Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    Today is my son's 18th birthday.  It's a bittersweet time for me to see
    him celebrate this milestone, one he considers his door to adulthood. 
    I've enjoyed his growing up and especially these last few years as he's
    gained a wonderful sense of self, of humanity, and of humor.  He's one
    cool dude I really enjoy having around.
    
    Of course, it's also the day that, by court decree of 10+ years
    standing, I'm legally free of paying child support to his father.
    
    Yep, gang, I'm no longer a "non-custodial parent," and that really
    strange bird, a non-custodial mother.  Oh, I'll probably send one last
    child support payment to my ex on Saturday, just to revel in my
    "superior sense of justice."  And I've already assured David, my son,
    that I'll continue to provide him with the money (directly!) for a year
    or two while he gains his feet and sets them on the course he chooses.
    
    But as of today I owe my ex nothing.  He now owes me my share of the
    family home, and that might require court action on my part. 
    Nevertheless, 
    	Free at last!
    	Free at last!
    	Thank God Almighty,
    	I'm free at last!
    
    Karen

    Congrads! I am happy for you and glad you still have a sense of
    humor!:) 

    I guess I can say that I have passed the one year mark with custody of
    my 4 year old daughter. She and dad are having fun. We are getting
    closer by the month. Dad still press's little girl dress's and buys
    a balloon for her to go visit. I am working hard to keep the bridge
    in place for us all.

    I'm closing in on two years of custody of my children.  The oldest son
    turned 19 in May.  The older daughter turns 18 in Sept.  She's going
    to summer school right now to try to make up for some of the lost
    time so she can graduate next year.  The other two (boy 14, girl 12)
    are doing pretty good.  The boy is spending a month on the farm 
    with my brother helping farm.  The daughter is a blond-haired, blue-
    eyed, whirlwind who eats more than I do withoug gaining weight and
    is hot on the trail of the boy next door (also spending some time
    in summer school).
    fred();

    my kids (Kami and Nick) are *FINALLY* coming up here to New England for
    a visit.  I am flying to San Antonio at the end of June to spend a few
    days with them, and then the three of us are coming back up here
    together.
    
    This has been years in coming... and I am both psyched and very, very
    nervous (I really want them to enjoy their visit, yet I don't want to
    "buy" or "gush" too much... gotta act natural, sez my wife!)
    
    We are going to spend a few days at my cabin in Vermont, visit Montreal
    (I hear they have a spectacular fire-works contest on or near July 4th)
    and then do a little sight-seeing around the Boston area.
    
    Be happy for us all!
    
    tony

Hope it all goes great Tony !  I'm getting ready for my step children to
visit and there's a lot of anticipation - positive mostly, but some anxiety
thrown in, and we haven't gone through near what you have.

Leslie

    re: .1
    
    	You're not out of the woods yet. Unless he want's to let you free..
    
    	If he decides to go to College, then Massachusetts can and will 
    	require you to contribute to support until age 23... believe me I know,
    	My daughter is 19 and still sihoning.

    re. 216.6 (MEMORY::SOVIE)
    
    > You're not out of the woods yet....Massachusetts can and will require
    > you to contribute to support until age 23..."
    
    Yes, I know.  I'm supporting my daughter (without the necessity of
    Massachusetts' requirement) through her college years. 
    Interestingly enough, her father isn't, though!  As for my son, he's
    not motivated for college at this point in his life.  I suspect he's
    the type who will have to bum around for several years to find himself
    before he realizes how important continuing his education might be.
    
    (Rathole alert--this may deserve a note of its own):
    In the meantime, my ex has started charging David rent.  One of my co-
    workers just told me he thinks that's illegal in Massachusetts--until
    David's 21.  Does anyone know anything about that?  
    
    And, also in the meantime, I'm looking for a good, honest
    real-estate appraiser in the Worcester area, if anyone has
    recommendations to make.
    
    Cheers for all the rest of you who have had good things happen
    recently.  We deserve it!
    
    Karen
                 

    re: .4
    
    Well, I went to Texas and had a very nice visit with the kids.  The day
    before we were to get on the plane to come to MA. Nicholas began to
    have second thoughts.  His mom and I talked to him and tried to assuage
    his fears... I left that night (I was staying at my son, Patrick's,
    apartment) with Nick calm and seemingly excited about the trip.  His
    sister was, too.
    
    The next morning I met the kids (with mom) at the airport.  ALl was
    well.  We got onto the airplane, got buckled into the seats, and I
    asked the flight attendant if she could get the kids a set of those
    wings they often give away... after all, it was their first flight.
    
    Just as the plane was to leave, and as the door was being closed, both
    kids panicked about going, and insisted they be allowed to leave the
    airplane.  They knew their mother was still in the terminal waiting,
    "just in case"....
    
    So, they left.  I flew back to Ma alone and crushed.  The rest of my
    vacation was a shambles... and it has had a very negative impact on the
    improved relationships we've had over the last few months.
    
    I have to realize that, even though my ex-wife has been trying to
    overcome the hostility she has felt for the last four years (God! has
    it been that long?) it will take longer than four months of "good
    times" to remove the distrust and anxiety the kids have lived with for
    so long.
    
    Damn, I hate this!
    
    
    tony

    Tony, I am sorry. Real sorry pal. I wish there was something good to
    say to make you feel better. Something to fill in that emptyness of the
    heart and soul. Sorry just doesn't have a hole lot of it sometimes.
    
    
    GodBless

    Tony,
    
    Don't let it get you down.  It's much farther than you've gotten
    up to this point.  Keep trying.  Better luck next time.
    
    fred();

    RE: 216.6
    
    The other noter was right.  In Mass. once they are 21 they are an
    adult, college or no.  I went through this 2 years ago before I moved
    to France and my ex was looking for commitment until 23.  The judge
    said no way.  Only exception is if they are unable to live on their own
    though mental or physical handicap.  Of course I won't let my son drop
    out because of lack of funds, but once he's 21 (this Sept) it's between
    the two of us.  His mother is out of the loop...now if only his younger
    brother would get through...(16 now).
              
    Bonne Chance,
    
    - Steve