| Title: | Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference |
| Notice: | Please read 1.* before writing anything |
| Moderator: | MIASYS::HETRICK |
| Created: | Sun Feb 25 1990 |
| Last Modified: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 420 |
| Total number of notes: | 4370 |
DENIED VISITATION AGAIN, WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? Well to start off heres a little back round. Back in March I entered a note about my ex not allowing the kids to go on vacation with my wife and I to Mexico. Well ever since then my daughter has been mad at me and hasn't come along with her brothers during our visits. She blames me for them not being able to go and is also upset about a letter I sent her mother. In the letter I had asked that she make sure the kids pack enough/clean cloths for the weekend and that she make sure their clean and wearing clean cloths. I also mentioned that I had noticed fleas on the kids and in their things and could she please take care of this. They have 2 dogs and 3 or 4 cats. This flea thing has been going on for awhile. My wife and I get rid of them then the kids come and stay overnight and where back to square one. Basicly all I was asking was for her to be a little more careful about how she sends the kids to us. I myself am embarrassed to stop anywhere or go visiting my wifes family while the kids are wearing dirty cloths or are dirty themself. This letter was ment for her eyes only but she thinks that she should show all letters that come from me to the kids so that she is not hiding anything from them. My ex and her new husband have also charged themself into debt so far that they can't keep up with there bills now. So she took me to court awhile back for more support and lost. She appealed this three times and lost three times. So now she has my daughter call me up and has her give me sob stories about their problems and how she thinks I should pay more support. Now for what I started writing about. Last Thursday I got a message on my machine from my daughter saying that her mother had not recievied last weeks support check yet and that unless I gave her a check for it when I picked up the kids that the kids where not going to visit. (All support checks are mailed to the N.H. Division of Human Services and they then send her a check.) Well I checked my checkbook and found that I had not forgot to send it and informed her that her problem was not with me but with the N.H. Division of Human Services. But by this time she had talked the kids into not visiting unless I gave her a check. The bottom line is I did nothing wrong but still was denied my visitation. I called the N.H. Division of Human Services Monday and they said they yes they have the check but that they didn't find it till is was to late to send a check out. I'm not sure if my ex knew that or not but the results are the same the kids think that I don't care enough about them to send the money for them. On Monday I got a very nasty letter from my Daughter that I'm really not sure how to answer. She basicly blames me for all her mothers money problems and thinks I should give them the money to catch up on their bills. She also blamed me for the problem of her being in the middle of the fighting between her mother and I. I have tried every way possible to keep this from happening. I write letters addressed to their mother and have tried to tame them down just in case the kids see them. But their mother keeps showing them and telling the kids stories to make me look bad. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I have done things in the past I'm not proud of. But at least I'm tring to make things bearable. I have told their mother several time that all I want is to pay my support and see my kids without all the hassles. The other thing that REALLY bothers me is my daughter signed this letter using the ex's new husbands last name. I will be looking into weather this was just to hurt me or if she is using it. In that case I will be checking with a lawyer. I would be interested in knowing about any books that would be helpful in making a motion to the courts along the lines of insuring visitation and the kids keep using the family name at least till there of age. Also any ideas on how to handle this situation with the kids and with their mother. JK P.S. Sorry for rambling on.
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 74.1 | sympathy | POCUS::NORDELL | Tue Jul 24 1990 15:40 | 14 | |
I can only offer my sypathy since I don't have these types of problems.
Why is support tied to visitation?
Please realize that your daugher (how old?) is very much being
influenced by her mother. I was your daughter 30 years ago and
today, I don't speak to my mother after growing up and realizing
how she brainwashed me. KEEP TRYING!!! Don't give up.
Can the court appoint a mediation expert to relay messages and filter
the bias comments?
Susan
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| 74.2 | FREEBE::KERSCH | CAUTION:Noting can be hazardous to your productivity!!! | Tue Jul 24 1990 17:35 | 17 | |
My daughter is 13. I'm not sure why she (ex) thinks that visitation
should be tied to support. I have told her several times that one
has nothing to do with the other. The way I put it was "I can't stop
paying support if you stop me from seeing the kids so why should
you stop me from seeing the kids if I'm late/don't pay the support?"
I like the idea of a mediator and I think I will pass that
by the case worker at N.H. Division of Human Services and see
if they would be able to help out with this. I'm not thrilled
about getting them more involved though because everything else
they have been involved in they have messed up at one time or
another.
JK
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| 74.3 | why do folks use the children? | BPOV02::MACKINNON | ProChoice is a form of democracy | Tue Jul 24 1990 17:44 | 28 |
Why do people continually use the children as weapons. This woman is
screwing up her own daughter. Must be one hell of a mom!!
Maybe you could try to get court ordered counselling for your
daughter. Maybe if she can talk to a third party who is not
a friend of either you or her mom then she can voice her anger
at being put in the middle of this bull. I would definitely look into
that.
As for trying to get her to see your side of the story, that is
something that will take quite some time. Her mother has managed
to poison her mind against you. Since she lives with her mom,
she feels more of a sense of loyalty to her. (I know that must
be hard to handle,but it is true.) Her mother may be holding
threats over her head that you are unaware of. I find it really
hard to believe that a 13 year old would write her dad a letter
like the one you received without coaching from some source. It
just doesn't make any sense.
As for the name issue, check with a lawyer. I am almost positive that
they are supposed to use the name listed on thier birth certificate
unless they legally change it. Legally changing it would require
your consent (at least in MA).
Hang in there!
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| 74.4 | Document Document Document | CSC32::HADDOCK | All Irk and No Pay | Mon Jul 30 1990 16:34 | 20 |
1) Visitation should not be and is NOT tied to payment of Child support.
2) Violation of visitation is a Violation of the children's rights
and disrupts their emotional development by denying them interaction
with their ncp.
3) Using the children as weapons against the ncp also impairs the
childs emotional development.
4) Impairing the child's emotional development, in Colorado at least,
is grounds for change of custody.
5) Fleas cary disease and as such are a danger to the children's
physical health. Document and get professional backup on the
fact that the children and their cloths constantly have fleas.
6) Endangering a child's physical health, in Colorado, is also
grounds for change of custody.
7) Tell you ex that if she can't take care of the children properly,
then you'll GLADLY take them and see that they are taken care of.
fred();
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| 74.5 | Don't mess around-it's THEIR health | CSC32::HADDOCK | All Irk and No Pay | Mon Jul 30 1990 16:42 | 10 |
I'd also report HER AND the FLEAS to Human Services.
Call Human Services (or Social Services as it's known in CO) in your
home town and have them register a complaint. A couple of reports
like this and they may have her up on child endangerment charges,
they definitely will have her up on charges if she's been reported
and then the child comes down with something like Bubonic Plague
that is one of the diseases that is transmitted by fleas.
fred();
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| 74.6 | CONURE::AMARTIN | MARRS needs women | Mon Jul 30 1990 16:54 | 17 | |
Fred, although I agree that DSS is a good place to start, DSS in the
Nashua (maybe NH all together) pulls liquid through a straw big time.
I know of a small child (at the time he was about two) that
"accidently" got burnt on the leg by "playing with the gas stove". DSS
did NOTHING! they "documented it", and supposedly "investigated it"..
yea, right, they did nothing. The story gets rather long winded, so I
wont bore all of you, but keep in mind, DSS sometimes doesnt always
"help".
Do a little research. Try to get your family doctor to document a
"problem". NOW THAT is where its at. A signed notice stating that a
child might be in danger goes a long way with DSS.
AL
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