Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    I'm not a lawyer, so nothing I say here should be taken as legal
    advice.  Just my openion with a good deal of experience behind it.
    
    There is probaly nothing that will legally prohibit her from changing
    the locks.  However, at this point, unless she has filed papers and
    has a restraining order there is nothing to legally prevent him from
    kicking the door in (although that would probably not look good on his
    part if/when it does go to court).  It's still his house too.  If he 
    hasn't said anything, then she should clear up some of her "assumtions" 
    before proceeding.
    
    fred();
    fred();

       This is a "hot button" for me, so at the risk of saying something
       offensive, I'm going to express my opinion.

       She has as much right to screen WHAT HE TAKES, as he has to
       screen WHAT SHE KEEPS!  I believe he has, as equal a right, to
       EVERYTHING in that house, as she does.

       If she is concerned about divorce, she should talk to him, and
       settle who gets what.  Changing the locks BEFORE anything is
       discussed, is a weapon of vengeance.


       Richard  {Who never got even his college graduation pictures
                 after his ex played the "change the locks and get a
                 restraining order" routine.}

    >She has as much right to screen WHAT HE TAKES, as he has to
    >screen WHAT SHE KEEPS!  I believe he has, as equal a right, to
    >EVERYTHING in that house, as she does.
    
    Yes, Richard you are correct.  She told me that they agreed on what
    he would be taking.  She just wants to make sure that's all he takes.
    She will going to Maine tomorrow for the night and was wondering if
    it's within her right to change the locks now.  She doesn't want him
    coming into the house while she's gone.  I think that's fair.
    
    Believe me, she's not trying to screw him.  She doesn't even know how
    she is going to keep the house.  He pays all the bills.  She doesn't
    even know WHAT the bills are...  She did ask him if he paid the
    mortgage and he said "no, besides the paper said the mortgage co. filed
    bankruptcy".  So what is she supposed to do?  So he didn't pay it!
    
    Thanks for the replies.

    Best thing for her to do is file. And then she can stop him from
    entering at will <legally>. I had to do such to keep mine from doing
    such. And to keep her from dropping in out of the blue and raping the
    bank accounts that held mortgage monies for the rental properities. She
    had done it once, and was tuff scraping together monies to pay
    mortgage(s).
    
    

    She doesn't WANT to file...  She has no money, no boyfriend, etc.
    
    She could care less if they get divorced.  HE wants it.  She feels
    that if he has an apartment now, then that's it.  She wants to
    protect herself.  She doesn't want him to think it's an open door policy
    that he can come and go as he pleases.  She feels that he made his
    decision to leave and now, she should have the right to keep him out.
    

		Because she has no assests she needs a lawyer all the more.
	This stuff gets worse not better. She is VERY vulnerable right
	now and probably in no position to take care of herself, she needs help.

    Then, like the rest of us, she will have to learn how to go Pro-se. And
    if she doesn't learn than she will get hurt. And that will be very
    sad. many of us have been caught with no money and no where to turn, I
    joined a mens support group because of it. I am more than optimistic
    that she has not even come close to exhausting the resources she has at
    her disposal.
    
    For anyone here to suggest things that would be illegal would not be in
    the best interest to your friend. Hence, either find support, of find
    money. 
    
    Illegal suggestions would be to change the locks with out any court
    order or restraining order. This can usually backfire in her face if
    this is done with out the blessing of at least a district court. 48
    hours isn't long enough to say its abandonment. You have to talk months
    and years. Not hours and days. Best is to go to the local district
    court during business hours and talk to the magistrate. Or find a
    lawyer who doesn't require the shoot money of $1000 or more she can
    handle. 

    Peace
            

    
    What's more, until she files, she is still liable to any debts encured
    by either party.  Although if/when it comes to court, the judge may
    make him take responsibility.  He still has legal access to any/all
    assets.
    
    If she wants legal protection, she will have to file.
    fred();

    > She told me that they agreed on what
    > he would be taking.  She just wants to make sure that's all he takes.

        Does he have it all yet?  Will it create animosity if she locks him
        out before he gets it?

    > He pays all the bills.

        Will he keep doing this if "he thinks", true or not, that he's
        being screwed?  Does he (or anyone) make enough money to pay for
        both places at the same time?  From personal experience I can say
        that, it is an emotionally painful process to have bill
        collectors chasing you while you attempt to pay the mortgage on
        a house you can't go into, as well as your own apartment.

    > She doesn't WANT to file [...] She feels that he made his
    > decision to leave and now, she should have the right to keep him out.

        This sounds like the beginnings of anger.  In my opinion, the
        best advise to give her at the moment is that separation/divorce
	is a major change in circumstance.  She needs to stay calm and
        start making plans.

	If she's going to change locks, she should (1) tell him and (2)
        make solid plans with him as to when he can pick up the rest of
        his stuff.

        If they can keep from getting into a big fight, right at the
	start, {which is no small task} they have a chance to do this
	thing (separate temporarily or permanently) with a minimum of
	pain to both.


       Good luck to both of them,
       and to you!

       Richard 

    .0 Can you answer this question. "Are there children involved in this
    case?"
    
    
    Thanks

    Yes, there are children involved.  I myself went thru a divorce and
    have told her to "DOCUMENT" everything, which she is doing, thank
    heaven!
    
    She is currently waiting for legal-aid to call her back.  First,
    they must check the system to make sure HE hasn't already applied
    with them for legal-aid.  She said he makes too much money to
    qualify for it, but she still has to wait.
    
    She has no way of contacting him either.  She doesn't know where he
    is living now, if in fact he has moved out.  She can't even call him
    at work because he's a carpenter and never kept her informed of his
    whereabouts BEFORE he left.  So she can't even ask him if he has
    moved out!
    
    The only debt that is in her name is the mortgage (both names).
    Everything else is in his name.  She doesn't even have a bank account.
    She has all the bill collectors calling and she has no idea of his
    whereabouts...  
    
    As far as child support is concerned...  She has no idea how that will
    be awarded because in the past he was frequently paid under the table.
    
    Thanks for all your replies.

A comment....he should file as well.  I have heard of TOO MANY cases where the 
person sold everything in the house without consent!!