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Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

Title:Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference
Notice:Please read 1.* before writing anything
Moderator:MIASYS::HETRICK
Created:Sun Feb 25 1990
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:420
Total number of notes:4370

101.0. "how do you work the system?" by MEIS::JOHNSON (imagine... sharing all the world) Fri Nov 09 1990 10:05

    hi,
    
    i really haven't had time to read through this file, so if
    this note belongs somewhere else please let me know.
    
    to make a VERY long story short:
    
    i have a friend with a 10 year old daughter.  she had custody up until 
    2.5 years ago.  her ex took her to court, and somehow (long and
    complicated) obtained custody.
    
    over the last year neighbors of the ex have called dept of social 
    services and the police (and her) a number of times (along with
    signing affadavits) stating that the ex's new wife is physically
    abusing the child.
    
    the child's therapist got a court order to remove her from the home 
    and hospitalize her for 2 weeks, but she is back in the home now.
    
    my friend has a lawyer, and has gone to court a number of times
    over the past few months, but she is still only allowed to see the
    child every other sunday for the day.  i guess it is relevant to state
    that she lost custody because the ex had people lie in court that she
    had a drug problem.  she has undergone monthly voluntary drug testing
    and has never tested positive.
    
    along with wondering what is taking the court so long to fix this
    problem, i was hoping that some of you may have some advice as to how 
    she could cut through all the red tape in the system.  i personally
    think her lawyer is not very good, but she stand by him.
    
    a last note ... DSS did 'investigate' the neighbors complaints, 
    did nothing, and closed the case.
    
    as a friend i feel helpless... there is nothing i can say or do
    to help the situation.
    
    any advice??????
    
    
    thankx,
    sarah
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101.1somethings to think aboutCSC32::K_JACKSONIt's not a dungeon-it's a F.U.D.I.Fri Nov 09 1990 11:0978



  Hi Sarah,

  Since there is documented proof (with the hospitalization of the child)
  it may be time to get the ACLU involved and state that the CHILD'S rights
  to a safe, healthy, and normal life are in danger and are being violated.

  It sounds pretty drastic, but look at what's involved and that is a child's
  life.  Children can be and have been scarred for the rest of their life
  because of abuse and unfortunately, sometimes the "chain of command" (court,
  DSS, etc) takes forever to get things going.  

  Have your friend request court appointed guardian ad litem for the child.
  If the court refuses, they must state why they feel it is not appropriate
  in this situation.  Then take it to ACLU, but make sure that your friend
  presses the issue that the CHILD's rights are being violated and have her
  try not to drag "custody issues" into it.  Have her request that the
  child be placed into a temporary home.  It hurts to have a child go to
  another home, but the main issue is to get the child into a safe environment.

>  over the last year neighbors of the ex have called dept of social 
>  services and the police (and her) a number of times (along with
>  signing affadavits) stating that the ex's new wife is physically
>  abusing the child.
    
   Have your friend try and get copies of police reports and affadavits
   if possible.  If she can't get the reports, at least she can get with
   the neighbors and get more affadavits.  Documentation is the best
   medicine to have.

>  the child's therapist got a court order to remove her from the home 
>  and hospitalize her for 2 weeks, but she is back in the home now.
    
   Is this a court appointed therapist or a private practise?  Does this 
   therapist report to anyone or have associates?  It could very well 
   matter what your friend can do as far as pressure on them.

>  my friend has a lawyer, and has gone to court a number of times
>  over the past few months, but she is still only allowed to see the
>  child every other sunday for the day.  i guess it is relevant to state
>  that she lost custody because the ex had people lie in court that she
>  had a drug problem.  she has undergone monthly voluntary drug testing
>  and has never tested positive.
    
   My question along this line is and please realize what I'm about to
   say.  If your friend was lied against in court, then why is she taking the
   drug testing?  Is it to prove to the court that she is not on drugs.
   Has she ever been caught using and if she has, is she going to any
   type of recovery programs like NA, CA, etc?  Things like this also
   play major roles.

>  along with wondering what is taking the court so long to fix this
>  problem, i was hoping that some of you may have some advice as to how 
>  she could cut through all the red tape in the system.  i personally
>  think her lawyer is not very good, but she stand by him.
    
   Unfortunately, the courts are over burdened and sometimes take a long
   time, but by that time though, it could be to late.  Remember the squeakest
   wheel gets the oil.
    
>  as a friend i feel helpless... there is nothing i can say or do
>  to help the situation.
    
   The best thing your can do for your friend is encouragement, hope, care,
   and prayers.  Don't try and TELL her what to do, but help guide her in her
   decisions and her alternatives.  Talk about the pro's and con's of EVERY
   decision.  There is only so much that she will be able to do, emotionally
   and financially.  I'm not a very religious person, but I am very spiritual.  
   She can't do everything so she should let some of it go and ask for help, 
   spiritually.

   Prayers to you, your friend, and especially the child.

   Kenn
  
101.2one mans opentionCSC32::HADDOCKAll Irk and No PayFri Nov 09 1990 11:1316
    Sarah,
    
    The only thing that I can advise is, as I have said to others in this
    file, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.  Write down what happens, when and where.
    This will be useful in court.  If the judge in this case is the same
    on that awarded change of custody because of the "drug problem", then
    try to get the judge removed from the case.  The Judge's openion may
    be "tainted" by the previous case.  
    
    If the step parent is indeed "abusing" the child, keep a close watch 
    on the child for any bruises or markings that may indicate abuse.  
    Document and photograph these markings if possible ( but be careful 
    that the photographs don't allow any accusation of child pornography ).  
    Call police and DSS immediatly (have them take photographs).
    
    fred();
101.3I did forget those didn't I?CSC32::K_JACKSONIt's not a dungeon-it's a F.U.D.I.Fri Nov 09 1990 11:207

  re: -.1

    Thanks Fred, I knew I would forget something!

    Kenn
101.4NRUG::MARTINWhite Camaro?--AHAHAHAHAHAHFri Nov 09 1990 18:574
    well, as the resident gum shoe, I didnt even have to work... Ill jes
    ditto the last two from Fred and Kenn.....