Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    Guardian Ad-Litems are not difficult. Gotta get the local courts to
    assign one or find one and have it a court ordered that he/she is
    picked. Who in the state of Ma? Donno.... Gotta be real careful in
    picking them. Find one who is not on a crusaide for feminism is going
    to be the fuff part. (sorry all those feminist reading this note, not
    trying to slight you). But the point made is that a man stands about as
    much chance  of custody as you getting the Pope for an attorney, and
    you find out that his ex is a self admittled serial killer who has a
    pet dog named Sam. But at least you might get better chance if you find
    a local group to join.

    Thanks George,
    
    While custody would be ideal, I guess we realize that it would be tough
    to get.  I think we would really like to find a G-AL to help resolve 
    some other smaller, but annoying, issues to begin with.  For example,
    who gets to decide which activities the kids are in.  The ex seems to 
    think that she can just sign them up with no input from Dad.  In other 
    words, she signs them up and then vetoes anything he comes up with in 
    addition.  And then threatens to take something away from the kids that 
    they enjoy if Dad follows through!  Also, she punishes them by taking 
    away activities that take place on Dad's time.  It's not as simple as 
    I'm painting it here, but you get the idea.  It would just be nice to 
    have someone to listen to whats going on and help work things out to 
    the kids advantage.
    
    In addition to that, it would be good to get some changes in
    visitation.  And oh, I could just go on and on about all the other
    issues!!! ;-)  But...
    
    You get the idea...  But I guess my big question is still how you go
    about getting a G-AL.  Is there some sort of form you file or what?
    He is also very interested in joining a group like DAD if he can get
    some info on when and where they meet.  Or a phone number...
    
    Again, thanks for the help!
    
    Lesa
                         

 Not so sure about the GAL I have one and so far he has just taken 
our money and offers no real help in any issues so far but who knows. 
The most yardage I have gotten so far was by filing a contempt charge 
on those same issues. 
 And while the opposing counselor hammered away at me I just kept
saying with my lawyer that I was only here to protect my sons rights
to a relationship with his DAD. I did not get a contempt finding but
she was ordered to do everything I asked for. And since then I use
that order more than any other in discussions with her with some success. 
 Although I much prefer to reason things I feel unless you take them 
to court at least once your ex will never worry about your threats.
Mick

		Trying to deal with the bas stuff that happens in a divorce
	is almost impossible within the courts, they'll so clogged they
	don't want to deal with the behaviors of the parents unless it gets
	severe. To handle issues my divorce decree states that any problems
	or issues must be addressed in couseling before either party may
	address the courts. The counselor really does and will act in the
	best interest of the children and at the same time help the parents
	to learn to deal better and more effectively, and costs a lot less
	than a lawyer (free in many HMO's). He has a lot of implied power
	too, becuase if any issue went to court after counseling you know
	who the judge would rely on to make his decision-the couselor. Just
	having a third party involved forces both sides to be more reasonable.
	And you have to go, to refuse to go to couseling would put you in
	very bad terms with the court because prima-facia you would be
	violating the terms of the agreement, unnecessarilly bothering
	the court, and just plan being unreasonable. The key is to have this
	process defined in the divorce agreement. 

    Re .4
    
    My understanding is that a GAL *is* a counselor.  And that they do
    pretty much what you described in your note, same as a counselor.
    
    Actually, I guess I've heard them described as being a combination
    counselor/lawyer.
    
    Lesa

	In NH, the GAL may or may not be a lawyer.  In my case, the two lawyers
	agreed on another lawyer to fill that role.  The chosen lawyer agreed.
	The first two asked the court to assign her to the case and the judge
	did.

	IMO, having a "lawyer" as GAL when you are not debating custody, is
	simply inviting another shark into the tank.  The best thing that
	happened to my son was when he started seeing a youth counselor who
	was recommended by the Junior High School Guidence Counselor.  That
	was the only person who didn't seem to have ties to the justice system
	and would not be tempted to place my son's interest second to some 
	other legal or career issue.

	The counselor's only interest was in helping my son get his act 
	together and learn how to deal with each of his parents.  And the
	added benefit was stated by someone else already.  Each parent is
	less likely to want to appear unreasonable in the eyes of the counselor,
	because the counselor keeps records and will be viewed as unbiased
	if the whole thing winds up back in front of a judge.

	I suggest a counselor who is not a lawyer to resolve the co-operation
	problems and a GAL who is a lawyer if you are debating custody.

	Good luck,
	Richard

    Most often than believed is that the GAL becomes the SECOND Attorney
    for the ex. As in because of the way the courts look at men as a CP,
    they will chose sides before they review the case. And will rubber
    stamp most of the issues in favor of the women to save working for
    their fees. Such is life, and one must understand that MOST GALS, have
    no training in phylocoligy. They claim to use the common sence rules.
    As in if the ex wife keeps the child staked out in the back yard and
    feeds him/her maggots, then it is the mans fault that this is
    happening. Even though he might be in the next state, and has no
    visiting rights cause he cannot stop her from taking the child out of
    state for its is agianst the constutional right of the woman. Even
    though the childs family still resides in the state that the father
    resides in.