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Conference quark::mennotes

Title:Discussions of topics pertaining to men
Notice:Please read all replies to note 1
Moderator:QUARK::LIONELE
Created:Thu Jan 21 1993
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:268
Total number of notes:12755

135.0. "Use of stimulating "devices" during sex" by QUARK::MODERATOR () Thu Aug 25 1994 16:32

    The following entry has been contributed by a member of our community
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				Steve






    This note is being entered anonymously and replies may be entered
    anonymously too. This note deals with a sensitive subject and shall be
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    It seems that a number of women feel the need to use 'electrical
    stimulation devices' of one size/shape or another. The reasons behind
    this are probably varied and not necessarily the focus of this
    discussion.
    
    As this is MenNotes, comments (clean and appropriate please) are
    solicited from the noting audience as to their feelings on the use of
    such devices.  The author of this note explained that he had no problem
    with their use, but found it somewhat disturbing if it was used every
    time that sex/lovemaking was performed. Additionally, he felt that if
    that was the ONLY way for a partner to reach orgasm, then it was a real
    disappointment/turnoff. He should be the stimulator/orgasm maker, not
    some 'device.'
    
    There may be legitimate reasons for their use. Possible some women need
    massive amounts of high frequency stimulation. Perhaps some are not all
    that sensitive. Maybe some have used such devices so long that they
    have become desensitized.
    
    How do you view this issues? Both men's and women's inputs are welcome.
    The mods will be available for anonymous replies. Please keep it
    acceptable to DEC notes file standards and Corporate Policies.
    
    
    Thanks
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
135.143GMC::KEITHReal men double clutchFri Aug 26 1994 11:284
    Would this be like a man _only_ being able to 'perform' if he looked at
    Playboy or watched an X rated video during sex?
    
    Steve
135.2DECALP::GUTZWILLERhappiness- U want what U haveFri Aug 26 1994 13:0117
that's what it sounds like to me. it sounds like one partner (in this case the
woman) is putting too much emphasis on the orgasm which she can achieve with
the help of a device, forgetting her partner in the process.

frankly, if this is the case and if the device is used each and every time,
it sounds to me like the one partner (in this case the woman) is merely 
tolerating the other partner in bed with her, but is really only concerned with 
getting her orgasm.

this, as it appears, emphasis on self-satisfaction by one partner, sounds like 
a common complaint (of course very often with the roles reversed). i would
suggest to the base noter, that if he is in a serious relationship with his
partner, his partner is somehow missing a point about the relationship and they
should tackle this problem seriously, possibly with the help of a therapist.


andreas.
135.3MROA::MAHONEYFri Aug 26 1994 13:232
    She should "marry" the object and drop the useless partner!
    (sorry, I could not resist... it's so umbelievable to me!)
135.4He might want to try harder?SALEM::SHAWFri Aug 26 1994 13:4516
    
    Well I put a reply in here, then was embarressed by it and deleted it. 
    One of our freinds managed to read it in the few minutes that it was 
    up and so I'll try and re do this. 
    Having grown in London and SanFrancisco, were folks had many sexual
    partners and some time a lot of psycedelic drogs sometime after a while
    one might become less sensative, or easily bored with same partner
    hence, the resort of devices and heavy imagination. 
    If the man in the base note realy cares for this lady, maybe he should
    observe her actions more carefully to see where her sensative parts
    are and what motions turn her on. These can be simulated (excuse me if
    this is graphic) by replacing the electrical device with tongue,
    fingers and the obviouse god given tool.
    
    Shaw
    
135.5it's worth a tryDECALP::GUTZWILLERhappiness- U want what U haveFri Aug 26 1994 14:1510
.4>  If the man in the base note realy cares for this lady, maybe he should
.4>  observe her actions more carefully to see where her sensative parts
.4>  are and what motions turn her on. 

what a good suggestion shaw! and if the electrical device simply outperforms
the "god given tools" maybe let him operate the device. he won't feel left out 
this way.


andreas.
135.6Reply from anonymous author of base noteQUARK::MODERATORFri Aug 26 1994 17:3426
I am the base noter:


Of the 5 sexual relationships I have had in my life, three used 'electrical
devices.'  BTW we are talking Clitoral stimulation here.

#	device	mechanical	oral		other

1	N	easy		easy	
2	Y	not possible	not possible
3	N	very easy	very easy	very sensitive
4	Y	some work	some work
5	Y	not possible	not possible	May have found "Q spot"
inside


I think that the above table shows that I am 'knowledgeable' as to the
mechanics. The problem is the person on the receiving end. 

Working with the other person is a correct step, however it may not be
sufficent. 

I don't know if there is anything medically that could/can be done. Maybe
it is just physical differences in women. A sample size of 5 is kind of
small.

135.7SX4GTO::OLSONDoug Olson, SDSC West, Palo AltoFri Sep 09 1994 00:0027
    > Of the 5 sexual relationships I have had in my life, 
    > [...] 
    > I think that the above table shows that I am 'knowledgeable' as to 
    > the mechanics. The problem is the person on the receiving end. 
    
    I would hesitate to claim 'knowledgeable' on the basis of five isolated
    samples, only some of which have been 'successful' per your table. 
    Every person is different; every person unique; every person brings
    their own special attitudes, gifts, experiences, and hangups to the
    relationship.  The use of mechanical devices is not a "problem" unless
    you make it into one.  
    
    I found the last sentence I quoted from you very revealing.  "The
    problem is the person on the receiving end."  I don't agree with you; I
    think the statement indicates a significant lack of communication and
    that the intimacy is purely physical, without understanding what your
    partner wants, needs, or is interested in, in her partnering with you.
    Do you care about what she wants?  Is the approach you've taken,
    hell-bent for your perfect mechanics, capable of reaching the quite
    possibly very private, possibly very emotionally delicate, level of
    intimacy that sexual love can achieve?  From the way you talk,
    it really doesn't sound like it.  
    
    "The problem is the person on the receiving end."  Well, I don't know
    either of you, but I must say, I doubt it.
    
    DougO