Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    	Ronny should tell Cheryl to take a flying leap, and leave the 
    	mess the way he found it. He's going to end up like me 
    	freaking used and abused for 23 years. 
    
    	In no way should he acknowledge that kid is his, 
    	if he wants to help out voluntarily, informally, fine,
    
    	Once the Courts associate him/kid he's hosed.
    
    	Sounds like Ronny's being set up as a chump,
    	Cheryl and Steve will suck down plenty of beers using Ronny's money,
        A rocket launcher would even the score.
    
    	/one happy camper	
    	

    Re. 1
    
    Thanks for your reply.  Ronny would love to tell Cheryl to take a
    flying leap, but he does not want to loose his child in the process. 
    He is very willing to support the child, and he does want it formally
    written up in the courts to save his own butt, but if it is his child
    he wants to see it.  
    
    A few items/questions I would like to add:
    
    1)  Can Cheryl legally tell him  what he can  and cannot do with the
    child when it is with him??  He wants joint custody, would this be a
    problem since they have never been married??
    
    2)  Has anyone here had any dealings with the welfare system and their
    treatment of the fathers??  How much should he expect to pay in Support
    where the child lives in Rhode Island??
    
    3)  Ronny would like some suggestions on how to handle Cheryl and her
    mood swings (Peacefully).  One day she is nice, the next day, look out!
    
    I think that is it, I have also posted this in the Human Relations
    notesfile.  If I think of anything else, I will post a reply to this
    note,  Thanks for your replies, and George I will give Ronny your
    number, thanks for your help!!
    
    Debby
    

    re .2
    
    No offense intended, but these cases make you realize why they say
    that mans's best friend is his dog.
    
    There are blood tests and now even more accurate genetic tests
    that can be used to determine if the child is his.  If it isn't
    he shoul run like hell for the nearest exit.  If it is, then
    he's in for 18-20 years of crapola.  There was a long running
    battle in QUARK::MENNOTES about what rights men have in these
    situations which, after 400+ replies, got writelocked.  Basically
    his rights are 1)pay child support, 2) pay child support.
    
>    1)  Can Cheryl legally tell him  what he can  and cannot do with the
>    child when it is with him??  
    
    Not specifically, but she can request that certain restrictions be
    written into the visitation orders.
    
    >He wants joint custody, would this be a
>    problem since they have never been married??
    
    Not to discourage him from trying.  He can ask for it, and the law
    may well allow for it, but will be damn lucky if he gets it.
    
>    2)  Has anyone here had any dealings with the welfare system and their
>    treatment of the fathers??  
    
    They will come after him for "child support" and will do zilch for 
    custody/visitation.
    
>How much should he expect to pay in Support
>    where the child lives in Rhode Island??
    
    There is a uniform support act where all states are expected to support
    the "child support" orders of all other states.  Depends on the 
    guidelines of that particular state.  As things set, looks like about
    1/2 of his takehome pay.
    
>    3)  Ronny would like some suggestions on how to handle Cheryl and her
>    mood swings (Peacefully).  One day she is nice, the next day, look out!
    
    If this kid isn't his, he should run like hell.  If it is, then 
    he may have to just muddle along the best he can like the rest
    of us.
    
    fred();

    The other thought is for Ronney to muddle (fight like Hell) for any/all
    of his rights. Thats how we loose them, because people become apethic
    to them and thus loose them in a quagmire of legal stuffings. 
    
    If the child is his, as I have told some others here, you must remember
    that the child is in need of a stable enviorment. And If Ronny can
    remain the stable figure in the childs life. There will be a positive
    outcome. 
    
    The other thing that I seem to say is,"Children are not exclusively
    moms or dads. They are on loan to us for the next 18 years. Then
    they belong to someone else, or belong to themselves." 
    
    Mom cannot deny visitations, if the child is his. He can and should
    start to see the child by going to see. And if he is denied visitations
    should have a partner to help document this. Every time, record, take
    pictures of doors slamming in his face, of him being casual about
    seeing the child, and her telling him to scram. If he does not
    have an address or phone number. Then calling locals, police, seeking
    out the Welfare office to hand over the where abouts, or just, as I
    had to do, get in the car and drive to find him. 
    
    I remember those days. Called them the red eye flights. You will do allot 
    of crying and allot of driving. Tuff call, try asking someone where the
    hell you are boo-hoo'en!:) Just drove around thru where I though she
    was with my daughter in some unknown hamlette till I found them.
    Charles Bronson would have been proud of me.:)  

    .0 How are things in the continuing saga "As The Stomach Churns?" :^)