Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    Neil,
    
    Support payments are paid by my spouse (NCP) to the processing
    center in Boston. I do not contribute to support payments.
    When the child visited us last year (the first time we've seen her
    in 5 years, due to ex issues) WE gave her a grand Christmas during
    her visit. But the way we work our finances could be considered
    by some as odd. I handle all the finances. My spouse gives me
    a certain amount each paycheck for household expenses (such as
    mortgage, etc). HE is responsible for HIS bills, I am responsible
    for MY bills. So, I can't nag him about spending for stuff from
    his JC Whitney catalog for his truck, and he can't nag at me about
    the lastest UPS delivery from Spiegel, Inc. :-)
    
    This seems to work out well for us.
    

  RE: .0


>    In reading through note 94 in this conference, I detected a 
>    subtle, but detectable, hidden agenda. It seems there are a 
>    lot of strong feelings concerning his money vs. my money vs.
>    our money. How do all of you handle this issue in your marriages
>    when a support payment is paid to a CP? It seems the issue 
>    gets much more complex/emotional when child support is involved.
    
    

  Neil,

    Before I re-married, I told my wife on what to expect in regards to
    where I stand with my daughters from my previous marriage and that I
    will support them because they ARE my children also and that I will
    go to great lengths to ensure that they are taken care of WITHIN
    MY LIMITS THAT *I* CAN PROVIDE.  Sure this can hurt us financially
    but what does her salary/benefits have toward supporting *MY* children?

    When I pay child support, it comes out of my check - not hers.  Sure
    I submitted a voluntary garnishment, that's to cover my ass if my ex
    says that she doesn't get it.  She would have to fight Digital not
    me since they are responsible at that point.

    What we are seeing in the judicial system is that fact that they
    feel justified in increasing a support payment because an NCP wants
    to remarry and that *additional* income has come into play.  If
    it's the NCP's then they have every right to consider it.  Basically,
    the NCP is being penalized for trying to carry on a normal life.

    After all, statistics show that in today's economy it takes two
    incomes just to exist, much alone live.

    If this is the case, then shouldn't a NCP be able to go back to court 
    when the CP remarries and request a REDUCTION because the CP is now 
    married and can provide more income?  You would be laughed right out
    of court.

    What about if NCP's spouse won the lottery?  Do you feel that the NCP's
    ex would be entitled to part of it?  Surely, I would hope not.  Wouldn't
    you rather buy the clothes, ballet lessons, etc., to ensure that your
    that your children get them and enjoy them.

    Just part of my two cents...

    Kenn
    

>    What about if NCP's spouse won the lottery?  Do you feel that the NCP's
>    ex would be entitled to part of it?  Surely, I would hope not.  Wouldn't
    

No Kenn, I do not think the ex would be entitled to it. 

The base note is meant to be a question, not a statement of my 
position on this subject. I'm asking the question out of 
pure ignorance on this. I've never had to deal with this 
situation and I may have to in the near future. I want to 
make sure I do the right thing. I'm trying to solicit input
from those of you who have had some experience with this,
how you handle it, what works, what doesn't work, etc...

Thanks for the input so far...good stuff!!

-Neil

    
    You will find lots of (somewhat emotional) topics on mine/yours/ours
    issues, including money, in the DLOACT::BLENDED_FAMILIES conference
    too.  This is a very emotional subject and I would put my input but it
    just might send me into labor and I'm NOT READY YET!!!! :-)
    
    Kristen

    
    
    Thanks Kristen,
    
    I'll check it out...
    
    -Neil
    

    talking about winning the lottery?
    
    don't remember if it was in this conference or another, but recently a
    DEC employee turned down the buyout because his laywer stated his ex
    (CP) was entitled to a massive share of the money he'd have gotten from
    DEC... as a lump sum payment, in addition to the child support he
    regularly paid and also in addition to the support he was expected to
    continue paying.  
    
    tony

    re .6  -   Tony, Check note 68.  Your facts aren't quite right.  (Bob
    this was your note -- correct me if I'm wrong),  The
    issue was whether or not he could get the voluntary garnishment dropped
    and pay the child support himself on weekly basis until he was working
    again instead of having the 72 (?) weeks of support taken out in a lump
    sum under the garnishment.  The Court never considered or ruled on
    whether or not the ex should get the 72 weeks in a lump AND regualr
    child support payments.  In fact, all the Court was asked to do was
    lift the garnishment.  Because the judge refused to do it, the package
    wasn't financially worthwhile for Bob.
    
    Polly
    
    P.S.  Please -- I'm making no comment as to whether I agree or disagree 
    with the judge's decision.  Just trying to set the facts straight.

    oops... old age hits the memory bank again...  
    
    Polly's right.  
    
    Guess that's what happens when your over the hill!!!
    
    
    tony (who hit the half-century mark last Saturday!)
    
    8*(

    I have been the NCP but that is about to half change (see other notes
    here and in blended_families)/
    
    Here is how we have been working it out.  Premise, her income is her
    business and we kept it out of support negotiations the one time it was
    brought up.  Premise, we are in THIS marriage together.  Fact, it
    drives her crazy to have to see the support payments come out each
    month because she would rather forget all about my children. 
    Resolution, all our finances are handled by me (so she does not have to
    deal with  the support check at all), we pool our income and I take
    care of paying all bills.  We try to consult each other whenever there
    is a major expense to be incurred.  (I try to keep my discretionary
    spending down because the finances take a major hit from the support)
    I try real hard to accept any discretionary spending she does (though
    sometimes it drives me nuts and would do so if I did not pay support).
    
    This has worked well for us for 6 1/2 years.  Now that things appear to
    be changing, we shall see if anything changes here, though I doubt it
    should or will.
    
    jimc

    
    One advantage we have here is the Digital Credit Union.  Both
    my ex and I have accounts with the DCU.  I have the support
    payments deposited directly into her account each week.  The
    balance goes into my account.  That way whatever goes into my
    account is mine and I don't have to give the support another thought.
    I'm planning to remarry this summer and I intend to keep it this
    way.  My new wife will never see it or have to deal with it.
    
    Steve