Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

204.0. "Changes happen... big time!" by DEBUG::SCHULDT (As Incorrect as they come...) Mon Mar 23 1992 11:38

	This is an update to my introduction in note 6.54.

	There's been quite a change at my place in the past couple weeks; 
both of my daughters (ages 18 and 16) have left their mother and moved in 
with me.  The 18 year old (Heather) arrived a couple weeks ago.  She didn't 
get along with Mom's boy friend, and just couldn't handle the home 
situation any longer.  I don't expect her to be with me for very long; she 
will be graduating from high school in June and wants to live on her own 
this fall.

	The younger daughter (Jennifer), moved in a couple weekends ago.  
She had been having some behaviour problems (maybe partly because of the 
home situation), and during an argument with her mom, threatened to leave 
and live with me.  She was shocked when her mom packed a suitcase for her.  

	The kids are sharing a bedroom, since it just doesn't seem 
reasonable to me to put the house on the market and buy a bigger house when 
Heather will only be with me until fall.  The kids negotiated a lot of 
things between themselves: privacy issues, use of the stereo, use of the 
phone, sharing of closet and dresser space, etc.  It's quite a change from 
having a room all to yourself to sharing one.

	The ex and I have renegotiated custody, child support, and 
parenting responsibilites.  I had a lawyer draw up a change in custody from 
being exclusively with my ex to joint custody with me having physical 
custody.  The ex will also be paying me child support in the same 
percentage of income that I would have paid had she kept custody.  I expect 
to get the signed papers back from the ex today.

	By and large, this was a peaceful change; the ex and I agreed to terms 
easily.   We all lost something and we all gained something.  I think the 
worst injured in this is Jennie, who was basically thrown out of the house. 
It's going to take a while for her to get over that.  

	I'm glad my ex will now have the opportunity that I had to concentrate 
on herself and hope that she'll use it to undertake some self-improvement.
For me, I guess my two-year vacation from full-time parenting is over.  Time 
to get back to the job of parenting and try to do it right.  The two years 
was certainly constructive and helpful to me, and I know I'll be a better 
parent for it.  

Wish me luck!
    

    
    Congradulations!
    and Good Luck.
    
    fred();

    Good luck!

    re.0
    
    I love your note, especially the last couple of paragraphs.
    
    cindy