Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

262.0. "What to expect in divorce court?" by TERZA::ZANE (Imagine...) Mon May 03 1993 14:15

   I am posting this note on behalf of a noter who wishes to remain
   anonymous.  You may reply here or send me mail, which I will forward to
   the originator.


   						Terza Zane
   					       -comoderator-

================================================================================

    Now that the date for the divorce is coming up, I don't know what 
    to expect in court.
    
    Just a little backgroud; was married for 17 years and in 91 we 
    went our separate ways.  The legal agreement back then (separate 
    support), Our daughter stayed with dad, and son & nephew came with 
    me, seeing that we each had a child no support was ordered. In 92, 
    I could no longer afford my own apartment so I moved out of state. 
    Instead of dragging my son out of state I let him move in with his 
    dad. My daughter is now 18 1/2 and son is 14.  And since my 
    nephew's mother has passed, I have had him for the last 4/5 years.  
    I would have paid support but then our daughter would not have 
    been able to attend college so we agreed that I pay for my 
    daughters college and any extra curriculum (sp?) activities for 
    both, my sons clothes/shoes and anytime they needed anything they 
    practically got (unless I could not afford it, then we would 
    usually find away to get what was wanted if possible). 
    
    My son will be moving in with me for September school, due to the 
    fact that he is driving his dad crazy, by not following his rules. 
    I see my children all the time, I go to my son's games, call them, 
    take them here and there, help dad with the dicipline (etc.). What 
    I'm trying to say is that I am active with my children. I can't 
    get them to visit me as much because my son is active in sports 
    and makes his money on weekends umpiring(sp?) baseball, and my 
    daughter works. So I go to them. Holidays they see what dad is 
    doing and if he is going to be home alone they stay with him, or 
    one comes with me and the other stays, if dad is doing something 
    they come with me. My soon-to-be-ex and I try to work things out, 
    we don't talk bad about each other (at least that I know about), 
    in fact I think that we get along better now than when we were 
    married.
    
    Neither of us have a lawyer, nor fighting this. What do I have to 
    prepare for? Do we have to do another legal agreement before hand 
    or wait until that date? If he and I agree could we leave 
    everything the way it is, or does the court get to make the 
    changes?? What to expect?

    In my experience, I have seen the courts rubber-stamp approval for
    agreements to which both parents have agreed.  I have heard (here-say =
    rumor) of only rare occasions where the courts have ordered something
    else.  
    
    It looks like you and your ex-spouse are communicating.  I'd try to
    work out something for the best interests of the child.
    
                                          Kurt

    I have to agree with Cart.  If you have worked out a reasonable
    agreement, unless there is something blatantly one-sided, the
    court will usually go along with it.  I think the judges would
    rather sit on a murder case than on a contested divorce with
    all the bickering and B.S., so they are not going to do anything
    to stir things up if at all possible.  

    Lawyers, now, that's another story.  IMHO the further you can
    stay away from lawyers, the better off you will all be.  

    fred();

    Some judges are not judges, their marrital masters. And sometimes its a
    good thing to show up infrount of one of them. For they have a tuned
    ear to whats going on than a judge who is trying some mass murder.

    
>    I have to agree with Cart. 
    
    'Gads! How'd I manage that.  Sorry Kurt.
    f();

    At least we know Fred uses the spell checker.  It keeps suggesting Cart
    as a substitute for Kurt for me too.
    
    Re -.1:  Has anyone heard of a judge's altering an out of court agreement?
    
    My guess is that fairness/unfairness has nothing to do with it.
    
                                  Kurt