Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    I don't know what state you're in, so I have no idea what the laws
    there are.  Generally if the chilren are in K-6 they should not be
    left alone.  
    
    The people to contact would be social services.  They're the ones
    who would be able to something about this.  Call them,  then call
    them again any time there is a reoccurance of the situation.  Sooner
    or later she'll have to get her act to gether or S.S. will take some
    action that I quarantee she won't like.
    
    I had sort of the same situation with my ex, and could never really 
    get anything done.  My 9 year old son was left to watch over his 
    three other sibilings.  Once one of them even caught the trash can
    on fire.  My son was able to trow a pither of water on it and put
    it out.  Then HE got in trouble when his mother got home.
    
    fred();

    If you have EVER had to deal with DSS, you'll know that they are
    just about useless...   unless of course, you're a government official.
    
    I'd call the cops next time you know they are alone. Plan on being
    their when they arrive, to take the kids. THEN, you'll have a police
    report saying that the kids were left alone. DSS seldomly does anything
    unless they have proof. I know, i tried to report a child abuse
    case to them, and they did NOTHING! (sheesh, they tell ya to reort
    it, and they sit on their buts)
    
    That shouldnt be happening...
    
    Mar

    Before putting the children thru any of this, I would appeal to
    her to call you when they are ill and give you the option of taking
    off from work to be with them.  Either take them to your house or
    stay with them at hers.  As for the evening hours, can you take
    them for pre-designated nights so that she can plan her outings
    for those nights?
    

    One other thing to do is to DOCUMENT each and every occurance of
    this happening, and what you did about it (ie. contacted police,
    contacted social services, offered to take children, etc).  If it
    ever comes up to court you *can* in most states use this documentation
    to support your claim.  However, one of the first things that her
    lawhere is going to as you is, "What did YOU do about this situation
    when you saw it happening."  The implication being that if you saw
    the situation happening and did nothing about it, then you're just
    as guilty as she is.
    
    Get you a spiral notebook or something and start keeping records.
    
    fred();

    Hi,
    
    Don't quote me on this, but some of the things DSS looks at are:
    1) Does your ex provide a home for these children?  2)  Are these
    children well clothed??  3) Are these children well fed??
    
    I know that if you answer yes to all three, then your wife is not
    considered being neglectful.  I do think it is a disgrace though.
    A friend of mine had a job once where she was a sort of "nanny".
    She lived in a nice house with 3 children, and her job was to get
    the kids dress, fed and off to school in the morning, then she would
    go to work, after work she would come home and feed them, play with
    them and put them to bed.  The mother of these three children had
    died a year or so before my friend started working for this "family".
    The (so-called) father lived next door (believe it or not) with
    his new wife and her child from a previous marriage.  The father
    would come over in the morning and eat breakfast before school,
    and he would come back around dinner-time/before bed.  My friend
    ended up quiting this job because the children had alot of problems
    (I wonder why), they were uncontrollable at times, and their father
    seemed to not care.  My friend was about 18 at the time, too soon
    to be a "mother" of three children.  
    
    When I was in college, I asked my Child Psychology teacher about
    this scenario, and she said that the father was providing a roof
    over their heads, they were well fed, well clothed, and they did
    have someone taking care of them, then unfortunately (her word)
    the authorities would probably not do anything at all.  It's a sad
    case.
    
    If it were me, yes, I would agree with Mary --- Call the Police
    and meet them at the house, so that you can take the kids.  If you
    aren't there, who knows where they will bring your kids.  It is
    against the law for a child to be left home alone under the age
    of 11.  
    
    Good Luck
    
    Debby
    

    Is 11 the legal cutoff in Massachusetts? Who has more info on
    just what is and isn't legal? 
                                        Thanks, Bob

    I wouldn't do anything so hastily.  I really like the reply that
    suggested she be able to call you when the children are ill.  
    If you call Social Services, those kids don't automaticilly go to
    you.  They're placed in foster care 'till it's decided where they
    go.  I know 'cause I went through this with my ex.  Neglect was
    proven over a years time.  His visitation went from supervised to
    termination of visitation.  At the time, I really hated proceeding
    with the case, but I felt my kids were in jeoparday while with him
    on the weekends and some school days.  They were 4&6+/-.  I always
    wanted that the kids could see him again when he was under better
    circumstances.  Anyway, he has cleaned up his act and he really
    is a great dad.  He can see them anytime, matter of fact, should
    we seperate for good again, he'll probably take them full time.
    
    Try not to be too harsh with your ex.  As guilty as I may be, I've
    left my 2 alone also, so that I could work.  It's a tough issue
    with no easy answers.  I think for your children's sake, try to
    discuss this with your ex.  Believe me, even if it takes a while,
    this discussion will greatly improve your, hers and their lives
    forever!!