Conference quark::mennotes

    
     It matters to me.  I was 36 when I married my wife. This is the
    second marriage for both of us.  I was married the first time at 25,
    and was faithful for all the years the first marriage lasted.  I'm
    no Romeo so I can count the number of woman I slept with on my fingers
    and not use them all.
    
     My wife is the same. Does it matter? I sure does.  I had two one
    night stands when I was single.  I felt like crap and couldn't ever
    continue a relationship with either woman.  I didn't respect myself
    or the other woman.  My wife once tried to explain a situation about
    being with another man.  I thought I could handle it, I couldn't it
    made me nearly sick.  We've never talked about intimate prior 
    relationships since that day.  It was over 4 years ago.
    
     I love my wife dearly, and she is the most important thing in the
    world to me.  I know she a loving wonderful person, my wife was 26
    before we dated, we weren't expecting unblemished records, but if
    there was a dozen or so priors... no Thank You.
    
     It made a huge difference to me.. it did to her as well.
    
    MEM
    choices, but shaddy lifestyles.... no Thanks!  

    
    The number my first "ex" had slept with wasn't important to me. What
    would have been important, had I thought to ask, was how many of those
    men she slept when when she was dating someone else.
    (too many.)
    (hell, 1 is too many.)
    

    
    
    I don't know if my wife had had many lovers before would have made 
    a difference, but the fact that the only "relationships" she had
    been in before were of the long-terms sort, I believe, was a factor
    in her favor in my deciding to get married again.  Because it indicated
    1) marriage meant something to her, 2) monogamy meant something to her.
    
    fred();

    
    I love them all; but one at a time!
    
    
    
    my own choice,thankfully!
    
    
    BR

    
    Interesting topic.  I assume the question was focused on emotional
    issues and not health issues because AIDS has changed my outlook on
    this a lot.

    When I was last single I would not have cared.  I would want to know if
    the person could be monogamous and if they wanted to be with me.  The
    rest of their sexual history was none of my business and I wouldn't
    ask about it.  Frankly, folks with some sexual history tended to be
    more adventurous sexually.  As I got older I also would guess women
    with no sexual history (at say 30) probably had significantly
    *different* values than me and probably were a bad match.

    AIDS makes knowledge about sexual history critical for self
    preservation reasons but that is another topic.
    
    Greg
    

    
>    more adventurous sexually.  As I got older I also would guess women
>    with no sexual history (at say 30) probably had significantly
>    *different* values than me and probably were a bad match.
    
    "Dear Abby" often has letters about a person, usually male, trying to
    persuade their partner to have sex with them.  The reply runs something
    like "1) if they loved you they should not try to force you to have sex
    and 2) if they loved you they would wait".  I absolutely agree with the
    first part but I have trouble with the second.  That is saying to other
    person exactly what you dislike from them "if you loved me you'd adopt
    my sexual timing".  People should respect each others beliefs and
    desires.  I believe someone wanting to wait for marriage indicates a
    pretty big mismatch to my belief system and is a probably a bad match
    for a relationship.  Neither person is right they are just different.
    
    Greg
    

    
    I go with the assumption that unless you're a virgin, your sexual
    history is irrelevant as far as AIDS is concerned.
    
    My concerns were based on fidelity and values.
    

re: .7
    
>    I go with the assumption that unless you're a virgin, your sexual
>    history is irrelevant as far as AIDS is concerned.
    
   
   Can you clarify this, please.  Are you saying that sexual history has
   no bearing on the AIDS issue, or that you, personally, are not
   concerned about such things?  Or something else?  Its not at all clear
   to me what you meant.
   
   regards,
   
   - Tom

    
    I can see how my orginal statement can be misleading.
    
    Basically, I treat anyone who's had sex as an "at-risk" person until
    proved otherwise. I realize that some are more at risk than others, but
    it's my life we're talking about here.
    
    
    Hopefully, I have reached the point where it shouldn't be an issue for
    me any more anyway (lifelong monogamous relationship.)
    

    what happened to the original note?
    
    this topic amuzes me.  when i met my husband we purposely told
    eachother everything about us one day at the beach.  we didn't want to
    have any secrets between each other and were contemplating a serious
    relationship.  we thought it better to get it all out now and make the
    decision whether or not we could have that serious relationship.  we
    ended up married less than a year later.  now that we are married, it
    definately disturbs my husband if i bring up anything about my past,
    especially men.  it was as though "now that i know, i don't need to
    hear it again, so please don't bring it up."  i do not have that same
    outlook and it does not bother me at all.  we still visit people that
    he dated in college but he doesn't wish to associate with any men that
    i dated while in school.  interesting isn't it.
    
    cj 

    does it matter to men?
    	I think it matters to any person who wishes to engage in sexual
    activity. 
    does it matter to men?
    
    the turn of the century is coming people, it's not too late to get in
    the flow.
    
    does it matter to men?
    
    love that question, says so much in so few words.

    
    ...a marooned sailor staggers onto the beach of a small island.  In
    search of food and shelter, he happens upon beautiful female; her 
    hair, fresh with flowers, her arms filled with fruit and berries.  He
    does not make himself known to her.  Instead he watches her from afar. 
    Who is this female?  Where did she come from?  He sees that her
    lifestyle is simple, sweet, and orderly.  She laughs and sings.  She
    giggles and has conversation with the fish!  He decides he must reveal
    himself to her.  He does, and she, though suspicious and fearful, at
    first, finds him endearing, likable, and friendly.  They share stories
    of their homeland, at night, by the fire.  They laugh and cry and feel
    partly responsible for each others happiness from that point on.
    
    Upon there rescue by a large commercial cruise ship, they spend their
    first few days in the infirmary.  After the results of their blood tests
    reveal their mutual wellness, they live happily ever after.
    
    

    Ref 12.
    Was there a moral to that story?  I am mystified ..........

         Yeah, the moral is that story sucks.