o'clock. I try not call at all because she give a hard time.

    As I said before, don't give up.  The more you try and the more your
    face gets spit in, the more ammunition (provided you've gathered the
    evidence, and documented what happens) you have to nail them in court.
    In fact, if handled right, the nastier they are, the more ammo you
    collect.  So, each attempt can be a small victory no matter what happens.

    However, you must also keep this in reason.   Don't appear to harass
    them by calling them 10 times a day.  You may get away with once a day
    providing that your calls result in actually getting to talk to the
    kids two or three times a week.  Next time ask them, "Well, when would
    be a good time.  I'll call back then".  You want to appear in court to
    be the one that is reasonable and trying to work with the situation,
    and you've only resorted to court action because all other attempts
    have failed.

    If you let them discourage you to the point you quit, then the court
    will say you don't care anyway.  Do it right, and I guarantee you
    won't have a "frivolous" charge if/when you go into court.

    fred();

    Inge,
    
    It is a big problem. They are still your children and it must hurt you 
    that you cannot speak with them when you would like to. The fact that
    you must deal with an exhusband who seems to have given up his power
    to someone who is behaving as a controller, is a very emotional and
    draining experience.
    
    Can you talk this out with your exhusband and tell him how important
    it is to you and the children that you be able to freely speak with
    them at least twice a week at preset times?
    
    or Is there someone close to both you and your exhusband that could
    act as mediator?
    
    I'm sure the folks in this notesfile are giving you the best support
    and advice available. I just know from my own experience that going
    up against a hostile new wife is going to wear you down if you don't
    have someone there to help you.  Get a yellow notepad and DATE and
    DOCUMENT each and every phone call and upsetting instance. When you
    do see the children, give them all the love you have.
    
    J

     
    See I call only 1 a week and I talk most with my Ex after I talk with
    him I try to talk with my kids too most they tell me they playing and
    he not fill like to get the kids.How I sad they give hard time.I have my 
    kid only 1 day on the weekend. When I had custdy he call me any time when 
    he want see the kids. Now they go only what the order sad and sometime 
    they give me a hard time to. I talk with my ex over that and he told me 
    when I have a problem with her than I have to talk with my layer. It hard 
    for me to writt everything down because my english is not so good.
        I can tell storys over her. One time I want pick up my kids and she
    call the police on me. My Ex was not home. She was with the kids alone.
    That only a couple things what she is doing. O I can not call befor
    10:00 in the morning and not after 8:30 at night. This is on rule she
    make. 
                      Inge
    

    1. Always take someone with you to pick up your children. And have that
    second person bring a camera or cam-corder. 
    
    2. When talking to the ex and the opposing camp. Your directive is to
    specifically talk to the children only. Not to the ex, the exs wife,
    the ex's pals. And only talk about the children when there is any other
    discussion. You do not talk about your personal what life. Be
    professional, clinical, and business like. This will cut thru the chase
    and get to the meat of the call. Which is talking to the children.
    
    3. If your living in Mass, I am not sure where or if they still exist
    but there is a group for women. Called "Women With Out Custody."
    They talk about womens issues and dealing with crappie that you might
    find yourself dealing with and how to deal with it without getting
    yourself in trouble either legally or emotionally. And thats a good
    group to be associated with. 
    
    

	  Please check with an attorney before tapping your own phone.  My
     understanding is that it is unlawful (in fact, it is a federal felony)
     to record a telephone conversation without the knowledge of _all_
     parties.  This knowledge may be given to the other party by either (i)
     using the periodic "beep" sound when the recorder is running, or (ii)
     announcing "this conversation is being recorded" each time you speak
     to a new person (including the children).  In either case, of course,
     make sure the recording includes the warning beep or the announcement.

	  It is generally understood that reasonable telephone contact with
     one's children is a given, and that a party denying such contact to
     the other is interfering with the parental relationship and thereby
     harming the children.  (The effect on the children is what's import-
     ant to the court, not how you feel about it.)  However, it is safest
     to have telephone contact written into the court orders.  If the order
     granting your ex custody states that you are provided "reasonable
     visitation," then you can likely get a court to hold that you are en-
     titled to telephone contact.  But I have also seen orders stating
     giving "reasonable visitation as approved by" the custodial parent,
     which puts visitation at the whim of the custodial parent -- which in
     turn means there is no interference; the custodial parent simply did
     not approve telephone visitation.

	  Good luck.

				     Brian

    
    re phone tap

    Federal statutes state that a conversation can be recorded so long as
    _one_ party tot he conversation knows this is happening.  If you
    yourself are recording the conversation then you are legal.  This
    would apply if talking to someone in another state.  

    State laws vary.  Most agree with the Federal Statutes.  Some are
    more restrictive.  Would suggest checking State Statutes if calling
    within the state.

    fred();

	  Hmm.  Learn something new every day.  I'll tell my attorney.  ;-)

				     Brian

              
    I am interested in that grupp. Have somebody more information . " women
    with out custody ". I never hear that grupp are there. 
    Thank you  everybody for your help. I learn every day something new.
    
    
                             Inge

Inge,

I think it would be okay for you to write your documentation in a
language other than English.  It can be translated later.  All you
have to note is when you called and what their response was.

Also, perhaps you can arrange times with the children when they can
expect you to call, it kind of cuts the spontenaity out, but the 
children can be nearby, ready to receive your call.  Perhaps then,
they could even answer the phone and you can avoid the ex & his wife
between you and your children.

Also, make sure your children know that they can call you as well.
See that they know your number, and if its long-distance, check into
one of those calling cards which allows calls to one number only - yours.
Many parents get these for their college age children so they can call
home and the call is billed to the parent's number.  We have done 
something like that for my step-children because their mother will not
allow them to call us without us paying for it.  At first we taught them
how to call collect, but this is expensive and also the children didn't
like having to talk to the operator.  Of course they have to old enough
to be able to make calls like this on their onw or it won't work.

Good luck,
Leslie

    I do not have the phone number for the Women Without Custody. I would
    speculate that it is in Mass. And I would try calling information
    on each of the three area codes. Thats my best.